"No one ever ever told me; in love, you drown."

***************

Lilly's POV

My heart raced, it thudded and pumped harder as I stared down at my hands. Bloodied hands. Red crimson liquid tainted my fingers and my clothes. It was everywhere. It was all I could see. Not my blood, no, and at the moment, I wished it was mine.

The sound of my heavy breathing filled the small damp room as I tried to wipe it away, I tried and tried but it didn't go, it didn't fade away. It stayed, sticking to my hand like a second skin, a definite proof of my actions, of my mistakes. I groaned as I rubbed harder at the inside of my palms but with no use. The air stuck in my throat, suffocating and heavy with a metallic scent.

I looked around me in panic, the walls slowly closing in on me, I couldn't breathe anymore. I just wanted to claw my skin out, the feeling of the warm liquid stinging and burning like a wildfire. The weight of everything crashed down on me, the gravity pulling my body down, but the sight of the lifeless body lying there by my feet had me push myself backward as a scream fought its way out of my throat, but it didn't.

It was silent. Scary silent. I couldn't scream...I couldn't breathe...

I shot up from my laying position, panting for my lost breath, drowning in my own sweat, my mind fuzzy and hazy as it tried to pull itself from the depth of my sleep, of my nightmare. My gaze drifted around me, my heart's erratic rate slowly going back to normal. It was a dream, just a dream. I looked down at my hands, no blood, just a dream. My hand in the cast was hurting so bad, the pain meds gradually losing their effect. I tried to move my fingers inside the cast and winced, unable to get myself through the pain.

I took another look around me, the blanket was on the floor, the bed all tussled, the sheets twisted and tied from how much I must've tossed and moved, as the bad dreams of this reality hunted my subconscious. The room was so big and dark, nothing familiar, nothing that reminded me of home. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand to check the time and realized it was still four in the morning. I had many missed calls and messages but my brain was still out of sorts to open them and read.

Noises came from outside, a bit distant, incoherent, and my heart jumped, my fingers tightening over the sheets in pure fear. My first reaction was to be scared and it took me a second to think more logically. Christian is hurt, he is caught, he is not here. I remembered the massive men guarding the mansion, it's almost impossible for anyone to get in. The logic and my brain assured me I am safe, but my heart didn't feel that word just yet.

I pulled into a deep breath and got up to my feet, I wore the slippers Emma gave me and on hesitant steps, I made my way out of the room. I opened the door and looked both right and left, the lights were on but no one was in sight. I walked out, the noises becoming more clear and recognizable. Footsteps got closer as they hurriedly climbed up the stairs and that voice...I could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Dad," I whispered, my lungs felt strangled, and right then, he came into view.

His eyes found mine and for a second, he froze in his spot, "Lilly," He whispered before the worry and the concern broke free over his face. He strode forward, reaching for me and I ran, my legs took me as fast as they could till I came crashing into his arms. They immediately wrapped around me, so protectively he pulled me closer, holding my little body with his big strong one.

"Dad," I sobbed into his chest, clinging to him like I was holding onto life itself, "I am sorry, I am so sorry..."

I felt his hand in my hair, "It's okay, little bug, it's okay," He mumbled, his words breathless as his arm around my back tightened, him needing me as much as I needed him. My eyes pressed shut, fighting the emotional, relieved tears, because finally, I felt safe.

I edged my head back to look at him and he stared down at me with a look that broke my heart into little tiny pieces, he held my face in his palms, his thumb brushing the tears away, "I should've not let you leave alone," He mumbled, the pain and the guilt cut into his face and I shook my head, sniffling, and assuring him, "It's not your fault," I mumbled, my hand wrapped over his forearm, unable to let go yet, "I am fine."

"If anything would've happened to you," He shook his head, refusing to think it through. Heartbreak etched between his eyebrows, unable to continue his words, the thought alone, it stole the life from his warm eyes. He looked at me like I am his whole world and I knew I am, yet still, I chose to hurt him, I chose not to believe in him, not to trust him.

I sniffled, "I will make it right, dad, I promise," I mumbled, determined to fix what I broke and never screw up this way ever again.

He shook his head, his fingers gently caressing my cheek, "No, little bug, it's not your job to make it alright," He said, his chest heaving, finally catching his lost breath, "You're just a kid, you had no fault to go through any of this," He let out a low sigh, his eyes dimming down because he thinks he failed me, no, I failed myself by being so stupid and reckless, "I never wanted you to know about this part of our lives, because this part was only meant to hurt you and your brother."

I nodded, understanding that very well now. If only we didn't know, "I failed you when I didn't show you that this life could be hard sometimes, I didn't prepare you for this because...because I wanted to believe that this was never going to happen."

"It's okay," I mumbled, "I am ready now," I am ready for this truth, I am okay with it, I will fight my way through it, I will be strong from now on, for him, for my mom, for Max, and for myself. I won't let anyone use me and manipulate me the way Christian did. I won't give anyone that power over me again, "But I need one thing from you only," I added, my throat constricting with the dreadful thought, "Please, just don't leave me."

"Lilly, I would never," He breathed the words out and pulled me back into his warm safe embrace and I allowed myself to breathe in and out without it hurting anymore, "I would never, I am here, and you're safe now, I've got you," I pressed myself further into his warmth, "And I am not letting you out of my sight till I make sure it's all okay again," I felt his lips press a kiss to my head and I slowly relaxed, needing the reassurance from his side, "I will make it okay, little bug, I promise."

I smiled against his chest. I am his little bug again.

I edged back and looked at his eyes, "So, you...you forgive me?" I swallowed hard, "For hurting you?"

He shook his head, "The only thing that hurt me was thinking I could lose you," He said, "It was you looking at me like I am some kind of a monster, it was you feeling alone and not coming to me when you needed to," His words squeezed my heart, "I did a mistake, a big one," I added with determination, "I won't repeat it again, ever."

He gave me a small smile, he gave me the warm soft look I was waiting for, "It's okay, you're young, you're bound to make mistakes," He shrugged, his tone turning playful for my sake, "How else you gonna give me grey hairs."

I chuckled and his face relaxed before he looked down at my hand. He took in it in his, ever so carefully, and his jaw tightened, "Does it hurt?" He asked, concerned and I immediately shook my head, "No, no, it doesn't." It still hurts but I am way too relaxed to feel it now. I have him by my side again, that's the most important thing.

He looked back at my face, my small smile made him smile as well, "Come here," He mumbled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me to his side. He pressed a kiss to my temple and my heart went back to beating one normal beat at a time as we walked down the stairs.

When we reached one of the rooms, I noticed that they were all awake as well. My nightmare woke me up this early, but what about them? Or maybe they didn't even sleep at all?

Uncle Roman's eyes fell on me and he gave me a wink. I smiled before I looked around the room, there was Emma and Nikolas talking about something. His gaze flickered to me as we walked inside and I immediately looked away, still too scared and not ready to face how safe I felt with him when he saved me from there, how I sought comfort from him...how could I do that?

Dad led my way to the couch, he sat down and kept his arm around me. I pulled my feet up and leaned further into him, more than content with his presence. His hand moved up and down my arm, rubbing at it in a soothing manner, as he and uncle Roman talked about something. I didn't care to listen, I just rested the side of my head over his chest, not ready to let go of him anytime soon.

He kissed the top of my head again and I let out a relieved sigh, my heart happy now. I felt like a little girl again, badly needing her father to just hug her, but after all that happened, this is by far the safest I've felt since Christian spat the truths in my face. I needed this more than I knew.

Another man joined their conversation, a one I haven't seen before, but I heard dad call him Ronald, he looked more like uncle Roman's age. His gaze drifted to me, all tucked up to dad's side and he smiled, his smile all genuine and warm and I found myself smiling back.

My gaze went to the door when I heard footsteps getting closer. Wyatt rubbed at his eyes sleepily, his hair all messed up, "Why is everyone awake?" He mumbled, whining, "It's freaking five in the morning!"

"Wyatt-" Uncle Roman started in a warning.

He groaned, "I said freaking five, not fucking five, so dad, please don't start-"

I chuckled lowly, he surely isn't a morning person. His sleepy eyes fell on me, "Lilly!" He said, surprised, and walked toward me, "Why are you here?" His eyebrows pulled closer, so confused, "When did you even get here?"

A yawn escaped his mouth as he sat beside me and I straightened up, moving a bit away from dad's embrace as I looked at Wyatt, "Well, I came to see my one and only cousin."

His eyes narrowed at me, "You're such a bad liar," He mumbled, calling me off, "Also, I am not your only co-" His words paused midway when his mother playfully slapped the back of his head, he groaned and rubbed at it, "Mom!" He whined.

Her eyebrow raised, "Why did you wake up?" She asked him, changing the subject. She placed her arm around his shoulder and pulled him to her side. He whined about there being so much noise and went on talking all while she looked down at him with so much warmth that I started to realize, she isn't as bad as I once thought she is.

My attention went back to dad when his phone started ringing, I looked to see that it's mom.

Dad straightened up in his seat, "Look, I didn't tell your mother what happened exactly, because she would've gotten all worried," He explained, "And she can't come here, Max is still not fully recovered, so, back me up, okay?" He added and I nodded, the last thing I want is to worry her for no reason.

Before he pressed the answer button, I felt his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing under my eyes, "No more crying, okay?" He said, his eyebrow raised and I smiled, "Okay."

I took the phone from him and answered the video call, "Hey mom," I said with a smile, hoping she won't sense anything is wrong. Worry tightened her brows, "Lilly, baby, what's wrong? What happened?" She asked, panic and fear flashed into her words and I immediately shook my head, "Nothing happened, I am fine, see," I assured her but with no use, I saw the tears gathering in her eyes, "Are you okay?" She asked, the worry eating her up.

I nodded, and my heart clenched so tight, "Yes, mom, I am fine, I swear, please don't cry or you will make me cry, then."

She sniffled and nodded, trying to believe in my words before the phone got snatched from her and a very angry Max came into view, "What happened?" He asked, seriously, pulling the overprotective tone he definitely got from dad.

My eyebrow raised, "Well, I missed you too, little bro," I tried to be playful to lessen the tension but he didn't buy it. I saw him walking a bit far, "Lilly, I am serious, what happened?" He asked, "Look, I am away from mom now, tell me, or else I am coming there right now-"

"Woah, Woah," Dad interfered, coming closer to me, "You're not going anywhere, young man," He added, "I will stay with Lilly till she finishes her exams, and then we'll both come back together, so don't you dare do anything," He warned and Max huffed and puffed, still not satisfied.

I talked with him a bit more and with mom as well, till they both became sure I was just fine, although I believe Max still didn't buy it. I hung up after and gave dad his phone back. I couldn't help the weird tightness over my chest...how much do they love me? Too much, that they forgot everything and forgave me way too easily for every bad word I've said.

I took them all for granted, really.

Now, that I know about Christian and his life, I can see how lucky I am. Not everyone gets this lucky, but I am because I've got this big loving and caring family.

I looked around the room, uncle Roman, and even Emma, they also care about me a lot. My gaze fell on Nikolas, even him, the man that I should hate, he saved me, he looks like he cares about me quite a lot. I still can't wrap my mind about it.

As if sensing my stare, his green eyes drifted to me; when they look at me, they seem to soften right away. He called me his little girl. I know that I've spent the first two years of my life with him, and away from dad. Is that why? Did he care for me back then, as well?

I remembered the pictures I found in that phone all those years ago, when I first discovered he existed. Pictures of me and him. I looked like I was so close to him, most of them I was in his embrace and hugging him...I must've loved him or something. I didn't have dad back then, did I...did I see him as a father figure? Could've I really loved this big bad man?

There are so many questions I still need answers to. I let my gaze drift to my lap and away from him, there is still a lot for me to work through.

I felt dad's arm come again around me, "Hey, do you wanna go upstairs and rest?" He asked and I looked up at him. I shook my head, "No, I just want to stay by your side."

He smiled at my words and I added, "I really missed you," I missed this, his tender touch, his smile, and his soft warm gaze, I can't live without them. The thought came back, it hasn't left me since Christian talked about how much he hated my dad. It came back and crushed my heart in its tight grip, the remnants of my nightmare hunting me, because, in my dream, that lifeless body belonged to...him.

"Hey, hey, didn't we agree no more crying?" Dad said, his eyebrows pulling closer and that's when I felt the wetness over my cheeks.

"Dad, I am scared," I mumbled, my voice strained with all these unwanted thoughts.

He wiped at my cheeks, "Lilly, you're safe, I am not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise."

I shook my head, "Not at myself," I could care less at the moment, "But at you...if you got hurt or something-"

Scared of Christian's hate, of whoever hurt Max, of their wrath. They all have one purpose only, hurting dad...what if they actually did it, what if they physically hurt him?

Dad smiled, as if the thought is too silly, "Little bug, I am a big guy, I can handle myself," He said, trying to make me smile, but the thoughts roaming my head were too dark and I subjected all of my fear out loud, "I can't lose you, okay?"

He nodded and tucked my hair behind my ear, "You won't," He assured me, "It's the parent job to worry about the kid, not the other way around," His eyebrow raised, "So don't worry, it's all gonna be okay."

I nodded and leaned back into him, but I couldn't shake the worry away, not even one bit. Christian's words repeating over and over in my head.

I didn't hurt him enough...He still didn't feel what it's like to lose.

I shook my head. No, that ain't happening. I won't let it.

**************

Faint rays of sunlight caressed my face. I blinked against them, slowly getting pulled from the depth of my restful sleep. I blinked again, making sense of my surroundings, and realized I am still on the couch, a blanket covering my body and my head resting over dad's leg. I lifted my gaze to look at him, he was going through his phone, his other hand over my hair, gently running through it.

He noticed I woke up and his gaze fell on me, he smiled instantly, "Morning, lazy," He said and I smiled back before I pulled myself up.

"How did I fall asleep?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes with my fist. I must've dozed off while all nestled up on dad's side, "What time is it?"

"It's ten," He answered, "You just dozed off for a couple of hours, and you looked so comfortable, I didn't want to move you around."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "But, you didn't sleep at all."

He shook his head, "I don't need to, I've also got things to do," He said, dismissing the thought, "Anyway, why don't you go freshen up and then come and eat something, okay?"

I nodded and got up to my feet, I yawned and covered it with my hand, I was about to talk again, "Also, can-"

"Alex, I-" My words got interrupted by Nikolas as he walked into the room. He paused when he saw me, his gaze went back to dad and he resumed, "I need you, later, okay?"

Dad rolled his eyes and he got up, "You always need me."

I smiled, I can imagine dad being a very annoying brother, god, just like Max, when he annoys me all the damn time. I shook my head and looked at him, "Dad, can you take me to my place, I need to get some clothes and my books so I can study," Tomorrow is my exam and I haven't even looked at anything yet. Good thing Sally took notes for me.

He nodded, "Yeah, but can we go a bit later?" He asked, "I've got some work to do," He added with a tired sigh, "That bimbo sure can't leave me alone," He added in annoyance, looking at his phone's screen and typed something.

I nodded, "Yeah, su-"

"I can take you," My head whipped to Nikolas's direction as he suggested, he scratched at the back of his neck, "Only if you want, I mean."

Usually, I would've totally refused, but now, I am really curious about him, about what I felt last night, and I need to know more. Also, after everything that happened, I am learning that there are two sides to every story, maybe that goes for him too. I want to know him, then I can decide where he stands in my life.

I nodded, "Okay," I said, "I will freshen up, change my clothes and we can go."

He looked taken aback, like he expected my refusal and not my immediate acceptance. Dad chuckled as he passed by his side, he tapped his hand over his shoulder, "You're cute when you're nervous."

Nikolas shot him a glare and pushed his hand away, "I am not."

Dad's eyes met mine as he walked out of the room and he gave me a wink. I immediately smiled. This is turning out to be fun.

After changing back into my clothes, which were now thankfully, blood-free and dry, I went back downstairs. Nikolas was waiting for me by the main door. His eyes drifted from his phone and to me as I paused by his side, "I am ready." I said and he nodded toward outside, "Let's go."

I walked by his side as we left the mansion and I couldn't help but take in the whole place. Last night, it was dark and I was all shaken up, I didn't pay much attention. Right when we exited, there were two men standing there, tall and strong, with the guns attached to their sides. Similar men with the same attire and weapons were scattered all around the place. Jesus Christ, does the president live here or what?

The distance from the door to the main gate that marked the limit of the estate was probably as far as the end of the street. Thankfully, someone had brought the car to the entrance. The man, much similar to the others, opened the door for me and I got in. Seconds later and Nikolas joined me as well. He now had a small carton bag in his hand, he placed it in my lap, before he started the car, without much of saying a word.

Number one, he isn't talkative. Definitely not like dad.

Confused, I opened it and found a coffee cup, oh caffeine, thank god, also there was a sandwich and something else. I pulled it out to see it's a blueberry muffin. Does he know that I love blueberries? No way. It's probably just a lucky guess.

"You used to like blueberries when you were young, do you not like it now?" He asked, probably addressing how I am looking at the muffin like it grew another head.

I turned to him, "Uh, no, I still do."

Number two, he has a really good memory.

He pulled the car into the street, "Okay, eat, because you need to take your pain meds," He added, more like ordered, and I saw the meds are in the bag as well. I stared at him, gaping, still trying to process this, him and me, him being...nice and caring.

Isn't he the same big bad wolf who hurt my family?

He turned his head to me, and his eyebrows pulled closer, "What?"

I shook my head, "Nothing," I mumbled, looking at the food in my lap, and I started to eat, filling in my starving stomach.

The drive to the house was long, I finished my food and started to fidget in my seat, a bit nervous about how to initiate a conversation with him. Too many questions roamed my head but how could I voice them out loud?

Is he married?

I looked at his hands. No ring. So, maybe not.

Does he have kids?

Oh my god, Max could have half-siblings out there. Oh, he better not love them more than me. I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts, look at me, imagining what's probably not even real.

Too many thoughts occupied my mind but I stayed silent until we reached our destination, still not ready to just make up a conversation with him just yet. We went down and walked up the stairs toward the apartment. I unlocked the door and Sally came running right away, her eyes assessing my state, "Oh my god, Lilly, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am fine," I said, assuring her. I had texted her before, briefly explaining what happened, so she won't be surprised when I show up here with a broken hand and a man she's never seen before.

She pulled me into a tight hug, "I should've known, I am so sorry," She mumbled into my shoulder, "When the text came that you're going to your uncle, I felt something is wrong, I wish I did something-"

I pulled back and shook my head, "It's not your fault, stop apologizing," I gave her a smile, "And I am fine, nothing happened."

Her eyebrows drew closer in concern and she nodded before she seemed to notice the other presence beside me. She cleared her throat, "Uh, hey," She mumbled, ever so nervously and Nikolas just nodded, his eyes traveling around the apartment in wary, as if making sure, it's all alright.

I pulled Sally with me, "Come help me pack," I said, to stop her from ogling at the man.

"Woah, that's the uncle?" She asked in astonishment as we reached my room. I nodded as I pulled a handbag and started stuffing clothes in it, "So, just a question, why is it that every man in your family so hot?"

I shot her a glare and she just shrugged, "You people are blessed with some good genes, just saying."

I sighed and thankfully, she stopped talking about the men in my family and helped me put my things in the bag, "So, did Conner stay here last night?" I asked, my tone teasing.

Her face broke into an immediate smile and she nodded. My eyebrow raised, "So, you had the whole house for you two, I can only imagine the amount of sex you had," She chuckled because I was totally right, then I winced, "You better sterilize everything after, I don't trust you." If they were making out on the kitchen's counter with Chase and me in the next room, no wonder they'll get creative if left all alone.

She slapped my arm playfully, "So, what is this now, are you like dating or something?"

"Dating?" She said with a low chuckle as my question was too silly, "No, definitely not, it's just our...usual summer fling back," She said, dismissing the subject.

My eyebrow raised, "Well, last time that fling ended, you weren't in a very good place," I pointed out, stressing on the fling word, because it felt more like an excuse.

She shook her head, "Lilly, you know me, I am not you, I am not the relationship person, and well, Conner is busy with his career and I don't think he would even want a serious relationship now, so this is the best thing for the both of us."

"For now," I commented. She doesn't want a serious relationship, for now, things can change later.

She shot me a glare, "No, forever."

My eyebrow raised, "So, what, you gonna stay single for the rest of your life?"

She nodded, "Yup, I am gonna be the cool single aunt to your kids, who always travels the world and when she comes back, bring them all kinds of gifts, so I will definitely be their favorite."

I rolled my eyes at the picture she just drew, "Just saying, what you're doing is really dangerous," I said because I saw the way Conner looked at her. That wasn't just a summer-fling look. Maybe they don't want a serious relationship now, but sooner or later, one of them is bound to catch real feelings.

I scoffed at my thoughts, look at me, giving insights on relationships as if I am the expert on healthy ones. Shut up, Lilly, just shut up.

She waved her hand, dismissing the subject, "I am gonna go see your uncle, we left him all alone in there," She said and walked out, fishing for an excuse.

I gathered the books and notes I needed, and when I felt another presence, I looked at the door to see him standing there, arms crossed over his chest, and just looking at me as I gathered my things.

I gulped down and resumed my task. As I zipped the bag, I heard his footsteps getting closer. I turned to him, but his gaze now wasn't on me now, it was occupied by something over my bed. I followed his eyesight and noticed that he's looking at my teddy bear.

He edged forward and took it into his hands as he sat down by my bed's edge. A small smile pulled up the corner of his lips and I rubbed a nervous hand over my neck. He must be thinking how a grown-up girl like me still keeps a teddy bear on her bed.

"It's just I used to always have it with me when I was young," I found myself explaining, hoping he isn't judging me, "So, I love to keep it around."

His gaze shot up from the teddy bear and to me. He nodded, already knowing that fact, his smile genuine and made him look more approachable, "Yeah, I know," He said, "It's just this thing has been through generations."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "My mom gave it to me."

He nodded, "And I gave it to her."

Wait, what?

"But she told me her father gave it to her," I remarked, taken aback.

He nodded and explained, "My mother gave it to me, I gave it to your grandpa so he can give it to your mother, and in the end, she gave it to you."

My eyes widened at the revelation. Oh wow, it really went from one Leya and ended up with another.

The mentioning of his mother, of dad's mother, my grandmother got me curious again. There is still so much I don't know about dad and his family. So, I walked and sat down by his side, willingly being that close to him. His eyes immediately went to me, so green and alive, just like Max's.

"Can I ask something?"

He nodded, more than delighted that I am opening a conversation.

"Your mother, I mean my grandmother, why does dad hate her?" I asked, remembering his exact words from not so long ago.

You know who hurt me the most...she had the same name as yours. She was so selfish, so are you. I internally winced, the memory of the words we exchanged bringing a bitter taste to my mouth.

"Well, she wasn't exactly the best mother," He answered, "She had hurt Alex in her own way."

"You both didn't grow up together, right?"

He shook his head, "No, but when we were young, we both kind of lived in the same house for about two years."

My eyebrows pulled closer, not understanding, "Do you love him?"

"Of course," he answered right away.

My chest tightened, "Then, why did you hurt him?" Dad said it, Nikolas did what he did to hurt dad.

He broke our gaze and looked down at his lap and a low sigh parted his lips, his shoulders tensing up with the weight of his mistakes, "Because I was a monster, a one who'd go to the extent of hurting his own blood."

I gulped down, "Then, what made you change?"

He looked back at me, "If I told you, you won't believe me."

"Try me."

A breathless look flashed into his eyes, like he was remembering something as he said, "You."

My eyebrows pulled closer as I stared at him, "You changed me, Lilly," He added and that tightness over my chest only intensified.

Me? How is that even possible? I was just a baby.

"You were this little innocent thing that came into my life unannounced and stole my breath away," He added, "With you, I felt-"

"Felt what?"

He shook my head, "Just felt." He said, "I had lost sense of how to feel by that stage, I had lost the human in me, but you, with your big innocent eyes and little beautiful smile," He smiled again, the memory lightening up his expression, "You reminded me of him, and then, you slowly brought him back to life."

My breathing came out all funny as I tried to keep a grip over myself and my emotions, "At first, your mother won't let me near you, so every night when she sleeps, I would sneak in to see you," He went on explaining and I let him, feeding my curiosity and finding answers, "With time, it's like you memorized it or you just knew, that right at this hour, I am going to come and check on you, because you'd be all awake, and when you'd see me, you'd smile and when I'd hold you, you'd laugh and make all those baby noises."

He shook his head and his gaze drifted away from me, "I always hated going back inside, I had spent the bigger part of my life trapped within four walls that I avoided it after, but when you were there in that house," One corner of his lips pulled up in a half-smile, his eyes lost in those old memories, "I would count the minutes to just come back and see you," His eyes met mine again, "Knowing that you are waiting there for me, it kept me...breathing."

"Lilly, I know how much your father loves you, he'd die for you, I know," He added, "But what you mean to me, nothing will ever come close to it."

Tears gathered in my eyes and I tried to push them back in, not wanting him to see how badly his words were affecting me, because it wasn't just the words, everything he said was written in his eyes, genuine and real emotions raged, expressing how he felt for me, "I regret almost everything in my life, but not you," He said and I sucked into a strangled breath, "Yeah, it was wrong, you weren't mine to keep, but I can't help and think that if it wasn't for you, where would I be now?"

I let my gaze drift down to my lap and I fidgeted with my cast, my voice tight, "Why did you hurt my mom then?" A couple of tears went down my cheek, because I can't shake that thought at all, I can't take the image of her broken and abused. I looked at him, not daring to hide my pain and tears, "How were you able to hurt her? She was innocent, she didn't do anything to you, how were you able to hurt her like that?"

If Christian's manipulation and lies alone made me feel like this, what did mom feel after all that was done to her? Away from dad, just her and me, trapped with this man...

His lips parted but no words came out, he looked down, "I don't know," He whispered, the shame swirled with the guilt in his voice, "I don't have an answer for that," The muscles of his jaw worked and he faced me again, "She was innocent and I...I wanted to break her, it was the only thing I knew how to do, to ruin and destroy," I pressed my eyes shut, wincing, "But your mother was stronger than me, she didn't break, she was strong and she paved her way out of it," I wish I can be like her, "You parents forgave me, I'll never understand how, because I never forgave myself, I never will, even after all these years, those mistakes still haunt me, they always will."

I looked at him and saw a man who is deeply regretful. I get that, he changed, or else dad wouldn't be close to him, or else my mother would've not accepted him coming near Max. He is a different man now, it's more than obvious, but how...how can I ever look at his face and not see someone who deeply hurt those that I love?

His hand came to my face, it wiped away a couple of hurtful tears, his eyes dimming down, "I love you so much, Lilly, and I know you might never forgive me," He tucked the loosened strand of my hair away, his eyes getting lost somewhere dark, "And to be honest, when you look at me like that, I can't help but think that maybe I didn't deserve that second chance after all."

He stopped his words there and stood up, "I will wait for you outside," He said, the warmness leaving his tone, making it neutral again as he walked out.

Number three, he loves me way too much.

My gaze fell on the teddy bear lying on the bed where he was sitting and I took it into my hands, running my fingers over its furry head. You can tell it's an old one, its side had ripped on so many occasions but I always made my mom sew it back together, unable to let go of a part of my past. I opened the bag and added it to its content, my mind lost in a maze under the effect of everything it keeps discovering.

Number four, will I ever be able to forgive him?

**************

On our way back, I placed behind the conversation we had and decided not to open it anytime soon, not till I figure things out. I asked him if he can take me to check on Noah. I am beyond worried and I won't be relaxed till I see it with my eyes that he is okay. At first, he refused. The second time I asked, I used my angelic voice and puppy innocent eyes, he cursed something under his breath and turned the car around.

I smiled in victory. Just like dad, that too works on him.

Whatever place he took me to, it's definitely not your usual hospital and I understood. There was a gunshot being fired, that would've grabbed the police's attention, and these people, I don't think they like police very much, considering all the guards I saw around uncle Roman's place.

I knocked on the door and entered, hoping he is awake. Brown eyes flickered in my direction and I smiled, my heart calming down as I rushed to the bed's side, my eyes taking him in, "Are you okay?"

He gave me a smile and nodded, "I am fine," He said, pulling his upper body up, "Believe me when I say I've had much worse."

That didn't make me any happier. It only squeezed at my chest, "I am sorry, Noah," I mumbled and his eyebrows pulled closer, "For what?"

"You're hurt because of me, I am really sorry-"

"No, it's not your fault," He shot out, interrupting me, "If anything it's mine, for letting that fucker near you again!"

I placed my hand over his, calming him down, "I know that I am just your...job, but you're my friend and I am so thankful for you."

He tightened his hold over my hand, forcing me to face him, "You're not just my job, Lilly," He shook his head, "With this thing that I do, I don't really get to...make or have friends," He gave me a small smile, "But it was an honor to be your friend and have you as mine."

My smile widened and I couldn't help but inch closer and throw my arms around his neck, he wrapped an arm over my back, he groaned lowly at the sensation and I loosened my hold, not wanting to hurt him more, "I am glad you forced me into this friendship," He said, teasingly and I chuckled.

I backed away and nodded, "I am glad too."

I sat beside him on the bed, resting my back against the headrest and I said, "When I go back to the US, will I see you?" I turned my head to him, hating that now his job is done. I shrugged, "You know, I might need protecting there as well, I am kind of stupid, I seem to always put myself in trouble."

He shook his head, "You're not stupid," He said and placed his arm around my shoulder, "Even I believed Christian, and I am supposed to be the intuitive one," He scoffed at himself, "When you first met him, I studied him up close, watched his moves and actions and what can I say, the fucker was convincing, I believed him," He looked down at me, "So, no, you're not stupid, he was just a really good liar."

I sighed in defeat. He really was.

Noah rubbed his hand over the length of my arm, "Lilly, just know one thing, there are a lot of people out there who care about you and will protect you at all costs, you're not alone, so no matter what happens, just believe in those people, because you literally have an army behind you."

I noticed that, "But why?" I asked, still in disbelief, "I don't deserve all of this."

He smiled, "No, you do, believe me, you do."

I know that this is supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn't, it just proves Christian's words right. He had no one, while I have all of this. It's not fair. Yes, he dealt with it the wrong way, but, he isn't someone so bad, he is just someone who lost his father, who believes what happened was wrong, in his story, my family are the bad people. I don't think there is any way to convince him otherwise.

If I am the one in his shoes, if god forbid, I lose my dad like that. I can't even imagine to what extent I will go with the one responsible for it. I just wish there is a way to fix this without anyone getting hurt. I really don't want Christian dead, he doesn't deserve that, but in the end, if it will come to my family or him, I will definitely choose my family without a second thought.

I shook my head, shaking the thought away, "Sally asked about you," I changed the subject, "Call her when you can, I told her you're fine but she's still worried," I added.

He nodded and his throat bobbed, "I will."

"I know that you like her," I mumbled, "And I am sorry it's not gonna work out," I can safely say Sally sees him as a friend, no more, and now there is Conner and that fling and all.

He shook his head, "Nah, I knew it wouldn't work from the beginning," He shrugged, "Like I said, with this life, I don't get to do friends and girlfriends," He explained, "It's not easy to bring anyone into this, it's dangerous."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "But that's not fair."

He shrugged, "I am okay with it, I wasn't forced into anything," He clarified, "It's my choice, you know, this is...well, it's my family."

At least, that part I understood.

**************

Alex's POV

Anger rushed and swirled the second my eyes made contact with his. Waves of rage pounded and fought against my spirit. My body jerked, unable to handle being in the same close space and not rip him apart. I stopped at the threshold of the chair, my hands pressed over the armrest as I looked down at him, "And we meet again, Christian."

Agitation spun through his being, twitching his face into a pure rage as he looked up at me, in his eyes, there was so much hate that I have never seen on anyone before. His eyes reminded of his father, the same eyes that smugly stared back at me as he bragged about hurting my wife, "I see the apple didn't fall far from the tree," I commented, and the muscles of his jaw tightened.

"Going for my daughter, huh," I remarked as I curled my hands over his shirt and pulled him up, "If you were a real man, you would've come and faced me," I grated out, the fact that they always go for those that I love driving me insane as I slammed him against the wall, "You took the coward way out, going after an innocent girl who did you no harm!"

I landed my first punch, it brutally slammed into his face as I remembered Lilly's terror when she went back home. His face turned to the other side as an impact, and I didn't stop, her tears, the hurt in her voice, the way she passed out in my arms. I groaned and descended on him in a fury. He didn't fight back, he didn't have the power to at the moment, he had lost a lot of blood, I could see it on his shirt, they fixed him up enough for us to ruin him again. As much as I hated the fact that she was placed in such a situation, I am proud of her for defending herself.

As much as I hate the fact, I can't be with her every second of the day, I need to prepare her, show her the ugly part of this life. I want her to be ready to face anything. I don't want her to get hurt ever again.

Blood spurted, gushing from his nose and mouth, and profusely ran down his face and dropped from his chin. I curled my hand over his shirt and pulled him up and slammed his body back into the chair, "I am the one that killed your father, not her," I stressed out, my finger tight over his chin, forcing him to face me, "And believe me, I don't regret it, I will never regret killing your father," I was triggering him, feeding the hate in his eyes, "If I can go back, I will do it all over again, and if possible, I will make it hurt more."

A groan rumbled from his throat, and the muscles of his jaw worked underneath my grip, "And you blame me for hating you and everything around you!" He snapped, "You ruined my life!"

I shook my head, "No, no, I didn't," My words held a promise, "But, I will, believe me, you will see the real ruin now."

Footsteps came from behind me and his eyes flickered to the owner as Nikolas took a stop beside me. Christian's eyes dimmed as he stared at him and Nikolas didn't hesitate, he pulled the sleeves of his shirt up, taking his good sweet time as he commented, "You know, Chris," He said, taunting him, "At a point, I actually cared about you."

"Don't call me that!" Christian grated out.

Nikolas's eyebrow raised, "Why?" He questioned, playing on his weak spot, "Only your father called you that?"

"You should've stayed dead," Christian mumbled, the words hoarse as they ripped through his throat, "You should've stayed dead, at least then, I thought you got the same punishment my father got," He grated out, his eyes fiery and wild, "But no, you survived and he didn't, it's not fair!"

He shook his head, bewildered and something snapped off in his eyes, eroding him of his sanity, "It's not fair, you should've died as well!" He tried to push himself forward but I held him back.

Nikolas nodded, not even a twitch over his face as he said, "Yeah, I agree with you."

"He was one of your men, you made him do what he did, he followed orders, it was your fault, your fault only, you are the one who should've died!" Venom dropped within his words and he turned to me, his gaze blaming and taunting, "He hurt your wife as well, why did he stay alive?" His eyebrow raised, "Just because you share blood with him, and my father got tossed out!"

I didn't give him the satisfaction of triggering me, "That's none of your business," I said, coldly.

Nikolas's hand wrapped over the guy's chin, turning him around him, "You see, I am not saying you're wrong," He said, just as coldly, only infuriating Christian more, "But Chris, that's not why we are here."

"Stop calling me that!" He seethed.

"You see, I am gonna put all of that aside and focus on one part only," Nikolas said, his words tightening with anger, "You coming after Lilly, you see that was a red line you should've never crossed."

He let go of his face and backed away, he pulled a knife and twirled around, "This is the knife you placed to her neck, right?" He questioned and my fist tightened, needing to release it on this little fucker's face again.

"Chris," He taunted again, "In the end, you are gonna tell us exactly how you knew all about this, you will tell us who told you and who hurt Max and where they are," His finger tightened over the knife's handle and without a warning he stabbed him in the middle of his hand that was on the armrest, it penetrated all the way through till it reached the chair's wood.

He tried to keep his scream in but he couldn't, his eyes pressed shut, his body moved in his seat, the pain unbearable and its sound bounced off the four walls, "But till then, we are gonna have so much fun," Nikolas added, and I couldn't be more satisfied.

I pulled the knife out, "And by fun," I said before I did the exact same for his other hand, earning another moan of pain, "We really mean fun."

**************

Lilly's POV

I've been studying for too long, my brain is literally fried by now. Somehow, I was able to catch up, thanks to Sally's notes and me paying some attention throughout the previous classes. Noticing my progress, I decided that I deserved a break.

I left the room I am staying in and headed downstairs, searching for the kitchen, hoping I can find something sweet to eat, my exhausted brain needs the sugar. I took a right turn, thinking it's supposed to be there, but I ended up in what looked like another living room. I groaned and backed away, roaming around the house, taking turns left and right, till I was officially lost.

How many rooms are in this damn place?

I took another turn and came against a closed door. I opened it and peeked inside, it looked more like a meeting room, with a very long table in the middle and too many chairs surrounding it. Curious, I stepped inside, on one of the walls, a bookcase stretched almost all the way to the ceiling, but instead of books, it was filled with files, folders, and banker boxes.

Oh wow, if I pulled one of those, would the bookcase move and open a secret door. I rolled my eyes at my own thought, such a wild imagination you've got there, Lilly.

My gaze drifted around and right by the bookcase, there was an actual metal door. Too much for a secret door. It is in clear sight, and much to my luck, it was left ajar. My curious reckless brain that always gets me in trouble had me opening it and stepping inside. It's not like it's dangerous. It's my uncle's house after all. Hopefully, he isn't hiding monsters in here.

There was a stair leading underground. I pulled my phone and opened the flashlight to lead my way through. After the stairs, there was another metal door. I groaned, too many doors. I opened it and ahead of me was a very long hallway, with rooms on each side till the very end.

Jesus Christ, what is this? It's like another house just in here, but a dark, cold, and damp one. I entered the first room, my steps hesitant, the atmosphere screamed danger and wrong. My eyes first fell on what looked like a ring you see in wrestling competitions, in it there was a couple of punching bags dangling from the ceiling. In amazement of what laid ahead of me, I walked further inside, it was like a little gym in here. On the side, there was a stand with lots of equipment, I took a closer look, oh no, those aren't equipment, those are weapons.

Okay, so maybe it's a very dangerous gym.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The voice and the anger it was said with had me whirling around so fast, my eyes wide, as if I was just caught red-handed.

My eyes collided with his furious green ones and I shrugged, "I just got lost," I mumbled, trying to sound believable.

He rushed a hand over his face, "God, you're just like your mother," He mumbled under his breath, but I heard him nevertheless, "She would always go snooping around."

My eyebrows pulled closer at his words before they drifted down to his shirt, it was the same white shirt he was wearing this morning but now, it had blood splattered on it. Oh my god, is that what they do down here?

Is Christian down here somewhere? The thought had my stomach tumbling uncomfortably in dread and terror.

He inched closer to me, "Come on, get back upstairs," He said, impatiently, his fingers wrapping over my arm, trying to drag me out as fast as he could.

"Hold on, hold on," I said, prying my arm out of his grip, "What do you do in here?" I asked, looking around at the room.

"Nothing," He shot out, and reached for my arm again and I backed away, not backing up yet, "Do you do training in here or something?" I asked, addressing the many types of equipment around.

"Something like that," He dismissed the subject.

"Great, I want that too."

He looked at me like I grew another head, "You want what?"

"I want to be trained," I said, confidently.

And he...he laughed, a low mocking one, "Yeah, right," He scoffed, "As if I will let you," He remarked, talking as if I am some little girl. I don't want to be a little girl anymore.

"I am serious," I stressed out.

His jaw ticked, "I am serious as well," He said, slowly losing his patience.

He thinks I am not up for it. I will show him. My eyes flickered to the gun tucked to the back of his pants and I looked away, pretending to be busy looking around.

I sighed, "Okay, maybe you are right," I mumbled in defeat and walked closer to him, "Oh, by the way, I forgot to thank you for taking me to see Noah this morning," I gave him a sweet angelic smile and he looked taken aback by my sudden warmness.

I inched closer to give him a thank-you hug and I saw his eyes widening in pure shock and confusion. I wrapped my arms around his waist and immediately pulled the gun out and stepped away. Huh. Take that.

His eyes grew even wider when he realized what I did, "What the-" He said, flustered, looking between the gun I just took and from where I snatched it.

My eyebrow raised, challenging and daring, "I want one of these as well," I added, waving the gun, "God, I didn't expect it to be this heavy," I mumbled, the metallic weapon felt really heavy in my hand.

His jaw ticked and he stepped forward, "Give it back, you sneaky," He said and I shook my head, stepping backward.

"I want one."

"You'll hurt yourself," He stressed out, the whole situation bothering him too much.

"You will teach me how to use it then," I suggested and for a second there, I felt like he might actually accept.

"No," He shot out, "Give it back."

Before I could refuse again, he did something I didn't understand. In a swift movement, he knocked the gun out of my grip and took it back. My eyes widened as I stared at my empty hand, "How...when...how did you do that?"

He tucked the gun back into his place, his gaze warning me of ever daring to do that again, "You need to teach me that move as well, I like it," I said and he huffed, "Lilly, what do you want?"

"I don't want to feel weak anymore," I said, letting my frustration out.

"You're not weak-"

"I am. Okay, I am and I don't want to ever feel like that again, I wanna be strong," I said, "I wanna feel powerful," Emotions tightened my chest, "I wanna be able to defend myself and those around me."

"I am so sick of this helpless feeling, like I should hide behind someone to protect me," I said and the neutral look in his eyes faded away, my choked tone moved him, "I want to feel strong, I want to be able to protect myself," And most importantly, "And my family."

He inched closer, "That's not your job, Lilly."

I nodded, "I know, but if someone gets hurt again and I could've stopped it, I will never forgive myself," I pulled into a deep breath, "I want to be ready, to face anything."

"Lilly-"

"You said I helped you," I interjected, hoping I can reason with him, because I doubt dad would allow me either, "You said I helped you change, then help me as well, help me change into someone better, someone stronger and more powerful."

"Look, Lilly, I can help you, but not like you want," He said and I wanted to smile, "And first, you need to understand that you are not weak, the real strength isn't in beating up people," I nodded, knowing that, but feeling physically strong could help me get mentally strong.

"I can teach you some moves you can use to defend yourself," He carried on and I nodded, excitedly, "Like what you did yesterday," He added, "So in case something like that ever happens again, you'll be able to get yourself out of the situation."

I nodded, "Yeah, okay, cool, I want that!"

He took a grip of my arm and dragged me out of the room, "But now, you're going back upstairs and getting back to your studies," I groaned as he pulled me up the stairs.

I pointed at the gun, "Will I get one of those?"

"No," He shot out, totally not open for negotiation.

"I will get one," I mumbled under my breath and he turned to me, his green eyes warning and I couldn't help but smile, this time for real, "I will convince you, I am pretty cute, and I happen to make great bargains."

At my words, that hard exterior broke and he fought his smile, "You're unbelievable."

He opened the metal door and let go of my arm there, "Go back and study," He said before he slammed the door back in my face, this time locking it, before he went back to where he was.

I stared at the closed door, gaping. The nerve of this man.

************

Later that night...

Chase's POV

I've had a crazy flight schedule since I left Lilly. The second I landed back at home, Conner called me and told me what happened with her. Without resting, I switched flights and got on the one returning back to London. Sally said Lilly was fine, but I had to go and check myself. When I left, I saw that fear dancing in her eyes, she didn't wanna be left alone, and then this happened, she must've been terrified.

I called Alex for directions and a couple of hours later, I found myself there.

"Why are you here again?" Alex asked once I got inside, totally not satisfied with my presence.

"I want to check up on Lilly," And maybe kick one son of a bitch for hurting her.

His eyes narrowed at me, and my eyebrow raised, "Where is she?" I asked, not bothered by his threatening stares. It's not like we are dating again.

"She fell asleep," He said, and right when I was about to ask where, the sound of footsteps nearing us had me turning around, my eyes falling on that uncle of hers.

My jaw tightened, Lilly didn't like his presence very much, "What is he doing here?" I asked, bothered by the fact.

That Nikolas gave me a death stare, "Hey you, I kidnapped you when you were a kid," He threatened, very much serious, "Do you want me to do it again?"

I moved forward, "Who do you think you are?"

"Woah," Alex's hand over my arm urgently pulled me backward, "Chase, hey, look, I love you so I prefer to keep you alive and breathing, so just ignore him," He suggested and pointed up the stairs, "Lilly is there, third room to the left, why don't you go see her," He added, trying to build distance between me and this man.

I did by his words and ignored him. I focused on the reason I am here for as I climbed up the stairs and heard Nikolas say to Alex, so very unsatisfied, "So, you're just gonna let him go beside her like that."

"Shut up, Chase is a red line, don't you dare come near him," Alex answered.

"I won't promise," That man said and I rolled my eyes.

I paused by the room's door and opened it ever so carefully, not wanting to make a noise and wake her up. I stepped inside, my eyes falling onto her little body, all tucked up under the blanket. The moonlight from outside reflected off her face, highlighting her features and I sucked into a deep breath as I sat down by the bed's edge, my eyes taking all of her in.

They fell over her casted hand and a blink of rage flashed through my entire being. I fisted my hand, my mind flitting through every possibility of her getting hurt. Fury ignited in my chest, whether she is mine or not, I can't stand the thought of her getting hurt by anyone, especially not by him.

The rage turned into anguish as I rested my hand over hers, my thumb lightly brushing over the case. My gaze got stolen by her other hand, she had it fisted around something. A smile fought its way to my lips, and my heart calmed down a bit, she had her fingers tight around the blue ribbon. I had left it in her pocket, hoping this small part of our past can help get through this place that she is beginning to hate so much.

Lines etched her forehead, and her grip over the ribbon only tightened, her eyes pressing shut, like she was struggling with a bad dream. I rested my hand over her cheek, my finger smoothing those scared lines away, "Hey," I whispered, "It's okay," I mumbled, gently brushing my thumb over her cheek.

A low sigh came from her before she mumbled so lowly, "Chase."

Her eyes were still closed, still deep in her sleep, "Yeah, I am here."

At my words, she tightened her hold over the ribbon before she brought her hand close to her chest, incoherent words made it out of her mouth, I understood one sentence only, "Please don't leave me again."

The words had the heart I was trying so hard to control breaking free, and I pressed my eyes shut, not wanting to feel what I was feeling. Something inside me screamed to back away, because I knew being this close to her again is dangerous. I knew that I shouldn't; I shouldn't allow my blood to burn, race, thrum as I felt the need in her voice. I shouldn't give her the just friends promise, because deep down I know, we can never just be that.

We can't be more either.

I should be the one in control, it's always my part, not hers.

I can't allow for either of us to drown again. We learned that the hard way.

Despite my better judgment, I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple, whispering against her warm skin, "I am not going anywhere."

************************************

So, this was a very long chapter, whatcha ya think?

I am just glad Lilly got her dad back and he got his little bug back. They both need each other.

Also, do you think Lilly will ever forgive Nikolas, like her parents did?

Anyways, starting of next week, I won't be as available, so the updates won't be as frequent, but I will try my best, hopefully at least one chapter per week.

Next update will be for Unraveling Him, I've been ignoring that book lol xD

See ya there and love ya all!