I feel like I am... like I just... cling to people too much and they don't want to say it but they really hate it... I feel like a nuance to everyone... I'm just there to bother them and they don't want to tell me cause they don't want to make to cause anything.
I mean, I'm was talked to for a few seconds before completely ignored in school... maybe like two people text me, and even still with most of them I start the conversations. And none of them really end, they just like, leave me there, or in group chats I'm talked over... I even got fucking dumped cause my boyfriend didn't want to talk to me about his problems and that still hurts almost a whole month later...
I just wanna help... be apart of things... be acknowledged... talked to... not in the background... not that person you have to bring along... not the one you talk to cause everyone else is away or busy...
Do I talk too much? Am I too open to people? Am I too awkward? Am I overthinking it or are all these really the hints that they feel to be?...
I really don't know how to explain this feeling that I'm hated. Or why I need to feel like, unless they give some reason, they just don't want me, like why do I need all this clarification? Why am I so insecure about socializing?
All I want to do everyday is talk to someone, be distracted from the world, from my thoughts. I want to be happy, fuck it I'll write a sad dramatic story all day with someone and it'd make me happy.
I want to go back to those days... when I feel like I wasn't boring people or bugging them...