My appointment with Georgia was Wednesday night at 8pm. It was nice that she'd do this after hours, but I knew I was also taking advantage of her knowing at least a part of my situation. I'd had a good dinner of Vietnamese pho and grilled pork and was now relaxing in pajamas and curled up on the couch with my earbuds in, ready to go. Nat had been nice enough to go out for the evening, so I had the place to myself. When my phone alarm went off, I logged into the telemedicine portal and Georgia was ready for me. After a few minutes of pleasantries, we got down to business.

"So, I heard a lot of stories about you from Lylah. But it would be nice to know how you met from your point of view" Georgia stated. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

I nodded to myself; it was a needed question, I guess. "We'll, I had been following Lylah on YouTube for a while, she was everything I wanted to be. I don't mean the stunts, that was too scary for me, I mean the out of the closet and living free. I wanted that. She'd been clear that her coming out story hadn't gone well, getting kicked out and all, but I hoped my parents would be better. It wasn't, not at all. They were horrible. They're not even religious, they just hated the idea of me being with a girl."

I took a deep breath and a few sips of water before continuing. "They kicked me out, and I was living on the streets, I had nowhere to go. I worked a few odd jobs that didn't mind a minor being paid under the table, but there were a lot of guys driving around and trying to get girls to work for things like strip clubs or as prostitutes. I couldn't imagine selling myself to a guy, the thought repulsed me, but they kept asking. There were several girls on the street like me, we tried to sleep near each other when we could for protection. One night, two of them never showed up. Two nights later, the third never did. I hiked all the way across town after that and just hoped for something better. That was the day that Lylah announced she was climbing a pyramid. As soon as she said it, I crossed my fingers and started stalking the Luxor casino. I got lucky, that was where she went. I don't know that I would have lasted another week on the streets."

"And she took you in?"

"No, she saved me. Taking me in is an understatement. She never even hesitated once she found out I was living in a box. I'd always known she was hot in her videos, but I never knew how beautiful her soul was too. She had me wait while she did her stunt, then introduced me on her video. Out of nowhere she asked if I'd ever been to Los Angeles, and if I'd like to stay at her place until I got on my feet. I was shocked, it was my hero and crush saving me when I needed it the most. So of course, I said yes."

"And then you started dating?"

"No, not right away," I explained. "She helped me find a job, waitressing again, just like Vegas, but now I could save money and sleep on a couch instead of fearing for my life every time I closed my eyes. Then she started putting me in her videos and everyone liked me, but I was scared of the stunts. It's one thing to watch her do it online, but every time I did one with her, I screamed my ass off. It was terrifying. But I was free, so I never said no. I think she knew I was scared, and helped me set up my own channel, and a lot of her viewers came to follow me too. She gave me my whole life, and never asked for anything in return. By the end of the first month though, she asked me out, like a real date, and it was perfect. She treated me so well! It was everything I could have asked for. When I turned 18, I moved into her bedroom, and we had been happy ever since."

"Uh huh. So, what changed? I know Lylah's version, but what about yours?"

I felt tears prick at my eyes while I thought about how it all started. "Juliette was managing both of us. She'd keep dropping hints about Lylah and a girl, saying she kept showing up at her stunts and stuff like that. Once she mentioned her, I started noticing her. She was just watching and smiling, and never approached her, but it was weird. Then Sonny mentioned her, and then Nat. None of them would do it outright, it was like I'd overhear them talking about the blonde with Lylah. I never realized they were doing it on purpose, it just seemed so natural, and it went on for months. Then maybe a week before the movie premiere for the Seven Surfer thing, Juliette said Mac Cox wanted me to help out on his channel. He wanted to work full time with me. I knew Lylah hated him, so I said no. I couldn't do that!"

"But you did work with him." Georgia noted.

"I did, but hold on, I'll get to that," I promised. "Just before the premiere, Juliette texted me that the blonde had been seen multiple times at the movie set and had been hanging out with Lylah. By that time, I guess everything had accumulated to where I was really believing it, and I was put into a shitty mood. When Lylah shot down the Max Cox question at the event, I knew I'd never have that option too. And yes, I'm an idiot. I was working with Lylah already and I could have worked with any number of people other than Max, but I felt like it would be taking advantage of her. I'd been living on her coattails for years already and I didn't like the feeling. I felt like a parasite."

"But you didn't tell Lylah that?"

I snorted, mentally kicking myself. "No. I should have, but no. She had already done so much for me, and I was terrified that she resented that. If everyone was right, I would be losing her to some blonde bimbo, and I was really overthinking everything. Maybe I would have talked to her after the party, I know she realized I was a mess that night, and she would have tried. But then the blonde showed up and blew everything up. To me that was everything coming true, and I gave in and did everything Juliette wanted. I was so fucking stupid!"

"So, now she's gone, and you're feeling lost?"

"Lost. Heartbroken. Alone. Aimless. Worthless. Yeah, those all apply. I have my work. My agent is working on movie and book deals over the shark incident. I have modeling contracts now for swimwear, and maybe more. I have a lawsuit pending against Juliette's estate for my medical bills and damages from the shark incident, but I doubt Max will settle that easily. But everything seems pointless. All I can think is how happy Lylah would be for me about the movie and making jokes about who would play us. But I can't even talk to her. She fucking saved my life after I broke her heart, and I can't even speak while I'm around her. I see billboards with Ava all over town. I see places we've gone on dates all the time. I have no idea what to do to feel free again. The worst thing is, I hurt her so bad, and it wasn't until we got back from Australia that I realized it. She shot her dad, then she lost her mom to his drug dealer friends, and she was kicked out by her aunt for being gay. I was the only one in her life who loved her, and I betrayed her in the worst way. And she doesn't even hate me, I just hate myself!"

Georgia was silent for a moment while she digested everything I'd said. "You mentioned the word 'free' several times. You envied Lylah for it, then had it when you were with her, and now you've lost it again. Would you say that is fair?"

I nodded slightly to myself, that was accurate. "Yes. I feel like I'm in a self-imposed prison here. I'm afraid to see Max, I hate seeing the billboards with Ava on them and the reminders of what I've lost. "

"I think you have several things going on here. Some of which are easier to work on than others. First, for an amazingly talented and beautiful woman, you seem to be struggling with your own self-worth. You talk about how Lylah helped you and that you felt like a parasite, without recognizing any of the work that you put in on your own as well. Most people in life get help from others, be it friends or family. It is extremely hard to do everything on your own. Your life is just starting, and you're in a perfect place to take advantage of that," she told me. "Where are your modeling jobs?"

"Umm. I have a swimsuit one in San Diego, and a potential clothing one in San Francisco." I was happy to have landed those, though I knew the swimsuit one was trying to profit on the shark story for sure. But it was money, work, and something to make a portfolio with.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "I want you to go to each of them. Spend a week in each city if you can, just getting away from here. Maybe that will help renew your sense of freedom. It might be good to relocate if one of those cities turns out to be more suited to your tastes. Or you could just feel rejuvenated and come right back here."

"This work might help you realize your self-worth too. Maybe even get you back to liking or loving yourself. None of us are perfect, we make mistakes. You already acknowledged that and apologized. Now you need to forgive yourself. You can still do your show on the road, so it will give you a chance to get out on the street and maybe meet new people from different cities. Don't limit yourself!" she sounded really excited for me, and that got my blood pumping too. This could be a whole new adventure for me!

"I like the sound of that," I agreed. "Can we keep doing these sessions while I'm on the road?"

"Of course! One session isn't some magical cure all. All we can do is try to make a little progress here and there and see if we can improve your life. Every day, you can keep improving your life."

"Georgia, I can't thank you enough, I really can't. I might not have all the answers, but at least I feel better about where things are going. Hopefully things will look up soon!"

The rest of the night went by fast. I made reservations for a week at an Air bnb places in San Diego that would encompass my meetings there, while San Fran was going to be in a hotel that the agency there was footing the bill for. San Diego was a measuring, fitting and test shots, and San Fran was just to get an interview, and then a potential measuring as well. Nothing was holding me here in Los Angeles anymore, and it would be nice to walk down the street without looking over my shoulder because of Max.

The last thing I did before bed was edit the video from today's interviews. I cut some out completely, and tried to make it more positive, because that was what I was finally feeling. I knew I could do this!