I woke up quite early.
It was the morning of July 2.

I let Joe sleep while I took some time for myself.
I took a bath and I used those scented oils and scented candles they give in hotels.

When I put on my bathrobe, I looked myself in the mirror.
I have always had a love-hate relationship with my body.
I tended to cover up-rather than show myself because I didn't like being the center of attention.
So I hardly ever put on anything that would attract anyone's eyes to me.

I am very insecure and hesitant about myself.
Most of the time I wished I wasn't like that.
But everytime I tried... every time I tried to do something to change that... my insecurities were always there, ready to block me.

I just couldn't let myself go, even if I wanted to.
My friend Delilah used to tell me to get out of my comfort-zone, to risk more... but that step was more difficult than I expected.

I have an olive skin, almost pale in the winter.
My hair color is dark brown, almost black when they got wet.
Same color as my eyes.
Pretty anonymous eyes, but I like their round shape.

My hair is quite long, just below my shoulders, as a child I had them very curly, now they became more naturally wavy.
I have a lean body, not a toned one... I don't train in the gym like Joe does everyday.
Again, pretty anonymous.

When I returned to the room I saw Joe stretching on the bed, I laughed because his dark blonde hair was all messed up in front of his forehead.

"You look terrible." I told him noticing his dark circles under his eyes.
"Is this the good morning you give me?" He joked.
His voice was still hoarse from sleep.

He grabbed the belt of my bathrobe and dropped me playfully on the bed.
"Good morning." I said, brushing his hair that covered his blue eyes.

"Good morning to you..."
He clasped his hands along my hips and kissed my neck, his lips so cold that I shivered.
He kissed me impulsively and his hand slid on my belly, the other one on my low back.

My alarm clock interrupted that moment.
Yet he kept rubbing against my body.
"Come on, go take a shower... I have to get dressed..." I admonished him smiling as I turned off the sound of the alarm clock.
Joe huffed contritely, but got out of bed.

I chose a blue beach sleeveless dress, gathered my hair into a ponytail and wore a white pair of converse.
When Joe returned, still wet and wearing only a towel, he gave me a smug wink.
I can tell he was sso proud of his fit and sculpted body he cared too much about...

"Joe, stop it. We're already late..."
I laughed at him and rolled my eyes.
He approached me slowly and kissed me passionately.
"Hmm, you look very hot..." He whispered against my lips.
After several attempts to remind him that we would have been late, he got dressed wearing a black shirt and shorts.

We left the room and went down to the second floor, where breakfast was being served.
"What do you recommend for a hangover?" He asked laughing as we walked through the buffet.
"A vegetable smoothie. So maybe you'll stop drinking for good."
Joe hates vegetables.

He shook his head nauseatedly and turned gigglingly toward the salty foods section.
At one point I lost sight of him, so I sat down at the first free table I found.
Ten minutes passed, so I called him on his phone.
He didn't respond.

"Hi!" Someone call me when I was about to text him.
I looked up and Bella was in front of me.
She smiled, holding a full plate in her hand as she sat to my left.

She was wearing a light blue sleeveless
dress with some lace embroidery.
That color somehow matched her light skin.

"Hi... Good morning." I answered awkwardly.
I took the phone back in my hand to complete the message.

Bella cleared her throat. "If you're looking for him, I just saw him with Leo."
I put the phone down and gave her my attention.
"Oh, yeah? I had completely lost sight of him." I explained.

"They are confabulating something, I can feel it." She warned me.
Bella took a small bite of her toast, then with a very delicate gesture she wiped her lips with a linen napkin.

I widened my eyes at her statement.
"What makes you think so?" I asked, already concerned.
"I don't know. Intuition." She replied with a shrug.

I stared at the plate in front of me, pondering her words.
I didn't like surprises, if Joe was ever coming up with one for me.
I was afraid of being caught off guard about things in my life.
I always had to prepare for the worst.

"Are you thinking about something?" Bella asked, leaving her slice of bread on the plate.
Her eyes looking right into mine.

"I was just trying to figure out what the boys were up to..." I whispered.
Bella moved a strand of her red hair that had fallen over her eyes behind her ear and turned around thoughtfully.

Her hair was very long - as I had thought yesterday- reaching well down to below her shoulders.
I believe her hair color was called copper red. But an intense one , fiery one.
It was very magnetic.

Her almond shaped eyes are so gorgeous, too.
She had a rouge lipstick and a bit of blush on her cheeks.

"Here they are..." She announced.
I turned my gaze in her direction and saw them heading our way.
"Good morning, everyone!" Leo greeted us.
He had a plate full of food, the same thing as Joe.

"How was your night?" Leo asked laughing.
"Come on, man, you know perfectly well we were fucking drunk!" Joe laughed eating a piece of pancake.

"Mine was great, in fact." Bella spoke confidently, probably implying that (unlike them) she remained lucid.
Then for some reason she looked at me and smiled.

The waiter interrupted us by asking if we wanted drinks.
"I will take a latte, please." I asked.
Joe looked at me out of the corner of his eye: "You and your latte..." He laughed, mimicking an annoyed gesture with his head.

I lowered my gaze, silently sighing, without adding anything else.

Sometimes his words can hurt me, though he paid no attention to it.

I don't know why but at that moment I sensed Bella's tormented look toward me.

They began to talk about everyday things, until the boys exchanged glances and became serious all of a sudden.
I stopped eating.
I wasn't hungry anymore.

"Listen ... there's something we'd like to propose." Leo began to talk, patiently.
"We... would be interested in doing some activities." He said and looked toward my fiancé.

"What would they be?" Bella asked immediately.
Joe took the chance and looked directly to me: "You know I would be very interested in seeing the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park here..."

I hinted a feeble yes with my head.
"But we said no, because it wasn't the vacation we expected to do..." He continued.

I could sense that he was about to add more, and I wasn't going to like it.
I began to breathe with difficulty.

"But, I mean, Ellie...we're here and... it would really be a shame."
"Get to the point, please." I added.
Joe stared at me with that languid look he gave me when he really wanted something.

"Leo and I would like to go visit it and the surf part too." Joe sighed in relief.

My worried heart began to beat rapidly.

"Only for three nights..." He said as if it was a minor thing.
"Three nights apart." He repeted.

My certainties collapsed.
In those seven days in that resort I had meticulously built a fortress of certainties around me that crumbled in that instant.

There was silence and I felt like burstng into tears or scream.
But I didn't do anything of it.

I'm only 23 years old , but I had learned over time that showing weakness or fear was a thing that had only brought me problems in life... so I tried to recompose myself, reset my mind and not think of any negative perspective.
Although the perspective was getting worser and worser.

Once again I had no choice.
I had no choice yesterday when I was dragged in that disco, I had no choice today.
Joe had already decided for both of us... it was clear.

I felt inside that I was about to implode.
I squeeze my eyes, closed my hand to contain all the fear I was feeling and spoke with all the calmness I had in my body.
"If that's what you wish, I won't limit you." I said, glacially.

Joe burst into excitement and gave me a kiss on the lips.
His blue eyes shone.
"Are you serious?!" He asked surprised, hugging me.
I nodded.

"You are the best, baby! I am the luckiest man to be marrying you." He whispered in my ear as he pulled me close.

I looked out of the corner of my eye at Bella's unperturbed expression.
She clunched her jaw.
Once again, that tormented look was directed to me.

"If it's okay with her, then it's okay with me."
I heard her pronounce in a confident tone.

Her boyfriend smiled as if he sensed that she would give that diplomatic answer, then he gave her a kiss on the neck.

Bella and I exchanged a confused look.
She had particularly cryptic glance - or maybe it was so clear that I voluntarily avoided it.
It's like she sensed that I was so disappointed once again.

I mean, she sensed it, and not Joe?

I wonder if she was reading what I was feeling inside...
Probably not. She is just a stranger to me.