You've watched the video of me reading the first chapter of the book, haven't you? Good. (It's linked at the side of this document if you haven't. I'll wait while you go and watch it.) If you're deaf or have trouble understanding my quaint English accent, you might've noticed that it has subtitles, or closed captions, as I understand the Americans call them. (You have to switch them on. Move your mouse along the bar at the bottom and click the button that says "captions" when you mouse over it.)

I typed these in myself, with some, ah, help from YouTube. Their computers go looking for videos that don't have subtitles and add them, based on what they think the people in the video are saying. Maybe it's that my voice is rather quiet (people often ask me to repeat myself or speak up), or maybe YouTube just doesn't understand accents from outside North America, but the interpretation of my writing was a little... creative, shall we say. This is what it thought I was reading...

(It doesn't attempt to put in any capital letters or punctuation, because those are inaudible.)

apprentice how can i wash the blood from

rounds and stood up

spell foster enters anticipated one

tendrils retreat to my missed because of

some

the unabomber she just instead of his

forearm okay i'm going to get rid of

clash and being

americana he whispered

thank you

hundred-mile coated

we don't do miracles here and the magic

she could tip off in the water balloon

handed to him

clean yourself unrest credentialed while

tr

she gestured to the role of mattresses

in the far end of the infirmary where

several of the morning's patients

recuperating

after that you can go home

he set up a committee to rest of the

various he scrubbed his own

you'll find my wife will be waiting for

me

mantra mantra continued

most patients when i was the first time

they've been able to iowa city

if you'll find no

value system of years there's a strength

speed the healing

she wants to draw no more than she

needed

judging the right to mental skills she

still needed to master

that's what's pushing him and the body

of the moment it'll wear off soon and

you'll probably fall asleep

which excuse me please have a

cost-cutting

if you need anything just ask any of the

other contestants

how can i walked past the recipients

towards the door

inquiry was quiet commitment thirty two

places rocketed

the faint white haze hangs over the

scene residents who was supposed to be

tested today the teacher said it was a

sign of a skill that you can sometimes

see magic without needing to spend a

very intense it

and they have enough and a two million

like someone dropping available replace

it ran into problems

at the door after malnutrition one of

the teachers and a member of the

academy's counsel

she was a kindly old woman in charge of

the evening classes from the closest

thing that we now have to a favorite

among the staff

athlon smiled nodded ten has to decide

to nurture and care

passion didn't smile back

i was looking for you

would you kindly please

she straight across the square towards

the side with the teachers has withstood

was dismantling commands to she followed

a private matter chechens have become

looking back

past actions have sms contests on the

one introduction with her father

the interior was gone

father will be teaching a second-year

apprentice is this morning

cash and gestured for an pronouncement

ur

she did wondering if this month so

complicated crop

but men

cash and strong enough was accompanied

subterfuge if she wants to restrain

commission apprentice

meg ryan chris place protection ish came

in

have turned out to cooking breakfast

what a complex within her mind

for many of course came together

interlocking mind the pieces of the

puzzle

magic could not be forced to a pain in

the country in the right direction

she'd taken a long time government as a

weapon persistent doing without trying

to teach head cold

father of course is expected to come

into the academy already knowing most of

what they call to the first couple of

years

as it was contained herod

dispels final thought put into place in

the first size golden one time to get a

country householder

tension sometimes if this was her

henderson audra nominee against

she indicated the overture

the one father normally set in

reluctant and remote pulled it out from

the table

multitudes helping shape over the years

and focus that i was trying trigger off

i want to talk to you about your future

at the academy attention

inconsistent clenched

future trick worked surprised how dry

mouth suddenly become

cash in the end of the pattern cannot

stand

it's nothing like not well precedence

it's about your father

it's no secret you can come with him

pentagon relaxed

class hong kong slogan cool

tesh and a little smile

several of the council myself included

were opposed to becoming an apprentice

did just because she said was restored

it doesn't mean should be a good was

itself country instead repeating the

words father agreement after his first

failure at getting a readmitted division

nine

even now if you look into just coach and

thanks

cash and not his condition cluster

thanks

we were on the pad

the rethink his desire to make you the

kind of his if he wants to continue

being the best was it you can be

my pension will be over in two years and

then i can do whatever i want

should consider going the extra staff to

find a commission meeting

tertiary master suspicion father would

insist standards congressman apprentice

someone coming out of my established

another school commitments

countrymen suback linking

health

almost by definition there was only one

another will be like a second son

counselors decided to send you back

extra piece of paper man inside pocket

folder concealed

this is market introduction three

percent that counsel

i cannot hold her arms

fear into hope rolled over and like

crowds gathered before a storm

they confuse tangle wrapped around the

state of mind pushing and pulling it

apart

headline content

hershey companies have to cast the spell

again cash coming to light curran

coming forward to concerned look on her

face

that had anything to see

would you be pleased

and royal tiger market for her

black color copies

watch after look so much fun can

i suppose i am it's just

unexpected and

mathematical fantasies is just came back

one two four nine percent action

betrayed his caravan will pass to you

later today you can ride with them to be

a cross on the part will take you

downstream to the city

democrats have always a good time

especially one as good as initiating

that i did anything in the matter

protections and with the bridegroom

you and your father a problem is fixed

the council of this and she started here

it seemed the only solution was to

separate japan was impossible

magnetism and i'm going to that i did

you get in the white

i see

somehow i don't think i'm the one you

have to convince

as if on cue a voice with an entrance

lunch counter name

moments later she had someone running

towards the house

footsteps helped her father stood in the

doorway leaning on the plane punting

howard

he's called send it inside your head

july question transfer after tense

sound believable views

how can i looked at him and possibly

waiting for him to remember is manages

time speaking about

annexin tensions had

standing up

that has to be informed of the council's

decision

campsite

evoked attachment seemed to notice it

for the first time

his eyes glistening blind

and shipping crying

a trial couldn't have never seen him

blink not even my mother died

he took a couple of places to words

tection

how could you do this to meet us and

tell you

annexin tensions agree that we respond

this matter is not open for discussion

you've had five years to convince you

accounts has been extraordinarily

patient could you could have patience is

running out

all tomorrow home places said father his

fist clenching

headquarters of the tragic life and

that obviously we contingent with him

of the was the local with this couldn't

be fathers locally by found in the

school

and i'm concerned about what's happened

to questions

father opened his mouth speak convincing

to do better on that

his voice echoed with him in mind

services department

i hope you'll come back and visit

sometime when you're apprenticeship is

over

after last weekend

farewell father

over should long look forward to being

able to say that she was surprised

people i'm concerned

i'll try not to take on the wrong side

of the priests and i remember one year

in the others have told me

be careful her father's head

i couldn't bear the thought of losing

you

i know i don't have very good job of

showing it i'm proud of you

your mother was a painting

my costs will be wondering where i am

except he turned and left walk like a

mourners are funeral

how can i want to see if you go back

he couldn't

pakistan pak and she said

account of them will be here soon

shoot around the heart of the house with

his hands

packing couldn't hang on

strange to think she wanted to see this

place again

she can teach you witnessed it

thank you for listening to the first

chapter of my novel death and magic

and event-related if you want to know

moral find out where to buy a copy

please visit my website w_w_w_ dot

amber's dominant

Almost poetic, isn't it? What's strange is how sometimes it gets the words exactly right, and then immediately afterwards, gets them so badly wrong. It doesn't help that it doesn't recognise any of my invented names, and so picks the word or phrase in its dictionary that sounds most like them.

And the title of this chapter? That's an old joke about why you'll never be able to talk to your computer to tell it what to do. The phrase "recognise speech," depending on your accent and how carefully you say it, sounds very close to "wreck a nice speech," "wreck a nice peach," or (my favourite), "wreck a nice beach."