Nicole

I tried to ignore the tight feeling in my chest as we cruised around Central Park. Luke had connected his phone to a Bluetooth speaker, and hip-pop blasted in the car. The girls were singing along with screeching off key voices, and Heath quietly bobbed his head to the beat.

Everyone was relaxed, even Jahdiel. There was a soft smile on her face, something I hadn't seen on her for a shockingly long time now.

She looked beautiful and innocent when she smiled, when she was at peace.

New York passed by in a blur. The road stretched on and on the minute we escaped the city and its agonizing traffic, and I snuggled into the seat, my thoughts hovering around me like a cloak.

My eyes widened in awe at the first view of the stretching Atlantic Ocean. It was majestic. Neverending. The waves crashed against jagged rocks relentlessly, then there was silence, and the relentless crashing repeated again and again.

I thought about myself and the ocean. What did we have in common? The ocean was mysterious. It held many secrets in its depth. It was heavy, deadly, and could become angry, but it could also appear still, calm, and blue. Blue.

My head turned as if on its own accord to the back, and I caught Travis's eye on me, even though little lady Jillian had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

He didn't look away. He kept staring right back, daring me to look away. And it was as if he knew I would, because his face set in a grim tightening as if he was in pain.

I turned forward, my heart pounding at the base of my throat from the little exchange, if I could even call it that.

In my defense, my neck would snap if I didn't look ahead.

I felt a soft thud on my shoulder, and I looked to see Jahdiel's cheek pressed against it as she napped. After a few minutes, she snuggled closer, clutching my arm tightly and mumbling something that sounded a lot like momma.

Why would she call for her mom in her sleep? I've met Mrs. Galantine twice, and I never liked her after both encounters. She could be as bad as Aunt Pearl, with her condescending eyes and the way she looked down her nose at everyone.

I couldn't imagine Jahdiel having a pretty relationship with that woman. No. Not when she showed up in school covered in bruises.

My eyes stayed on the ocean as we drove on, until "Welcome to Montauk" appeared. It was a lovely town; its quietness was a stark contrast to the bustling city we'd left behind. Fascinated, I watched the lighthouse from a distance, gazed at antique and ice cream shops, and the sandy beach. It seemed to be warmer in this town because people still wore skimpy clothes and sunbathed in the morning sun at the beach.

We drove on through the town until we finally pulled to a stop at a mega mansion with an outdoor pool. I shouldn't have expected less, I mused with a shake of my head. These people were freaking loaded, and the beach house was contemporary, like the house in Manhattan, and really gorgeous.

Frances and Miranda were already hauling grocery bags from their car trunk by the time we alighted. Huxley bounced around, barking with excitement as the girls yawned and stretched. Like I'd predicted, the weather here was warmer by a few degrees. The guys pulled our bags from under the seats and handed them to us, all the while making jabs at each other.

"I remember those sweet days when you couldn't keep your Travis junior in your pants," Luke was saying seriously, his voice sad, like a nostalgic father. "You had all the girls wrapped around your little finger, man."

"You're a damn liar," Travis said dryly.

"It was so annoying watching how the girls sniffed around him." Cornelia put in. "Even the young ones."

Jillian rolled her eyes at the obvious jab.

Luke went on, "I used to be so proud of you. In fact, I want that Connor back asap! Now!"

"You want him to catch an STD or something?" Heath wanted to know.

"I really don't think Luke was hanging around when they shared wisdom." Travis snorted and handed Willow a bag.

"You're one to talk," Luke sniggered, "considering how you sta-"

"Shut up, you dimwit!" Heath slapped Luke at the back of his head and earned a pained groan. "Hey, Rebecca." He smiled nervously at me. "Which one is your bag? The one with the Rapunzel stickers?"

"That's mine!" Leslie was quick to clarify.

I showed him mine, and he handed it to me. Muttering thanks, my eyes found Travis. He was talking to a grinning Cornelia. He ruffled her hair, eyes filled with adoration, lips curved in a gentle smile.

He clearly loved his sister and didn't bother hiding it, and damn if that didn't tug at my heartstrings.

How does it feel to have everything, Cornelia?

I looked away.

Jahdiel stepped forward for her bag. With a keen interest, I watched her avoid Heath's eyes even as he tried asking her questions, trying to coax her to talk.

I couldn't help but notice that Jahdiel was the only person apart from the guys that Heath tried making actual conversation with. He touched her hand and she jolted.

He said something else and gave her a very genuine smile with a special softness in his eyes that had my throat closing up.

God. He liked her.

I was so touched by what I saw that I bent to pick up my bag and walk away. There was so much love here, love in varied forms.

I saw love in the way the sister-in-laws made excited plans for the short stay. I saw love as Cornelia hauled Huxley close to her chest and huddled with her friends as they pouted and Leslie clicked a camera.

I saw love between Luke, Travis, and Heath, though they'd never voice it out loud. I'd seen how Travis treated his sister and her friends, and now Jahdiel and Heath. I wasn't sure about those two, but there was something.

The moment I lifted my bag, Travis was by my side, hand outstretched. "Let me."

"It's fine." Surprised that he'd interacted with me after the earlier avoidance, I stared at him with wide eyes. "I got it."

"If it ain't lil zaddy to the rescue..." Luke sang obnoxiously, whistling a bit.

"Why do you keep calling him that?" Curious, I wondered out loud.

He smirked. "I don't know? Maybe you should ask Cornelia."

Nope. Absolutely not. "I want you to tell me."

"He's a provider, Rebecca. He's always taking care of everyone, like how a father would." Luke explained. "I assure you it won't be long before he extends his fatherly duties to you."

Travis snorted at that, then snatched my bag away from me. "I'll show you to your room," he said tightly before I could protest. "Come on."

Heath carried Jahdiel's bag, and we heard the girls grumble about how unfair it was that no one helped them with their bags. Travis told them to complain when they were done taking their pictures for Instagram.

We followed him as he led us through the vast expanse of the main floor. I couldn't help being amazed, even though I wasn't surprised. Chandeliers hung from high ceilings, and enormous glass windows between the walls revealed the blue ocean. There was an elegant fireplace, and on the creamy white walls hung exotic paintings that I made a mental note to snap pictures of and send to Marilyn.

We climbed a winding staircase and walked through a hallway. The house had many rooms. Travis stopped at a door, twisted its knob, and invited us inside.

The room was enormous and as lovely as the rest of the house, overlooking the beach, and Jahdiel and I simultaneously let out a gasp of amazement.

"I want to stay here," she said immediately, hurrying to the window to look at the wonderful view outside.

"Your room is the next one," Travis chuckled. "This is for Rebecca."

"I'm sure my best friend will understand," she said, looking at me with doe eyes, and from behind me, I heard Heath groan softly and mutter something under his breath. "Right, Nicole?"

"Of course, you can stay."

She let out a bubble of laughter that sounded happy and carefree and directed Heath to place her bag on the polished marble floor.

"Nellie will be expecting you downstairs in ten minutes," Travis carefully dropped my bag on a couch. "You should get ready. I'm sure your practice won't take long, then we can all have lunch in about an hour."

I nodded, then thanked him. I missed the funny guy I'd known at first. Well, he was still that guy, but not towards me.

"Hey, Jahdiel," Heath said, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. "Wanna come downstairs after a while? We're going to snack a bit and maybe lounge by the pool."

Her cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. "Yeah, sure."

"I'll see you then."

Then they left.

I threw myself on the bed, sighing, a little jealous that I couldn't join the fun.

But I wasn't even here to have fun. I had more pressing things to do.

***

Ten minutes later, when I went downstairs in my tight crop top and sweatpants, Cornelia was seated in the midst of everyone else and snacking heavily.

All eyes shifted to me, and I crossed my arms over my chest. Jahdiel was still upstairs sorting through her stuff, and I caught Heath's curious expression, as if asking why she didn't come down with me. I shrugged at him.

"I thought you wanted us to practice," I addressed Cornelia, who held a very big burger with all ten manicured fingers close to her mouth.

"No one has eaten anything today," she replied with an air of annoyance. "We're all hungry. You must be, too. Come join us." The burger suffered a bite.

"No thanks, I'm okay."

"Suit yourself."

I gave an inward sigh. "Do you have a problem with me?"

She looked surprised at the confrontation, and everyone stopped whatever they were doing to watch us. Cornelia swallowed.

"Of course not."

"Does it mean you're like this with everyone else, or is it just me?"

Luke choked on something and grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it down. Willow shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Jillian immediately reached out and started stroking Huxley's fur, even though the dog was napping at Leslie's feet. Travis and Heath had gone absolutely still.

The sudden tension chilled me to the marrow, and I was filled with confusion.

"I'm like wha-"

Leslie touched Cornelia's arm, cutting her off. "Why don't you two go ahead and start practicing?"

With a grunt, she placed her burger on a plate and stood. She walked past me to a far end of the livingroom, where the others could still see us.

I noticed she'd changed and wore shorts and a sports bra. I couldn't help but admire her figure. She cleared her throat lightly for my attention.

"You want to express yourself, tell a story, but also have a certain level of freedom," she began slowly, her eyes assessing me. "So don't ever hold back, Rebecca. Go all out."

Don't ever hold back.

Go all out.

Got it.

The next ten minutes were spent doing warm-ups. We did cardio and stretched. Then she taught me how to execute ball changes and chasses.

"Moves can evoke different emotions based on how they're executed," she instructed. "A quick move will portray an absolutely different emotion than a slower one."

She asked if I knew how my body moved and if I had a connection between my mind and body. I said no. The next twenty minutes were spent with me moving along an imaginary grid to build muscle memory.

"You're way too cool, Rebecca, and it's a weakness when it comes to dancing." She circled me authoritatively, eyes assessing me critically this time. "Contemporary dancers make full use of their faces. You need to make facial expressions when you dance."

"I'll need to practice in my mirror for that." A chuckle escaped from me.

"No, you need to embrace your emotions and open up to the world through your craft, ma'am."

I pursed my lips tightly.

She took me through time, weight, flow, and space, teaching me how to master them. Then we were practicing safe movements.

"Look closely," she said before dropping onto the floor and rolling across it. "What did you see?"

"You didn't use your joints," I said. "You used the softest parts of your body as the point of contact."

She looked impressed. "Excellent. Also, when jumping, land on the balls of your feet rather than flat-footed; that way, your body can absorb the shock of hitting the ground." She demonstrated it for me to pay attention to.

At the end of two hours, I already felt like a pro, even though I wasn't anywhere close. Cornelia called it a day, impatient to go hang out with her friends who were getting ready for the pool.

I was happy and buzzing with excitement. Even after she left, I stayed and practiced everything we'd learned in the livingroom. I didn't know for how long. My muscles screamed from the unfamiliar moves, but I thought of being evicted on Friday, thought of my aunt, and pushed on.

It was dark by the time I collapsed against the floor, chest heaving. I looked to the livingroom, where they'd been snacking earlier. Lunch had been skipped.

Everyone had left, but I could smell dinner cooking, pots banging, the short, delighted barks of the dog, and the laughter of Frances and Miranda ringing out through the house.

Jahdiel was fast asleep but stirred awake when I entered our room. I kicked off my flip-flops and headed to my bag.

"What time is it?" She stretched with one arm, using the other hand to cover a yawn.

"Probably six." I pulled a towel and a couple of toiletries. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"Yeah, I brought some snacks." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. "I dozed off right after eating." A look of realization flashed in her eyes. "Shit, Heath was waiting for me downstairs."

I remembered how I caught him anxiously glancing towards the stairs, as if expecting her to appear any moment. "He sure was."

She wrung her fingers together. "He makes me so... nervous. But it's not in a bad way."

I gave her a knowing look, and she blushed.

"It's not what you're thinking, I swear." She stuttered out an explanation. "I don't like him-"

I couldn't help it. I laughed at her panicked expression, and that made her look more mortified.

"Jahdiel, it's absolutely fine. Who cares if you have a teeny bit of a crush on him?"

Her tensed muscles relaxed visibly as she thought about it. "Yeah, who cares?"

"See?"

Her eyes rounded with laughter. "Nicole, you sneaky little-"

I narrowly avoided a pillow to my head and ducked into the adjoining bathroom, cackling loudly.

The walls between us were crumbling, even if it was little by little, and I felt so relieved I ended up fucking crying in the shower.

Holy hell. I loved my friends so much.

***

I was almost done journaling my dance progress in a blue diary I'd brought along when Jahdiel finished combing her thick brown hair. I quickly ended it and placed it on the nightstand at the side of my bed.

We made our way downstairs, where everyone was already seated for dinner. Scattershot conversations went on between Cornelia and her friends, between the boys as they marveled at the heaping plates, and through the happy chaos of it all were loud but gentle reminders of the women telling everyone what to try.

Travis looked our way, and I felt my throat drying up as he looked me over. I tried not to squirm and feel self-conscious in my mint-colored shorts and blue shirt.

My breasts were so small that I didn't bother with bras sometimes, now included, and I prayed earnestly to Jesus that my suddenly hard nipples wouldn't show through the fabric.

"You look so sweet, Nicole." Frances's eyes were full of adoration, and I couldn't help but blush at the sincerity. "Jahdiel, darling, you too. Hurry, have a seat, and eat."

Jahdiel sat next to Leslie, and I sat beside her. My gaze traveled warily over all the food: roast beef, pasta and marinara sauce, seafood, grilled chicken, and bowls of fruit salad and all sorts of desserts.

Everything looked and smelled so good, and Jahdiel was already helping herself to a plate of pasta and a large piece of chicken. I bit my lip, anxiously wondering what to do. Finally, hoping no one was paying attention, I reached for a bowl of fruit salad, pushed it towards me, and bit a slice of apple.

"So, Nicole, how was practice today?" Frances heaped Heath's plate with more helping as she asked. The noisy table quieted as everyone turned to listen to my response.

"It was perfect," I said honestly, beaming. "Cornelia is a really great teacher and so talented."

She looked surprised that I'd praised her, and she smiled a little. "Well, you're not bad yourself either, and you were a really great student. You just need to practice more and let go."

"I'll be sure to remember that, miss ma'am." I made a show of bowing my head like a respectful Asian.

I observed the easy affection between Travis and Frances and how he looked out for everyone, well, except me.

He argued with his mom that he turned nineteen four months ago and hence deserved some wine, but Frances stood her ground, saying she didn't want the kids feeling left out as they stuck to the fuzzy stuff.

Luke joined him in protesting, but in the end, Miranda joined Frances, and with such force as a backup, the duo won.

Cornelia sneered in victory at her brother's defeat. Jillian and Willow tried convincing the boys that lemonade wasn't so bad, an assurance that made Heath cringe and Luke physically gag. Leslie helped herself to another serving. Jahdiel fed Huxley.

My throat clogged up with emotion, and I couldn't even join the next round of banter that happened at the table about everything from basketball to fashion. It was the messiest but most bonding dinner I'd ever lived to experience. Even Jahdiel joined in, screaming her opinion one or two times.

I lowered my eyes at my fruits for a very long time, feeling a burning in my chest, my eyes stinging tears that were on the verge of spilling. It was as if all the air in this enormous dining room was sucked out, and I couldn't breathe.

Why won't he at least look at me?

When dinner was over, everyone trudged out of the house, announcing that they were heading to the beach. Luke happily called for me to join, and I snuck a glance at Travis, who was busily joking with Cornelia and Jillian. My chest tightened again.

No, I couldn't do this. I'd thought it'd be easier to stay away from him, but how fucking wrong I was. The pain of him ignoring me was searing, like somebody held a chainsaw to my heart, and I couldn't take it.

I told Luke I was feeling a little tired after all that practice, and they left, all excited chatter and happy laughter.

I stayed back to help the women clear the table despite their protests for me to go out and have fun, and when I was done, Jahdiel had returned and was seated on one of the livingroom sofas, her guitar held against her middle.

"What's up?" I asked as I approached her.

"Can you please return with me to the beach?" Her eyes were filled with uncertainty. "I really want to be there, but I can't be there alone."

I wasn't counting on going to the beach, not when he would keep ignoring my existence, but she looked so eager that it was difficult to resist. Plus, it'd been a long time since I heard Jahdiel play, and I wanted to hear her.

"All right," I gave in. "Let's go."

***

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