"I would rather be a little nobody than to be an evil somebody."- Unknown

**
'Stop staring at me, you're making me blush' A.B

I let out a silent laugh at his accusation. I wasn't staring at him, I was just simply looking, wondering, questioning. Staring at someone meant you're interested enough to observe them. I wasn't.

I had questions that always filled my mind. I've wondered helplessly for the past few years about the boy---that was once upon a time someone I considered a close friend---and the person he had now turned into. He had been once upon a time a person I trusted like my own shadow, someone I knew would always stand by my side and somewhere along these blurred lines, he betrayed me.

Two kids that had been inseparable turned into blurred souls that no longer existed together. All these memories, dreams and secrets that we built and shared together growing up were meaningless and hollow. And sometimes I wonder what happened in the missing chapters that I wasn't a part of. What turned the child full of life into a monster we were afraid of when we were kids?

I was trying a little experiment I saw earlier somewhere. Looking at someone you loathe for a few seconds can actually kill them. Unfortunately, in my case, you're still alive :(

"Can you stop acting like middle school kids?!" The teacher's voice yelled and pounded on the table with his fist, causing a few students to jump in shock; his face was twisted in rage and his nose wrinkled in anger. "Silence!"

Are university students like highschool students? Are they also in the kids zone? Do they never grow up and start acting in a human manner?

They say no matter how much you think you hate high school, you'll always miss it when you leave. The idea of possibly missing school was bizarre and laughable. The minute I step out of the school gates, I'd be free of the torture I've been a part of for years. All the insults, bullying and hatred that I've constanly faced. Just one year, I reminded myself. One year and I'll be out forever.

"If you keep acting like kids, I will cancel your trip." The second he uttered the word 'trip', stunned silence filled the class and their eyes filled with excitement.

Our school wasn't exactly known for making trips for students. We didn't have activities that we could join to fill in our free time or to free ourselves from stress. Its building and professional teachers were the only thing that made this school stand out, but the lack of activities made it extremely monotonous.

"The principal wants to reward you with this trip after the good results you had, well, except for a few. And since this year is your last year, it's a reward to enjoy the experience to its fullest."

Last year. Those two words were enough to plaster a smile on my face.

"When is it?"

After a glance at the paper placed on his table, the teacher replied,"five days from today,"

A sudden thought occurred to my mind, going on a trip meant getting away from David and his torture. Is this a dream? No David?

I raised my hand for permission to speak and when the teacher nodded, I spoke,"how long will we be there?"

"For three days," he answered,"but you need your parents' approval first."

"What if I don't have any parent?" I smiled innocently, my thoughts back to that vermin in the house.

He coughed, clearly taken back," Or any guardian."

"Cool."

He continued answering some questions asked by my smart classmates like 'will there be any hot girls' or ' do they have shopping malls there' or even 'will there be any sharks '. When Sparks Howdy asked the last question, I tried to control the fits of laughter that were threatening to escape.

I silently sat there, getting suddenly interested in looking at the wall. I imagined what would it be like if I had a mother, and coming back everyday to the smell of her cooking and I would make a joke on how's she a bad cook and she would glare at me. I would tell her about my day and she would tell me about hers. Together, we'll heal through the bad days that have damaged us.

I miss you so much, mum. Please come back and take me to wherever you are. I no longer have the power to fight my demons.

A nodge interrupted my chain of thoughts and I turned ready to smack the hand of whoever thought it was amusing to constantly annoy me. It was the same guy.

"What now?"

"I'm not your mailman, kindly fuck off." He rolled his eyes and threw the piece of paper on my desk.

The note read:

Stop obsessing over me

I let out a laugh at his joke. Really? If only words could show how much I hate him. Alex Blake frustrated and infuriated me to no end. I loathed that guy. I didn't expect the kid I always hung out with to turn into a monster. How could a little sweet kid turn into someone he'd always swear not to be?

But that's the thing about life, some answers are better left unknown.

Do you always roam around your targets in class? No wonder you keep failing
PS keep your intimidating status and stop annoying me
In simple English : fuck off

I threw the note at Alex Blake and focused my attention back to the teacher, copying down notes that were written on the board.

After feeling suffocated my the teacher's non-stop lecture, the first period ended finally and I quickly made my way to my locker.

"You're wrong." A voice came out from behind me, spinning around I saw Alex Blake there, a smile on his lips. "I don't go around annoying people, you're my favourite, what word did you use?" He pretend to think for a second, "target. That's the word."

He wore a grey pants - not too big or small, a T- Shirt with no message on it and a very worn jacket.

"Did you read the two words at the end? If not, let me spell it for you:fuck off," I grabbed my notebook and shut the locker with a loud thud"and stop stalking me, it's creepy."

"Me?" he pointed at himself, laughing,"stalking you," and then at me.

"Cut the act, what do you want?"

"You know I always wonder how you handle the hate you get."

"What hate?" I asked, acting as it's not that obvious enough. The hate that has resulted in many tears and scars, crying myself to sleep and not being able to look at my reflection for weeks. I was damaged to the point where I planned to end it. Every wish that I had after my mother's death was to die. No longer exist. In any way. I no longer cared whether I'd suffocate or hurt, I just wanted to die.

And the only thing holding me back now was my chance at escaping this town.

He shifted his eyes toward the group of girls laughing as they walked past us,"Ah, that." I chuckled nervously," Whenever someone insults me I cut myself..," I studied his face for a moment," a piece of cake."

He let out a long breath as if he had been holding it for so long. "How long did it take you to come with this one?"

"It comes naturally." I patted his shoulder,"some people are just naturally talented. Unlike you."

"Idiot." he murmured, shaking his head.

Muttering a curse, I walked to my next period class.

°°

3:43 PM

Arriving to my home, I quickly opened the door--- It was one of those housed whose front doors open only a few steps from the sidewalk, and walked directly to the kitchen.

There stood a woman - surely Melissa, with her back to me, stirring something on the stove.

She half turned, showing a doll's face in a loaf of fresh but not focusing eyes."Good afternoon, Angel."

She was already acting like a wife and somehow, somewhere, a satisfying feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I was conflicted whether to hate her for taking my mother's role that I swore I would never allow anyone to take or be happy someone was acknowledging me without spitting hateful words to me.

"Afternoon." I mumbled, grabbing a chair so I could sit on it.

The atmosphere was silent, almost relaxing.

I decided to talk and face the consequences of stating instead of asking for permission."Daddy, my class and I are going to a trip. You need to sign the paper."

He quickly glanced at me, a look of hatred and anger in his eyes that made me regret uttering these words. "Angel, you're not going."

"Don't you think you're being a little unfair, dad? You need privacy with Melissa so a mini version of you and Melissa can pop soon." I tried to hide my anger with a smirk and I could hear a gasp and when I turned around, I was met with a blushing face that could be mistaken for a tomato soup.

"I. Repeat. You. Are. Not. Going." He glared at me angrily, radiating vengeance that caused a sudden shudder. His arms added emphatic emphasis to his words.

I masked my fear with a smile. "Yes, we'll definitely see."

**
Lunch was finally over and Melissa left after helping me out with the dishes and filled me in about the latest gossip that included a woman leaving her fiance at the alter on their wedding day and escaping with her younger lover. Melissa clearly supported her decision and I had to nod every now and then so she wouldn't feel like she was talking to herself and out of place. Before leaving, she made me write a list of my favourite food and desserts. My heart warmed at the gesture and her efforts. The saddest part was I could hardly remember someone making me feel like I was worth the small efforts.

After taking a shower, I started reading the story required for my my English literature assignment. Swallowing down the familiar bad feeling that crept into my throat, my throat dried up and I could hear my heartbeats racing.

And then I heard it.

"ANGEL! YOU STUPID SHIT!" It was like a bad song on its highest volume.

I want to eat just one more chocolate bar before I die. Or listen to Harry Styles' entire album. Or witness one direction reunion.

"You thought I would just smile at your previous actions, huh?" his eyes held hate, too much hate if you ask me.

He first disliked me because I constantly rode my tricycle where I shouldn't be ( I even broke his favourite lamp by accident- I swear) and making hideouts under in his office table also he probably knew I called him "The fat rat" under my breathe.

My young self was a badass.

When he was met with absolute silence, his eyes filled with loathe and hate. "ANGEL!" he hollered.

"Yes?" I replied, drawing in a shaky breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

<graphic scene, please skip if you feel uncomfortable >

"When I talk to you, you speak," he hissed, his hand moved quickly before I could retract and connected with my cheek.

Ouch, that hurts you rat.

"I just answered," I protested,"please just leave me alone."

"What did you say?!" he kicked me in the stomach, I doubled over.

His laughter echoed through the room and even though I could barely see him in my piteous state, I glared at his blurry face.

Stop please. I can't take this anymore.

The old man squinted his beady eyes, a smirk playing onto his lips.

"Are you still going to that stupid trip, you little shit?"

"Yes," was my only reply.

Bad answer. I won't ever let him take control over me, never. I did once and I had nightmares reminding me kf the bad decision I did the second I surrendered. David loved taking control and demanding people to do whatever he wants and the moment you obey, you are screwed.

He smiled--an evil one-- dragging me to God knows where.

Maybe heaven answered my prayers and I was destined to die in a few minutes. Maybe I could finally rest in peace.

Nothing could quench his hatred for me. He was blinded by range and the only thought that's inside his head is hurting me until I bleed. Or die.

He dragged me to the kitchen and then his eyes flickered toward the wine bottle. I froze.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Please stop.

He picked out an empty wine bottle and smashed it at my torso, the sound echoed and a sharp, stabbing pain worsened at every second and I felt like passing out.

He wanted more. I closed my eyes, refusing to allow the tears that were threatening to escape to stream down my cheek in front of him. He relished seeing me lying there on the cold floor weak, powerless and impuissant. Cuts appeared everywhere and I tried to drift my thoughts into the only hope I was holding onto:leaving this town.

Finally pleased with his work, he left. He never touched my face, he always completed his job without touching my face. My heartbeats were still racing and I could feel blood everywhere. I could barely take in a breath without feeling the need to drift into a long sleep.

Maybe this how I'll die, maybe fate was merciful enough to let me die, to see my mum.

Am I alive or just breathing?

Five.

Life wasn't fair. No one deserved to go through the hardships life planned for him/her.

Four.

You can forget the pain, but the scars and bruises will always remind you.

Three.

I could see flashbacks of my mum in different years. She was always hugging me tightly and whispering words that would always sedate me.

Two.

I could see a shadow standing.

One.

I closed my eyes and darkness wrapped its welcoming blackness around me, drifting me to a place I'd rather be.

**

and TrinityLendot for making my day as always :) x

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