John stirred, humming softly as he turned his head. It was dark and quiet, not a sound in the street outside. As he woke up, he became aware of various small aches. His shoulders. His hips and thighs. A soreness around his wrists. He blinked his eyes open, still disoriented, though he knew he was in his own room. His brow pinched as he tried to move his hands and found them trapped. He started to panic, tugging and pulling the bindings until he caught Lin's scent mingled with his own and remembered. His cheeks flushed and his chest fluttered. He didn't know what had come over him the night before, but his body was content and sated as he lay naked beside his alpha. A small smile crossed his lips as he looked at Lin's sleeping face.

He looked so much younger when he was sleeping. He had none of the care or worry lines that were just barely beginning to pinch his eyes and brow. Soft locks fell away from his face, and John had to admit there was something beautiful about him. His brows arched gently, long eyelashes caressing his high cheekbones. His skin was pale and flawless, flowing over the gently sloping muscles beneath. John let his fingers brush his alpha's chest, watching him stir ever so slightly. A small whisper escaped his lips before his hand twitched on John's hip.

"Gene..." Lin breathed, humming and pinching his brow. John drew back as if he'd been slapped. A sharp ache ran through his chest, and he could feel tears filling his eyes. He held his breath and closed his eyes tightly. As Lin rolled restlessly onto his back, John clapped his hands over his mouth, determined not to wake him if he could help it. I can't-h-he-we-John couldn't think straight. He was heartbroken. I shouldn't have gotten so attached...I knew I was just a replacement...Stupid! He held his breath as a sob rose in his throat, desperately clawing its way higher. He quickly turned over to muffle it in the pillow, pressing his face harder as his eyes burned.

He tried to be quiet as he sniffled into the pillow. He could feel his shoulders quaking and huddled further away from Lin so he didn't wake him. Small cries wracked his body, threatening to come out as loud, mewling sobs. He swallowed and choked them down, throat aching as he pressed harder into the pillow. It was hard to breathe, and he was afraid of the sounds that would come out if he left the safety of the pillow. The thick material muffled his sobs and quieted his heaving breaths. He didn't want to wake Lin. If he work Lin, he'd ask what happened. He couldn't face it. He could risk telling Lin and having his fears confirmed. I'm just a replacement for the one he lost!

Time passed as he cried. The next time he opened his eyes, it was daylight, and he was tucked securely in Lin's arms, cradled against his naked chest. His spiced chocolate scent was wrapping around him in a comforting haze, a large hand stroking softly through his hair. Lin was surprised as he felt him stiffen in his embrace. He looked down, feeling troubled as he averted his bloodshot eyes. The night before, it had all seemed to go so well. Now it felt like a chasm had opened between them. Did I go too far? Was this not what he wanted last night? But...why didn't he say anything?

"John...what's wrong?" He knew something had upset him. Upon waking, he's heard small sniffles from a stuffy nose as John lay face down on the pillow. He'd gently turned him over to find him sleeping, but tears still stained his cheeks and his breaths still shuddered. His own heart ached as he'd gathered him against his chest, doing his best to soothe whatever pain he'd caused. John forced a smile as he pushed himself up and massaged his now untied wrists. They were still a little red from his earlier struggles, though Lin assumed it had happened the night before during their coupling. The skin was pink and tender, not quite rubbed raw. It would likely heal within the day.

"Nothing's wrong," John insisted in a forcefully cheerful voice, though the red puffiness of his eyes betrayed him. Why won't he talk to me? Lin's chest pinched as he watched John sheepishly stumble out of bed, saying that he needed the bathroom. It didn't take long for the sound of the shower to reach his ears, a sure sign John was taking some time to compose himself. Lin pushed down the growing ache as he went to investigate John's small kitchen. He frowned as he investigated the small space. The cupboards were almost empty. The fridge was no better.

Without saying a word, Lin grabbed John's keys and left the apartment. There was a small Seven Eleven just down the street, where he grabbed a few essentials. Upon his return, John was already dressed. He was just pulling on his hoodie, as if he was on his way out. Lin's return seemed to surprise him. He watched bewildered as he headed into the kitchen with his bag of bread, milk, snacks, and instant noodles. Being a small convenience store, there wasn't much else he could buy.

"Sorry, I thought you'd gone. You didn't need to go shopping for me...How much do I owe you?" John asked as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He was surprised as Lin gripped his wrist, dark eyes pinched in something akin to hurt. John's lips parted in a silent yelp at the sudden contact. Something stirred in the pit of his stomach as he glanced from his wrist to Lin's eyes. Lin loosened his grip, remembering how frail John's body was.

"I wanted to...You need to take better care of yourself," Lin murmured as he released him and stepped back. He was going to be late if he didn't head out, and he knew John had things to do. John was quietly relieved as Lin took his leave. "Shall I meet you for dinner?" Lin asked as he stepped out, ready to make his way to the office. John balked at the idea.

"Ah-no, I-um, I'm busy tonight." Lin knew he was lying. He let it go. Perhaps he would come to him later on with whatever was bothering him. Lin didn't kiss him goodbye, and part of John ached as he shut the door. He leaned back against it, holding his breath as he slid down to the tiles and pulled his knees up. Now he was alone, he let the ache in his chest expand. It filled the space with a dull, aching throb, forcing fresh tears to spill from his eyes. His lips quivered as he buried his face in his knees and sobbed. His omega pawed his insides, trying to reassure him. He didn't know why the omega was so confident of Lin's loyalty. They'd both heard it. He'd called another name in his sleep.

He knew it wasn't like Gene would come back to steal away his alpha. He was dead. Naru and Lin were certain. That being the case, it shouldn't hurt so much, but it did. Whatever his relationship with Gene, it hadn't simply ended when he died. John had experience with grief counselling. He knew such feelings didn't disappear overnight, and sometimes they never did. He'd met many widows and widowers in his congregation who'd gone two or three decades without ever considering finding another mate. The loss of their love was too close. They couldn't imagine ever having anyone else.

Was that the path Lin had chosen to take before? Had he intended to remain alone and unbound for the rest of his life? He was young, so perhaps in time he would have changed his mind, but had his hand been forced? His sudden presentation as an omega and the danger to his health had driven Lin to step in. Had he not been in such danger, it's possible Lin never would have looked his way. He'd mated him out of kindness and pity. Does that mean that everything else is just a duty? He didn't want to believe it.

Lin had done so many kind and thoughtful things already, without asking for anything in return. He'd gone out of his way to make his own home more comforting and inviting. He'd converted his second bedroom into a permanent heat room, painstakingly building a nest he knew he'd like every month. Lin never thought twice about spreading his own clothes all over the bed, knowing he'd writhe around and leak slick all over them. An AC had been installed for his own comfort because of how overheated the small room felt. Noticing the sensitivity of his eyes, Lin had put curtains around the bed for extra protection. In the living room, he'd built him a window seat with his own hands. He'd taken such care to ensure he had his own small space in his home. Was all of that just a duty?

What about the way he tried to schedule his meals? He'd always done his best to help build up the strength he lost between heats. He took him out to eat and always seemed to enjoy their conversations. Was he pretending? Was it all just duty? Did he secretly resent him underneath it all? Did he curse him for being so careless as to end up so weak and sickly? Maybe he got sick of having to take care of him all the time. But...I've never sensed that sort of resentment...Lin was good at hiding what he was really thinking though.

John whined forlornly, blinking fresh tears from his eyes at the thought. He wasn't sure he could believe that. Even if he didn't truly love him as a mate should, he was certain Lin harboured no hatred towards him. I want to be more than just a duty...He'd felt so sure the night before that they'd made progress, that they'd finally reached a new level of intimacy. He gasped, startled as his phone buzzed in his pocket. Rei was calling.

"John, are you alright? Did something happen?" He sounded worried, though perhaps that wasn't unexpected. John was never late for appointments. If he'd already checked to find the trains were running on time, it had likely unsettled him for their meeting time to pass with no message. Looking at the time on his phone, John was shocked to find he was already twenty minutes late. "John?"

"I'm so sorry! I overslept!" he apologised, rushing from the apartment without a second thought. He felt bad as he heard a relieved sigh on the other end. "I'll be there as soon as I can, u-unless you had another appointment to get to?" He didn't want to inconvenience anyone else with his tardiness. It was bad enough that Rei had already been waiting, and would continue to wait if he had no other plans.

"Not until later this afternoon. Take you time, I'll be at the usual place."