Genre: Fantasy

Summary: Raven lives in a world different from ours.

On Gaphos, everyone has powers; strong or weak ones, destructive or creative ones.

But Raven is different from all the others: She sees things others cannot, she's got unique abilities that slowly but certainly destroy her life and are the burden of such immense power it would frighten even the toughest of men.

When her life then shatters into pieces because of just that she gets sent into a special school; a school for people like her.

People who have the same problems with society she has because of their powers.

There they get taught how to deal with them; how to keep control and how to use them responsibly.

But the school has a secret that has been hidden for generations, with the power to destroy everything they know.

When Raven and her new-found friends stumble over it by accident, they set loose a whole chain of events leading them into an adventure they won't ever forget.

+Cover

I would recommend you to change it. It isn't bad but then it isn't clear and isn't attractive at all. I personally wouldn't have clicked on the story with such a cover.

Get a better cover and the story will be even more attractive :)

Rating: 4/10

+ Title

The name is unique and different. It is exquisite and that is all I have to say about it. It isn't a bad thing or a good thing.

Since it is a fantasy book, this kind of title would suit it perfectly.

Rating: 8/10

+Summary:

It is fine. A bit lengthy and can be shortened but not bad overall. It does its job of informing the readers what to expect from the story.

But I was wondering if you have given a bit too much information. Shorten it a bit and it will be even more attractive. Leave a bit of intrigue so that the readers feel like clicking on the book.

Rating: 7.5/ 10

+Plot

Magical school? Check. (Though no sign of it yet) Protagonist with unusual/ unique powers? Check.

So yes, it is an overused plot but one that can be reconstructed with different results every time. At the same time, I like the small difference you made by making her a bit more different by letting her powers be abnormal and thus she was hated by everyone. I have seen such plot before but none such nicely written.

It's still too early to say how this goes.

Rating: 7.5/10

Characters:

Up until now, there have only been two of the main characters introduced. Raven and her father.

Raven: She is depressed and sad. I like the way you portray her because even if you cancel out the factor that makes her the victim of bullying, you can see the signs of what a victim actually goes through. The depression, the sadness, low self-esteem, etc.

Father: Her father is a douchebag. There is no other way to say it. But at the same time, he is also a bit 2D. You have focused so much on Ravens character that you neglected his. He is only mentioned when you want Raven to suffer a bit more. Or as a plot catalyst. Why does he hate her so much? Maybe you could mention the gradual shifting of emotions from love to hatred as she continued to talk to unknown apparitions.

The 'Ghosts'/ Apparitions: There are ten of them I believe. Unfortunately they are very hard for me to keep track of. I remember Orchid and Flare; they are the ones that seem to care the most about her and show it. Joules is the one who disturbed her in class. These are the one I actually remember. Other than that, there are too many for me. Especially when you have sidelines a few of them with wither no lines or only a few.

If you want them to have a greater impact, focus on introducing them much more efficiently so they stick to people's memories.

Rating: 7/10

+ Chapters

Length: You have to shorten them up. They are way too long for such a story. Too long chapters often put off the readers especially when little to no action is taking place.

Drawbacks:

I would advise you to speed up the pace of the story. Until now nothing significant has happened yet and that kind of got on my nerves. The scene where you have her get lost seemed to be unnecessary in my opinion. There wasn't a need for it and it only seemed to elongate the chapter.

In your descriptions you said about a magic school but there is no sign of it despite the long chapters. People will lose interest unfortunately.

Positive:

That being said I love your descriptions and the way you portray the different emotions. It all seems so real and I can actually feel what she is going through. Bullying is horrible and no one deserves to get bullied. Bullies are basically cowards or sick humans who try to show themselves as stronger by lording over the weak. Never got why people need to do that nor I ever will. Why to bully when you can get more love by being nice and sweet?

The story is well written with nearly no grammatical mistakes or awkward sentences.

The only problem I had was the pacing and the length.

Fix that and you are good to go :)

+ Conclusion

It's still way too early to say where this story is going. I hope you will speed the pace up and to be honest, I love the way she writes. Very in tune with the main characters feelings. So this book is something to look forward too :)

+Overall Rating:

7.5/10