So remember how I was at my absolute worst in 2019?

Yep I think I'm starting to see signs of its return

I had a pretty bad depressive episode today and I've been fine for a while. My self confidence was actually at its highest point in over a year like three days ago.

Everything seemed like it would be okay.

And then today happened. I didn't realize how unstable I was, how fragile I was. I saw a post that made me think, which normally would be okay, except for some reason I thought about it a little too much and it triggered my worst depressive episode since a certain day during this past summer.

Yes worst as in worse than pretty much all of last year.

Now what makes it so bad?

Doubt. I'm doubting everyone.

Every single person, no matter how close (except my dad because well...he's my dad) is being doubted. Yes even you reading this right now, doubted.

I'm so bad, that people I know care about me, are suddenly unknown cases.

Also I hate myself so much today :))) yet despite that I'm still posting because I'll go nuts if it doesn't come out.

Anyways I'm done burdening you guys with stuff byeeee