Title: My Forbidden Ambition

Author: willow_danvers

Genre: Teen Fiction

Summary:

Promises are meant to be kept, right?

 Ever since Skyler Davidson, an ambitious girl, was young, she dreamed of becoming a singer like her mom. She believes that she lives to sing and singing lives for her. She's desperate to achieve her dream, but unfortunately, many obstacles block her path to living her dream. Her and her mother both suffer from the same heart condition which makes it difficult to even consider singing. To make matters worse, one tragic day occurred that caused this huge boulder to fall in her path.

That day her dad made her promise to never become a singer. With this, she begins to battle her dreams and her love for her dad. She is pulled towards both the relationship with her dad and her ambition which causes her to have an inner battle. Out of all this, what pains her most is to think of how will her Dad react when he finds out his only daughter broke their promise?

A story dedicated to showing the ups and downs of teenaged life. Topics such as family life, friendships, and career paths will be discussed. Written by a young teenager, for teenagers.

Reviewer: angelyntjf

Review:

Prologue:

I found this very interesting and somewhat engaging. I love your description if your main character (as in how she views herself) and I think that her perspective will play a very important role in the story so kudos to your for that.

I did however find that this prologue is slightly generic. I'm not going to lie. I do write prologues like these for my own stories but I find this very... cliche. It may not capture the attention of many readers that think "Oh it's just another basic teen fic book". I'm not sure what to say to make it better cause I don't know the whole idea of the book but try to find a way to make it shorter and straight to the point. Make it impactful and maybe even intense. Tell us things that will make us wonder about the character and stuff like that.

I also found some of your paragraphs a bit long and hard to read on mobile but that's not that big a deal.

Great try though!

Chapter One (Part One):

Awwww she's so cute (I still haven't caught her name haha sorry). I really love your daydream description. Its so adorable and it really goes to show how huge her dreams are and it really warms my heart because, as you said, a lot of people give up because their dreams are "too big" and "impractical".

I really do wish you wrote more about your MC though. Not gonna lie. I got a bit confused throughout the chapter. You briefly mentioned "heart condition" out of the blue and it really threw me off and made me confused. Perhaps elaborate more about it?

Also I find it really adorable how the MC looks up to her mum so much haha. I love the flow of this chapter and just how well described everything it. Great job!

Chapter One (Part Two):

There were some awkwardly phrased parts such as the 'headaches crash down on me' part. It's nothing too major though. A quick proofread should be able to fix that.

Not going to lie. When you mentioned 'filled with determination' I immediately thought of Undertale haha. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed reading this. I found this part really heartbreaking to be honest, especially the part in the hospital when Skyler seems so innocent and unsure what to make of the chaos going around. My heart really reaches out to her.

Also, the part when the doctors told Skyler and her family that her mother is gone seems a bit rushed. I'd love to see how Skyler feels about it all instead of just how she reacted to losing her mum.

Speaking of Skyler, to be honest, I'm very confused with your characterisation of her. In some parts, she seems exactly how you make her out to be, an innocent, naïve, 12 year old girl, but at others, particularly the ending, I feel like you've made her older than she is. Much, much older. Like a 17/18 year old kind of mindset. I forgot to mention but this happened in the first part as well and it really confused me. It's like you couldn't decide how old or mature to make her and it disrupts the flow a little. When you edit, try to make her voice more consistent.

I also feel like this did not need to be part 2 of chapter 1. It seems to be a whole chapter of it's own. But that's just a personal preference.

Great job with this.

Chapter Two:

I'm so happy that she's chased her dreams because, you know, that's what you should do. You shouldn't give away a part of yourself to satisfy anyone else. But I also feel her conflict. I understand why she's so reluctant to go far with her singing. It's really sad.

I felt like you started off a bit redundantly, especially with the thing about 'burden'. I suggest you cut down a bit on that intro and get straight to the point.

I also feel like you focused too much on details and while that is important, I really wish I knew more about how Skyler felt. Yes, you told us what she's thinking but I didn't feel how she does. Does that make sense? Tell us how she feels about her mother's passing, more about where she is now and perhaps even her brother. Tell us more about the raging war in her mind. And all those good stuff.

I do find that you did an excellent job in character development though. I love getting to know Skyler a little better with each chapter so great job! And I did enjoy reading it, even if it's a little short.

Overall:

I feel like this book still has a long way to go and that it has a lot of potential. The writing isn't as polished as some books but it is still a great read. The voice, albeit a bit inconsistent, is very unique and I love how everything plays out. I especially love the direction of the story. Great job!

Rating: 6/10 

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