Tw: mentions of domestic abuse and attempts at suicide.

Always remember you're not alone. People care about you. <33

Nicole

When everyone headed to the beach, the dog felt lonely and decided to follow. No one noticed. They thought he was asleep in the house. Frances and Miranda thought he was asleep in the house. I thought he was asleep in the house.

He'd decided to investigate something in the water, and the current had taken over. His barks weren't loud enough to carry over the crushing waves, and if I hadn't shown up, the poor dog would've drowned.

He was doing okay now. Scared and whimpering and a little cold, but he was alive and well, and that was what mattered.

I was fussed over and made to rest. I eventually drifted to sleep, with Jahdiel sitting on the bed and pretending to read.

When I woke up an hour later, Jahdiel was still seated beside me, looking after me. I kicked her out to go and join the others in having fun before we left. While she was away, I took pictures of the paintings in the livingroom and sent them to Marilyn.

Everyone tried to squeeze in some last fun before we all packed and returned to the noisy city. I missed the town immediately we took off, and I was kind of sad the weekend ended so soon.

On the drive back, there were some changes. Jahdiel sat beside her newfound friend, Heath, and Luke sat beside me and cracked jokes till I couldn't stop laughing.

When we arrived at the Connors, Cornelia thanked me warmly for saving Huxley. It was a bit expected, but I was surprised nevertheless. She even looked like she wanted to hug me but held herself back.

Later though, when Luke appeared by my side and threw his arms around me, I caught her glaring at him. He only smiled lazily at her, as if he were used to receiving hateful glares from sixteen-year-olds.

I raised my eyebrows at the exchange.

Jahdiel finally found some inner strength and unglued herself from Heath. She joined me in getting our bags. After carrying them to the front porch, I felt the prickly sensation one usually gets from being watched from afar.

Curious, I turned my head to find a scowling blonde standing on the balcony of the next house. My mouth suddenly went dry with surprise.

Jahdiel squinted as she appeared beside me. "Is that your dance captain?"

I gulped audibly. "Yeah, that's her alright."

This was no big deal. My dance captain lived next door to my crush, so what?

The unsettling feeling that churned in my stomach at the thought made me think it was a big deal, though. Like something was about to go terribly wrong.

"Yo, Raine!" Luke called cheerfully when he saw her. "What's up?"

She replied halfheartedly, pushed a blade of short blond hair away from her face, and hurried back inside.

"You know Raine?" I turned to face him.

"Yeah. Travis, Raine, Cornelia, and I attended the same high school, but I think she's transferred now. Isn't she in your school?"

"Oh, she is. That's my captain."

***

I was home at sunset when clouds of orange, purple, and lemon streaked the sky like a vivid painting of a skilled artist.

Everything was familiar and welcoming: the sweet smell of cookies in the oven, my mom humming a song as she went over papers from work, my sister ironing her clothes for the week, my dad having some man time with himself in his room.

My mom was interested in how my trip went. I told her I only went to dance and saw her face fall. I told her about saving a dog, and her face shone with pride.

With a sigh, I carried my bag upstairs, refusing to dwell on the obvious dismissal I'd seen in her eyes when I tried to tell her about my dancing. I should be used to it.

I unpacked, ate a piece of chocolate cake, and drank a glass of iced tea. When I entered the shower, I wondered if only a few hours ago, I'd been panicking and swimming in the ocean to save a dog. The memory felt almost unreal and very distant.

My phone was ringing by the time I emerged from the shower, wrapped in a towel. It was an unknown number. Hesitantly I picked up. "Hello?"

"Rebecca?"

"Heath?"

***

"You blocked Heath?" I all but screamed at Jahdiel at the cafeteria the next day.

"Shhh." Her eyes grew wide with alarm. "Calm down, will you?"

"Wait," Marilyn immediately abandoned her Bible quiz game and put her phone aside. "Who is Heath?"

"Jahdiel's new... are you guys even dating?" I narrowed my eyes in question.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. Now I'm really lost."

"Heath is Travis's friend," I explained. "He and Jahdiel hit it off at the beach house, and for some mysterious reason, she's blocked him on all socials."

"Oh." Understanding dawned, and she picked her phone to close the quiz app.

Merlinda gave Jahdiel a look of combined concern and curiosity and asked softly, "Why did you block him?"

"He... I'm no longer a virgin!" She squeaked and covered her face with both hands.

I heard a loud crash as my jaw hit the floor, and from the faces of Merlinda and Marilyn, I wasn't the only shocked one.

That escalated really fast. No one had expected Jahdiel to lose her virginity after Merlinda. This was just so... unexpected.

"What?" I breathed. "Was it Heath?" I didn't even know why I asked. Of course, it was Heath.

She nodded, still refusing to uncover her face.
I sagged into my seat, letting out a puff of breath through my lips. I sure missed a lot. I missed a whole, freaking chapter.

My mind went to Saturday night when she hadn't been in bed while I cried till I dozed off. Makes sense now. While I had been bawling my eyes out, she and Heath had probably been going at it like rabbits.

Marilyn, too dumbfounded, focused her attention on her food.

"Girl..." Merlinda looked like she didn't know what to say. She cleared her throat. "How was your first time?"

"It was... it hurt a lot at first. I cried." She sniffed a little and hurried on, "But that's because I didn't tell him it was... you know, my first time."

"Why?" Marilyn paused chewing and asked.

"I thought he wouldn't do it if I told him, and well, I really wanted him to."

"Why wouldn't he do it?" Merlinda's brow drew together as she propped her arms over the table and leaned closer.

She cut a sheepish glance my way. "Dylan... he said guys didn't like virgins."

I groaned. "Jahdie, Dylan was simply a stupid boy. You shouldn't have taken those words to heart at all."

She nodded, looking vaguely embarrassed. "I know that now. But it got so much better. Heath, he found out it was my first time, and he was so gentle and very sweet."

"Awww." That was Merlinda. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Tell us more about this guy."

We spent the rest of lunchtime listening to her go on and on about him.

I followed Jahdiel to her locker before our next classes began. "I never got an answer, miss ma'am."

"What answer?"

"Why you've blocked Heath if he was as amazing as you described him to us."

"There's no reason." She snapped her locker shut and moved to stride away, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She stumbled.

"You're lying."

"We're not meant to be, okay?" The words snapped out, and she threw up her arms in resignation. "Heath and me... our paths in life are different. We can't be together."

I remembered how defeated he'd sounded on the phone last night, how he'd sounded as if he were in physical pain. "Why would you say that? I think he cares about you."

"I know."

"Exactly, so you two can work it out. We're graduating in a few months. You two could see each other again at NYU. We're in Hamilton; it's easy to get there."

"I grew up in a trailer park!"

The words sounded like a crack of lightning on a still, sunny day—unexpected and shattering. My mouth clamped shut at once. Unconsciously, I took a step back, disturbed by the brittle look in her eyes.

"Jahdiel."

"'Trailer trash', that's what my dad calls me." She shrugged a little, looking me square in the eye. "Are you surprised? Are you going to judge me and call me fake? What are you waiting for?"

I stood still, afraid to breathe.

She gave a smirk that raised the hairs at the back of my neck. "Won't you make a condescending comment about how I don't belong here with all of you elites?"

"You think I'll do that?" I whispered, my voice unrecognizable.

"Well, aren't you the most snotty, sarcastic bitch to ever walk this earth?"

I closed my eyes and sucked in some breath.

No. I wouldn't rise to the bait. She was clearly doing this to piss me off, to push me away.

I said nothing but kept looking at her with boundless patience and genuine concern, ignoring the fact that I had a class to rush to. It didn't matter right now. My friend mattered.

Jahdiel looked around at the big, gleaming hallway and at the elite students hurrying to their next classes. She let out a breath and sagged against her locker when she saw I hadn't risen to the bait.

"I'm not one of y'all," she started quietly. "My mom is still stuck at the trailer park where I grew up."

"Mrs Galantine-"

"No," she shook her head. "Mrs. Galantine is my stepmother."

That was the momma she'd called for in her sleep when she'd napped on my shoulder on our way to the beach house—it hadn't been Mrs. Galantine after all.

"And my dad, with all his money," she went on, her face blank, "won custody over me. But he hates me so much, Nicole. He calls me 'trash', 'useless', 'filth'. He says I remind him of my trashy mother."

With a shudder, she slid to the floor, and I watched with astonishment as she sat, looking miserable, as if all the fight had left her weary soul.

"My stepmother hates me. My stepsister, Antoinette, hates me. My life is a living hell. I don't have any future."

She wasn't talking to me. I watched with quiet anger as she finally crumbled in front of me. Not at her, but at them.

Her shaky hands raked through her hair. "My dad has made me aware he's not taking me to college, so don't even tell me I have a chance to see him at NYU, because I don't. I'm just existing. He'll forget me soon, anyway."

"Jahdiel-"

"When we made love, I didn't let him turn on the lights. Do you know why?" When I didn't open my mouth, she answered her own question. "It's because I was ashamed of my scars and bruises, Nicole. I didn't want him to see me like that. I don't want nobody to see me like that, to realize how helpless I am."

"Jahdiel..." A sound of distress left me as I sank to my knees. "Who hit you?"

"My dad, who else?" She scoffed, but she wasn't amused. "And his precious wife and daughter will never stop taunting me, reminding me of what I really am: trapped, trashy, and helpless. God knows the number of times I've considered ending it all."

My whole body went still with terror. "Jahdiel."

"Yeah. But I promised myself I'd rescue my momma, so somehow, I'm unable to bring myself to do it." A long, shuddering breath escaped. "But I feel so helpless. I'm tired, and I don't know what to do."

"Hey." I told myself she needed my calm, not my anger. "Come on."

I wondered if Merlinda knew all this, if Marilyn knew. Was I the only one who didn't know?

She leaned her head on my shoulder as I sat beside her on the floor of the deserted hallway. I wrapped an arm around her, holding her close and gentle, letting her know she wasn't alone.

Classes had started minutes ago, and we were likely to land in a hot mess, but I couldn't even bring myself to care. All I wanted was to reach out to this precious girl who had thought of ending it all.

"Ever thought of speaking to the cops?"

"No. He's taking care of my tuition." She sighed. "It won't be long before we graduate anyway. Then I'll run away or something."

I drew in a steady breath and let it out slowly. "This is all not right. Does Merlinda know?"

"Yeah. I asked her not to do anything. It's possible that he can twist things around, pay huge sums, and escape the law. What would become of me then?"

No wonder she felt so helpless.

"There's something you can do, Jahdiel," I said quietly. "You're not helpless."

"What can I do?" she mumbled.

I remembered the physics trial my aunt had wanted me to enter, and I told her about it.

"But that's physics, Nicole, and physics is your forte."

"So I'll teach you." I eased back to look at her. "I'll teach you everything I know, and you're supposed to fight back with all your strength. If we're successful, you'll get a scholarship and maybe go to NYU. You'll have a future."

"I..."

"You're not just going for Heath, though," I teased a little. "You're going for yourself. Am I clear?"

She threw her arms around me and shook as the dam finally broke. "Nicole, I'm so sorry for being a bitch to you lately," she said. "I knew you were curious about what was happening to me, and I just couldn't tell you. I was so ashamed, Nicole, so ashamed."

So she tried to let me stay away by using the only way she knew how to.

I wrapped my arms around her as well. "It's all right, Jahdie. It's totally fine."

"I know you care about me."

"Of course." And knowing she needed to hear this, I said, "I'm not much different from you, by the way. I don't belong here either. My aunt pays my tuition."

She drew away from me to look at me with wet eyes and a wet face. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

I have a scar also.

But I didn't tell her that. My scar wasn't from abuse, it was a different story altogether, and I didn't know how she would relate to my story.

***

Always remember: SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER! Don't be afraid to speak up.

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