I was dreaming.

How did I know? Because I couldn't move my body.

I was looking at myself in the mirror, dressed in a Snow White dress with a soft veil tucked into my hair. Diamonds on my neck and sapphires in my hair, they were my something new and something blue.

The only thing I borrowed was the knife in my hand.

"Take it," Kiran my oldest brother pushed the knife into my hands. "Consider this my gift for your wedding."

I said nothing, blankly staring at him.

Out of all of my siblings, he looked the most like my father. The same angular jaw, the same dark eyes, and the same sharp nose.

"Say something, dammit!" He hissed at me. "Scream, cry, or make a bloody scene. Something so that I know you're alive."

I had a lot of things I could say but the moment the words landed on my tongue, my mouth refused to open. Perhaps it was fear...or maybe I saw no point trying to speak.

I was to be married to a man a hated that was chosen by my father. All the things I worked for were for nothing.

I had finished Med School and was looking forward to joining a residency. I wanted surgery because it was exciting.

And now...here I was.

How else was I suppose to feel? Happy? Grateful?

"You're as hopeless as you're useless." He groaned, rubbing his hands through his slicked hair. "This was a terrible idea. We shouldn't agreed to this."

Kiran paced in my room. I shrunk into myself with his every movement.

I. Was. Suffocating.

I wanted to run. I wanted to jump out the window. Something, anything to get me away from this nightmare.

I remembered this day.

I was going to kill myself after the wedding with the knife my brother gave me.

"Meera," he tilted my chin to look up at him. I couldn't read his eyes. "If you want this to stop...say something. Jacob Ottavia is a madman. He'll kill you."

Once again, I kept quiet.

I looked at myself in the mirror again, this time watching the tears slip down my face.

Kiran cursed, turning around on his heels and stalking out the door. The door slammed and I flinched at the loud sound.

I didn't hear anything for a while.

The door opened and I turned around expecting Kiran.

Instead, it was much worse. It was my Husband to be, Jacob Ottavia, the head of the Octavia Family.

"Hello, darling!" He said, the smile on his face sharp. I could hear him lock the door. "I know it's terrible luck to see the bride before the ceremony but I've heard something."

When I said nothing he walked up to me. His hand came up to caress my face before grabbing the back of my hair and pulled my head back so I could look at him.

I whimpered at the pain, the only sound I made all morning.

"You're brother is trying to break the wedding. Did you know that?"

I did not.

His face was so close to mine that I could smell the whiskey on his breath. "There's something your annoying brother forget, I don't like to give my things away. You're mine."

It was quick. My mind was dissociating so bad that I couldn't react.

I was on the ground, Jacob was on top of me.

He smelled of whiskey and smoke, his hands trying to push the skirts of my puffy wedding dress up.

I don't know why but that was the moment I came back to my senses. I started to struggle and scream, my nails scratching at his face.

I hear the back of my bodice being ripped open and my veil being torn off.

Jacob slaps me once. My head whips to the side at the force.

I spot the knife my brother had given me earlier. The golden and jeweled hilt glinting in the light. I managed to grasp the hilt.

He's laughing as he watches me struggled. I'm so angry, it comes up hot and scorching, blinding my mind.

I raised the knife and bring it down. Jacob Ottavia looks confused as he feels pain. He looks into my eyes, anger and madness mixed in.

I wretched the knife out and bring it down again and again and again till the front of my dress is stained scarlet.

Jacob Ottavia slumps next to me on the plush carpet. I scramble away, silently sobbing as I press my back against the wall.

He was the first man I ever killed.

The door is broken down. The scene is ghastly. The groom is dead and the bride is in a corner with a blood stained dress.

Jay Ottavia is the first one in the room. He sees his brother and then he sees me.

I know he's going to kill me. I squeezed myself into a ball, hoping the end is quick. Instead Jay takes the knife from my hand gently and wipes away the blood on my face.

"Good job, love." He said, smiling at me angelically. "You've done my work for me."

"I'm...I'm sorry," I splutter out. "I didn't...h-he tried to—"

He shushes me. "That's alright, love. We can just replace one groom with another." Jay leans down and whispers into my ear. "You didn't think you could leave that easily, did you? Where ever you go, Meere, I'm going to find you."

The words sent a chill down my spine.

He got up and nodded to his brothers body. "Clean that up and find a new dress for the bride. Make sure she walks down the aisle," he said to his men. "We need to inform Akhil Singhania."

I'm hosted up and placed in front of the vanity. I'm shaking and crying but non of the people around me care as they peel my blood stained dress off my body or scrub away the blood.

Kiran comes back, furious and fuming. He sees me covered in blood and the room that's been trashed.

He's probably heard by now what happened.

"Get out," he hissed at the maids. "Get the fuck out right now!"

He kneels in front of me, clutching my hands.

For the first time in my life, he's looked at me with pity instead of hate.

"Listen to me," he said, his hands crushing mine. "You're mother is here and she's waiting for you. Got that?"

I nodded numbly.

"Good. I'm going to distract them, you need to run as fast as you can and get to her. She's outside in the car. There's a plane waiting to take you to L.A."

"I...I dont understand..."

"You're going to die!" He roared. "Father doesn't care as long as he has the Ottavia's support."

"Why are you doing this?"

He glanced behind him and lowered his voice. "I have done nothing for you as a brother. I won't pretend to be a good one now because I don't deserve it. But this is madness...father made a bad move."

"He'll hunt me down!"

He got up, towering over me.

"Don't get caught. Despite father saying your useless, I know you're intelligent." Kiran said gravely. "Run as far and as fast as you can. You will be hunted but at least you'll be alive."

"Kiran!" I grabbed onto his jacket, my eyes begging him for something.

He ripped the fabric from grip, his hand reaching for his gun.

"This is my gift to you on your wedding day, Meera." He stated. "Don't waste it."

*****

I woke up in the car.

Jay brought us the the beach.

Resting just offshore were the familiar lights of the SS Singhania's and a small dingy waiting for us to ferry us there.

I dreaded the fact that Jay had prepared this much. All for me.

I needed to stay on this beach so that Ivan could find me. I knew how to stall Jay.

I shrugged his men off and walked up to Jay, stopping just a few feet in front of him.

He always been twisted, even more so than his brother.

"Jay," I said. "Let's make a bet."

He looked intrigued by my suggestion. "And what would that bet be, love?"

"Just between you and I," I said, glancing at his men. "No one else."

"You're entertaining me tonight. Very well, go on."

"A duel." I feel the wind pick up around us. "You told me once that you liked knife fights, right? So...let's have one. Just you and I."

"And the terms?"

I balled my hands into fists to stop myself from trembling. "If I lose, I'll come with you and you won't hurt Ivan. If I win, you let me go."

"That's not fair."

"Fine. If I win, I get to kill you and your men can't stop me."

"That's more like it!" He laughed. "I got to give it to you, love. You've always been the one to make things exciting for me."

"Deal?"

"Deal?" He pulled out a knife from his breast pocket and tossed it in front of me.

There was a full moon tonight. It could the bejeweled hilt of the knife, the same knife I used to kill Jacob Ottavia with.

As I said, twisted.

I picked up the knife, resting it's weight in my hand. It felt strange holding it after so many years.

"You know the rules," Jay said, picking up his own knife. He twirled it in his hands with a practiced ease. "You have to land three cuts on your opponent to won, no more and no less.

"Thanks, I think I got it," I kicked off my heels, not caring where they landed.

If I was going to go up against Jay then I needed to have an advantage of not tripping over fancy heels.

I picked up the hem of my dress and sliced the soft fabric up to my knees. Now I had room to move and nothing to obstruct me.

Jay ordered his men to draw a circle around us, making sure keep several feet of distance between us.

I must've looked awful. My dress was torn, my hair was in a messy pony tail, and my eye liner had smudged. I must've looked like a vengeful ghost.

His men watched us, edging closer to the confines of the circle as we danced around each other.

None of us made the first move.

Jay moved like a panther, there was an ease in his movements. They are fluid and his footwork was precise.

I moved different, I was more cautious and defensive. I raised my sword up, not giving him a proper opening.

His eyes flashed as he pushed forward, his blade arcing through the air and whooshing just past my ear. I pulled away, blocking his next blow and coming up behind him.

Jay had his back to me, too slow to defend it. I raised my knife, the sharp tip catching his crisp white shirt and tearing the skin underneath it in a shallow cut. Blood bloomed like poppies, radiating out like bloody petals.

He let out frustrated sound, pulling away from me.

"Well done, little Singhania," he reached behind him. His hand came back, stained with blood. Jay looked at it with strange fascination, as if he didn't expect that from me. "You made me bleed. That's impressive," he said. "But not enough."

It was fierce and cruel. I was good at dodging his knife and he never let me get close enough to strike him.

I made a mistake by trying to got for his throat. Jay blocked my arm by grabbing it and pulling me close.

His knife was on my throat. Jay kissed my forehead and sliced his knife into my neck.

I screamed and pulled away. It was a shallow but but fucking hell it hurt.

The circle around us was constricting. It was as wide as it needed to be but we were driving each other to the edge.

We ended up with two cuts each.

Him with one one his back and another on his left arm, courtesy of me.

Jay got the side of my neck which had stopped bleeding but it sting each time I moved, slowing me down. 

"Who taught you to fight, love?"

"A dear friend of mine," I said, circling him. "She's good with a knife."

"I should pay her a visit once we're done here."

"She will kill you."

Jay brought his knife up, attempting to aim at my face. I dodged just he kept jabbing at my defense with snake like accuracy.

Out blades snagged together. Neither of us disengaged as we did the past few times. It was a battle of strength and I was losing.

He pushed hard and I felt blade slice through my skin, digging into my shoulder.

It was two for two now.

I let out a barely contained scream as Jay dug the edge deeper, causing blood to spill onto the sand.

The both of us stood there, panting hard and still as statues. My chest was heaving, trying to get oxygen into my lungs. I didn't know how long we had been fighting each other, it could've been a few minutes or an hour.

Jay looked fatigued too. A sheen of sweat had broken out, making his hair stick to his forehead in little curls. Once upon a time I would've found it endearing.

His eyes searched my face as it twisted in pain. I didn't seen any malice or hate, I just saw regret. And anger, a bone chilling and overwhelming sense of anger that seeped like blood from an open and festering wound.

He lifted his hand up, cupping my face. It wasn't as gentle or tender when Ivan did it, his palm stuck to my face uncomfortably because of the blood. This was about control. His nails dug into my cheek to the point of pain, keeping my attention on him.

I hated how his touch felt. It made my skin crawl.

"There was a time where I wanted you," Jay said, his thumb running across the broken skin of my lips. I stung as if he had jabbed a needling into the sensitive skin. "My stupid older brother always kept you to himself. If it wasn't for him in the way, I wouldn't have forced you to kill him."

"What?"

He pushed down. "Who do you think gave him that whiskey? Who lured your guards away from your room? Who gave the idea of giving you the knife?"

"I'm not yours," I spat out. "I never was."

"Oh, Meera. Why couldn't you love me? Why couldn't you adore me?" He asked, softly. "I would've made you happy. I would've given you everything your heart desires. Why?"

I pulled away, feeling the blade rip away from my shoulder.

A scream echoed in my throat as I laid sprawled out on the ground, clutching my injured shoulder. I felt the sticky feeling of blood between my fingers, I knew I wouldn't die from blood loss but this could cost me the fight.

Jay just stood there with his sword. His hand was still reached out where I had been, clutching at nothing but air.

I didn't know if I should pity his for being so delusional or just kill him and get it over with.

Why?!

Why was he toying with me?!

"You?" I said incredulously, pushing my hair out of my face so I could move better. "Why didn't I love you, Jay? Seriously? You're really asking me such a stupid question." I spat out venomously, pointing the tip of my sword at him. "Because you're horrible and cruel and you didn't really love me. You just wanted someone loyal to you to control and when I refused to be that person, you framed me for the murder of your brother!"

I stood up on shaky feel. My legs trembled as I straightened my back. Once upon a time, I actually felt afraid of this man.

Now all I just see it a power hungry man throwing an epic temper tantrum.

Yeah, well....I've seen worse. And I've been through worse.

How did this man become my biggest nightmare? All I saw was a spineless man and a thief standing in front of me.

"You've called me a coward and a whore for living the life I want." I raised my sword up, only one hand gripping the hilt. "You're brother was horrible but so are you."

I lunged at him, slamming into him with full force. We both went down in a tangle of limbs.

Pain flared all along my side. Before he could get up, I scrambled to pinned his chest down with my knee.

Jay just looked at me with widened eyes as he stared at the sword in my hands. I could feel his fear, it was palpable.

"Guess what, Jay?" I tightened my grip on the handle of the knife. "I'm not a good person either."

I raised it in the hair and brought it down, watching it sink into the sand next to him. The edge of the blade nicked his neck, small as a razor burn but it still counted. I made him bleed.

Three to two.

I had won.

I left the sword in the ground next to him and got up, stumbling away. His men looked at me in shock, some of them reaching for their guns but I quick glare from me was enough to make them think twice. Their eyes shifted between me and Jay who was still laying in the sand, staring up at the sky above.

I must've been a terrifying sight to him. What fresh hell could I have possibly crawled out from for them to look at me like that?

My dress was ripped, my hair was messy, and I could smell the scent of blood and sea water sink into my skin. It reminded me of how I was nearly a decade ago, bleeding and frightened as I ran away from everything I've ever really known. But this time was different——because I won.

"You want to know the difference between me and my family, Jay?" I sat down in the sand, clutching my arm. "I know how to show mercy. So remember this the next time you appear before me: I'll drive a knife right through your blackened heart and watch as you choke on your own blood."

He turned his head weakly to the side, a weak smile on his face that just looked twisted than tired.

"You're just like your brothers."

"No," I said. "I'm worse."

*****

"Meera!"

I felt tears gather in my eyes as soon as I heard Ivan. It was just overwhelming feeling of relief when I saw him barreling down the coast line with his men. Eddie and Felix were next to him, packed with armor and guns that would put the special forces to shame.

"Ivan." I gasped out when he was closer to me, a grin on my face.

I opened my arms as he came near me.

Ivan's had a look of desperation as he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up, causing my bare feet to dangle from the ground and clutching me to him as if I was going to evaporate like sea foam.

"You're safe," he kept on repeating in my ear, his hands getting lost in my hair. "Thank god, you're safe."

"I'm okay." I held onto him tightly, mindful of my injuries. "I'm going to be okay from now one, Ivan."

Ivan carried me to the car. Something about this was very familiar.

"What about—"

"Hell never hurt the ones I love again," I said, tucking my head underneath his chin and settling ion. "I kicked his sorry ass and if he tries anything like that again, he knows that I'll kill him."

"You are amazing," Ivan said, kissing the top of my head. "But please, for the sake of my sanity and my heart, don't ever do something like that again."

Both of us were in the hospital, this time in the same room where Haley and Andre fussed over us. Nurses came in and out of the room, carrying paperwork and bandages in their hands.

Haley carefully stitched on my shoulder, her fingers nimble and fast.

"It's going to scar," she said, picking up the bandages. "I'm sorry but——"

"I don't mind a scar. Thank you, Haley. For everything you've ever done for me," I said, placing my hand over hers. Her eyes turned watery but she looked away, clearing her throat.

"Of course," she said, her voice wavering. "I really want to hug you."

"You can."

"But—-"

"Cmon!" I opened my arms. "You're not getting this chance again so you'd better——"

In a blur of red and white, Haley had her arms wrapped around me. Her red curls smellier like strawberries and her shoulder was a comforting place to rest after such a long, long day.

Andre was a different matter.

Ivan had insisted that we stay in the same hospital room.

Andre—who looked like he was going to lose his hair— turned around, hands on his hips.

"Now I want you two kids to behave." He said pointed at the both of us.

"Yes, sir!" I mock saluted.

"I mean it."

Ivan lifted his head up from his pillow, "I'm not a savage, Dr. Carlton. Thank you for letting us be in the same hospital room."

"Oh yeah?" He scoffed and narrowed his eyes. "Those hickies on your neck tell me a different story."

As soon as the doors closed, Ivan threw off his covers and limped over to my side of the room.

"Ivan," I scolded. "What are you doing? You'll hurt yourself again!"

It was in vain. He just gave me this kicked puppy dog look that instantly mealies my resolve. If I wasn't injured, I might've been a bit more strict with him.

Anya was right, I do spoil him.

"Fine. Get over here." I sighed deeply and lifted the sheets, letting him in. He laid down next to me, mindful of my shoulder. Ivan was grinning like a little boy, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he held my hand in his hands.

"Sweetheart." He said, the word full of reverence.

"Don't 'sweetheart' me," I said, smacking his chest. "I told you not to come after me. You could've nearly died."

"Are really lecturing me about orders?" Ivan raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry Miss-Let-Me-Follow-The-Crazy-Man. You could've died too!"

"I had a plan," I muttered.

"Oh yes," he said in tone so dry it was nearly scorching. "Nearly giving me a heart attack and challenging that psychopath to a duel. Have to admit, didn't really see that coming."

"What can I say, I'm just—-"

Ivan kissed me, his hands encircling my hips as he plundered my mouth.

I closed my eyes, tilting my head to deepen the kiss. His lips were chapped from the air conditioning but he tasted sweet on my lips. My hand slid up the column of his neck, feeling his thundering pulse on my palm.

His hands were in my hair, blunt nails scraping across my scalp. I let out a soft moan, feeling butterflies flutter in my stomach. 

I could hear the beeping on the monitor grow louder.

He pulled away when I bit his lips in warning, breathing ragged.

"Sorry," Ivan said softly, leaning back down for another kiss that was as amazing as the first. "I was so scared for you," he said against my lips. "I thought I was going to lose you forever."

He laid soft kisses all over my face as I panted for air, starting with my forehead then traveling to my eyes lips and over my cheeks and neck.

"Wow," I said, dazed. "So that's what that feels like."

"I forgot about the rule." He said, continuing to kiss my face. His lips made a trail along my jawline, nibbling softly at the hollow of my neck. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

I laughed breathily, feeling the blood rush to my face. "I'm off today. Fuck the rule. Kiss me again."

Ivan was on top of me in an instant, his forearms braced on either side of of my head as his lips pressed against mine fiercely. I kissed back, taking the lead as I slipped my tongue past his lips.

I doubted the fact that we'd get away with having sex here. Knowing that we had three guards, courtesy of Anya, situated outside just killed the mood.

And the monitors attached to us that keep the nurses on night duty aware of our respective heartbeats.

I nipped his lip, laying my hand on his bare chest and gently pushed him away. Somewhere in the messy kissing, his shirt had partially come off and his hands were gripped the hem of my tee shirt, ready to take it off as well.

My eyes raked across the body, taking in his broad shoulders and tone muscles. His shoulder had been wrapped up in bad ages, a small patch of blood blooming. I reached my hand up, my fingers holding the edges of the bandages.

There was a bruise on right flank that was turning a sickly yellow color.

I picked up his hand that gripped the bedding, prying his fingers away and lifting them up to my lips. I gently kissed his bruised and bleeding knuckles, the bandages rough against my lips.

I could smell blood and anesthetic, something that once I had associated with a boring and mundane life. But now it just filled me with excitement.

Ivan met my eyes, his blue eyes glimmering in the lowlight.

"Want me to stop?" He asked, his face hovering over mine. "It's not as bad as I looks."

"Not really, no. But......" I glanced at the door. I could see the shadows moving underneath the door. "I'd rather do this when I'm alone with you."

"You're worried."

I scowled and pulled him down next to me. His arm wrapped around my waist automatically, pulling me closer to him. He shared my pillow, staring at my face with a curious expression.

"I am." I said, touching his stubbled cheek. "You got hurt."

"This?" He asked, grinning. "This is nothing, sweetheart. I'll live and I'll recover. And you can have your filthy way with me then."

Even if tonight had been utterly exhausting, I couldn't sleep. Ivan lifted his hand, caressing my hair softly till I felt my eyes close. It felt nice.

"Meera," he called out as I dozed off.

"What?"

"Are you awake?"

"I suppose I am now." I cracked open an eyes and quickly closed it. "What's the matter?"

"I didn't get to say this before and now that we finally have a moment to ourselves, I want to tell you something." He kissed my forehead.

I opened my eyes slowly. He was still looking at me, his gaze was reverent. I could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed thickly, looking uncharacteristically nervous.

"There's days where I still doubt I'm a good man....and even now I'm still wondering if I'm worthy of you." I open my mouth but he places his finger on my lips. "Let me finish—I know one thing for sure, you make my life so much better."

"So do you, Ivan."

What I'm trying to say is...I love you, Meera Saravana. I love you more than anything."

His hands went still as he waited for my answer.

My eyes started to mist over, accompanied by the familiar sting of tears and the tightening of my throat.

I've cried a lot in these past few years. Mostly out of anger or frustration or dread. I couldn't remember the last time I cried because I was ridiculously happy.

I smiled, feeling the tears slide down my cheeks and into the pillow.

"Sweetheart?" Ivan looked bewildered as he cupped my face, wiping away the tears with his thumb frantically. "MDid I say something wrong—-?"

"No," I laughed wetly, scrubbing my hand over my cheeks. "It's okay. Everything is okay."

His eyebrows knit in confusion. "Then why are you crying?"

"Because...I'm happy. Ridiculously and stupidly happy," I said, pecking his lips. "I couldn't be happier."

"Oh, Sweetheart."

I take his hand and kiss his palm. "I love you too, Ivan." I said. "More than anything, even my own life."

*****

"Meera," Ivan shook my shoulder, trying to wake me up.

"Hmm?" I groan, wincing slightly.

Ivan chuckled, his fingers running through my hair. "Dr Carlson is here, sweetheart."

I woke up to see the disapproving face of Andre as he walked into the room with coffee.

He did not look amused.

"What did I say about no hanky panky in the hospital?!" He said, putting his hand on his hips like a disappointed father. "You know the rules!"

From the way the vein in his forehead was popping out, he was considering either murder or resigning on the spot. I felt a little bad for making his job harder than it actually was but Ivan was nice to cuddle with.

"It's not 'hanky panmy' if our clothes are on," I said defensively, sitting up. I ignored dull ache of my neck.

He raised as eyebrow. "Now, Dr. Saravana," he drawled. "You and I both know that clothes can stay on."

"Should I ask Haley?" I asked innocently, fluttering my eyelashes for an extra effect.

Game. Set. And match.

"I'll send the nurses to check on you. Please, for my sake and sanity, be...decent!" Andre picked up his clipboard, gave me a dirty look, and left the room.

"Is he always so entertaining?" Ivan asked, throwing his arm over his eyes to block out the sun.

"He's fun to tease. Haley can push his buttons properly."

"Lucky her," he said sarcastically.

"Lucky us." I pulled his arm away from his face. "We made it through the night."