(Tuesdays POV)

I sighed as I sat down what I could only assume was the 4th bowl of popcorn me, Edna, and Maryland have eaten tonight. Michelle was over earlier, and we got in s phone call with Nick, but I've never liked big partys, so it didnt make since this would be one.

The coming out party was Marylands idea. She said I should have some flourish though I think she just wanted an excuse to hangout, and I'm fine with that.

We called almost all my close relatives and told them my new name, pronouns, they said they would try and use them, though lots thought they/them wasnt an actul pronoun and told me off a bit. But this will take time so I can wait.

"I'm gonna have so much heart burn." I groaned as I leaned back, laying down as Maryland snickered, Edna giggled.

"Yeah." Maryland sighed. The night had been tame, again, I've never liked partys, so it was more of a sleepover that had more people to start with.

There were pants and hoodies lazily thrown into the corner of the room, all had new additions of pride patches. Some were just painted onto the fabric others were sewn on.

I closed my eyes. The thing about close friends is that you don't need to talk, you can just be with eachother and have it count as time well spent. I fell into thought.

What comes next? I'm out, my grades are pretty good, I like how my life is going, so what do I do now? Worse, what if I'm not actully genderfluid?

There are always stories how people just knew they were trans, or gay, its just a know feeling. But people don't talk about the doubt.

I've been holding this off for a whole now. Coming out that is. Its not that I'm ashamed, I just haven't known for sure because what if I'm not genderfluid?

You definitely know, it's not something that suddenly changes it's always there. I've never felt like girl, I grew out of dresses when I could chosse for myself, never liked boys, and she/her has never quite felt right but there are still doubts, those don't, and might not everleave.

Genderfluid fits with me, though on top of that theres also people like homophobes, transphobes even my family can be biased, it suprised me my grandma was more down for they/them then my own mom.

It's even harder before you come out, you're trying to use your own pronouns and new name, witch is all that much harder when you have others still deadnamming you and using your old pronouns.

   I get people don't understand, not all were raised like I was, and it's okay to have diffrent opinions, it still gets under my skin though when I get deadnammed even if the people who do it don't mean to. Its frustrating. I just don't wanna have to go back on this, like my mom has been warning me I might.

"Hey!" Enda exclaimed, gently swatting my arm. I looked at her. "Watch the movie, you picked this one." She smirked, though I knew it was ploy to get me outta my trian wreck of thoughts. I sat up as asked, focusing back on the movie.

"What were you thinking about?" Maryland asked.

"Yeah you looked like you were gonna cry." Edna added, sounding sympathetic though there was a laugh in her tone, all three of us had a horrible nervous giggle.

"I dunno, like, what if I'm not... genderfluid? This is the thrid time I've changed my gender in like two years." I sighed. Maryland hummed.

"Well then that's that. I mean, we're 13, you seem pretty sure in this, but if it doesnt fit in a few years, you can change again, until were 18 you can't do any permanent damage so screw it. See what works. I mean you were what? A girl, then bigender, and now genderfluid, you said you weren't sure with bigender but you seem really sure of genderfluid so don't worry about it. You are you, and that's that." Maryland ranted ,Edna nodded along.

I smiled. "Yeah..." I sighed.

"And I mean, better to find out what does and doesn't work right?" Edna offered. I nodded.

"Thanks guys." I smiled.

"Now, i was promised ice cream-" Edna started, we all laughed.

I think I'm gonna be fine.