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4: ℜeminisced.

𝔅ombshell, four—reminisced.

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Dinner was... tricky, to say the least.

Declros and the queen held the entirety of the conversations. Yes—neither you or Din uttered a single word, unless it were a greeting or someone asked a question. Which... there were questions. Plenty of them, especially for Din—and from Declros, specifically. You could tell by the way the crown-prince spoke that he wasn't too comfortable with the Mandalorian seated at the dining table. Still, he had asked the grand majority of the questions—questions you believed he already knew. Why haven't you eaten, Mandalorian? Is the food bad? Not your taste? You can't remove your helmet? How come? Really? You can't show your face to anyone? Not even to someone you love?

Din, of course, had tried his best to answer all of his questions... but he wasn't comfortable, either. You could easily tell—he sat stiffly in his chair, hardly moved a muscle, provided short responses. A sigh escaped your lips when you decided that was enough. Honestly, you were feeling terrible for dragging him into this even though he had decided for himself. Already finished with your plate, you dismissed yourself and the Mandalorian, explaining that the repairmen may have completed the repairs on the Razor Crest—an excuse to remove him from the situation.

Your mother—strangely enough—had offered him a room in the palace. In case the repairs weren't finished, then he were allowed to stay a while longer. Unease crept into your senses, and the suspicion that she were creating a plan within her mind had tripled. It was highly unlike her to offer hospitality to Din, of all people—and he, himself, recognized that. Thankfully, he politely denied. To be honest, you were beginning to think that she were trying to prove to him, somehow, that you belonged with Declros now. Speaking of him, he didn't seem too keen on the idea either and seemed relieved when Din hadn't accepted the offer. Bastards.

While you had left along with Din, your own excuse was that you required a few hours to rest after eating such a large meal. You had eaten a relatively large dish, after all, considering you hadn't eaten much that day and your baby must've been pretty hungry—you as well. Still, you had walked besides Din while he wandered down the corridor that led to the exit.

"Well... I'm sorry you had to experience that. Um... I don't know why you decided to come, to be honest. That was a bit awkward."

"It's fine," Din replied, both of you walking shoulder-to-shoulder. "I don't mind. I just... I wanted to see you for a while longer. Wanted to make sure things were actually okay."

"Which they're not... Not really."

He sighed. "I don't want you going through this."

You kept quiet. Footsteps were solely audible as you continued down the hallways towards the gates. Din had stolen a glance of you for a split second—you could see it from your peripheral vision—and noting your not-so-pleased expression, he sighed. He recognized there were unspoken words between the two of you. You both knew that. But if he hadn't wished for you to go through this... he should've returned sooner. Now was simply too late for him. You can't take him back if that's what be wants.

"I didn't want to leave," he answered, simply. "I never did. It's just... there was something I needed to take care of. I still do."

"I guess that something was more important than I was." Your eyes met with his visor. His pace slowed down, and so did yours. You could sense the irritation he was feeling with the tilt of his helmet—and you ween't sure why but you were feeling equally as annoyed with yourself for beginning yet another argument. "Was it? I wouldn't be surprised if you had some other woman on another planet. You got sick of me and—"

He stopped. Completely halted his tracks in front of you—and you nearly cursed at him for almost causing you to crash into him. "Stop," he said roughly.

"Stop what? It doesn't matter if I'm telling the truth anymore, does it? Whatever it was, clearly it was better than me." Your glare pierced through the tint of his visor. Flashes of that final argument all those nights ago invaded your mind—staring into that visor, wishing you could see the eyes you would never have the chance to see. To perceive whether or not any of this were truly affecting him as much as it were affecting you. "If you stopped caring for me, then say it! It doesn't matter anymore!"

"Stop it."

"I mean, can you even say anything against that?"

"Are we going to do this again? Are we going to argue until I leave again and you never see me again?"

A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you attempted to calm down. Clearly, you were the one who started the fight here—and you regretted that already. It was true: Din still frustrated the hell out of you, but he was only here temporarily... and you'd hate for him to spend the rest of his time on Rainoh bickering about past decisions with you. "No..." You continued, attempting to speak in a slightly more placid manner. "I don't want to argue anymore, okay? I know I started this right now... and I'm sorry. But this is too much... for me. I'm tired of fighting with you." You took a second to pause, calculating your following words carefully before sucking in a sharp breath. "But what was it? What was it that made you leave so often? Did you get sick of me, or... or what? Just... tell me, because it doesn't matter anymore."

Of course it mattered. Of course it did, because otherwise you wouldn't be on the verge of tearing down here.

He was thinking too much. That's what wouldn't let him answer, and you honestly didn't have the time for this. Not anymore. "Forget it. Just head back to the Crest."

You pulled away from him and headed the opposite direction, towards your chambers.

"I wish I could tell you."

His modulated voice echoed through the hallways. You stopped in your tracks, and with a stern expression you looked back. There was that slump to his shoulders that you recognized when he was at a loss for words. When he didn't know what he should say or what he shouldn't say.

"But I can't tell you anything."

"That doesn't help," you replied with a shake of your head—and you left. You continued your path down the corridors to your room.

This time, you thought you couldn't spare another glance back... But then you felt a sharp breeze swaying your gown to the side. The gates were opening, and Din was attempting to make his departure. Only, the guards never allowed anyone outside the palace until snowstorms passed—and there happened to be an aggressive one at the moment. Din insisted, several times. He made it seem strictly urgent for him to return to the Razor Crest—though you could never guess why.

You contemplated on whether or not you should help him out. Your eyes darted back and forth multiple times—from Din, to the hallway. Hesitating. You should retreat to your quarters. Truly, you should. It would make forgetting him plenty easier. But then what would Din do out here, while he awaited for the storm to fade? What if your mother tried to entangle him in whatever corrupt plan she had in mind?

No... you couldn't let that happen to him.

"Mandalorian," you called. He stopped quarreling with the guards, and froze when he recognized your voice... then, his visor shifted to you. There was a moment of eye contact from the distance... or, at least, you assumed you were making eye contact with him underneath the helmet. A sigh escaped your lips. Then, "Come with me. I can help you."

You caught the hesitation in his stance, though he eventually decided to follow you. Din trailed closely behind you as you guided him towards your room in complete silence. You understood the problems you'd get yourself and Din into if anyone discovered you were bringing him back to your chambers, but this was the only way you could help him and perhaps even calm him. He seemed stressed, and concerned over the fact that he couldn't access his ship at the moment. Once you arrived, you briefly typed in the passcode to access your quarters. The door slid open, revealing the room.

You paused at the entrance, and so did Din. It had been a while since you brought him to your room. This was... Well, this was where you conceived your baby. With him. Not Declros. Another puff of breath left your mouth, before you gestured for him to enter. "Come on. You'll be able to see your ship from my balcony, it that'll help."

As you both stepped inside, the door slid shut behind you. You approached the glass balcony doors, which had been closed to prevent snow from piling inside. That was the problem, though—considering there was a heavy snowstorm outside, the balcony also happened to be blanketed completely with the white substance. Good thing was that you had a solution installed for this, given that you lived on Rainoh. Pulling a lever on the side of the doors, a window lowered from the top, all the way to the flooring of the platform. The tinted window halted the snowflakes that drifted inside, and although there was still snow remaining on the balcony, it would eventually dissolve. Since the flooring was not entirely solid and was constructed with small holes throughout it, the melted snow would eventually drip down until it were nonexistent. Now that it was secure, you safely opened the glass doors and stepped outside alongside Din.

"The guards won't let you leave until the snowstorm dies down. It's just a safety precaution," you informed, although he already knew that information. Still, you reckoned you should remind him considering he had been absent for a while. "But if it's any consolation, you can see it from here."

His visor concentrated on the ship that was visible in one of the main hangars, seemingly inspecting the ship for any signs of anything that could be wrong. To you, the Crest seemed to be completely fine—other than the fact that it was still in dire need of repairs. It seemed the repairmen had to evacuate temporarily, at least until the storm passed. Your mind couldn't help but wander back to why he was so urgently having to return to his ship every so often. What was so important that he couldn't leave alone for five minutes? You assumed you'd never find out, and you'd probably never be capable of coaxing the truth out of him anyway.

"Thank you."

After a moment of pure silence, his modulated voice filled your ears.

Hesitantly, you glanced over to him... And with a gentle nod, you two lifted your heads to watch over the violent snowstorm ahead. A long period of time without speaking passed afterwards. Tension was thick enough to slice it with a his own vibroblade. Glancing down toward your toes, your mind raced incessantly, ten-thousand thoughts running through your mind. Because what if you asked him right here, right now? Asked him to take you away, to another planet far away from here, where your mother wouldn't be able to find you. Asked him to forgive you, because you were going to have a baby together, and you wanted him by your side. Asked him to... to set aside whatever was holding him back, so you could enjoy a life with him.

Yet... he wouldn't do that. No. The rest of it, though? Of course he'd do that for you with no hesitation. But he had proved it to you that what was going on in his private life right now was more important than you. Unfortunately, that was reality.

"I was never sick of you."

His placid voice drew you out of your mind, and your eyes lowered, glued to your shoes. Already, you could feel the gloss that formed over your eyes, but you couldn't allow him to see that.

"If my actions made you believe that... I'm sorry. I'm not the best with words, and... feelings— you know that already. You always have." His visor trailed, slowly and hesitantly, towards you. His apology truly sounded genuine, and that reassurance was enough to lift a small weight off your chest. It was true. He never was good dealing with his emotions... They were obscured for the most part. "I don't think I could get sick of you. Don't ever think that."

A slight guilt weighed down on you. Eventually, you mustered up the courage to lift your eyes, meeting with his dark T-visor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned that."

"Don't worry about it. Okay?"

You nodded, managing a soft smile directed towards him. You imagined he must've been grinning underneath the helmet as well, and the thought of that lightened your heart. When another bout of quietude came, the tension in the air lessened into a slightly more comfortable atmosphere between the two of you. Once again, you stared out towards the snow, gaze drifting over the Razor Crest every once in a while to ensure nothing happened during the strong gusts of wind and snow. Although there was no roofing over it, you were assured that whatever was in there was completely safe and he didn't have anything to worry about.

"Congratulations... by the way." Din stole a brief glance of your belly, before his visor lifted back up to your face. "How long until you're due?"

Your heart warmed at the thought of him caring, even without realizing the baby was his. "About halfway through already. Should be another four months left."

In reality, there were only a couple of months until you were due to birth your baby. However, given that you were married to Declros two months after conception, you were forced to lie instead. The truth was not something Din was supposed to hear, although you most certainly wished he knew. Honestly, if he ever suspected something... you wouldn't deny it. But you recognized you should keep this a secret. It was for the best.

"You know the gender yet?"

"No," you answered. "I've decided to keep it a surprise."

"What would you prefer?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I'd be happy either way, whether its a boy or a girl. You?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, what would you prefer?"

"Not my baby, though..." he chuckled, quietly.

Yeah. Definitely not.

"I know, but... If you ever did have one."

"A girl, probably."

"Yeah. A girl would be nice."

"I'm happy for you, Princess." There was a tinge of regret... of gloom in his tone. That was something only you were capable of picking up from his heavily-modulated voice. There was nothing more you wished you could do right now than to confess. But you couldn't do that to him. He'd have to leave immediately after his repairs are complete, and you couldn't do that to him—couldn't make his departure more difficult than it had to be for him. Whether you wanted to believe it or not, it was in his best interest for him to not obtain that sort of knowledge. "I really am. I hope everything goes well for you."

"Thank you... That means a lot."

But... then you felt it.

A faint flutter, tickling your womb ever-so-slightly.

It amazed you every time, no matter how many times you'd felt your baby move. A quiet gasp escaped your mouth, audible enough for the Mandalorian to hear. Your palm lifted to your swollen belly, fingers grazing against the spot in an attempt to perceive it with your own hands.

"What?" Din already sounded worried. "What's wrong?"

You felt his gloved hand on your shoulder, and you welcomed the gentle, reassuring touch. He only wanted to know if you were okay. You assured him, eyes flickering back up to the man who tilted his helmet in concern over you. A quiet chuckle left your throat as you realized he had instantly assumed the worst.

"I'm fine. I just... I feel it moving around. Here—" Softly, you grasped onto Din's free wrist, sliding it down to your lower belly. When his hand was positioned over the area where you could feel the vague kicks of the infant inside of you, you pressed his palm down. "Can you feel it? It's right there, kicking."

"I can't feel anything," he uttered, and the disappointment in his voice was clearly audible. Still, the flitter continued. Yet Din wasn't capable of feeling anything, no matter how many times he repositioned his hand, shifting it around in an attempt to feel the baby at least once. And you couldn't help but find it... endearing. Declros was never excited to feel the baby. It wasn't like you allowed him to do so much anyway. With Din, this was much more comfortable.

"Nothing at all?"

Din shook his head.

That's when he removed his glove, revealing the tan skin of his bare hands, all the way down to his wrist. One last time, he settled bis palm back down onto your stomach, his other hand automatically finding its way to the small of your back—and how you longed to feel his genuine touch like this... His hands were always so warm compared to yours. In fact, you remembered a time when you would take your cold hands as an excuse to hold it. It wasn't like he minded either.

"What about now?"

"I think..." Din froze for a split second. Then, "I think— Yeah. Yeah, I feel it now."

You could practically hear his smile, and the enthusiasm in the manner in which he spoke just... It sent a shiver of excitement down your spine. His soft chuckles caused you to laugh quietly with him. Because here he was, thrilled about an unborn child he didn't even realize was his own.

You offered him a bright look, gazing into his visor for a second. His eyes didn't stray away from yours either, and you could easily tell.

Din deserved to know...

There was a long moment where you actually considered it, for real this time. Your mouth opened to prepare to confess and everything, to tell him he was going to have his own baby along with you. But you couldn't... and your mouth shut closed immediately afterwards. The idea of yourself and Din living a felicitous life alongside your new baby was damn near improbable. That fantasy bad to be erased from your mind completely, because it couldn't happen—it never would. You had your chance together before. That opportunity was never taken, and there was nothing that could be done about the situation now.

That was your unfortunate case.

Averting your gaze, you stared ahead at the snowstorm that had recently passed away. Din forced himself to pull his hands away from you, encasing his hand in a glove again. "Storm's over," you observer. This was usual Rainoh. One second, an aggressive snowstorm. Next thing you knew, everything was calm again.

"I guess I'll... head back to my ship, then."

You nodded, turning to at the very least walk him out of your chambers. Halting in front of your door, you voiced your final words to him. "Since you couldn't eat during lunch, do you want me to send something over for you at the ship?"

"I've got enough back in the Crest for now," he assured you. "But thank you."

"Alright. Just let me know if you ever need anything."

Just as you were on the verge of opening your door, knuckles pounded on the opposite side. Your hand retracted within a split second, and your eyes widened as soon as the prince's voice was audible, calling your name. Blood drained from your face and you swore you felt the color fade away from your skin. If absolutely anyone found out about this, there would be a huge misunderstanding and problems would undoubtedly arise. Of course you could explain with all honesty that the Mandalorian's sole purpose here was to view the Razor Crest from the balcony, considering there was a snowstorm. But Din was in your room. Declros wasn't going to believe that, he'd assume something else entirely. What else would the prince possibly assume by seeing him here other? Given your past with him... it would definitely erupt some suspicion.

A string of curses escaped under your breath, shooting a panicked look over to Din. His shoulders tensed, and his unease was crystal-clear by the way his hand automatically hovered over his holster, out of pure instinct. You mouthed What do we do?, but the prince voiced your name again, and your anxiety worsened. All you could muster was, "Wait, I-I'm changing! Give me a second."

Already, it seemed Din found the solution.

Immediately, he stuffed himself into your closet. Concealing himself behind the dresses in their hangers, he blindly searched for the doors and shut them closed himself.

Of course, he had experience in this.

Biting back a nervous giggle, you lifted your hand to greet Declros only for another issue to cross your mind: you didn't change! If he saw you in the exact gown you attired during lunch, he was going to suspect something was off. You whispered something inaudible under your frustration, and you rushed back over to your closet.

"What are you doing?!" He whisper-shouted. "He'll see me."

"I know! I just—" Your fingers brushed against several tops, searching for your most comfortable outfit. "I've gotta change!"

Soon as you found a plain long-sleeved shirt, you closed him back inside, grabbed a pair of pants and swiftly undressed yourself. Which... you had to admit was sort of strange with the Mandalorian in your closet. Of course, you stripped away from your clothes had been something he'd seen before, but that was practically ages ago. Things were simpler back then. Now everything's a complicated mess. You knew he'd respect you, though.

Another knock. "Why're you taking so long!"

"Wait— I'm almost done!" You grunted, struggling to pull the fresh set of pants over your hips. Damn, you needed new clothes. As you fit the shirt over your stomach, you realized a section of your skin was still exposed. Granted, you did own a few maternity outfits, but... you were in a hurry here.

Finally, you finished. You approached your door, opening it up to meet with the prince—who was unfortunately your husband. Honestly, you forgot about that fact quickly and you needed to remind yourself of it every so often. A false grin plastered on your lips, you attempted to conceal the nervousness wracking your body. "Hey."

"Hey, I'm leaving back to Tasseth now," he stated. He always was leaving back to his home planet... In this case, it was great. "Just wanted a quick goodbye from you before I left."

"Oh," was all you could think of as apprehension weighed down on your brain. You blinked several times, desperately probing for something else to say. "Um, well, see you next time then. I'll be waiting here."

You groaned internally when he started leaning in slightly... This time, you couldn't exactly object. Unwillingly, you placed a peck on his lips, and drew back instantly. "Rest well," was the final phrase spoken from him before he walked off, and the door slid closed a split second afterward.

You released a breath you didn't even realize you were containing within yourself. Waiting a few seconds, you ensured the prince's footsteps were long gone before declaring, "It's clear, Din."

His beskar-clad figure emerged from the closet, pushing his way out from the dresses that surrounded him. For some reason, though... he was laughing. Quietly under his vocodor, and you could hardly hear his chuckles, but it was definitely there. You raised a brow in confusion. "What?"

"Just like old times?"

Your mind flashed back, briefly—back to simpler times, when one of the only problems on your mind was how to hide Din from your mother when he was visiting. Only then could you somewhat relax, and soft laughter escaped your lips, still tinged with anxiety from the previous moment. You agreed, though. "Yup. Just like old times."

He approached you as soon as you were about to turn towards the door. "Wait."

Your head whipped around, facing him one final time, an expectant look present on your face. He was silent for a moment, seemingly calculating his words carefully. His dark visor didn't focus on you , trailing around the room for a second before locking back onto you.

"Come to the Crest whenever you want," he offered, and you caught him secretly fidgeting with his glove. He wasn't sure if you'd consider this a good idea... "If you'd like."

You shook your head politely. "It's okay, Din, really. If there's a reason you don't want me there, then—"

"No," Din took a tentative step closer. "It's not that I don't want you there. It's the opposite, actually..."

A crackle came from his voice modulator as he released a frustrated breath. Reaching out for one of his gloved hands, you assured him that he could continue. A thumb caressed his knuckles, as he always did seem to enjoy. But in your mind, you couldn't help but scream at yourself—because you weren't supposed to be doing this. Not anymore. You should have forgotten about the Mandalorian by now, without feeling anything towards him, and instead concentrating all of your affection on your husband...

Only, you didn't consider that person your husband.

And Din... how could you forget him if he always treated you like this? Even during your most heated arguments, he never mistreated you once, and he never would. You knew him. Declros, though... Sometimes, you were scared of him. You didn't know him. Didn't know how he would react if you ever angered him, if he was the type to hurt you.With Din, you never had that problem. With Din, there was a sense of safety that you never felt with anyone else. With Din, you'd much rather raise your family than with anyone you were forced to marry.

If only.

"It's been a rough few months. For myself... and for you," Din admitted. "At least come over once before I leave. I know it might not be a good idea since—"

"That doesn't matter. Forget that. Of course I'll visit you. Doesn't matter if my mother finds out. She can't do anything about it."

He nodded. "Again... thank you."

After that, you walked him out your chambers. Sharing one final glance with him, you offered a small wave along with a grin before he turned the corner. That gentle smile persisted, even as the door slid shut behind you. You found yourself heading over to the balcony, ensuring he arrived at the Razor Crest safely.

Honestly, you weren't sure what to feel anymore. Sometimes it seemed like yourself and the Mandalorian could never find peace with each other again as your quarreling and bickering continued nonstop. But then there were moments like these... Moments that left you feeling giddy, somehow. That was something you never would've thought you'd experience with Din again. It was almost as if that love that faded away could return again. Almost. That's if you allowed it. Unfortunately, though, you couldn't. Because that notion was out of reach—and you both recognized that fact. No matter how much you desired it, anything between you and Din was highly improbable. So if he wished to see you before he left Rainoh (and probably never returned again), then you would gladly oblige. But that's all. You weren't going to risk it any further, because this was bound to have a terrible ending.

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