Jayla Santiago's POV

"Hey, Jayla, it's good to see you" my 'grandfather' Jerome says, pulling me into a big hug.

I hug him back, resting my head on his chest for a bit before pulling away.

He shows me his arm, which has a dark brown plaster on it.

"I've just been tested and so has Alfonzo. He should be out in a minute" Jerome says to me.

I nod, feel completely drained.

Elijah, Eleanor and Ruben were tested last week.

They weren't a match.

Nor were Leo, mom or myself.

Natasha and Amos aren't a match.

Dana isn't a match.

Joshua isn't a match.

I'm slowly losing hope...

I haven't been able to sleep for days.

I'm constantly up thinking about how to help my dad.

Leo is the same.

Arguing with doctors all over the country to make them move his name up the organ donor list.

But finding someone with his blood type is crucial.

We can't have his body rejecting it.

That would make it worse.

I walk up to the other side of the room, trying to pace out my breathing.

I run a hand though my dreads and close my eyes, ignoring the dull ache in the back of my head.

I need some air.

I take the stairs down to the bottom floor and through the back door.

I breath in the cold fresh air, leaning back against the wall.
I take out a packet of cigarettes and put one in between my lips.

I flick on my lighter and hold it up inches away from the cigar.

Then my mind moves back to the first time I started smoking.

It was after I had broken up with Luis.

I remember, my dad found out when I came home reeking of it.

He was not at all impressed.

But he wasn't angry...

He was upset, which is so much worse!

He told me that he didn't like what I was doing.

And as I usually do, when I'm in emotional pain...

I shut him out, walking right back out of the house.

Of course I had my own apartment, so I went there and continued to smoke.

It tasted like shit but it was no longer a physical thing.

It's mental now.

My brain snaps back to the present.

I take the cigarette out of my mouth and drop it on the ground, stepping on it, putting it out completely.

I sigh to myself and look over the skyline.

The orange and purple cloud cuddle each other, mixing together and they fade into a dark twilight blue, night time stars beginning to peak out and make an appearance.

So beautiful, yet so limited and it causes me to pose the question...

Does anything beautiful in this life last?

Of course not.

I look away from the God-made beauty and I take my phone out of my pocket.

No missed calls.

No texts.

I sigh again.

I guess I deserve it.

I've treated him like complete and utter shit.

Starting to feel cold, I make my way back inside to tell everyone goodbye and then I make my way to the convenience store.

I buy myself a couple of bottles of Russian vodka, before heading down to my apartment.

By the time I reach my front door, the bottle cap probably on the stairs somewhere and a quarter of the bottle is gone.

This shit is small as hell and wasn't that expensive so I bought myself 1...2...

Ah 4!

I brought myself 4 bottles and I'm on bottle, number... 2 and a half!

I giggle to myself.

I pull my keys out of my pocket and swear as I drop them, scrambling to pick them up.

I pick them up and fumble with them, taking quick swigs of the strong alcohol.

I stumble into my apartment and slam the bottle on the counter, dragging myself to the couch and flopping back onto it with a huff.

I stare at the ceiling until it stops spinning and then I grab the fourth bottle out of my bag, completely forgetting about the one from before.

I take a cigarette out of my pocket, putting it in between my lips and I light it without hesitation.

I inhale deeply and exhale through my nose, letting my eyes flutter closed.

I slip the cigarette out of my lips holding it in between my fingers and take another gulp of the vodka.

I keep my eyes closed letting my mind go blank.

I forget about my amazing time in New York, with Luis and all the time I spent with Kofi.

I forget about my disastrous talks with Temah.

I forget about Jaime.

I forget about the pain my dad is in.

I forget about everything.

And as selfish as it seems.

It feels good.

Really good.

I'm free.

From, just...

I sigh.

Everything.

A large banging on my door makes me jump, startling me.

"Who's that?!" I yell, my voice a slur.

The door banging starts again.

I grab my revolver, from behind the couch and take it off safety.

What is this shit?!

I stomp up to the door, gun in hand and I swing the door open to see a shocked looking Leo.

"Fratello" I mutter.

His eyes immediately shift to the gun in my left hand and the vodka bottle in my right.

He looks at me.

"Put the gun away. You smell like shit" he snarls.

He barges past me into the apartment.

"The fuck aren't you answering calls for, huh?" He asks me.

I shrug and chuck the gun on the table, reckless, letting it bounce and scatter.

I flip back down into the couch and look at the ceiling.

"You need to stop drinking, Jay. I'm talking to you?" He says.

I roll my eyes and take another sip. 

He sits next to me.

"C'mon sis. Give me the bottle. You're already wasted." He tells me.

I shake my head and drink again.

He leans forwards.

"You'll be sick and probably pass out if you keep drinking" he tells me softly.

I shrug.

"Let me" I tell him.

He slowly reaches out for the vodka.

"Hand It over" he says, wrapping his hand around the neck of the bottle.

My grip on it tightens.

"No" I respond.

His face softens.

"Jay. Come on, give it to me" he goads, starting to pull it away.

I pull it back but his hold remains as he tries to prise my fingers off of it.

I feel anger start to bubble in my chest.

"Let go Leo" I mumble.

"No" he responds.

His grip tightens some more and he yanks the bottle.

Before I even let my brain process it, my hand flies up and I slap him.

Hard.

Shit.

I just slapped my brother in his face.

Hard.

His neck snaps to the side on impact.

I stare at him forcing myself to keep my face neutral.

Leo clenches his jaw and then unclenches his jaw, as if contemplating whether to kick my ass or not.

I have never put my hands on my older brother.

Only in sparring or play fights as kids.

He turns to me, still holding the bottle, a red mark forming on his cheek.

He has pure rage in his eyes and he drops the bottle on the counter next to me, grabs my shoulders and gives me a little shake.

"Jayla! You need to pull yourself the fuck together! You're a Santiago! We don't deal with issues like this! This isn't us and this isn't you! You're the leader of the largest gang in America. Act. Like. It." He tells me.

I feel my heart crumble.

He is absolutely right...

I've been extremely selfish...

Extremely.

I've cut off people that care about me and I've given up on my dad.

My dad. Who has done nothing to deserve all of this shit.

All he wants to do is be strong for all of us, but I can't even hold myself up.

I burst into tears, years and years of anger and pain spilling and boiling over.

I angrily wipe my face, ashamed to be seen in tears.

Leo sighs and pulls me into his chest.

I cry into his chests and he rubs my back for a bit until they turn into smaller somes and little hiccups.

I've not cried since I was a child.

I've never been an emotional person. Emotions are something I burry like my enemies.

"You need to get some sleep. By the time you wake up, you'll feel better, c'mon" he tells me, pulling me to him by my arm.

I really don't deserve him!

He takes my stumbling drunk ass into my room and lays me on my bed, taking off my socks and shoes, before lifting my legs up and tucking me in.

He then takes off his jacket and sits next to me, grabbing the waste bin next to him in case I throw up.

I look at him sleepily.

"Thanks." I mumble.

He nods.

"That's what family does" he says with a sigh.

There is a silence.

"How was New York?" He asks.

I sigh.

"I saw Luis" I tell him.

His neck snaps to face me, eyes wide!

"As in Luis Jones?!" Leo asks.

I nod.

"Mhm". I say.

He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

"Well I mean how is he?! What's life like? Is he good? You know you never told us why you guys split up" Leo asks, rushing out all at once, surprised to hear of his old friend.

Then the verbal diarrhoea starts.

I tell my older brother everything!

He looks angry, towards the beginning...

Striken at the middle and angry again at the end.

Then just... shocked.

"I slept with him" I mumble.

He sighs.

"So you've made up then?" He asks.

I shake my head.

"No. I fucked up massively" I admit.

He raises an eyebrow.

"What should I do?" I ask.

He shrugs.

"Fix it" he says.

I nod sleepily, my eyelids feel I like weights.

"Mhm, sure" I tell him.

He sighs and pulls the blankets over me again.

I feel myself falling into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

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Hey all!
I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating a lot recently...

I honestly just needed to sit back and evaluate my headspace for a bit.

But I'm back now!

So I'll be updating all of the books as much as I can.

~ Xo.