We arrived at the lake, stretching after the short drive. I inhaled the fresh air, sighing happily. So nice. The lake sparkled in the sunlight, looking so inviting. The sky was so blue, wispy clouds drifting by to provide some shade. It was such a perfect day for a run. We all walked over to meet the rest of the pack, Ryder and Aaron heading off on their own, most likely to find Ryder's mate. He was lucky. Erin hadn't even been able to meet his mate before he felt their bond sever. Aaron hadn't found his mate either, but he didn't seem very bothered by it. I, of course, had my own issues with it, but I was happy with Erin, so it was okay. But when Ryder had come to us saying he'd found his mate, he'd looked so happy. I had felt a little envious knowing I was most likely never going to feel that intense happiness of finding my soulmate. Now I didn't feel that way, at least.

"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened in the car," Erin spoke up to Joshua, who'd lingered around behind us all.

"It's fine. I get being curious and all," he answered, smiling slightly.

"Good luck with your mate. Hopefully, you two meet soon."

Joshua nodded his head, looking a bit pained. He, again, glanced at me briefly, before sighing softly. He let out a quiet, "yeah," before walking off to join his packmates. Erin now turned to me, grabbing my hand. He placed a kiss on it, looking at me gently. "You know that I love you, right?"

I nodded my head, slightly surprised by his declaration as I looked up at him. I wanted to say the words right back, but they got stuck in my throat. Erin was always so open with his affection. I wanted to return the favor, but it seemed that I was at a loss of words or something, so I squeezed his hand, smiling. "Let's go join the pack now. You can't keep me to yourself forever."

He laughed lightly, both of us walking over to join the pack at the lake. The bright sun warmed our skin as we all enjoyed the wonderful day. We played in the lake, splashing around in both our human and wolf forms. Once the sun was high in the sky we decided to all settle down for a picnic.

Ryder and Aaron were already on a blanket, Ryder's mate seated next to him. She was a really sweet girl and sometimes seemed like the complete opposite of our enthusiastic friend. She was shy and quiet most of the time; however, I'd seen her go off on her mate before. It was kind of scary, actually. Maybe she needed to be the opposite of Ryder to balance their relationship.

It kind of made me wonder if I did the same for Erin. He was already so calm. He was confident and strong and quite intelligent. What did I offer him? Compassion? But he was already so kind. I didn't realize a frown had made its way onto my face until Erin tilted my head to look at him, his brows furrowed in concern.

We had just sat down and I was situated between his legs, my back to his chest. He silently asked me if I was okay, his brows furrowed in concern. "Sorry, I was just thinking," I answered verbally, giving him a small smile.

"Hey! Joshua! Over here!" Ryder suddenly called, waving his arm energetically.

Joshua walked over, his future alpha right beside him. The guy had an easy-going smile on his face, while Joshua kept avoiding looking directly at any of us. They sat down, Joshua sitting as far away from Erin and me as possible. Did I do something wrong? Was he disgusted by our relationship? I knew I shouldn't have cared, but the thought kind of hurt. Homophobia wasn't very common in werewolf packs. Our mates weren't of our choosing. Whoever was given to us we accepted, no matter their gender.

Joshua's friend looked at Erin and me and his eyes widened slightly in recognition. "Wait, aren't you the owner of that cafe? The one we visited our first day here," he asked me.

"I am. My name is Wren. It's nice to meet you," I answered, still leaning against Erin.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, enjoying the simple contact. The guy noticed this and his eyes very briefly flashed with something. I couldn't tell what it was, but I could tell his smile faltered for just a moment. "Nice to meet you, Wren. Name's Mark." He cleared his throat, looking at us again. "So are you two mates then? Not to pry or anything, just curious."

At the same time that I said, "Hopefully soon," Erin responded with, "It's complicated."

Everyone looked at him, including me. What? Was he serious? "It's complicated?" I asked in surprise.

Erin avoided my eyes. Did he really not get it? All I could see was him. "Erin, I want to be your mate. You know that already."

My eyes watered a bit but I tried to smile. How could I get it across that he was the only one for me? How could I convince him that I was already his?

"Ahem, this is nice and all, but can we please eat now?" Aaron spoke up, clearing his throat.

Erin and I looked at everyone. Mark shifted around a bit awkwardly and Joshua's face was completely closed off. Ryder and his mate both looked a bit apologetic. They probably understood how wrapped you could get in someone. Erin gave an apologetic look and nodded his head. "Yeah, sorry about that. Let's eat."

We all began to eat the food Ryder's mate had packed. It was silent for a little while as we all enjoyed ourselves quietly. I stayed snuggled up to Erin, comforted by his warmth.

"Wren," Ryder called out, gaining my attention.

"Hmm?"

"Did you bring any dessert?"

Aaron rolled his eyes at our friend, the vibrations from Erin's chuckle spreading against my back. Of course, Ryder asked me that. I expected it, so with a smile, I pulled a container of brownies from my bag. I passed it to him and he passed it around to everyone else after taking a piece. He moaned once he took a bite, causing his mate to hit him lightly on the arm. "Come on, Ry," she huffed.

Ryder mumbled around his brownie and it was Aaron's turn to hit him, except he hit the other right over the head. "Idiot. Don't talk with your mouth full."

I took a bite into the chocolatey treat, pleased by it. We all finished our lunch soon enough, deciding to sit around and talk a bit.

"So you haven't found your mate yet, Mark?" Erin asked the other alpha-to-be, his hand drawing circles into my stomach as he held me close.

Mark shook his head, leaning back on his hands. "No, not yet. I'm hoping to find them soon though. I don't feel complete without a mate, not as an alpha at least."

"I know what you mean. If Wren hadn't come into my life I don't know where I would be right now," Erin hummed, leaning down to kiss my head.

I smiled shyly, glancing up at him. Somewhere deep down I felt a bit frustrated. He could say some of the sweetest things, but the next moment he could say something that brought my whole world crashing down. Wasn't he just saying a few moments ago that our relationship was complicated? Was complicated a good thing to him? It wasn't to me. "Oh stop it, you're being dramatic. I didn't even do anything."

"That's what you think. You saved me, Wren," he whispered to me, his face serious.

I looked at him carefully, seeing how sincere he was. Did I save him? Was this why he could say so confidently that he loved me? Because I was his everything? I really did want to do so much for him. I wanted to be his supporter, his lover, his whole world. Yet again, the voice inside my head wanted to scream in frustration. This man held too much power over me. I felt like I could get whiplash with how quickly my emotions changed around him. It was honestly scary sometimes.

"You two are honestly so cute. I feel so jealous sometimes and I have a fated bond," Ryder's mate piped up, sighing wistfully.

"Hey! I can be cute too!" Ryder protested.

She hummed, patting his cheek. "Sure, sweetie."

"Wait what do you mean by that?" Mark asked curiously.

Joshua seemed to listen in now. He'd been so distant. I figured that's how he usually was. At least, that's what I'd seen so far from him. He didn't seem like much of a talker.

Instead of Erin answering, Ryder said, "Erin's mate died before he could meet them. He and Wren have been dating for a year now because Erin wants to find another mate rather than wait for a possible second chance."

When it came to mating, you had your first pairing, the one that was destined for you. Sometimes, a mate bond was severed for various reasons. Usually, if the wolf was already fully mated to the other, the one left would eventually die from going insane. When a wolf lost its mate it was like cutting off its limbs. Watching a wolf go mad from separation was the saddest thing we could ever see. It always tore at our hearts.

In Erin's case, though, he'd never felt the full extent of the bond. He felt the bond break, but he hadn't been mated yet, so he was okay. A little hurt of course, but he now had three options: he could find a mate and take them outside of a fated bond, he could wait for a second-chance mate, or remain mateless. The mateless option wouldn't work for Erin, though. As an alpha, he was expected to produce an heir. The second-chance mate was rare. Our first pairing was compelled by fate. We were always destined to meet our mate one way or another but a second chance mate didn't exactly work like that. It was less likely to meet your second mate.

Of course, there were exceptions. We'd heard of multiple primary mates before. It wasn't common but it happened. And sometimes we didn't get to meet our mate due to forces we couldn't control, like Erin's mate's death. And then there were the times that a wolf purposefully rejected their mate.

It was viewed as a disgraceful act. Rejection could easily lead to death just like separation. That wasn't to say that it always meant death. Since the mate bond was never fully completed the wolves still had a chance to survive. Rejection just hurt a whole lot more than separation. That's what I feared I would do to my mate. I didn't want to torture them and not even realize it.

Mark's face brightened with some sort of silent revelation. "Ah. But what about your mate, Wren?" He asked as he gave me a pointed look.

I shifted around uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to answer. How was I supposed to just tell some strangers that my senses were broken? That I couldn't sense my mate? It seemed like a stupid excuse or something, like a made-up story. But it wasn't. It was my painful reality that I was reminded of every day.

Thankfully, Erin answered for me. "Wren can't sense his mate. It's hard to explain, and it's not my story to tell, but it's true. He can barely feel the pack bond."

"You can't... sense your mate? So you can't even smell them?" Joshua suddenly asked.

I shook my head slowly. "No, I can't. My wolf can't smell at all. It's why bonds aren't as strong for me unless I fully make them, like if I were to completely mate with someone."

The two went silent. I'm sure it was an odd thing to hear. A wolf's ability to smell made up so much of our culture and survival as a species. It was everything. I'm sure they also pitied me in a way. Not being able to sense my own mate wasn't a reality we ever wanted to go through, yet I had to face it every day. I was lucky enough to have Erin, though. It was one of the reasons why we were so affectionate. We were both stuck in a situation where our only comfort was each other. We didn't want to see our relationship die because that meant we'd be alone.

"But it's fine," I spoke up, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "I have Erin and Erin has me. And I just hope my mate never senses me. I don't want to hurt them."

The entire group was silent again after that. Slowly, we all began to chat a bit, the sound of Ryder and his mate bickering creating a nice background noise for me. As I rested against Erin I felt like I needed to just think. Was I really at the point where I wished my mate never came? I'd always feared I could never sense my mate, but it didn't work like that the other way around. They'd be able to smell me and they'd be... heartbroken. And that's assuming they just never talk to me about it because they assume I could smell them too. It was a valid assumption of course, so that meant they'd be even more hurt. I didn't want that.

"I know what you're thinking about and you should stop. If your mate ever comes we'll deal with it," Erin whispered to me, pulling me closer.

I tilted my head to look at him, giving him a small nod. He was so understanding, so caring. Even when I was thinking of my mate, even when he doubted our relationship, he still tried to help me. I loved him so much and I wanted to stay by his side forever. But what if my mate did come? And what if they talked to me about it? What would happen then? Would I reject them? Leave Erin? I wasn't sure but I did know one thing.

I didn't want to break Erin's heart. Ever.

~~~

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