I don't really know why I'm writing... It's been two years since I've ever touched wattpad, but I don't know why I just... gave this up. My two best friends still use it. Was it because they got so many people noticing them? I don't know... It is intimidating... like I have to stand on a higher goal than what I can psychically do. So many here can just write about anything and stick to it, I can't do that so much... I get scared, that no one will really like what I put out there, that I spend too long perfecting something so small, that people don't like stories like mine and want more things like the latest anime or something. I feel odd pouring all my dreams out on this, I can't do it like they can... I can't talk to nice people like they can, or start up conversations like them... 

I don't know what I'm talking about... guess I'm just rambling to get my head out of my nighttime depression... I feel so lonely and dull all the time since winter hit... I keep thinking that I'm not giving out my best to everyone and that's why no one really wants to talk to me or be near me... All I do at school is work to keep the day going by... I can't see any of my friends but one or two at anytime... even I feel like I'm just clingy and awkward person to them... I mean, she doesn't even talk to me at lunch, only to her friends around her about things I don't understand...

I hate these late night thoughts... they always feel so true... am I overthinking myself? Is it just because I'm sick, stuck at home all day with not much to do, and no one to really talk to? Nah, I don't wanna talk, I wanna listen. I wanna have a conversation with someone. I miss being able to see all my friends all the time... I barely see anyone... I miss everyone... anyone...

Yeah... It's definitely the night getting to me... and I feel weird for posting, especially this, even after being gone for two years... i just needed to clear my head, for good I hope. Even if no one really sees this. Maybe it'll help someone who's feeling something close. I didn't want to bother anyone with this, it's just my mind getting the best of me after all. I've learned that well, I've hurt people and myself spilling this part of my mind out to them, they feel it targets them, but it doesn't. I don't want them to feel like I want them to change. I don't want anyone to change. I just need to understand sometimes that my mind is playing tricks on me. That my friends and family really do care, I can't look at them all the time and see it, if i did then that would mean I should change cause I'm being too careless. 

Yeah... that's all.

Maybe I should start going on here more again.