My mouth is sore and I'm in an angst mood
But there is fluff.
TW: there r mentions of MitB so self harm and him having the panic attack, swearing as usual...umm...
Jade knows what this is!

He'd fucked up.

Jeremy had absolutely fucked up.

It had been a week and his heart was still breaking from realizing the shit he'd pulled...how he almost destroyed the school... how he broke Brooke's heart...how he manipulated Christine...how he yelled at his dad...how he hurt Michael...

That's what broke him the worst...he hurt the most important person in his life...because he was fucking obsessed with dating Christine for three whole years...caused Michael to hurt himself... something he thought Michael had stopped...

And now he laid on his bed, looking through old photos of him and Michael from when they were younger...when things were simple...

No crushes.

No bullies..

No Squip...

No drama...no bad things.

It was just them, being happy and being together. Jeremy knew that the smiles he and Michael had in those photos were genuine...now it seemed Jeremy faked a smile all the time. And for what? To keep the popular students from leaving? He didn't even know why he did it anymore...

Ever since the Squip, Jeremy knew things would never go back to normal. He missed normal...

He missed being teased for being tall and being "gay" all the time...he missed hanging out with Michael every single day whether it be his own house or the familiar, soda and weed scented basement. He missed the old Jeremy...what he used to be.

He used to be a loser, sure, but that...that was okay...that was who he was...he was supposed to be that way...geeky, awkward, and a mess...that's who Jeremiah Heere was....but he isn't that anymore.

He shut the book and sat up, looking over at the mirror and sighing. He hated himself...what he'd become...he had hated himself before, yes, but this...this was a new hatred.

This was anger at himself...his shit mistakes...they hurt everybody...and he stood up and walked over to the mirror with that thought in his head.

"What the hell happened to me?" He whispered, putting his hand to the mirror and clutching it into a fist. He was looking at a lie. That's all he seen. A lie. A sham. Somebody that didn't deserve any love...but he had it...mostly from Michael...

He closed his eyes and finally let tears fall to the dresser's top...not caring about it. The tears stopped when he felt a buzzing in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and seen Michael texting him.

P1: Jeremy I gotta tell u something.

P2: ok?

P1: u know that book of photos of us I had. My mama made it.

P2: yeah

P1: I...sorta burned it. I was pissed. I know it was stupid to do but I just needed to f-ing tell u. Bc I felt horrible.

P1: I promise I still have the first drawing u ever drew for me

P1: see

Jeremy smiled at the photo Michael had sent. It was the very messy doodle of Mario that Jeremy had made in kindergarten. He chuckled at the memory.

P1: I gtg. Mama needs me. Dinner.

P2: ok. Bye

P1: u mean gay

P2: what?

P1: bi dork

Jeremy turned the phone off and took in what he'd just learned...Michael burned...burned everything...Jeremy looked over the the folder on his bead and smile...

Maybe he could finally apologize the way he'd wanted to since Halloween.

***

(Next day)

Michael was surprised to open his door and see a neatly wrapped package on his doorstep. It wasn't even his birthday, that was in March.

He picked it up and took it upstairs, examining the wrapping. Stripes, and the tape was red. He pulled the paper off and looked at the front cover.

This looked custom made. He smiled as he analyzed the very in detail recreation of the first level of Pac-Man in front of him, smiling as he opened it.

First thing he seen was a letter, on decorated paper, and he gently removed it and began reading it.

"My Favorite Person, Michael,
     I honestly didn't know how to say this in real life without sounding like a total asshole. Or a complete and utter emotional mess. But I want you to know I feel like absolute shit for what I did to you... I made you cry. I made you hurt yourself, and I knew you had anxiety and dependency issues but I still listened to the Squip over my own heart.
     So I made...this...to try and make up some things. I know I can't be forgiven. I shouldn't be forgiven...but I know you will forgive me...at least let me give you a reason to be forgiven but somebody like you.
     Inside I've placed some sticky notes, and on each of them I wrote a little something for you...I hope you figure out what I was trying to say...
           -Hopefully still your Player 2,
                                      Jeremy"

Michael smiled, turning the page and instantly being felt with a wave of nostalgia. The first picture was him and Jeremy in kindergarten. Halloween. Dressed as Inky and Blinky.

He wiped his eyes and turned the page. Next was their Thanksgiving party at school. Jeremy's even laminated his little "what I'm thankful for" hand turkey and placed it in the folder.

He knew he was on that list. He was on top. He smiled as he looked to the page next to it. Jeremy had placed their Fall photos there...his smile got wider. They both had extremely messy hair, and their faces weren't clean at all. But they didn't care.

Then came his Christmas party, where poor Jeremy had been the only Jewish kid in the class and didn't celebrate what everybody else did.

Michael bought him a Menorah, which at the time he called a candle. Jeremy had smiled so wide that day, hugging Michael tightly... Menorah still in hand.

New year's was a blast for them, resolutions revolving around each other. Michael's mom and Jeremy's dad had took the boys to see the fireworks together.

Soon came Valentine's...both boys had been lonely so Michael had made Jeremy a card shaped like Pac-Man. Which Jeremy prompted to put in the folder.

Along with the first sticky note. It was white.

"Valentine's day was fun wasn't it. First time we ignored the glances from people when we hugged each other." Michael removed the note and placed it on his bed.

Turning the page revealed their next holiday party, that being St Patrick's day. Neither of them wore green because they didn't care. Plus Jeremy had green eyes. And Michael had rainbow laced shoes.

Then came Easter for Michael, Passover for Jeremy. Michael had been very confused by Jeremy's religious beliefs but didn't question him in a rude way. Plus, Jeremy seemed very open about it.

Eventually came the end of the year, the boys in matching overalls, striking their simple Mario Bros themes t-shirts. Michael wiped his eyes as he turned to first grade.

Started with Halloween. Mario and Peach costumes. Then came the same things as before but better.

Next was second grade, and Michael noticed Jeremy had a picture of them from their matching heart lockets and turned red...there was a sticky on that page.

"I still have my locket...I assume you burned picture so I'm letting you have my copy." That note was an off white, pink tinted. Michael sat it by the first note and moved to the next pages.

Third grade, the year Jeremy's adorable stutter habbit was born, as well as his obsession with sweaters and chewing his nails until he ended up gnawing his finger.

Michael giggled at the pictures of Jeremy in oversized sweaters, finding them precious.

Another note was on the page where Jeremy was in a sling. Michael wore a matching one.

"Still can't believe you purposely broke your arm because I did. And the only people to sign them were ourselves. That is dedication and loyalty I swear."

Jeremy had left a pink note with those words. Michael removed it and went to the next.

Years went on by it seemed, each note a deeper shade of pink and soon red.

Michael remembered all of these events. Beating arcade scores, Jeremy's first Bar Mitzvah, getting his gay pride patch after coming out. Eighth grade dance. They'd had nobody to go with so they went together, as friends...which saddened Michael a bit.

Ninth grade pictures, Michael giggled at the pictures of Jeremy with braces, acne, and girly hair. He was adorable.

The ninth grade dance was one of his favorite photos that year, because they wore Pac-Man suits.

There was a note on the dance page. On the next dance page...and then there was nothing.

Their junior Halloween hadn't had a photo...where it should be was the last note...it was blue instead of red.

"I want to make it up to you...I took away so many good moments from your life...I ruined your favorite holiday...caused you to probably never want to go to a party again...and I want to apologize in person...I've placed an adress on the note on the next page...meet me there tomorrow... if you wanna hear what I need to tell you."

Michael turned the page and recognized the address...the arcade he and Jeremy visited all the time as children.

He closed the folder and sat it on his bedside table... opening it again and removing the locket photo.

He pulled the locket out of the drawer underneath and opened it, removing the ash and replacing it with the photo, closing it and putting it on, holding it close as he finally crawled in bed and fell asleep.

***

Michael drove up to the arcade...it was closed...it had been for years...and Michael froze when he seen Jeremy standing alone at the front, holding something behind his back.

Michael stopped his PT Cruiser and got out, the door closing getting the brunette's attention.

"Hey."

"Oh..H-Hey..."

"So you...wanna tell me something?" Jeremy responded with a slight nod as he cleared his throat and tried to ignore the sweat beads forming on his face.

"I...wanted to apologize...I've wanted to since the moment I turned on the o-optic nerve blocking...I've wanted to tell y-you that I never wanted to leave.. I...was abused into doing it...and I didn't mean it...when I said you were a loser...you're the c-coolest person I know. You always have been. You've s-stuck with me through everything...no matter how stupid...you s-supported me through every little thing I did...and I took you for granted and hurt you...I know now how stupid of a m-mistake that was...it was the dumbest decision I've ever made...it really was...and I feel like absolute SHIT for... for everything...and I shouldn't even be asking you this...took me this long to realize why you'd never left me...but I wanted to know...would you...maybe...be my b-boyfriend?" Jeremy moved his hands from behind his back and Michael froze in a shocked silence.

Jeremy was holding a bouquet of multicolored roses, his eyes starting to burn with tears.

Michael took the roses and held them in his hands.

"I...It was my dad's idea...the roses...the notes...my online friend g-gave me that idea...said it's how he got his boyfriend...and...I...I get if you don't want to..." Before Jeremy could say anything else, Michael had wrapped him into a hug, smiling wider than he had before.

"Of course I'll be your boyfriend Jere...I've wanted to be that for so long..." Michael's voice cracked a bit through his overwhelming joy. "I've loved you...for so long..."

"I'm sorry I never n-noticed..." Jeremy sighed into Michael's arm, the taller male still holding on tightly.

"It's okay... it's okay..."

"Oh...I...I have another question to ask..." Jeremy softly pushed away and Michael blinked in confusion. "I know...you don't like parties...but I feel bad for ruining Halloween...so we rented a place...and me and our friends were willing to have a Halloween redo...for you..."

"Thank you Jeremy... I love it...like I love you..."