We're Pretend Kidnapping

"ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʙꜱᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀꜱ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀɢᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇᴍ."

"Alaric?"

"What?"

"I kind of need your help..."

"With?"

"Pretending to be kidnapped."

. . .

. . .

"What did you do this time?"

"So you'll help?"

"I didn't say that." 

"Well then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're an idiot for getting yourself into trouble."

"I didn't say I was in trouble."

"You need help pretending to be kidnapped - if you weren't in trouble, you wouldn't be asking me for help."

. . .

. . .

"Touche."

"So? What did you do?"

"I'm just going to assume you'll help - look I... I don't really know how to explain this - or if it's safe for me to explain this over the phone, but I need you to open my bedroom window every night around 10 or 12."

"That's a two hour window. Be more specific."

"I'll text you the time details."

"I'm assuming a rotating time schedule?"

"... How did you know?"

"It's what I would have done."

"Sounds like you've done it before."

"I have."

. . .

. . .

"Right... Anyways, if I don't pretend to be kidnapped, you're parents might be in danger, but I still need a place to sleep so-"

"Then don't sleep in your own room, dumbass!"

"Then where should I sleep? In your room?"

"Yeah."

. . .

. . .

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Stay with Collie in my room, but don't touch anything. I'll sleep in your room. It used to be mine, so my parents won't say crap - they'll probably think I'm just protesting or something stupid like that."

"Umm alright, then..."

"Where are you staying for the day time?"

"I'm going to school then staying at a friend's place-"

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO SCHOOL STILL?!"

"Because I'm a damn nerd! I need my good grades even if my life is in danger, you twit!"

"You're an idiot."

"Thanks, Captiain Obvious."

"I'll need a complete explanation and two weeks worth of homework for every week you want me to do this."

"Can do."

"I'm serious - oh, and if it has something to do with that boyfriend of yours with the sword, I hope you know that if I ever see his face, I'll make sure you and him never put my parents in danger again."

"Firstly, not my boyfriend. Secondly, it's good to know you still love your parents."

. . .

. . .

"Shut the hell up."

. . .

. . .

"I knew you were intelligent, Alaric. It's good to know you do, too."

. . .

. . .

"BEEP BEEP - This call has ended."

. . .

"Thanks, (Y/N)."