The only deep shiteu I will ever publish, and this I promise.

Hmm..

Love is...  really weird.

   Fictional stories aren't completely wrong about love.  Fantasies can be real, very real.  The perfect person for you can actually exist, even if you are a stupid teenager.

      Most teenage relationships are dumb.  Teenage love is really stupid.  But...  Sometimes, you will find two teenagers who are truly in love with each other; two kids who share the same kind of relationships only adults are capable of having.  It's a perfect relationship, even with all of it's downs.  Hell, every kind of relationship has downs.

But...

Even those perfect relationships can come to an end.  Two teenagers with an adult relationship can fall apart just as easily as adults.  The only difference is that most people don't get it.  Most kid relationships are just a crush that went too far.  I like you.  I like you, too.  Let's date.  Sure.  That's not.... no.  Most aren't marriage material.  It's when that person still loves you when you look your worst, when you act your worst, when your inner demon shows.  It's when that person isn't just your romantic partner, but also your best friend.  It's when you still love that person when he or she looks and acts his or her worst, when that person's inner demon shows.  It's when you're not just his/her romantic partner, but also his/her best friend.  It's when you don't expect to get butterflies every time he or she looks at you.  It's when you're okay with not telling every other person you see about every aspect of your relationship because it's personal.  It's when you can accept the fact that neither of you are perfect and neither is your relationship, but hey, it's about as close to perfect as it can get.  I could go one and on with these "It's when" statements so I'm just gonna stop now.  Even with that "perfect" relationship, it can come to an end, and it usually does because teenagers are young and life happens.

When that dreadful break up does come, it hits hard.  It hits really, really hard.  It hurts and it will hurt like Hell every time that breakup comes to mind.  Those two will remember that breakup when they are 60.  People will just pat their backs and tell them something typical like, "people come and go."  Well, that's true.  But it's like getting divorced, ending things with the person one promises his/her life to, and that's a devastating thing. (I have asked divorced people about it, including my mother, just to make sure I get this info right)  Getting "divorced" as a teenager sucks because almost nobody will understand because that teenager is "just a kid" and it was "just teenage love" or "young love."  Those people don't understand that it was in fact something much more than that.

      First loves are... damn.  The first love breakup is... shit.

Moving on is only natural, even if he or she is your first love.  But, you never completely get over your first love.  You will always love your first real love. That person will always have a place in your heart whether you want him/her there or not.  It sounds cliché, but it's very true.

Just because the two drift apart doesn't mean everything is gone.  It's not uncommon for two ex-loves to go back to each other, after the breakup phase ends, seeking friendship once again.

Whale...

Now that I've summarized this rare type of love for you people, let me get personal now.

Quick rundown: Yes, I had that special type of relationship.  That one that even my mother took seriously, because it was serious.  Two years.  He stuck with me even when I was batshit crazy and doing things I really shouldn't have done.  I stuck with him even when he went through his extremely dark, depressed stage...  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see him get past that stage.  He held onto me tightly for support, like a lifeline.  I knew it wasn't healthy.  And one day, he did, too.  26 days after our 2 year anniversary.   Ahhh worst thing ever like damn I'm crying thinking about it.

The last thing he said after he broke up with me in the most asshole way ever, "I just can't need you anymore. It has been more than time for me to go... I may have let you down, but you'll come to see I've done the right thing."

And, boy, was he right. (His mental state has improved a TON)

I was holding him back from getting out of his deep, dark depression, because he leaned on me a bit too much. 

4.5 months after the breakup, he texts me asking me how I was doing, and then my family.  I asked the same.  Friendship.  Personally, re-befriending my ex is the best thing I've ever done.  I honestly believe he will always be my best friend, and I will always be his.  It's a happy ending, right?

For the most part, fuck yeah.  Life was dull without him, even with BTS and Big Bang occupying my brain 24/7.  I couldn't be more happy at having him back.  I've been pissed at him for 4.5 months.  Then he sincerely apologized for being such a dick in the end.  My anger dissipated.  I forgave him.

My lingering feelings for him still haunt me, though.  It would be easier if I had someone new, like he does.  Well, he's had a lot of someone's in the last 4.5 months aparently.  The timid guy who was afraid to be too intimate with me, even after 2 years (I'll admit I was too afraid, too tho), turned into a total man whore after we broke up.  I'm still shocked and I've known about this for almost 2 months lol.

Why on Earth am I going to tell this to Wattpad for the whole world to see?

I don't have anyone in specific I want to say these things to.  I, myself, don't like getting personal in my web friendships because reasons, and I don't have any friends irl other than my ex, my ex's best friend, and this perverted fag who sends me weird porn links every other day... and my mom. BUT I don't want to admit that I still get giddy when I talk to my ex because I don't want to give my mom the satisfaction of being right.

And I'm going to actually publish this because I want to put this out there, somewhere... and this is all I have so...  Oh the strange urges I have at 3 - 4 o'clock in the morning.

If you actually read all of that...

*impressed*

...

gifs to lighten the mood: