I'm angry but this isn't a vent.
(Trigger warning)

I'm angry at myself. For many, many things.
1. For letting people get to me
2. For letting go of the people I needed for the people who destroyed me
3. For losing all my motivation over people who never wanted me
4. Losing myself over people who made my life a living hell
5. For trying to end my life 3 times, not once thinking of how other people would feel
6. For feeling so much for others when they don't feel anything for me
7. For not stopping "him" sooner, because I know damn well I could've.
The list goes on...

I get sad easily and most people don't notice. The sadness quickly turns worse and all of a sudden I'm depressed then, still when no one notices(or doesn't care), I am suicidal.
But instead of ending it, I continue living while also bleeding. The razor takes to my skin. I hide my emotions so well now, no one notices. No one cares.

My emotions are fighting over people. Him, her, who knows what I'll do next. Who I'll love..
I feel more for him, but I've cried over the other boy. I've locked lips with that girl, but I'm more intimate with the other one.

Why can't my mind make up what it wants? This is a constant battle, a slow torture into insanity. My heart and brain are at war all while I'm fighting my own demons. I feel my sanity quickly slipping, yet no one notices. Therapy doesn't help, no ones helping anyways.
Drowning in my own emotions, my own demons, my own battlefield. I'm drowning in myself and no one notices, no one cares.

Thoughts of ending this battle are constant. It won't get out of my head. Everyday, it never leaves.
But I'm forced to live out of fear that people would hate me after I've gone and done it.. Don't yell out my name when I'm gone incase I can hear you. I'm scared of loud voices..

The internal screaming won't silence and I feel like dying is the only way to shut it up.

Someone save me from this hell I'm creating.