CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR.
THING ABOUT PARTIES

€

The thing about parties was that Amandla didn't know how to dance. She learned when she was fourth year, for the Yule Ball and everything, but she fucking sucked. And it had been two years and surely no one could expect her to remember those technics. Right? Well, they should've, because she didn't remember shit. Correction: didn't remember anything except for Ron Weasley dancing with McGonagall – the highlight of her week.

But that might not even matter because Amandla wasn't sure if there would be dancing there. She had never attended a dinner with Slughorn and Corey had missed the last few, but he never mentioned dancing. Though, this was different; this was a proper party the professor was throwing. So there might be dancing and she wouldn't even know it.

That's not it, though. To add to her problems, she didn't even know what to wear. Only a week to get a dress and she was properly freaking out. If Cevira were there and they were talking, it wouldn't be that hard. The girl would calm her down and offer to steal a dress from one of their roommates or another one of the girls. Cevira always did have great style. But Amandla...she didn't know what to do, and showing up in jeans and a sweater wouldn't be appropriate. Right? Even if that's what she wants to wear.

The other problem has to be the fact that Pansy won't be there either. Sadly, Daphne would not miss the chance to be with Blaise and even with the silent threat to hurt the girl, she stood her ground, and Amandla couldn't really bring herself to harm the girl. Not with how she looked when she spoke of the Zambini boy. Amandla was sure she looked the same when she used to speak of Hermione. Now there was only hurt at the mention of the girl.

Fuck. Hermione. Just another thing about parties, at least that one. Hermione would be there because of course Hermione was a part of the Slug Club and wouldn't miss the chance to party and get on the good side of a professor. I mean, of course she would be there. She was the smartest one in their year, and it was a party. This time, though, Amandla wouldn't be getting drunk and landing in Hermione. Well, she would probably be getting drunk, but the last part definitely won't happen. Hermione made that quite clear. At least she had Pansy. Pansy was nice and at least pretended to care for the girl.

So there Amandla was, looking at herself in the mirror as the Christmas tree green dress fit on her body. It was more form-fitting with long sleeves, she religiously wore long sleeves ever since last year, a nice design in the back and a good enough bit of cleavage showing in the front. It was shorter and she had black heels on, courtesy of one of the snobby Hufflepuffs girl she had the displeasure of calling her roommate. Of course, the girl didn't know she was lending Amandla her shoes – or her dress, for that matter – but that was quite alright.

She looked at herself again, making sure everything looked alright before heading out the door. The common was full and some people looked at her (a guy even whistled) but she just rolled her eyes and ignored them, walking into the hallway where she was greeted by Corey, who was also dressed for the occasion.

He had smile on his lips. "Well don't you look pretty tonight," he gave her a compliment.

Amandla rolled her eyes and scoffed, "How dare you imply that I never look nice. I'm always looking hot."

Corey raised his arms in defense, muttering about how he couldn't argue with that, causing her to smile. Again, she touched her neck, feeling a bit of makeup she placed over the hickeys left by none other than Pansy Parkinson. "So what kind of food do you think they'll be serving?" Amandla asked.

"I don't know," Corey shrugged, "Usually he has some kinda meat with beans or whatever and ice cream for dessert."

Her eyes lit up at the mention of ice cream, smiling and doing a little happy dance. "You know, I'm actually excited about this!" she exclaimed.

"I'm glad," Corey smiled and nothing else was said. She just locked their fingers together and smiled herself, feeing incredibly happy as they walked the corridors and went up the stairs until they reached the party and walked inside.

Immediately, her eyes found Hermione. Before, she wouldn't melted slightly at the sight of her. Of her beauty and daintiness and overall beauty, the way she didn't even know she was beautiful. Fuck. But now...now it just hurt to see her. And she hated how easy her eyes found the girl, hated how she trained herself to always find the girl in crowds. It didn't help that the girl was in a nice dress either. Pink, shorter, showing off enough that allowed her mind to recall that night when she sucked on them and how Hermione had gasped for breath and urged her to continue.

Wait, no. she couldn't continue. Amandla stopped about to turn back when Corey grabbed her arm, looking at her with eyes filled with concern.

"I can't – I just. I can't," Amandla breathed, "I thought I could handle this, but I can't."

"Amandla," his soft voice began to calm her, "Just take a deep breath and slow down. It's alright, we can stay far away from her if you like."

She nodded, eyes wide as she breathed and trained her eyes on her friend. After a moment, she spoke again, "Fuck, I knew she would be here, but I thought I'd be alright."

"I literally asked you yesterday if you were fine."

"Oh, we both know I was lying," Amandla snapped back at him, "Of course I'm not ready, she broke my heart..."

Corey sighed and brought the girl into a comforting hug, something which she needed so desperately now. She held onto him for a few seconds before letting go. They were at a party, after all. She inhaled deeply before placing a smile on her face; she would be alright. If she kept saying that, she would be alright. Everything would be fine. Right? Right.

Corey locked their fingers again and pulled her to the table containing food opposite of Hermione and her apparent date. Amandla was already moping, feeling that weight on her chest as she looked at the girl, so happy. So happy with Cormac McLaggen – not Ron Weasley. She took a cream puff and stuffed her face with it. People were there and more were showing up, but she still kept her eyes shifting to Hermione.

"Him? Really? Fuck, what does he have that I don't?" she bitterly asked Corey.

"A dick?"

"Shut the fuck up, Corey," Amandla sent him a look, "And do you see how happy she looks? How dare she be that fucking happy when I'm still hurting!"

"She wasn't the one who got their heart broken," Corey reminded, being as friendly as ever.

At that, Amandla punched him 'lightly' in the chest, hearing him mutter an 'ow' at it. "Seriously, you're not helping!" she huffed, "You're supposed to agree with me, not actually answer my questions! They're rhetorical."

"Well you should've said that," Corey supplied and Amandla rolled her eyes, punching his chest again, hearing the grunt of pain that came from him.

"I fucking hate him," Amandla stared at Hermione and her date. Fuck them, honestly.

"Who him?"

"Who do you think?"

"Well, I'm leaning towards Cormac but you also don't really like Ron or Snape...or a lot of other people really, so you've gotta be specific."

Amandla bit her lip, he had a point. "Cormac, I was talking about Cormac. But you're not wrong."

"About which part?"

She punched him for a third time, this time smirking in delight at his noise of pain, "The part about Ron. I don't like him either."

"Yes, I'm aware."

Before the conversation could continue anymore, a voice rang between their bickering: "Drink?"

Tearing her eyes away from Hermione, she looked to see Neville there with a tray of drinks. "Neville!" she blinked, "I didn't know you'd be here!"

He blushed, "Well, I couldn't get into Slug Club, but I thought serving would be the next best thing."

"Don't be down about that, Neville. The club is a little overated," Corey smiled, "Would rather I wasn't a part of it."

Amandla didn't comment on that, taking a drink and thanking the boy, "So how long do you think you'll be serving?"

"All night," Neville answered with ease before looking at her with suspicion, "Why?"

She shrugged almost innocently, "Oh, nothing, just was thinking if there was any alcohol here or anything..."

"Amandla, this is a school related event. Of course there's no alcohol," Corey rolled his eyes before flashing a smile at the poor boy, "Sorry about her, Neville. I'll make sure she doesn't have a drink."

Neville nodded and walked away, leaving a glaring Amandla, "I'll make sure she won't drink tonight! Fat chance, you don't control me. Meet you in the kitchens after this if you really wanna keep that promise."

Corey rolled his eyes, "There's no alcohol for this event. Frankly, I don't give a damn about what you do afterwards."

"Good," her smile returned. She looked over to where Blaise stood with Daphne, almost scowling as her mind recalled how Pansy could be over there and she could be speaking with Pansy and not this fucking asshole she called her friend. But that girl wasn't there because Daphne was and she would just have to suck it up.

"Oh! I see Luna!" Amandla's head whipped to Corey, who was pointing at his sister after announcing that he saw her presence.

She smiled at the sight, "Should we go and say hi?" Honestly, she still didn't know his standing with his sister. Or with Cevira, for that matter.

"I don't know," Corey looked down shyly, "We haven't really spoken since summer...I've been too scared to talk to her. 'Fraid of what she'll say."

Amandla rolled her eyes, "Don't be silly, Luna loves you so much and she'll obviously forgive you if you just apologize. Now, man up and go over there."

"Well sorry if I don't really seem like such a Gryffindor. If you couldn't tell, I'm not," Corey bit back.

"Really? You're gonna make me give you a pep talk?" he nodded, "Corey, if I can stand to have my heartbroken by Hermione Granger and still smile and take it, you can talk to your sister for a few moments and apologize."

He nodded, seeing the breaking in Amandla's eyes even if she was trying to be brave. Why did she bring it up? She hated it, hated everything. She hated how much if affected her – how she let it affect her. How she cried over the girl, wasted so many tears on the girl and so many nights dreaming. She remembered the dreams, the glorious dreams that were nothing compared to that night with her. Fuck. She hated it – she hated everything.

And Corey squeezed her arm, bringing her back into reality, as he strived over to where his sister was. Well, he didn't waltz. Could seem like that to the naked eye, but Amandla knew he was practically shaking with fear. She let out a shaky breath, smiling again and playing with the hem of her dress and taking a sip of the drink she got from Neville.

Unsurprisingly, no one came up to her there. She didn't really know a lot of the people and those she did avoided her. Well, some did, most definitely, while others just didn't talk to her simply because they weren't friends. But as her eyes fluttered across the room, not wanting to simply stare at the Lovegood siblings, and that's where she found the girl she was trying to avoid; Hermione Granger. Again, she was there and she was standing next to Neville and Harry and she saw Cormac coming up and she hated it. All over again, she hated. So she took another sip.

"Get off me!" she heard a familiar voice. Looking at the entrance, which everyone was doing, she saw none other than her cousin who she currently wasn't speaking to being held by Filch.

"Professor Slughorn, sir! I've just discovered this boy lurking in an upstairs corridor. He claims to have been invited to your party," Filch said.

"Okay, okay, I was gate-crashing. Happy?" Draco admitted, though he was lying, and Amandla gulped. Fuck, shit.

Draco looked around, seeing Snape before landing his eyes on Amandla, pleading with her. Fuck. Shit. She wanted to say don't look at me like that, I can't do anything but she didn't. Of course she didn't. Everyone was looking at him and Slughorn, seeing what would happen before Amandla took another sip and spoke:

"I told him about it, Professor," what the fuck was she doing? "We were talking and I told him about the party, said I would meet him afterwards, guess he wanted to see it all for himself."

"Oh, my dear, but why would you want to speak with him?" Slughorn asked. He didn't know about them.

"He's my cousin, Professor, and I won't be seeing him over holidays. We were going to exchange gifts after the party," she lied quite fluently, almost as if it were a second language, "I can escort him out."

"Oh, no, no. You would miss the rest of the party! I can't ask you to do that," Professor Slughorn disagreed.

"It's quite alright, want to speak to him anyways before heading to bed," she smiled, going placing down her drink and going over to Draco, "I've had a very nice time."

She looked over to Corey, who nodded, and that was her que to leave, holding Draco's arm tightly, hurting him. Once they were out and around another corridor or two, she shoved him into the wall.

"What the hell where you doing back there?" she hissed at him.

"I've got to get as much as I can do before Christmas," he admitted in a quiet, scared voice, "They'll be angry if I don't have it done soon."

She softened slightly, "Still, you knew there was party tonight – everyone did, you knew how dangerous it would be if you were caught. You're such a fool, Draco."

"Had to take my chances, rather be caught here than hurt there," Draco muttered bitterly.

Amandla let out a deep sigh and released him, stepping back slightly and looking at him. "I still don't want to look at you," she said and he nodded.

"I know."

"I'm still thinking about everything."

"I understand."

"But I'm not angry," she told him sincerely, seeing his eyes meet her and the flicker of hope in them.

"You're not?"

She nodded, "And I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I just – I'm frustrated, because I want to hate you. You've done so many things that make me want to hate you, gives me the right to hate you, but I don't. I could never hate you."

"You should hate me."

"I know," she agreed, "But I don't. You're the only actual family I have left, really. I'm sorry about everything and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you."

"I don't blame you," Draco said, "I said those things. I wanted to convince myself it didn't mean anything, but it meant everything. And I saw you – saw the way you looked so disappointed in me and I wanted to take everything back, but I didn't. I couldn't."

Amandla nodded, sucking in a harsh breath, "I love you, Draco. Have a safe Christmas."

"Have a safe Christmas," he nodded back, walking away and she watched him leave, hating the way they said it.

Not a 'Merry Christmas' but a 'safe Christmas.' They needed to wish each other a safe fucking Christmas because of who they were and the time they were in. And she hated that too.

Stepping away, she looked and saw Harry Potter there, peeking around and she caught his eyes, seeing him freeze like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't say anything, she wasn't angry, but she needed to keep him quiet. Seeing him there, she knew he wouldn't say anything. At least, if he did, nothing would happen with it. So, in a split-second decision, Amandla brought a finger to her lips and watched the boy disappear, going back to the party.

Amandla wanted to cry at that, wanted to cry at everything, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't waste her tears on anything that happened that night. And in another split-second decision, she found herself pounding on the door of Pansy Parkinson, which was better than her first of plan of raiding the kitchens for alcohol.

Upon seeing the dazed and sleepy Pansy, Amandla attacked her face with kisses. The Parkinson girl parted from her, "Amandla? What are you doing here so early?"

Amanda kissed her again before breaking away, "Need – a – distraction. Wanna – help?"

Pansy didn't answer. At least, not verbally. She just connected her lips and closed the door, leading to her original plans for that night.

―

Her hair was a mess, as it had been the whole holiday, and she was sitting there in the living room of the Stature house. It looked so different that day, that week. Nothing physically had changed with the house, it was still the same with white walls without artwork and an artificial tree with silver and blue ornaments. The carpet was still white, the floor still hardwood, and two couches with a chair in the living room.

No, it was different because of the atmosphere and how she was sitting there alone. Anastasia was in her bedroom, already calling it a night on the holiday, and she could hear laughing in the kitchen where the twins were. And she was alone. That's how it was different. She hated how Cevira had barely even looked at her at night, how she had her back to Amandla and looked out the window instead. Hated how Amandla had sat in the train cart with Corey while Cevira was with Caesar, like she always was now.

And she was sitting in the living room, watching the fire flicker and wishing for something to forget as she could hear them in there baking cookies. It was Christmas and she should be happy, but she was quite the opposite. The gifts had been opened and Amandla was still holding on to one for Cevira, but that was it. She wasn't happy.

Last year it had been different. The year before that had been different, and so forth. It had been different because those years before it had been Amandla and Cevira instead of Cevira and Caesar. It had been different because it had been the girls there in the moonlight, exchanging the small gifts they could afford and smiling at each and hugging one another while thanking each other immensely. Now, she had been Cevira receive a gift from both Anastasia and Caesar – something that had never really happened before.

Their laughter filled her ears and Amandla hated it. It was her against the world now, not them. It was them, not her, and she hated being the one alone out of the three. She couldn't handle it anymore, couldn't handle anything. She stood up quickly and went up the stairs and into her bedroom, wishing and hoping the whole time to be back at Hogwarts where she could see Corey or Draco or even Pansy. Just anyone who was willing to talk to her and not give her the cold shoulder.

Shit, she shouldn't sound bitter. She didn't mean to be to bitter with Cevira, she understood why the girl was angry and she didn't want to be bitter because Cevira didn't deserve it.

So Amandla went to under her bed where the wrapped pack of enchanted quills was. She knew how much the girl loved Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop and all of the items there. But she also knew how much the girl loved muggle stationary and wanted colorful quills, even though they didn't exist. So, with the help of Corey, she enchanted the quills with the colors of the rainbow as a present, and she hoped that Cevira enjoyed them.

Amandla placed the packet on Cevira's bed and climbed into her own. She wouldn't be falling asleep for a while, but it was better to pretend and be there, hope for the twins to go upstairs so she could find her way down and get a drink. It was better to pretend. It was always better to pretend.