MEERA

Ivan brought me to a small bar. It's entrance was tucked away in a less busy street where the lamps flickered and the air smelled like soot.

He walked in front of me on the sidewalk, the line of his shoulders highlighted by the weak fluorescent light.

It was strange how only a few days ago I vowed to keep my distance from him and here I was, walking behind him as he talked about the food at his favorite bar. It was strange how I felt the urge to catch up to him, walking with him side by side so that I could see the expression on his face.

The Ivan that I've heard of was a stoic man, his eyes never betrayed any emotion. And on the rare occasion he did show emotion, it was anger and contempt for those who tried to hurt him.

I remember him last night. Even if the haze of tequila and cheep beer lingered, I could remember the way his lips curved up into a smile when I hugged him. Maybe it was the alcohol but I felt a strange surge of happiness and joy overtake me when I saw him, my tequila fueled brain didn't seem to care about anyone else.

It was embarrassing when I think about it now. How could I just run up and hug him?! Drunk or not, why did no one try to stop me from doing that?!

I was so lost in my thoughts I nearly bumped into Ivan. His reflexes were quick, he hand an arm around me to keep me steady.

"Meera?" Ivan had stopped in front of the bar, his hand on the door handle. "If you want to go home, that's fine by me. You don't have to entertain me if you're worried."

To think that this man had a trail of blood and bodies attached to his name. Ivan Farewell, the son of a gangster, and a known gangster himself. So why was I fond of him?

Was it because he was kind to me?

Or maybe, it was because I could understand how he must feel?

To be so fearsome and looked upon but so scared of the failure that accompanies it. I could sympathize with it. But was it really my sympathy that influenced my emotions?

Ivan was taller than me, I had to crane my neck to stare up at him. And under the light of the lamp, his blue eyes were dark like the bottomless sea. What secrets would I uncover from him?

I stepped away, loosening my scarf from my neck. "You said that this place has good food," I said. "And you said that we could split the bill."

He nodded and opened the door.

We were greeted by the smell of burning firewood and frying meat as we entered. I slid my scarf off, gathering it in my hand as I inhaled the homely scent around up.

It was cozy and warm bar, keeping the winter chill away. Only two other people were here, heads together as they murmured. They didn't seem too bothered when Ivan and I passed by them.

I chose corner booth, Ivan sitting opposite of me with his back to the wall.

We both ordered non alcoholic drinks, Ivan because he was driving and me because I don't think I want a repeat of last night. The both of us agreed unanimously for French fries and sandwiches.

"You're a good man, Ivan." I said as we waited. "Even if you don't believe it, I think you are."

He looked a bit taken aback by the sudden comment but within seconds his surprise morphed back into an emotionless mask. It was a blink and you miss it moment.

"Am I? What makes you think such a thing?" He asked. He swirled his drink with his straw, watching the clear liquid with an unclear expression. Ivan looked up, grinning sharply at me. It was not a kind look. "Aren't I villain?"

God, enough of that nonsense!

"Well, for one.....a terrible man wouldn't give a me ride upstate and bring me to his favorite bar." I replied. I plucked the lemon from my drink and squeezed it. "And two, he wouldn't suggest really good food either."

Ivan laughed. It was a lovely sound. He should do it more. It made his eyes warmer. I placed my chin on my hand, smiling stupidly.

"You don't know me really well if you think those are the qualities of a good man," He said. "Maybe you like to see the best of people."

"Then let's continue our game from this morning so I can judge further. Tell me something about yourself." I responded breezily. "So how about it, Farewell? It can be anything."

"Oh?"

He looked surprised. Did he really expect me not to ask him anything. He took me to his favorite bar. Of course, I was going to use this chance to get to know him.

The Ivan I knew in my mind and the Ivan that I've heard other people tell me we're two completely different entities.

I wanted to know which Ivan was sitting in front of me.

"Truth and truth," I said.

"Well...if you put it like that..."

"You know, it can something ridiculous too. I'm not asking for your deep, dark secrets." I suggested.

"Okay." Ivan leans back, hands folded over his stomach. "Well......I'm scared of flying."

"Really?" I gave him a suspicious look. "Flying?"

"Dead serious," he said, making an X over his heart. "Hated it ever since I was a kid. Experienced horrible turbulence when we took a family vacation."

"Wow." I blinked. I tried to imagine him as a yikes boy, trembling in an airplane seat as it took off. "That's not ridiculous though."

"It is!"

"I'll tell you something ridiculous." I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to think of something so ridiculous that it was borderline stupid. "When I was in the third grade, I kept mixing up my b's and d's."

Ivan cleared his throat, his lips twitching. "Oh."

"It's fine," I said, lifting my glass up to my lips. "I know. It's stupid."

"It's adorable."

I nearly chocked. "What?"

He lowered his head, grinning. "I think it's adorable."

Well, if that wasn't just fucking great. I felt my slowly grow warm, staring from the tip of my ears all the way down to my neck. I took a large sip, pretending that his grin wasn't the most attractive thing I've ever seen.

"Right," I cleared my throat. "You're turn."

"How long do we keep doing this?"

"I'll tell you something stupid about myself only if you do." I crossed my arms over my chest, flashing him a victorious grin. "Second hand embarrassment doesn't come for free, you know."

"Fair point."

I waited for Ivan to say something. I could practically see him rummaging through his mind for something. I wondered if he had a hard time finding happy memories.

I couldn't blame him. My happy memories revolved mostly around my mother.

"When I was seven, I ran away from home and got lost in the woods."

I covered my lower face with my hand, not sure if I should laugh or not. "Ivan, that's really sad." I stated.

He lifted a hand up to silence me, failing to hide his grin. "Trust me, it gets better."

"Do tell!"

"I stayed out there for two hours and my fad had to send in his men to come and get me!" He chuckled, his eyes going soft. "They found me in a tree, unable to get down."

"Well," I nudged him. "Better than getting a coin stuck in your nose."

"How is that possible?"

"One of my brothers dared me."

"Some brother."

I rolled my eyes, if he knew half of the story then he wouldn't be laughing. "You have no idea."

"Okay. My turn. Let's see......" he tapped his finger. "When I was thirteen, my younger sister tried to dye my hair pink. It didn't work and my dad shaved my hair off because it was a horrible peach color instead. I went to school bald."

I burst out laughing. "I know! I'm not supposed to laugh but——" I tried to stop but giggles spilled past my lips. "I'm sorry! I swear I'm not trying to be mean!"

He just looked off into space dramatically. "I can't look at the color peach the same way ever again."

"It can't be that bad!"

"You truly have no idea."

I grinned. "I didn't know Ivan Farewell could be so dramatic."

"I'm not."

"Sure."

He rolled his eyes. "It's your turn." Ivan leaned in close, his face just inches from mine. I would be lying if I said that my heart was acting strangely in my chest. His lips curl into a mischievous smile that was familiar. "Where are you really from?"

I narrowed my eyes playfully. "Ivan, you've already read my file. You already know."

"I want to hear it from you personally."

"Well, if you really want to know," I lowered my voice. "I'm from India."

"Wait," Ivan said, tilting his head. "I thought that you were from London?"

I hesitated, wondering how much I should tell him. "Well...you see—?"

"Well, if isn't my favorite goddaughter!"

I nearly fell out of my seat at the familiar voice. Ivan reached out instinctively, grabbing my arm to steady me.

I whipped my head around to see Uncle Roma leaning against the bar with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He was, as usual, dressed in a classy grey suit that made the grey hairs on his temples stand out even more.

He tipped his glass at me and grinned, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

Two of his men stood next to him, dressed in casual clothes but their earpieces gave them away. Both of them had a neutral expression but they kept their eyes on Ivan. One of them even reached for his gun but Uncle Roma waved his hand, signaling him to put it down.

"Uncle Roma?" I gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Uncle?" Ivan looked past me with a slightly puzzled look in his eyes.

Uncle Roma grinned. He tilted back his drink before sitting down next to me, casually crossing one leg over the other.

"So, I see you've been taking care of my goddaughter?" He said, giving Ivan a grin so feral it made me shiver. "I hope that you continue to do so, Mr. Farewell, you see, she's very precious to me."

Ivan returned his tone and grin, not bothering to play his game. "I think it's the opposite. She's taken care of me very well. I have the stitches to prove it." He lifted up his arm. "She's more precious to me than you think?"

I cleared my throat, trying to will away the heat in my cheeks. "Ivan?"

"Oh?" Uncle Roma raised his eyebrow, his eyes cold as ice. He glanced between us. "Is that so?"

I felt like I was caught between two immovable forces. I nervously took a sip of my drink, wondering if I should step between them or not. Ivan's stood up, stretching up to his full height as he towered over me. His hand rested on the back of my seat.

Looks like I would have to be the bigger person here.

"Please don't bully him, Uncle," I sighed.

Ivan frowned. "He's not—-"

"Of course." Uncle Roma smiled warmly, his coldness melted away. "If you say so."

He ruffled my hair gently like when I was a kid, his touch had no malice. It was just pure affection. I smiled up at him, silently thanking him with my eyes. I was so happy to see him, even if it was just for a few moments.

"It's unexpected...but I'm so happy to see you," I said.

"You've grown so much, Passoretta," he said, eyes softening. "I wish your mother could see you now. She would've been so proud of the woman you are today."

"Thank you."

"I'm so proud of you from forging your own path." He turned to Ivan, his smiling falling from his lips. I felt as if I had whiplash, he had went from loving to cold within seconds. "I hope you appreciate my goddaughter, Farewell. She's a gem."

"I know." Ivan said, glancing down at me. There were several questions that he was trying to convey through his eyes and i didn't have proper answer to any of them.

"I think you're both biased." I said.

"I'm not. I've seen you grow up in front of me." Uncle Roma assured me. "How could I not praise you?"

I sighed, knowing that I was losing to him. There was no point in drawing this out. "If you say so..."

He smiled and bent down to kiss my hand. "Until next time. I'd rather not be chewed out by the man you think of as 'nice.' Or his sister."

My face was burning at this point and I could feel Ivan staring at me. I lowered my head down, staring at his shoes. "They're not so bad, you know?"

He ruffled my hair again. "No need to be embarrassed. When this is all over, please come visit this old man."

"Of course." I smiled, warmly. "Stay safe, Uncle."

"And you as well."

He nodded and put on his hat before nodding at the both of us in a silent goodbye. I watched as he disappeared into the shadows, both of his body guards followed him closely.

I hoped that I could see him again in the future as he had asked.

"Shall we head home too?" Ivan asked, getting up and placing a bill on the table.

I tore my eyes away from the window, fishing out a few crumbled bills from my pocket and placing them on the table as well.

"That's would a good idea."

The rest of the ride was quiet until we reached the apartment.

I wondered how Uncle Roma knew I was there. Did he have people watching me? Or was it simply coincidence?

"I didn't know that Don Roma was your godfather," he said, pulling to a stop in front of the apartment building. "When did that happen?"

I didn't know if Ivan was mad or if he was simply being curious.  It was hard to read his face as he stared straight ahead. A part of me wondered if....maybe he cared.

Maybe he genuinely wanted to know things about me.  

It was sweet.

I don't know why but I let out a small scoff, smiling. "Are you angry?"

Ivan ripped his eyes away from the dashboard for a brief second. "No, I'm not."

"Then why are you so quiet?" I inquired.

"I....." he paused, releasing his hands away from the wheel and setting them in his lap. "I'm not angry. I'm......Well, I guess I was just surprised."

I don't think I'm at the point in my life to tell Ivan anything more. But the look on his face made me want to spill it all out. It was only years of self restraint and discipline that kept me from doing so.

"You don't get along, do you?" I asked, instead. "It's okay if you don't. It won't hurt me feelings."

I'm not blind. Uncle Roma had his own territory and his own men. Giving me up, even if it was for my own safety, must've been bitter for him to swallow.

For a few stable but happy years, I had grown up in L.A. with my mother. Joyful and carefree.

Uncle Roma had been kind to me, treating me like I was his own. Even his own children took care of me, taking me on picnics and playing with me during the summer months.

I missed that old man's kind words and gentle affection.

Ivan sighed, knowing he couldn't deny me an answer. "We're...... business partners."

"I see."

"I don't think he liked me very much."

"If he was a bit rude to you, I apologize. Uncle Roma has always been a bit protective of me." I said. "He has sons and no daughters."

"You are precious to him." He pointed out. "I'm glad that someone cared for you, even if they were so far away."

I glanced a the door to the townhouse, wondering if I should go in inside or not. "If you want to ask me something you should ask me now, Ivan."

"How did you become his goddaughter?"

I turned back to Ivan. My hand fiddled with the keys. "Did you see the scar that he had?" He nodded. "My mother saved his life. I was about six or seven around that time. He took care of us when......well, that's a different story." I chuckled, placing my hand on the door handle. "I owe him a lot."

"Oh."

"Ivan?" My hand was still on the door handle.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Before he could say anything I leaned forward and laid a kiss on his cheek, my lips pressed just below his eye. I let my lips linger there for a few seconds and then pulled away.

He was quiet, barely moving a muscle. His hand was frozen halfway towards the radio.

"Let's do this again. It was fun." I said, smiling. "Take care of yourself."

Without waiting for a response, I opened the door and dashed inside with my face burning hot enough to melt the snow around me. I'm certain that there was steam coming out from my ears.

I turned around, just to catch a glimpse. Ivan was still there, looking more and more like a statue. I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop myself from giggling at his shocked expression and hurried inside to the warmth of a fireplace.

Amara and Nat were on the sofa, a bowl of popcorn between them. Amara had changed into a comfier pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, her short hair tied back.

She had a glazed look in her eyes, barely blinking and hardly touching the popcorn.

Pharaoh lounged on the tv stand, his tail twitching at strange images on the screen.

They all looked so cozy.

"You've having movie night without me?" I teased as I picked up Pharaoh before he could wreck the tv.

"It's Sunday," Nat pointed out before grabbing a handful of popcorn and stuffing it in her mouth. "And you're late!"

Amara looked up at me with worrisome eyes, clutching the blanket around her. "So......how was it?"

"What?" I asked, shrugging out of my jacket.

"The date." Amara said in a duh type of way. "You know? With the guy who keeps staring at you?"

"What date? What guy?!" Nat sat up, twisting herself around to look at me. Her eyes narrowed and then a wave of realization washed over her face. "No. Tell me you didn't. You went out with Ivan?" She asked, nearly horrified. "What the fuck?"

"What? No!" I snorted, realizing that I wasn't getting out of this unscathed. Oh shit, Nat looked like she wanted to murder me. "He just offered me a ride."

"He didn't even offer me a ride in high school and I'm his kid sister," Nat glared. "Did he try anything? I swear if he——-"

"No, trust me. Nothing happened!" Absolutely fucking nothing happened. Not at all.

"Where did the both of you go?" Amara asked.

"Just a quick ride to see your father and yell at him a bit for being an idiot." I nodded to Amara. "You're welcome by the way."

Amara perked up, eyes widened. "You actually yelled at dad?"

"Yup. Ivan tried to hold me back at one point because I was so mad."

Amara laughed, getting up and throwing the blanket off of her. She wrapped her arms around me and skipped to the kitchen.

"I need my brother to keep it in his pants!" Nat groaned. She flopped back down on the sofa, limbs askew. "Meera. Don't let that idiot flirt with you. You can do so much better than my brother and I'm not saying that because I've grown up with him."

"Who said he's flirting with me?" I chuckled.

"And I'm a six foot tall pink bunny that sells coke to kids." Amara yelled from the kitchen. "Oh wait, and it's the fun kind of coke too."

"You're hilarious." I deadpan. "Stick to selling coke."

"You love me."

I rolled my eyes. "Try not to be such a drama queen. Ivan's is nice but doubt........nevermind, it doesn't matter. The point still stand. There's nothing between me and him."

"Sure, Jan!" Amara scoffed.

I turned around and pointed my index finger sharply at her. "You stay out of it." I hissed.

"Of course it matters!" Nat screeched, still laying down on the couch, limbs flailing about. "Everyone would be idiots if they didn't notice that way that he stared at you!"

"Oh? And how's that?" I asked, leaning over the couch to look at Nat.

She raised her eyebrow. "Do I really have to explain it. Please don't make me describe last night in detail! I'm begging you, Meera."

I shrug. "I don't see anything different."

Nat flicked my forehead. "You might need new glasses."

I rolled my eyes, rubbing the spot where she flicked me. "I'd say fuck you but that wouldn't phase you at all."

"That's more a compliment." She beamed. Nat sat up, nearly colliding her head with mine if I didn't pull away in time.

"How the hell is that a compliment?" Amara asked.

"Language," both of us snapped without looking back.

"You've both said worse, you hypocrites!"

"We're adults." Nat rolled her eyes, slinging her arm over the couch. "And you're a minor who's snooping around in my kitchen. Who has the seniority here?"

"Tch."

"So......" I said, rubbing my arm. "Looks like we need to talk."

"What?"

"We might need to revise the contract?" I smiled tentatively.

"Ugh." Nat flopped back. "I hate legal stuff."

"I'll pay double the rent."

Nat groaned. "Look, I'm not gonna say no to more money but that would be unfair to you."

"You literally collected money from a ten year old last week." I pointed out.

"That is different." She muttered, clutching a throw pillow to her chest. "The little brat shouldn't have pickpocketed me."

I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for a legitimate reason to take money from a kid. "How?"

"Even though it's been a short time and you know......" she waved her hand in the air. "We've been through some shit, I kinda consider you...." Nat mumbled the last part.

"Yes....I didn't quite catch the last part." I leaned in, smiling mischievously. "What do you consider me?"

"I said!" She exclaimed, throwing a pillow at me that I caught. "You're my friend! There! Happy?!"

"Oh." I held the pillow close to my chest, pulling my legs up. "That's.....that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, Nat." I smiled. "Thank you. It's an honor to be your friend."

"Don't patronize me."

Nat looked away, her ears red. She clutched the blanket close to her chest angrily. I wouldn't say it out loud because she would kill me but it was cute.

"I assure you, I'm not."

"Ugh, I hate that."

"What? Real human emotion?" Amara asked, plopping down on the couch with a fresh bowl of chips that she raided from the kitchen. "Must be awful experiencing real emotions for the first time. How does that make you feel, Nat?"

"Say another word and I'll kick you off the couch!"

"As long as you don't kick me out of the apartment, I'm fine." Amara lifted a chip to her mouth and crunches down on it loudly, giving Nat a side eye that wouldn't made my uncle proud.

I sat down next to Nat, lifting up her legs and putting it on my lap. I could still see that Nat was a little embarrassed.

"You know," I said, feeling my chest do that weird fluttery thing it did when I was happy. "You're my friend too, Nat. And I'm happy that you told me that."

"Yeah, whatever." She said. Nat picked up the remote and changed the channel. "Don't let it go to your head."

I smiled, and sat back. Glad to be home after such a stressful day.