They say crying helps
They say letting out your feelings help
They say having someone to just...listen helps.
But no.
No it doesn't help.
Crying makes it worse
Letting out my feelings makes it complicated
Someone listening...when they don't understand.
I don't know why it hurts so much
I don't get why it makes me wanna cry so much
I feel like I'm not good enough
I feel as if I'm getting in the way
Like I'm unwanted
This pain in my chest doesn't seem to be going away
This hurt I feel its getting hard to bare
Fuck I wish he was here.
He's the only one that knew how to calm me down
The only one that could stop me from crying
The one that cheered me up
But fuck he's gone
I won't get that back ever again.
I just want him right now because he was the light that made me smile. The light that lit up my smile.
It seems to be about gone now
Its so hard to smile anymore
So hard to breathe
I shouldn't be torn about this but then again I should
I shouldn't be hurt about this but then again.
I am.
I thought I was enough
But then I remember that there's so many people out there that's better than me
A lot of people out there who's better than me actually
Am I seeking attention?
No. I'm simply writing my feelings.
Its hard to find someone who will listen these days
Hard to find someone who will actually understand.
My heart. I don't know how much its able to take before it fully breaks
Before I join my best friend in heaven.
How much hurt will I be able to bare before I fully break down?
Why do I not feel...loved....why do I hurt every damn day.
Why am I so caught up in this?
Oh it's the fact that my boyfriend is in love with another person.
While claiming to be in love with me
But is he really? I don't think so.
I'm crying but it hurts to cry.
The pain hurts
Way too much
I should've went with him
Maybe right now I wouldn't feel this..pain.
Maybe he could be with who he wanted to be with all along.
"I love you. So much that it hurts. If only you could be mine"
Hmph.
Why I hate finding out stuff
Why I hate having that ability to find out about a lot of things.
I can finally breathe thank god but...in about 10 minutes I know that pain will come back. To haunt me.