Joshua

As everyone broke into random chatter again, I think my brain froze. My entire body felt cold, stuck in one place from what I was told. Mark kept glancing over at me before he spoke through our pack link.

Hey, you alright?

His voice in my head helped me to grasp reality again. I sighed, glancing down at my lap. How am I supposed to be alright when Wren has no clue that I'm his mate? And he's already ready to mate with his lover, too.

Joshua, you should talk to him. You're the only one who can.

But what if he chooses Erin anyway? He can't feel our bond, not fully. I'm a complete stranger to him. It wouldn't matter if I talked to him about it. He wouldn't choose me.

Mark sighed softly, patting my back gently. Then maybe you should change that. Don't be a stranger to him.

What do you mean?

I mean that you can get to know him. We'll be here for a few more days and you can visit. You deserve to be happy. Don't give him up just yet.

My eyes moved to look at Wren. He smiled, laughing at something Erin whispered to him. They looked so happy. My chest throbbed painfully, my hand moving up to try and soothe the pain. I didn't want to give him up. Why would I? Wren was my mate. We were destined to be together. But I didn't want to ruin his happiness by telling him I was his mate. At least now I understood that he wasn't rejecting me. It made me feel a bit better but I didn't feel great or anything.

I continued to think about what to do. If I stayed I could get to know Wren and eventually tell him that we're mates. But how long would be enough? How close did we have to be for him to feel any sort of connection to me? How long would I have to torture myself by watching him and Erin together? Would I even be able to last that long without exploding? Every second of watching my mate love someone else made me feel sick. And the worst part was that he had no clue. Wren had no clue that I - his mate, his other half - was sitting right across from him.

Apparently I was quiet for a lot longer than I thought because Mark was suddenly nudging me. I looked up, raising an eyebrow. He motioned with his head, telling me to pay attention. I looked at the rest of the group, listening in.

"It's time to go," Aaron spoke up, already standing up and looking down at us.

Wren stood up, Erin quickly following. We all got up, packing away our set up and putting it aside for now. Glancing up at the sky, I noticed it was darker now, the stars slowly starting to peek out. The glow of the full moon was soothing. Of course, it was a full moon. It was kind of a joke among werewolf packs. The humans always said we transformed under the light of the full moon, so why not do just that? Runs like these were actually quite common but each pack did it differently according to their own traditions.

"Ah, I can't wait to stretch my legs!" Ryder groaned, cracking his back.

His mate grimaced at his behavior, rolling her eyes. We all started to walk over to the rest of the pack. When I glanced over at Wren, I noticed that his hand was held securely in Erin's. A pang of jealousy shot through me at such a simple action, making me rub my chest again. Quickly looking away, I focused on the group gathering. We huddled together as we waited to start while some people went off behind bushes to start shifting. Our wolf forms weren't magic or anything. Our clothes ripped if we shifted with them on so we had to take them off. Some people were just more private about it than others.

The alpha of the pack suddenly called us all to attention. "Before we start, I wanted to say that we are honored to share our run with our guests from the Whitewater pack."

We were applauded for a moment before the alpha announced that we'd start once everyone shifted. Quickly, those that hadn't already began to undress. The whole time I undressed, I kept repeating to myself not to look over at Wren. My insides kept churning at the thought of seeing him like that but I knew I shouldn't. It wasn't right. My wolf seemed to strongly disagree with my decision and didn't make things any easier. I ignored him and shifted, shaking out my fur once I was done.

I soon realized I would have to keep my wolf reigned in for now. If I let him out completely like we usually did on runs, he'd probably end up pissing off Erin's wolf and upsetting Wren's. I didn't want that for obvious reasons, so I kept him back. Our wolves were an extension of our soul. They were bonded to us like a mate was bonded to us, tied to our souls. They didn't have names but they did have emotions, very strong ones. And they had a conscience, sort of. They could hibernate in our minds or even take over our human body if they forced themselves to. Usually, though, they stayed in the back of our mind and just remained like that. When they pushed forward or were allowed to take control, our human conscience was pushed back. We could see, hear, and feel everything, but we had no control over our body, the wolf did.

So I kept him back even though he fought against it. He was obviously pissed because he couldn't meet his mate. I understood and wanted to let him run free for a bit but it was way too risky. I turned my head and realized Wren had just shifted as well, Erin already having done so. I was surprised when I saw a small and - in my opinion - extremely beautiful wolf. He looked so delicate, almost like he could break with a single blow. It was kind of concerning actually, but I was still drawn to him. I pushed it away, especially since my wolf kept clawing at my mind to let him take control.

We both stilled once we saw Erin's wolf rub up against the other, ushering him to the back of the pack. I watched them go, my chest aching even in wolf form. I could feel my wolf's pain too. He was obviously very expressive after understanding why we couldn't have our mate. A howl from the front of the pack broke me from my thoughts. We were starting.

The entire pack broke into a run after the alpha, howling in response. The wind rushing through my fur was a welcomed change as the sound of hundreds of paws hitting the ground kept my mind focused on the run. I loved runs like these. They always brought us closer to our pack and the grounds we lived on. It was almost sacred, all jokes aside. Just us and the bright moon shining down on our path.

After a couple of minutes, the pack began to disperse a bit more. Some wolves sped up while others slowed down or remained where they were. I kept to the back, knowing I wasn't familiar with the land and I didn't want to hurt myself. But there was another reason why I stayed in the back: I hadn't seen Wren or Erin's wolves pass by me yet. They seemed to stay in the back the entire time. I was tempted to look behind me but I fought against it. I wasn't sure I'd like what I saw. So I kept running, beginning to pant softly as I relished the burning in my muscles.

Sometime later I heard a pained cry from behind me. I stopped running, looking back. From the distance I could see Wren's wolf on the ground, Erin's right next to. A few others stopped but Erin must have told them to keep going because they soon ran past me. I, however, stood still.

My wolf urged me to see what happened so I decided to do just that. It didn't hurt to show a little concern. Trotting over, I stood off to the side. Wren's wolf got up, staggering a bit. Erin helped him, gently supporting him with a small whine. I itched to run over and help Wren myself but all I could do was watch. I feared that if I touched him I wouldn't be able to hold back.

The small wolf limped a bit, one of his hind legs having been hurt. It was a nasty gash too. Probably snagged a branch while running. I walked closer, moving slowly so I wouldn't upset either of them.

Erin's wolf growled at me in warning once I seemed to get too close. I paused, watching the two. Wren's wolf looked at me, tilting its head. So cute. He looked like a puppy that way.

Wren's wolf slowly began to hobble along, trying to finish the run. It seemed like this kind of thing happened often. It explained why they lagged behind when Erin should've easily been in front, leading the pack with his father and other higher ranks.

As they walked past me - Erin's body supporting the other's - Wren brushed against me. My entire body froze, delighted by the tingles that, even in my wolf form, spread throughout my body. It broke my heart again knowing that Wren couldn't feel a thing. He had no clue.

At least, that's what I thought.

~~~

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