Bella and I had decided to take another dip in the sea.
The sun was getting too hot and the water was so refreshing that we stayed in the water for at least another hour.

When we got out I leaned against her shoulder, her arm around my waist, mine along her chest.
I raised my eyes to look at her face and suddenly I noticed something that I had never noticed before.

Bella began to giggle.
"What are you looking at?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

I widened my eyes and diverted them to an undefined point, embarrassed as hell.

"I... I never noticed you had freckles..." I whispered.
On her nose and on her cheeks, they were almost imperceptible.

Bella smiled softly. "I happen to have them during summer, when I sunbathe."
She turned completely toward me and rested a hand under her chin, sneering for some reason.

"I like your face when you get all embarrassed." She affirmed.
She was so serious about that.

"I personally don't like it..."  I replied, laughing softly.

"And I like your dimples, especially when you smile and even when you talk."
She said that with her usual calmness...

But she knew exactly that by saying those words my face would have turned red with embarrassment.
And it did... of course...

Bella giggled because of that, but her eyes softened: "I wasn't joking, though..."

It's weird... she likes something of me that I don't...

I hid my embarrassed face on the towel below us, nervously fiddling with my hands: "Thank you..." I whispered under my breath.

Bella kissed my shoulder, makes me shiver.
She moved the towel with which I was hiding my face, as she led me to lie again on her chest.

"Okay... gotcha... enough of that..." She whispered giggling sweetly.

"You better..." I replied playful.

"For now..." She laughed with that teasing way again.

I rolled my eyes but her sarcastic tone made me laugh as well.
We lay down facing each other, I couldn't stop smiling, Bella moved a strand of hair behind my ear noticing how hot my forehead was.

She sighed: "We're about to melt... maybe we should go, sweetie."

I lifted my head, "You're right..."
Bella smiled at me.
She didn't let me go, not quite yet.

She raised herself on her elbows and placed a deep kiss on my lips.
I felt the tip of our tongues twisting, and that was so pleasantly unexpected that I felt shivers through my back.

"Okey, let's go now..." She whispered as she gleefully twirled the car keys in her finger.
"Where do we go?" I asked.
"I don't know. We don't have to have a destination..." She answered without a second thought.

Then she smiled in my direction.
"Are you with me?"

"Yes. I am."

~

As the summer playlist was playing in the car, we followed the direction of a town a few miles away.
I turned my gaze towards the car's window, people looked very happy and cheerful today.

"You know... I miss not having a family to celebrate the Fourth of July with..." I whispered.
A strong melancholy hitted my heart in that moment thinking about my mother.

Bella sighed. "I never celebrated the Fourth of July with my parents... for them it was just another fun day to get drunk...." She gripped the steering wheel more tightly.

I ran a hand over her arm to comfort her.
It must have been so difficult for her.

"But when I was taken to my grandmother, everything changed and we celebrated it every year." Her eyes suddenly softened.

That's may be my moment to speak... to open up with her.
I am ready.

"...Every year my father invites me to his new girlfriend's house, but I never go..." I whispered.
I tilted my head and looked over the street in front of us.
"That would hurt me. Besides... that's not my family anyway..."

Bella looked at me worriedly and firmly passing a hand over my legz "You could give yourself a second chance, Ellie..."

I lowered my gaze.
"I feel like I am not ready yet..."

Bella remained silent.
She suddenly swerved the steering wheel to the right.
There was no map, she seemed to be following her instincts.

And that instinct lead us to the city beach.
Bella parked right in front of the sea, lined up with the other cars.

She let go of the steering wheel and squeezed my hand.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
The calm and gentle tone of her voice made me shiver.

I nodded slightly.
"He wasn't a bad father, especially during my childhood, we always had a pretty good relationship, but..."
I took a deep breath: "Through the years he became a cold, frustrated person who only cared about his job."

I began to get nervous thinking about that.

"He was doing the bare minimum with us.
He just didn't understand that it wasn't enough..." 

This still makes me angry.
This is like the first time I'm talking about it out loud.

I clenched my fists in a nervous way.
"I would have told him it wasn't enough... I just didn't understand it at the time."

Bella stroked gently my arm until she reached my hand, squeezed it warmly.
"It was not your fault, okay? You were just a child, Ellie."

I nodded slightly.
Just hearing her soothing voice makes me calm down a little bit.

"Now that I don't see him very often, I have a convivial and peaceful relationship with him. I still don't really know how to properly open up with him... but that's okay..." I explained.

I lowered my gaze:
"I guess my mother was there for that..."
I whispered under my breath as my heart tightened.

Bella squeezed my hand as she ran a finger over my chin:
"Nothing is lost, Ellie..."
Her tone of voice is soft and reassuring.

"There is always something or someone worth fighting for..." She looked deeply into my eyes with those hopeful eyes.

I trembled at the sight of them.

I caressed her cheek, she is so sweet, almost makes my eyes teary.
I slowly approached her face and gave her soft kiss on her lips.

Bella smiled, but a moment later she suddenly turned herself to stare pensively at the sea in front of us.

"You should really give yourself a second chance." She affirmed but her voice was trembling.

"About what?" I asked.
"About everything." She was so serious now.

Bella looked at me doubtfully, then she averted her eyes.
"I just don't understand why you want to get married."

Shit.
This was unexpected.

My silence followed her statement.

I swallowed hard: "Never thought of doing that?"

"I'm 24 years old, there's thousand other things I wish to do before that." She replied, her voice steady.

"I'm 23 years old..." I pointed out.
"I know..." She desperately rolled her eyes.

"You think I'm screwing up?" 
My voice trembled.

"That's not what I meant..."
Bella gripped the steering wheel in front of her, even though the car was still.

"What do you really mean, then? Please, tell me..." I asked desperately.

Listening to her thought was the thing I most wanted to hear now– for some reason.

She was really trying to holds back her words and that was not like her...

"Bella, you can tell me..." I whispered, hoping she might hear my suggestion.

She swallowed nervously.
"Maybe you think that– by doing this you will feel less lonely because you are searching for a purpose..."

I lost my breath.

Bella sought my hand again.
"And believe me, Ellie... I know exactly what it means to feel that way..."

I had a knot in my throat and it wouldn't go down.
I tried to push it, but it stayed right there.

"What if... this is the best... for me?"
I stammered more to myself than to her.
I had disguised my voice to make me sound more confident.

Truth is that... I didn't really know what was best for me.
How could I know?

"Ellie, you deserve something better than this. Something more." Bella affirmed.
No doubt in her voice.

Her big brown eyes that had turned amber in the sunlight stared at me hopefully, her lips closed in a serious but confident expression.

We got lost in our glances and thoughts.
Perhaps too proud to speak.
Perhaps too afraid to speak.

In that moment my phone rang.

I cursed that.
But more than that, I cursed the timing of that call and who surely had made it.

I wanted to have the strength to ignore that call... but I didn't.
I wasn't strong enough.
The more the phone rang, the guiltier I felt.

We both knew who it was...
I looked at Bella with teary eyes.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered pleadingly to her.

Bella looked into my eyes, clenched her jaw, swallowed hard, but said nothing.

I just wanted to disappear seeing her uncertain, sad expression.
But I just ran away, which is what I do best.

I got out of the car, panting nervously, I took a few steps as I held the cell phone tightly in my hands.

His name on my phone screen: Joe.
I wanted to disappear again.

~

<< Hey... >> I greeted him with that mock calm, but my heart was beating too fast.
<< Good morning baby, happy 4th of July.>> Joe replied happily.
<<You too...>>

<< I haven't heard you since yesterday, what are you doing? >>

I had not prepared a possible answer yet.
<<Uhm, we... are at the beach. What about you?>> I said hastily.

Joe giggled, as he proceeded to tell about his trip.
I listened to him, sometimes nodding with a "Hmm," but my head was somewhere else, to someone else.

My heart is aching right now.

I turned around and Bella was now out of the car, she was standing in front of the sea.
I couldn't see her expression, her back was turned, her red hair was in the wind.
Her hands crossed.

I sighed deeply.

<< Talk later? I have a surfing competition coming up. I'll send you some pictures, baby... >> Again that mischievous tone.
<<Good luck...>> I replied as I hung up.

I caught my breath again.
And then, one more second later, I understand that I didn't want to waste another minute.
I took a deep breath as I approached Bella again.

I don't know if she wanted me right now.
Probably no.

I mean, does she want me, at all?

I screwed it up.
I screwed it up because I choose that call.

But I want to try.
Because she is worth try.

I stood beside her, with my heart pending.
We both stared the sea in front of us, sighing silently.

I tremblingly turned around to look at her.
"Would you forgive me?"
My voice cracked.

Bella took a deep breath.
"You should never doubt yourself, Ellie."
She finally looked at me again although her eyes were still in torment.

"Whether it's for me or for someone else. I know it's not easy, but..." She insisted.

Wind ran through my black hair and her red hair.
I shook my head, I stroked her arm and seeing that she didn't move away, I trembling took her hand.

"You don't make myself doubt." I affirmed.

It's just me doubting myself...

"You and I... have the same wounds, Bella." I whispered looking into her eyes.
"I know..." She whispered back.

She slowly wrapped her arms around mine as she hesitantly pulled herself closer to my body.
I pressed my arms around her waist.

We hugged first slowly and unsure, then more tightly and warmly.
We stayed right in this way for a very long time.

I got lost in her arms.

"This means I am forgiven?" I whispered under my breath.
My shaking voice muffled in her neck.

Bella giggled a little: "Still thinking about it..."

I deserved that...

She pressed a kiss under my neck, makes me chill.
In that moment I took the courage to give her a shy kiss on the lips, which she eventually returned with intensity.

Bella bit her lips: "Come on now, let's take a walk, I have seen quite a few nice restaurants..." She suggested.

"Sounds good to me..."