Milan was not as giddy this time at the correctional facility. This trip didn't have the same hope attached to it as the first one did. 

No, this trip, Milan thought as she got out of the car, was for how to cope now that the hope of him being let go free was gone. 

Dressed in an all black bodysuit and a bedazzled rhinestone hoodie, Milan zipped the jacket up to her neck as she walked in the doors of the building. Once again, she stood in line behind at least five other families as they were all metal detector scanned and pat down before being able to proceed to the visitor desk.

"Inmate name?" The balding oily faced olive toned man behind the desk asked Milan, briefly looking up from the long list of names he had his pen hovering over. Milan saw his eyes linger almost every place on her for a second too long, she missed the nosey lady from her first visit.

She never wanted to go back in time this much in her life. And that was saying something. 

"Ramses Young. Milan Cozart for Ramses Young." Milan told the man and watched as his face went from hers to downturned towards the paper. He found her name and allowed her to sign her signature like the standard procedure called for. 

Behind her name, you could see the inmate's stay length and what kind of visitation was approved.

"Getting used to it by now, ain't you, girl?" The clerk smugly asked Milan before he quickly wrote her a name tag and gestured for her to take a seat until her name was called.

Snatching the name tag from his stubby fingers, Milan made sure to scratch him with her fingernails as she did so. Milan glared daggers at the man as she took her seat and waited.

How dare he?

Milan was boiling underneath her skin. The slimy clerk knew it too, his eyes held nothing but sick satisfaction as he rubbed his sore palm. She wanted to spit in his face. She had the mind to walk right back up there and—

"Milan for Ramses Young?"

A female guard called out from the nearest hallway.

In that moment, Milan no longer gave a fuck about that sweaty boiled egg behind the counter.

Immediately, the lava that boiled beneath her skin for the visitor clerk had frozen in its place as she shot up from her seat to walk towards the hallway the guard had just came out of.  The two walked a good lengths apart as they walked into the room where the families could sit with each other.

When Milan perused the area, her eyes were immediately drawn to a man sitting with his back turned to the entrance. His posture seemed slouched because Ramses looked a bit shorter than usual.This time, instead of that vibrant orange that he wore last time, his uniform was khaki brown. 

For some reason, seeing him in that color made his ruling all the more official.

Taking a short deep breath, Milan walked into the room and began to approach Ramses from behind. 

"Why did you choose to sit all the way back here?" Milan asked while she was a few steps away from the table.

"Milan? Where you going?" 

Milan's head whipped to see Ramses just now entering the room behind her with a guard who was taking off his cuffs. The conversation behind him made the man who actually was sitting in the chair Milan was walking to turn around.

All the blood in Milan's body might as well as caught on fire as the embarrassment washed over her quickly. She gave Ramses a nervous smile as she approached him instead with open arms, "Nowhere, bookie butt! Hug me!" She quickly changed the subject.

The embarrassing moment had passed as quickly as it came as soon as Ramses's arms came around Milan's waist. It felt like taking a deep breath after running a mile. It felt like coming home after the most tiring day of your life. 

For Milan, it felt like she was hugging the one person she had left in the world. 

And right now, she could not imagine leaving that.

But, that's why she was here. So he could kick her ass into perspective, because even she knew how dumb she sounded.

When the two parted, they walked hand-in-hand to the nearest table. One table away from the man who Milan almost intruded on. The tables were round and had at least four chairs around each. This gave the couple a chance to sit right by each other. They did so, and they had yet to break their handhold.

The electricity between them was tangible. The silence thick enough to choke a horse. If they were any other place than a federal correctional facility, Milan knew he would've been on top of her plowing a hole into the floor. 

To her surprise, this time Ramses had a clean shave and a recent haircut. No, he had no diamonds in his ear, but for some reason the guards allowed him to keep a toothpick in his mouth.

The man seemed to have everchanging ways to keep her panting for him.

What I wouldn't give to suck the spit outta his mou—

"How've you been since the trial, Mi? Nic, had me worried 'bout you."

Ramses's voice broke Milan out from her raunchy inner thoughts. He'd transformed their handhold into him holding her hand between his as he faced her in his seat. Milan placed her hand on top of his before responding.

She struggled with herself a bit on wether or not she was going to tell him the truth. She didn't want to lie... but then again, she didn't want to seem weak. Like, they were definitely way passed this, but he hadn't even asked her to be his girlfriend yet and here she was debating her future academics for him.

Love is scary.

"It's been hard... I'm not gonna lie. All that drama in the courtroom had my hopes up..." Milan let herself speak her truth slowly but surely. Ramses nodded his head thoughtfully. The toothpick in his mouth bobbing up and down as he chewed on it.

"I fa'sho understand that. But that unanimously dismissed case bullshit only be happenin' in the books and movies, Mi. I ain't have too much hope fa' me. Regardless, you held your own in that room and I will always love you for that."

Milan allowed his words to seep into her psyche. Her mind and body were stuck in fight or flight mode. She had just gotten him and she felt like she was losing him.

"Thank you... that means a lot." Milan told him, squeezing his hand. Ramses cocked his head to the side and looked at Milan with a puzzled expression. 

"What's up with you? You actin' like the world is ending. Judge D gave me a sweet ass deal. She coulda really sent my ass down the road for a decade or more. Four years ain't even gon take us out our twenties by the time I get out." Ramses spoke of us his sentencing like it was the last thing he ate for dinner rather than the layout of how his life was going to go for almost half a decade.

He actually seemed pretty content.

This did not sit well with Milan.

She squinted her eyes at him, "Is four years not a long time to you or something?" Milan was not able to help herself from asking him. Condescension dripping from her tone. 

Ramses looked caught off guard at first, matching her expression now. "I don't know what you mean. I'm grateful for my sentence. N*ggas get sent to die in jail every day and in the grand scheme of things, my days in here are few. I'm workin' wit' what I got, Mi." He explained to her simply. 

The man was making perfect sense, but Milan was not quite ready to let it go.

"And what do you expect me to do? Wait on you? Leave you? Do you give a fuck?" Milan dug her heels in at the table, now crossing her arms although she really wanted to bang her head on the table for how she was dragging this out. She had no idea what had gotten ahold of her.

Now Ramses almost looked a little angry. Irritated at the most. Milan had never been so frazzled before and seeing her so irritable was something he wasn't used to. "Do I give a fuck?" Was the only part he could manage to repeat back to her. The disgust on his face as he said it was very clear.

Milan sat there across from him looking childishly expectant. She was trying not to let on that if he said anything other than yes, she would burst into tears on the spot.

That's when Ramses saw how frightened she looked in the first place. The brashness, the thorns, the attitude... Milan was scared. She was clinging to all she knew right now and Ramses was a big part of that. Her brother's frightened inner child caused him to spiral into gang life.

Milan's scared little girl was pissed.

Every one she loved seemed to be gone.

"Milan, I love you girl. I care about how every minute of your day goes and it's beating my ass that I'm not there to make every minute the best of your life. I give a fuck.

 I give a fuck that I never even got to redo our first date, but here I am professing my love to you in a dirty ass jail. But I'm here and I'm doing it because I'd die for you, Mi. Every cell in my body gives a fuck about you. Don't waste our time in here askin' me some dumb shit like that again."

"Whew..." One of the male guards near them reacted to the passion in Ramses voice. Ramses smiled and the men exchanged a nod.

Just as the guard was, Milan was also lost for words. 

All she knew was that she wanted to give him a baby with his last name.

She had crossed her legs so tight under the table that her ankles were screaming.

That's really what she came here to hear from him. She wanted to know that he cared about her and that she wasn't a dummy to feel as deeply as she felt. That she wasn't alone. Taking a shaky breath, Milan smiled at Ramses.

She could see the relief in his eyes at her softer expression as she took his hand again. "I'm happy you say that... because Valerie is offering to sponsor me to go to school. She and her husband have a company—"

"You wanted to go to school all this time, Mi? Why you ain't tell me?" Ramses bursted suddenly. Milan was surprised by his interested and found herself feeling slightly bashful.

Pushing stray hair behind her ear, Milan shrugged. "Look at what we've been through Ramses, we haven't really had the time to talk about our dreams..." 

Ramses gave a hard huff when he realized he couldn't really fight her there. He kissed her hand briefly as he rolled his eyes and shook it off.

"That's some real raw shit wanting to go to school, Mi, and you made for it. But, what you need that lady's money fa'?" 

It was Milan's turn to look at Ramses like he was crazy. Milan laughed a little as she said, "Ramses, when I say I wanna go to school I don't mean to the local classes... I wanna go away—"

"Milan, I know yo' ass mean away out the city— maybe even out the state, shit. I mean, why you need that lady's money when I got shit for you right here. What you need like three hundred?" Ramses broke her sentence once again, already four steps ahead of her.

"What?" Milan asked, absolutely gobsmacked at what she thought he was offering.

Rames sat up fully in his seat, holding her hand near his chest as he leaned in to talk to her. 

"Three hundred grand. Would that be enough to cover yo' schoolin'? Go to one of them turnt ass southern schools. Tear they shit up down there fa'sho." Ramses went on like he was already imagining her on campus. Meanwhile, Milan was on the verge of tears.

When Ramses realized this, he immediately wiped her eyes with his thumb. "Milan, g. Why are you crying? Can't you see that's the last thing I want yo' pretty ass to be doing?"

Milan actually began nodding when he asked this which caused both of them to laugh at the silliness of her tears.

Sniffling through the laughter, Milan began to speak. "I... I'm crying because I was so scared to come up here and tell you I wanted to go. I didn't want you to think I was leaving you behind because I-I love you too." Milan hiccuped through her words, but she wasn't done yet.

Ramses took her other hand in his as he watched her closely. "I love you so much, more than I expected actually and its making me act so stupid over you." Milan truthfully admitted and she laughed at herself. "I came here knowing you would give me the push I needed to go and... and here you are tryna pay for me to go, like? I..."

Just say yes, baby.

Milan suddenly heard the voice of her mother and warmth washed over her body. 

It was then, Milan stopped her rambling and smiled at the man who loved her. 

"Thank you, Ramses. I would love the help." She was finally able to conclude.

Ramses beamed with joy, but then Milan put her index finger in the air. "Naw, dude. First you gotta tell me why the hell you got three hundred fuckin' grand just waiting to be spent?!" 

Milan stressed while whispering the dollar amount as low as she could while looking around the room. Ramses sat back in his seat and smirked at her, raising up their hand hold while he drank in her appearance slowly now that the drama of their visit was over.

Still waiting expectantly on him to answer, Milan raised her eyebrow in faux confusion as she saw the glint in his eye grow darker. "Ramses, did you hear me? FAFSA not gon' fuck me up cuz' you was on some scamming shit—"

"What kinda panties you got on right now?"

And although Milan's mouth dropped in surprise, she couldn't help but smile inside.

Not only did the man love her and supported her going to school...

He wanted to help send her there too.

Love is healing.