Chapter 15 - Peace

White ceiling stares at me as my eyes flutter open, focusing on that one crack on the painting just above me. I yawn lazily, rolling on the navy shits of the small bed. I take a moment to remember where I am.

James' loft. Right.

Last night comes back slowly; Louis, my father, Reed.

I sit up, reaching for my phone. Five missed calls from Courtney glow in the screen, along with a text from mum, answering the message I had sent her last night. She didn't bother to call, knowing I needed to cool down. Still, I can already imagine the punishments she must have planned because of my dramatic escape. Oh, and the sermon!

It's eight in the morning. School starts in half an hour. I have to get home.

Yesterday's clothes laid on a chair and I put them back on, the dark day peeking through the window making me regret it. James' large t-shirt is way more welcoming than my pink tank top. Not going to lie.

Making as little noise as possible, I go to the living room.

James is sleeping on the sofa, the thick blanket wrapped up in his legs, barely covering him. I glance at him (yes; I know I'm creepy, deal with it). It's still hard to believe that this is Reed, the skinny sports kid hater of tennis.

He's still the scowling, annoyed boy I knew so long ago, but that was not the man I got to know. James might be closed off, yet the sweet way he displayed with me is not the same as Reed did.

Even if they're one. As I look at him now, at this brunette, tall, tattooed man with whom I shared many conversations, it doesn't feel real.

I take a step back when I see him shift and, being the sofa as limited as it was, he falls on the floor.

He complains and I flinch at the roll of words I'm not repeating.

I clear my throat and he looks at me, getting up and squeezing his left shoulder.

"Oh, you...you're already awake...and dressed..." he mumbles.

"Can you take me home? Please," I rush.

I don't want to go to school, even less knowing that later I'll have to deal with whatever father nonsense there is to fix, but I don't want to stay here either, barging into his house. Besides, mum must be worried sick.

James' eyes lock with mine, something like hurt flashing over his face. His voice was a little hoarse when he speaks "Morning to you too"

"Sorry, good morning," I smile.

"So, you want to leave?"

Realising my own words, the first words I had said to him today, I feel bad for being so blunt. I don't want him to think I'm not grateful for being here.

"No! I mean... I have school and I know I'm probably pushing since you already let me stay here, but if you could take me home I'd appreciate it"

"Appreciate it?" he repeats slowly. "I see. I'll take you, don't worry,"

I stare as he goes into his bedroom and I'm left alone.

Was I that bad?

Kyle's door opens, and he walks in like a zombie, aiming for the fridge. He takes out the milk and drinks directly from it (*insert gag here*), and made a sandwich big enough for a family of eight.

I stand there, stiffly, until James finally comes back, already dressed.

"At least you're having breakfast, right?" he asks.

I nod and sit beside him at the small table in the middle of the kitchen.

Kyle notices me for the first time and mindlessly throws a "Good morning, AJ"

James and I look at him wide-eyed.

"How do you know who she is?"

"I remembered last night. I knew I had already seen her before. Look at her. If you take a few inches and the makeup off, it's her. The same baby as always"

"Baby!?" I repeat.

Why does everyone have to make me feel like a kid?

"Besides," Kyle adds, "You didn't hear you banging her last night. I couldn't stop thinking why would you bring a girl home just because, and you wouldn't dare touch tiny, sweet AJ, so it became obvious"

That's just plain stupid.

Wait, what does he mean he won't touch me?

"That doesn't sound obvious to me?"

He shrugs "But it is"

I roll my eyes at him, and he smirks.

An awkward silence falls during the meal. I keep quiet and so do they.

When Kyle finally leaves, we head downstairs to the car.

"What's wrong?" I ask when we find ourselves in the car's comfort.

"Nothing" he doesn't even look at me.

"Then talk to me," I press as if I hadn't been mute this whole time too.

He stops himself from turning on the engine and leans against the back of the seat, turning his head to me.

"What do you want to talk about?"

I take a deep breath. "I need to know, how are we, how is our relationship"

He is tapping on the wheel, and it's making me nervous.

"We're not okay," he explains. "I'm still not over what happened. But I also know that technically we are nothing but friends and you may do whatever you want"

"I was afraid you didn't like me as much as you like Joshua"

His name cuts my throat open and freezes my lungs. It's a name I want to erase from my brain.

"Stop it, Avery," he says. "I am in love with you. He's nothing to me"

His eyes are so sure, but mine are so insecure. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be so afraid of losing him.

"I love you too," I whisper, "And I'll never hurt you again. I promise"

He cups my cheek, and I lean into his touch. I wish I could go back and do things right. We both did much harm to each other these past couple of weeks, but we'll get over it together.

"I know," he says. "Now let's get you home. We don't want you late for school, right, kiddo?"

"Don't." I hold my hand up in desperation. "Call me kiddo ever again. Got it?"

He laughs, which doesn't sound like we have an agreement. The care takes off slowly and I spend the ride asking him about his stay in London.

I remember that James' father died during Christmas break when he was in fifth grade, then he and his mum moved to London once he finished secondary school.

He tells me nothing changed since he moved and that his mum lives in the countryside now. He might spend his summer holidays there, or not.

I thank him for the ride when we arrive, but he insisted in escort me to the door. Such a gentleman.

The door opens when we reach the porch and my father comes out with fury written all over his face.

"Avery Josephine!" he yells. "Where have you been all night?"

I roll my eyes so hard I almost glimpse my brain. James is suddenly very uncomfortable and I can't blame him.

Ignoring my father, I turned to him to apologise and say goodbye.

"Sorry about this. Thank you for the ride. See you tomorrow?"

Before he can answer, my pathetic excuse for a father restarts his speech.

"Were you with this boy? I can't believe this! I didn't raise you like this"

I arch a brow. "You didn't raise me. And don't make a scene, we talk inside"

"No, we talk now. Who are you?" he asks James.

I can't believe he's doing this!

James answers before I can react. "I'm James, a friend of your daughter. Nice to meet you," he says with a charming smile, stretching his hand out, but my father looks at him with disgust.

"What did you do with my daughter?"

"Oh my god, stop!" I exclaim in exasperation. Why does he have to drag him to the conversation? "James, please go. Dad, inside, now"

I walk up to the door and I hope they do what I order.

When I hear the door closing behind me, I know he followed.

"I spent all night worried!"

"Why? You didn't care during the last four years?"

He looks at me, puzzled, but I ignored it.

"Look, I'm going to change and then I'm going to school. You should go home"

"Who was that boy?" he presses.

I turn my back on him and go to my bedroom. I'm going to be late no matter what, so I take a quick shower and change into a black dress, hoping to get out of the house unnoticed.

Unfortunately, I find parent patrol waiting for me at the back door, and when I say parents patrol, I mean the one parent I answer to.

"Avery Josephine di Laurentis"

What is with middle names nowadays?

"Morning, mum" my voice comes out high pitched. I know she can hear the fear.

Without waiting, she hands me a piece of paper full of chores and I almost faint at the sight of it.

"That's due next week. And then you'll do it all over again for the next six months"

"Six what now?"

"You left at night with a simple 'I'm okay' text and didn't return until now. I had to spend all night with your father, criticising raised you. You're lucky I'm not putting you on house arrest"

I swallow. She's right.

"Oh, and the curfew is now nine p.m."

"WHAT?!"

She smiles cynically and opens the door for me. "Have a good day at school, honey"

I sigh and head to school. I want to die so badly.

Hell is pretty much empty, everyone on their way to class except the few idiots skipping.

I never understood that. If you're going to wake up to go to school no matter what, why are you skipping? You might as well just stay in bed! It's what I do.

Mathew and his friends are obviously the group skipping class, sprawled on the stairs to the door, just chilling.

"Come on, Rick! Show us a picture of your sister," I overhear Harry say.

"Shut up with that, would you? All of you"

"Leave it, guys," Mathew laughs. "He's not showing you, anyway"

I try to pass by them unseen, but I stop at what I hear next.

"You don't have a say in this! You slept with di Laurentis when I specifically told you she was mine! And you knew I like her. That's betrayal"

Slow down. Who is this guy?

"That's bullshit and you know it. You just wanted to add her name to your list"

"And you refused to add her to yours, knowing we all saw you kissing her at the pool," Rick says. "What about that?"

"I'm friends with her," Mathew tells them and then he spots me at the top of the stairs, listening to all. "Friends don't backstab others like that. And she likes someone else. You didn't have a chance"

His pretty words don't ease the scowl on my face as I access Rick, the idiot I never saw in my whole life who wanted to fuck me. I'm not some hoe to be added to stupid lists of stupider games.

I turn on my heel and leave them, joining the mess of the masses and find my way to Mr Adams' class.

There is nothing I hate more than school (and my father) but I like English (like 6/10, which is a lot considering I have to take tests). Somehow, it reminds me of the plays we used to study at NAA.

Later, I meet Courtney by the locker rooms, trying to reach one of her books from the complicated Tetris game she has going on.

"What are you trying to reach?" I ask, scaring her.

She takes a deep breath and says "My chemistry book"

I don't have chemistry, so I can't borrow one of my second-hand books, but I help her reach it.

"Do you remember Reed?" I ask when we sit side by side against the wall of green lockers.

"Nope. Who's that?"

"Wicked Witch's nephew. The Sports guy"

She nods. "Yeah, that hottie that Jade had the hots for"

"No, that's Ray. The one with the grey hair"

She closes her eyes and then opens them in realisation.

"Wick from the tennis game?"

"Yes!" I exclaim. "Do you remember thinking James was familiar?"

"Yeah...wait...no... Are you joking? Wick is Table Guy!?"

I nod with a grin.

I don't feel as dumb knowing I wasn't the only one who didn't recognise him.

"Well, what now?" she asks.

"Now it's all or nothing," I shrug. "I'm going to shoot my shot at last."

Courtney nods curtly and smiles before pulling me into a tight hug. She was never one for pieces of advice. She was the one who hoped you would make the right decision and support you unconditionally. The one who put others above herself.

"I'm glad, but you still have to face the biggest monster of them all," she says, and I frown at her. "Jessica. She's pissed at you and I'm not going to senior trip with you both pulling on each of my arms. I like myself attached, thank you."

I groan "Why? I don't want to befriend her! And I did nothing to her."

"I don't care, make it right."

The bell rings above us, and I almost have a heart attack. I stand my original statement. That shit provokes stress and anxiety. And myocardial infarctions.

Swallowing it, I head to the room the student's association uses as their official meetings place.

With a deep breath, I put on the most sincere smile I can muster and knock three times. The door opens almost instantaneously and a frowning Jessica stares at me from the other side of the small gap.

"We're closed. It's lunchtime. Come back later," she says robotically, but I grab the door before she can think of closing it.

"I know, I wanted to talk to you"

"To me? You want to talk to me?" she repeats slowly, as if I am saying the craziest thing she's ever heard.

I nod and she widens the door gap for me to pass through.

It's really closing time. Everyone already left.

"What do you want to talk about?" she requires.

"I want to apologise," I tell her as we sit at a table, "For not being... for not welcoming you as I should've. For being so disconnected and... bitchy. I have tried my best to not know you as awful as it sounds and I'm sorry for putting you aside from the beginning. It's just that it's always been just Court and me since Jade left and I didn't want no one to fill the blank space"

Fine, I said it. She can hate me now for a legitimate reason.

Jessica averts her eyes in displeasure.

"You're terrible, you know?" she asks, anger surfacing. "How am I supposed to hate you when you come here with a pretty little apology? You were supposed to be fake. To be all sugar and smiles on the outside and a bitch on the inside! I thought you were easy to hate and when the whole secret boyfriend started, I believed I could, but you just have to come here and say you're sorry and I already feel bad!"

What now?

"Hate me? Why do you want to hate me?" I ask, honestly curious.

"Because I wanted to be you!" she blurts, face red and hands grasping tight onto the side of the table. I keep quiet, letting her elaborate. "You're popular without trying. I thought by being head of students, they'd know who I was, but they don't care. So I befriended you... or tried. You never care about me and I hated you were so sweet to Courtney but didn't even know my name." Ok, I admit I may have got her name wrong once... maybe twice! However, I knew who she was, at least now I do. "The entire school is saying you slept with Matt. Gossip travels fast. Is it true?"

Of course, the entire school already knows. Those bitches.

"Yes," I might as well be honest by now.

"Right," she laughs sadly. "Do you know how long have I been trying to get the guts to ask him out? But he'll never care about nerdy Jessica, the teacher's pet. Why would he? I take every chance to talk to him, even if it's just official business." Jessica's voice is breaking. "But you slept with him! Did you even know who he was or were you too drunk to recognise him? Did you know him before? No, you didn't! But I do. I talk to him almost every day. And his name is Matt, not Mathew."

Well, he never told me to call him anything else. If I knew she likes him, I would've never approached him. That was probably my biggest mistake ever.

My mind wandered to the first time we talked. The draw of Mr Adams is still religiously guarded on my desk.

"Jessica, I never knew..." I whisper, my word full of regret.

"Of course you didn't! You're Avery di Laurentis. You have the perfect friends, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect family and the perfect life. And I wanted to hate you but I just can't"

"That's not true," I mumble, her words stinging "My best friend is in America with her guard dog parents who have her actions timetabled and only one hour a week to talk to me," Not to talk about almost not talking to Chris nowadays. At least Louis is here. "I don't have a boyfriend yet, and I fucked up bad before we reach the point we are now. My family...it's just me and my mum. I could tell you about my father, but I'd much rather pretend I don't have one. I don't even know how the hell am I going to afford uni next year. So, no, I don't have a perfect life. I'm not telling you this, so you'll pity me or something. It doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know you're wrong. You shouldn't make assumptions. I learnt that the bad way," I say. I can't believe I just told her! "And I'm sorry I slept with Mathew."

She stares at me, shocked by what I just said. She could've known it if I hadn't pushed her out.

"I'd like to start over if we could put this all behind our backs. I'd like to know you, Jessica"

Her eyes meet mine and I'm afraid of what she's going to say next.

"I'd like that very much," we smile at each other and she adds, "So, is Matt single?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I think so"

We join Louis and Courtney at lunch and I'm happy Louis makes it so easy for her to feel part of the group. I'm thinking she's not that bad after all. Or maybe it's just because Louis makes everyone seem cooler.

Today, I taught a class of children the basics of ballet and spent another hour after extemporising a hip-hop song.

After intense training, I hear someone clap behind me. I didn't even check the mirrors because I was so focused.

I turn to him, and a smile spreads through my face instantly.

"Louis said you might be here. I didn't know you attended the same school," James grins.

"It's recent. What are you doing here?" I ask, panting heavily.

He scratches the back of his neck and avoids the question. "You're still as good as the first time I saw you. Did I ever tell? How amazing you are? You belong on a stage"

My heart squeezes against my ribs as if breathing wasn't already hard and my smile widens and I can't contain my happiness at those words. My parents always thought it was a waste of time.

"You're beautiful"

I laugh when I can finally control my breathing. "Even all sweaty?"

He nods.

Why is he so cute? I can't concentrate.

"You still haven't told me what are you doing here," I notice.

He shrugs casually and takes a few steps around the room. "I was passing by and I thought I could invite you for dinner. I know I'm pushing..."

"I'd love to," I interrupt him, "but I'm grounded for life. Last night cost me more than I thought"

He rolls his eyes "Of course, I always forget you're a kid"

"What did I say about jokes about my age?" I complain "Besides, if I'm a kid, you're a paedophile."

He raises his hands in defeat and apologises, but I know he'll still do it as long as he can.

"So, tomorrow?" he asks.

I sigh. "I'll try my best. But I really fucked up last night."

He looks shocked. "Don't swear. It's awful hearing you saying that."

"Because I'm sweet AJ?" I arch a brow.

"No, but it ruins the picture I have of you on my mind"

I hope it's a pretty picture.

☕☕☕

Hello world!

I'm here! I'm back! Just not.

My dog ate my internet (I'm actually not kidding)

I know this is weeks overdue but I had a little melt down on Thursday (that long passed) and spent the morning watching Grey's Anatomy.

Then I had a block (more like laziness but wathever) and I finally finished today (today is relative, today as in the day I finished writing is Monday but the today were i get net to post it might be other and the today you're reading this is...whenever you're reading this)

Hope you're all safe!

Vote and comment