IVAN

When I arrive at town house, the lights are on. Several of my men are in their cars and some stand outside the door with the guns tucked in their holsters.

They silently greet me as I walk up the stairs and into the house.

The house is quiet, I don't hear my mother's soap opera's or Dimitri's cello playing. I don't know if I should enjoy the absence of my family or not, in a small way it's a blessing in disguise.

Mom had been insistent on staying in the townhouse but given how Nik and I have been attacked on numerous occasions, I ensured that her and the rest of my siblings were safe in the family home upstate. It would be far from the madness and bloodshed.

My shoes echo loudly on the marbeled floors as I make my way to the study.

I loosed my scarf, relieved that it no longer felt like a vice around my neck. It was cold outside but I could still feel the warmth of Meera's lips on my cheek.

I wished she would do that again. My lips curved up in a smile, recalling how she had given me a sweet smile before getting out of the car.

Felix stood at the entrance of the study, giving me a raised eyebrow when he saw my face. I quickly dropped the smile which made him look at me suspiciously.

"I see you've gone for a long drive," he said in a tight voice. Felix took my jacket, draping it over his arm and brushing away imaginary dust. "It's been a quiet day, Boss."

"For you, maybe." I said.

I glanced down at his gloved hands. There was still blood on the face of his fancy gold watch. Felix glanced down, his face expressionless. "Oh," he said. "I forgot to clean the blood off."

I grinned and turned away. "Did you do what I told you to do?"

"Of course. Who do you think I am? An amateur?"

"Eddie and Nik get carried away. I don't care if you're messy as long as you get the job done." I said, as I looked around. There wasn't much staff on the house today. "It's too peaceful."

"Please don't say that." He groaned. "Don't jinx it!"

I rolled my eyes. He was being superstitious but I couldn't blame him. "Don't be so paranoid."

"This is exactly the time to be paranoid. Tell me you didn't get in any trouble." He frowned, following after me. I quickened my pace. "Boss, I know I shouldn't be saying this but——"

"Then don't," I said, cutting him off. "Unless is has to do with business, don't bother."

"Unfortunately, it does." He held firm. "Maybe you should listen to Anya and.......put some distance between you and Dr. Saravana. It would be the best. Not just for you but her especially."

I stopped under the door frame of my study. Felix waited patiently for my answer. He wasn't wrong. And that's the thing, I knew he wasn't.

Godamnit. I just didn't want to admit it.

"She's a distraction," I stated coldly, the words felt bitter on my tongue. "Is that what everyone thinks? Or is that what everyone wants me to think?"

Felix cleared his throat, shifting from one leg to another. The expression on his face was clear, he did not want to broach this topic with me.

His reluctance was answer enough.

"I mean no offense to her, but we're going to war," he continued on when I said nothing. "What if she gets caught in the crossfires? Things are getting pretty bad. Do you think nothing will happen to her? Zoya doesn't really care about casualties unless they help him."

"For fucks sakes! I know!" I gritted my teeth. Things were going to get messy sooner or later, and Zoya and I were going to be in the eye of incoming shit storm. There were two outcomes: I could either lose everything I've worked hard for or I could finally—finally—put Zoya in his place.

There was so much at stake. The last thing I wanted was for Meera to be involved. Just thinking about her being harmed because me......it made my insides turn.

I just needed more time.

I was being reckless with her. But I couldn't help it, I just wanted her more and more.

"You know what you'll have to do."

"Yeah. I just hope she'll understand," I said, letting go of the door frame. "At least...I hope she will."

The windows to my study were closed shut but the heavy curtains were drawn back revealing the back yard which was dimly lit by solar lamps. The night was dark, I couldn't make our any shape or form. All I could see was an inky blackness.

I glared out into the dark, my back towards Felix. I felt like I was being watched. Maybe I was. It could've been the cops or my rivals and I'd be none the better for it.

The feeling had been growing more and more each day in the back of my mind. Despite what I said to Felix earlier I did feel paranoid, and combine that with little to no sleep and stress——it was a bad combination that left me feeling vulnerable. I picked up a decanter on the bar cart, pouring the amber liquid into two crystal glasses. I had no ice so we'd have to settle for dry whisky tonight.

The papers on my desk were untouched. I eyed it disdainfully as I sat down in my chair. Felix picked up his glass and sat down on one of the sofa's, silently sipping his drink.

Tonight was the exception.

It had been so long since I felt alive. I didn't know if it was adrenaline or something else.

Meera had the possibility of becoming my weakness and that left me feeling on edge—-if I wasn't lying to myself, she already was. But now, I could feel all those negative feelings creeping back. All the anxiety and guilt, it just seeped into me like blood on a white carpet. I could feel how thin I was being stretched out. Sooner or later, I was going to snap.

These days, I felt my shoulders become heavier and heavier. The weight was no longer noticeable but it was still present in the back of my mind.

Anya was right. I was going to end up in an forgotten grave like dad.

"Maybe She likes you just as much as you like her," Felix oh-so-helpfully-pointed-out. He lifted his feet and placed them on the coffee table. "Dr. Saravana doesn't seem the type to be taken for granted."

"I suppose." I tilted my head, narrowing my eyes. "Meera has too much self respect."

Felix hummed. "You're between a rock and a hard place, Boss."

I chuckled at the irony. "You have no idea."

Felix placed my coat on the coat rack and made his way to the door, mumbling underneath his breath. A small part of me felt bad for stressing him our but well...nothing I could do about it. Felix was more than capable.

I wouldn't keep him around if he wasn't. I waved him away. "You need some sleep, Felix."

He gave me a dry look. "Speak for yourself."

I picked up the faded photograph that I had on my desk.

I looked younger here.

A twisted part of me wished to return to that time in my life——when I didn't have to worry so much about everything. My father's hair in this picture was more white than blonde, even at 52 years old, he looked so worn out.

I wondered just how much he went through. How hard he fought just to keep mom from seeing the bloodstains on his clothes and shoes?

Whenever I saw her, I hid my hands away behind my back. There was blood on the cuff of my sleeves and scars all over my body. I didn't want her to see the more uglier parts of me. Because if she did, Meera would run in the opposite direction.

And I couldn't even stand the thought of it!

I wanted to see her. Even now, when I was suppose to keep my distance, I wanted to see her face again.

The phone rings, quickly snapping me out of my thoughts.

I don't have to look at it to know who it is.

I pick it up and turn on the speaker. Felix is at my side, bracing his hands on the desk and glaring down at the phone. I leaned back in my chair, preparing my words.

"What now?" I answer gruffly. "Do you have nothing better to do with your time?"

"Hello, Ivan," Zoya purrs out, it's enough to make my mood worse. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything important."

"No, not at all." I said, my tone hard. "This is unexpected. Did you enjoy the gift I sent you?"

I could hear the audible clack of his jaw as he clasped his mouth shut. I smiled, envisioning the look on his face as he stared at my 'gift.'

Gorik was useful but he's outlived his usefulness when I found out that it was him and Arlo who had roughed up Nik on the night of the charity hall. Nobody—and I mean nobody—would get away with harming my family like a bunch of spineless cowards.

Felix caught my eye and grinned.

"And who's curtesy do I have to thank for that?"

"Don't be coy. It doesn't suit you." I raised my eyebrow. "You should know from the box on your table that I take threats seriously."

"How dare you—?!"

"How dare I?" I growled. "Your kid and his goons roughed up Nik, not too long ago you were scheming to take my business, and blackmail my board members."

The silence was deafening. Zoya was equally quiet which was unexpected of him.

"Everyone has weaknesses," he said. "Do you think I won't find yours?"

"I still have a scar over my chest from the last time you targeted me." I said. "Do your worst, Zoya. The Commission isn't going to protect you so I have free range."

"Touché. You have a point but I want to make a deal."

"No." I said abruptly, about to end the call. "No more deals. Fuck you very much and I hope you have a shitty night."

He scoffed. "Don't be like this, Ivan. We can come to a peaceful arrangement. You should be grateful I'm giving you this chance."

The audacity of this bastard!

Felix is listening in very carefully, his eyes narrowed at the phone. I gritted my teeth, just barely holding my tongue. There was a small chance that Zoya would let something important slip. "That's not the word I would use."

"Then?"

"Vengeful. Arrogant. Murderous." I said, ice in my tone as well as in my veins. "But most of all, I'm feeling pissed off and you're making yourself a perfect target for me. You so much as take a step outside of your territory, it's not going to be just a head on your table but the head of your entire family! Now fuck off!"

I slammed the phone down, not caring if it broke.

I could see the veins popping out from my forearm, the palms of my hands were clammy and stark white.

The glass shatters behind me.

I leapt up and launched myself over the desk as shards of broken glass flew at me. The windows burst as bullets started to spray the room I was in. The couch and floorboards are shredded, the feathers and splinters scattering around the room and obscuring my view.

Felix braces himself behind the couch, his gun is out and the safety is off. We make eye contact. I nod at him.

I leapt forward and dove behind the couch, the glass scraping my skin as I landed hard. I knew that I was bleeding, I could feel the sting of the cuts and the sticky sensation of blood coating my clothes.

I  pulled out my gun and started to fire back in the direction of the windows. I just hoped that my bullet hit someone. Enough to leave some sort of trace.

The world outside was darker, I couldn't even make out a single outline. I'll I could see were the flashes from the muzzles of their guns as they took their shots at me. 

"Ivan!"

I heard Eddie's feet run down the hallway outside my study with two additional guards.

"Fuck!" I ducked back down as a bullet whizzed a few centimeters past my ear. "Don't come in! These bastards can see us but we can't see them!"

"What do we do?" He asked through the door, his voice muffled.

I emptied the empty cartridge from my gun and inserted a new one. "Get a few men and head out towards them! I'll draw their attention!" I said. "Felix! Cover me!"

"You got it, Boss!"

I grabbed one of the pillows that hadn't been shredded and tossed it up in the air. Bullets made quick work of it, throwing feathers everywhere. It was a small window but I took it.

"For fucks sake," I groaned as I ran across the room and hid underneath the window, hissing as my palm pressed against the broken glass.

I could hear Felix shooting behind me, keeping their attention on him. I knew Felix was going to run out of bullets soon since he had given me his spare cartridge. I listened to the men out side, I couldn't see them but I could hear them.

Semi automatic weapons might be useful but like time, they ran out of ammunition too.

I heard the small click followed by the silence. Felix had stopped shooting blindly.

I glanced over the edge of the window, peering past the wooden frame and into the garden. It was still dark but I could hear the sounds of someone cursing underneath their breath. It wasn't Eddie and it wasn't any of my other men.

Got them!

Slowly, I turned over avoiding the pieces of glass on the floor and aimed my gun at the fence that separated the garden from the street. It was ten feet tall but they must've scaled it without tripping the security system.

Zoya probably told them to kill me quick and jump back over the fence. It must've been their misfortune and my fortune that they missed.

I aimed my gun towards them and squeezed the trigger. I heard a body fall to the floor and before anyone else could move, I fired again and heard someone stumble. I had killed one and injured the other.

I fired a few more warning shots, hoping that my bullets would hit something but they didn't.

"Boss!" Eddie cried out, popping his head up from the bushes. "It's us! For fucks sake, stop shooting!"

I sighed in relief and stood up, brushing off splinters and glass from my slacks. "Should've got here quicker, Eddie."

"They chained the fence door shut."

"Huh," I rubbed my jaw, my arm and side felt sore. "Tricky bastards."

"You okay, Boss?" Felix asked.

"Yeah. Just peachy."

Felix got up, putting his gun away before reaching his hand out to help me up. He looked scraped up, his hair a mess and his clothes covered in feathers and glass but overall okay. Me on the other hand, looked like I had been through the wringer.

"Well," he sighed, taking in the broken glass and bullet holes in the walls. It was a good thing Anya and my mother weren't home. "I think you might need a new office."

I plucked a few feather and stuffing from the couch out of my hair.

"No shit." I set my gun down on my ruined desk, the wood had splintered so badly that I felt like a strong breeze would blow it over. I rolled my shoulders back, feeling my sore muscles stretch uncomfortably. "Did you see anyone out there?"

"Just the guy you shot and a trail of blood leading up to the wall," Eddie sighed. He picked up the decanter of whisky that had miraculously survived and poured two glasses, one for me and another two for himself and Felix. "Found a lot of empty bullets, probably untraceable if they're smart enough. Whoever they were, they're good."

I took the glass and tossed it back in one go, feeling it burning down my throat along with the rest of my fury.

"Nobody is that good," I said, placing the glass down hard on the desk.

"I told you not to jinx it." Felix sighed behind me. I just turned around and glared at him. "I'll dig in deeper. They couldn't have gotten that far."

"We already know who sent them." I pick up my gun and empty it. There were only two bullets left and I wanted to put them in someone's head before the week was over. "You know what to do when you find them."

"You got it, boss." Felix said. "I'll bring them straight to you. But first, we need to get those wounds stitched."

Eddie sighed. "You two get the the hospital." He looked around, scratching his head. "I'll clean up in here."

*****

"Mr. Farewell!" Dr. Carlson stopped in his tracks when he saw me, his eyes going wide. The nurse next to him shrunk away, clipboard still in hand.

I gave him a strained smile. "I'm sorry for not calling ahead but," I raised my arm that had been shoddily covered in bandages, "I'm going to need someone to take care of this."

He nodded and beckoned over a nurse. "We'll get you squared away, Mr. Farewell."

I was put in one of the examination rooms as soon as I got there. Several nurses came in and out, watched carefully by the guards stationed at the door.

Felix was in the room, his hat over his face and his gun clutched in his hand. Eddie was in front of the windows, staring outside like a hawk. I could feel the anxiety coming from both of them. They looked on edge, pacing around and examining the room.

"Have we secured the perimeter of the hospital?" I asked, clutching my arm.

"Yeah," Felix said. "We did, boss. I sent extra security to the building and the main house."

I relaxed a little know that my mother and siblings were being watched over by our men. "That's good," I said. "I want updates and if we can, spare some men to see what Zoya is up to. He's not acting alone on this."

It was one thing to attack someone on the street and another to try to kill them on their own turf---especially their own fucking home.

I knew it was Zoya who had put a hit on me.

I don't know how he did it without the council approving it. I had a pretty good idea. The people who were shooting at me were well trained, their bullets were close enough to end my life. The only thing that saved me my skills and a little bit of luck.

My guess was that he had contacted someone independent, probably chose a crew and paid them good money to do this without letting the Council know. Those individuals were probably dead by now.

The door opened. Felix sat up, his hand going to his holster, ready to shoot.

"Relax, Felix. It's just me."

Meera stood in the doorway, she peered into the room. She was still wearing the old baby blue coat, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail with strands falling onto her forehead. Her eyes scanned the room and found me immediately.

I straightened up as soon as I saw her, my attention on her immediately. My back ached at the sudden movement.

Felix sighed deeply and closed the window blinds. The city light were gone, leaving only the bleak hue of the fluorescent light. He gave me a look before heading over to the door as if to say 'don't-do-anything-dumb.'

"I'm going for a coffee break," he said, tapping Eddies shoulder as he walked by. "Want anything, boss?"

"No." I waved him off, my eyes still on Meera. "Just keep me updated."

"Okay." He said. "Dr. Saravana. Good to see you again." Felix gave Meera a tired greeting before letting the door close behind him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I tried to hop off the table.

"What do you think?" She retorted, stopping me. Her hands pushed my back. "I'm doing my job."

"But...it's your off day." I glanced at the clock and then back at her.

"I come in when they need me. Dr. Carlson told me that you got cut up pretty bad." Meera said, pulling on some gloves and walked over to the cabinet, she rummaged around to look for something. "Looks nasty."

"What? This?" I raised my arm, the lose bandages still there. they had unravelled, now just drooping off my arm pathetically. "It's nothing. Just a normal Sunday for me."

She didn't look amused by my nonchalance. "The look on your face says otherwise, Ivan."

"I don't have a look on my face." I scrunched up my nose.

She didn't comment any further. Meera picked up her sutures and needles, her gloved fingers pulling them out of the packaging with practiced ease.

I eyed the needle with a wary look.

"Oh, Don't be such a baby," Meera said, grabbing the overhead light and shining it on my arm. "It'll only take a few moments. You're lucky I can use local anesthesia this time."

"How kind of you."

Meera worked silently, stitching my arm up with skillful and steady hands. The needle went through my skin, weaving the wound closed. It started to hurt as the local anaesthetic wore off but I didn't show it. I just grit my teeth and watched her instead, focusing on the details of her face that I never noticed before.

I blinked my eyes again.

She still looked beautiful to me——Even if her hair was coming out of its pony tail and her lipstick was smeared, probably because she had come here in such a hurry. I could even see the tiny mole underneath her eye that she hid away with make up.

"So, what's the prognosis?" I asked lightly, tearing my eyes away. "Think I'll live?"

"You're a resilient creature, Ivan Farewell." She said, taking off her gloves and tossing them into the trashcan. "But, it is going to scar. I can't do anything about that. Sorry."

"It'll just be another story to tell when I'm old and grey," I said, shrugging.

I had scars all over my body, more than I could count. This would just be another.

"That's concerning." She stopped what she was doing. "How many 'stories' do you have?"

"Are you afraid of me?" I asked, partially reclining backwards on the table. "Or are you afraid for me, Meera?"

"No." Her answer was quick, barely a moment of hesitation. Meera looked up from her clipboard, the corner of her lips quirking up into a lopsided smile. I wondered what she saw when she looked at me. "How could I ever be afraid of you?"

"I really wish you were."

Meera chuckled, crossing her arms. "That's would be horribly dull and boring, Ivan." She said. "Besides, I've met terrible people before. You hardly hold a candle to them."

"What do you mean by that?" I give her a confused look. "Do you mean your family?"

Meera stays silent, her eyes shift away from my face and towards the clipboard. The pen that she was writing with earlier taps at the board without rhythm.

I can't tell if she's scared or angry or mournful. Sometimes Meera closes herself off, it's like all the emotions just shut down and she's trapped in her mind. I wish I knew how to pull her out of it.

It lasts for a few seconds, the silence stretching uncomfortably.

"Meera, I'm sorry," I say, wishing for the playful banter we had earlier. "I shouldn't have——"

"My family wasn't very kind to me, Ivan. I just want you to know that about me." She said that with a pained expression, leaning against the metal cabinet. "I have my fair share of 'stories' as well. I don't trust anybody very easily but you make it so easy for me to trust you. I know I shouldn't, it's stupid and irrational. We've only known each other for less than a year but.......I feel like you can understand everything." That was the most vulnerable expression I've seen on her face. I could see the pain that she hid away so carefully. It was so raw and visceral that I wanted to cross the distance between the both of us and wrap my arms around her. Meera shooked her head, a bitter smile on her lips. "God, it's so stupid. Please ignore what I just said."

I had my suspicions. But I didn't want to confirm it.

I guess we weren't so different after all. I held myself back, just barely.

"It's not stupid," I said, reaching out to grab her hand before she could turn away. "Because I do understand. I might not know anything about your family or what you've been through but I do understand what it's like to feel alone and afraid. Fortunately for me, I had my family to support me and sometimes I don't mind sharing that.'

She scoffed with little malice. "Sometimes I feel like it's a performance. If I smile, maybe I can stop feeling so terrified on the inside. Isn't that just so stupid?"

"Meera——"

She raised her hand up. "Don't. Please don't pity me, Ivan. I don't want that from you."

"I'm not!" I got up from the examination table, ignoring the pain in my arm. "I wouldn't insult you like that. I just......I wish I could be stronger for you so you can lean on me—I mean us. You see—-We're Farewell's, obviously, we're protective of the people we care about."

"Ivan....."

I sighed and caved in. I took the last step forward and wrapped my good arm around her shoulder. She didn't hug me back and that was okay. At least she wasn't pulling away. As long as Meera knew she wasn't alone, that was good enough for me.

"If you ever need me or you feel scared, don't forget that you have so many people around you who care." I pulled away, looking down into her brown eyes. "Including myself. I'd do anything for you."

"Oh." She said, faintly.

It was quiet here. I couldn't hear much other than my own heart thundering in my chest and the faint sound of the air conditioning unit. Meera moulded herself into my side, her face buried in my shoulder. I could feel her arms hovering at my sides, hesitant to embrace me.

Maybe she wasn't ready and that was okay. She could come up to me in the middle of the street and hug me anytime she wanted, and I wouldn't object one bit. I didn't know what Meera wanted from me but at least, I could give her this. Even if it was for a short amount of time. I just hoped that in the future, she'd tell me the truth, I didn't care if it hurt me, I just wanted to know on her terms.

I pulled away from her. She silently picked up my jacket and scarf. She draped the jacket over my shoulders gently, mindful of my arm. I wanted to lean down and kiss her. I focused more on the pain in my arm than that urge. It worked.

"Hopefully you won't have to stitch me up too much in the future," I said, jokingly.

"We'll see," she said, tying the scarf around my neck gently. "Or maybe you'll do something reckless and end up on my table again."

"Don't jinx it," I shot back. I knew Meera was joking but I could still see the worry in her eyes. Her fingers twisted the pendant she wore, the trinket twisted around in her fingers. She looked so anxious that it nearly broke my heart. "Hey," I said, softly. I placed my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me. "I'm going to be okay."

Her eyes flashed with worry. "You say that and then I have to stitch you up."

"I know," I said. I wasn't sure if I was lying without knowing it, I just knew that I had to reassure her. "But trust me. I know that's asking a lot but I wouldn't if I didn't trust you as well."

"Okay." She says, nodding her head. "But you have to text me. Even if it's nothing.....just let me know."

"Deal." Before I could leave, she stopped me. "Meera?"

Meera looked hesitant before she made up her mind, she grabbed the side of my face with her hands and stood on her toes to kiss my forehead. My cheeks felt like they were burning. "But, you already——" I pulled away, my heart racing in my chest. "This afternoon you—-"

"That was different," she said, holding my gaze. "That was me expressing my gratitude."

I cleaned my throat, my fingers touching the spot where she kissed me. "Then what was this for?" I asked, a little bit confused but also incredibly giddy.

She smiled. "For good luck, so you won't get hurt."