MEERA

I woke up to a pounding headache along with someone pounding at the door.

"What the fuck?" I rasped, turned onto my side. I felt around for my phone with closed eyes, snapping them open when I couldn't find them.

Somewhere between dancing at a club and stumbling back to our apartment to play charades, I ended up sleeping on the floor of my room.

My mouth tasted like something died and I smelt like a sweaty gym sock. Well.....not the worst place to wake up. I could've woken up in someone's bed and then I would have to walk home dressed in my clothes from last night. The only pain Sleeping on the floor gave was the crick in my neck.

I stretched my limbs, glad that someone had thrown a blanket over me before passing out. There was a pack of cards on the vanity, clothes strewn all around the place and a bottle of wine on my knight stand. I looked to my right to see Haley snoring away softly on the small chaise. She was dressed in an oversized tee-shirt, her curly red hair was all over the place making her look like a snoozing lion.

The knocking on the door grew louder. I got up, stumbling over some stuff on the floor and struggled not to throw up whatever was left in my stomach.

"What?!" I snapped as I yanked open the door. "Why are you—?"

"Well good morning to you too, cuz!" A young woman stood in front of me, arms crossed over her chest and tapping her foot impatiently. "Are you going to go crazy again or would you like to screw that head of yours back on?"

Amara looked a lot different from when I last saw her. I eyed her hair dyed red at the tips and the thick eyeliner that circled her eyes. Clearly, someone was going through their teen angst phase. I chose the wise decision not to comment on it because I valued having my limbs attached to my body.

"I....er......" I braced myself against the doorframe, not processing anything. "Amara? What are you doing.......here?" I asked lamely.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She rolls her eyes. "Should I come back with an invitation?" She asked, tilting her head.

"No." I stepped aside to let her into my room. "But most people call when she plans to show up to someone's apartment unexpectedly, Amara."

"I did call you, cuz." She tied her short hair back, the red tips of her dye hair stuck out like an exotic bird."A lot of times. But I guess you were too busy having a good time to answer my calls."

"Oops." I slid my hand down my face, regretting that third shot of tequila. Never again. "Sorry."

Amara rolled her eye, giving me her best look of disappointment. She looked like she had a rough night if those bags underneath her eyes had anything to say about it. I probably made it worse with my drunken antics. This is why I impose a three drink limit on myself, I haven't had a proper bender since my med school days.

"Hey, when did you get here—?"

"There you fucking are!" Nat popped her head out of her study room, green eyes glaring the both of us. Unlike me who had lost three years of their life because of tequila and bad decisions, she looked like she had gotten so sleep. An apology was on the tip of my tongue when she directed her glare onto Amara. "Can someone tell me what the fuck is that?"

I yawned, stretching my arms. I didn't feel like dealing with Nat right now. "Someone's moody in the morning."

"No!" Nat snapped, putting her hand on her chest. "I am a moody bitch!" She pointed harshly at Amara. "That is an angsty teen."

"Call me angsty one more time!" Amara's nostrils flared. "I triple fucking dare you!"

"No! No! Absolutely not!" I stood up, digging my hands into Amara's shoulders to keep her from starting a fight with Nat. That was the very last thing I needed this morning. "That's enough. I'm not dealing with this until I have coffee and a greasy meal. Sit down."

"Or what?!" The both of them said.

I narrowed my eyes into slits. "Don't test me. I haven't eaten anything, I smell awful, and my mouth tastes like cheap tequila. I will end you."

Amara turned to face Nat, her lips twitching. "It's like being threatened by a teddy bear, isn't it?" She asked.

"Hey!"

Nat snorted. "You have no clue. She is literally the least intimidating person I've ever met. Ten-year-olds are more terrifying than her."

"I'm right here!" I exclaimed loudly.

"Right?!" Amara pointed towards me, ignoring me completely as if I was a statue. "She's too nice."

"I am not too nice!" I protested. "I'm just—-"

"Yes, you are," Nat said without hesitation. "Hey, Kid. You wanna stay for breakfast. I have a waffle machine that needs to be tested."

"You have bananas and syrup?"

"Yup."

"I'm in."

I rolled my eyes as the both of them walked into the kitchen, basically gossiping as if they weren't ready to start a catfight only a few minutes ago.

"I hate both of you," I said.

"No, you don't!" Both of them answered in sync.

*****

I walked out of the shower, dressed in a cosy bathrobe and my hair in a towel. I made my down the stairs humming something vague. Pharaoh sat on the edge of the stairs, his tail twitching back and forth as he stared at the kitchen. He was probably wary of Amara, he didn't like strangers and yet he immediately cosied up to Ivan.

I gave him a scratch behind his ears, feeling a bit better when I heard him purr loudly in approval.

"Please tell me you have something greasy to eat," I said as I walked into the kitchen, smelling the scent of waffles and sweet syrup. "I'm starving."

"There are waffles and bacon," someone said behind me. "But I doubt they're edible."

I stopped, ripped the towel away from my face, and looked up to see Ivan sitting comfortably at the table with a plate of half-eaten waffles in front of him. He put his newspaper down flat on the table.

This morning just got worse.

"I-Ivan!" I exclaimed, clutching the towel to my chest. I only had my bathrobe on and nothing else. And I looked like shit. Out of all times, why did Ivan have to be here?

"Good morning, Meera." He grinned, folding his hands underneath his chin and leaning forward. The grin was no good for my heart right now. "How's your head?"

"A bit hungover," I squeaked out. "What are you——"

"Nat saw me and just left." He said. "Care to keep me company?"

"Well, I suppose I don't have much to do."

Amara walked in with an empty plate. Nat was nowhere in sight. It was safe to assume that she had left the moment she saw Ivan. If I had known would've warned her. I didn't know the story between those two. Why was she mad at Ivan? And what did he do to incur her coldness?

"Your boyfriend is as weird as you," Amara said, pushing a mug of tea closer to me. "I thought most of the guys you dated were just plain assholes."

Tea in a mug. The horror.

"He's not my boyfriend," I muttered into my mug, my face flushing hotter than the tea in it.

"Sure." I gave her my best side glare. "Whatever you say, cuz."

"Anyway......." Ivan interrupted. I wondered if he was blushing too. I was too scared to look so I stared down at the mug which had been offending me—-which it was. "Have you seen Nat?"

I shrugged. "She's probably out."

"Out where?"

"Okay," Amara said, getting up with her plate still full. She grabbed the syrup too. "That's my cue to pretend to go look for something in the living room. You adults have fun."

"Let me guess, she snuck out the window." Ivan turned around to face me once Amara left. "And now's she at the bar, isn't she?" He asked.

"Yeah." I sighed. There was no point in pretending I didn't know. "Two of her waiters called in sick so it's going to be extra busy for her today. Poor Nat. She must be hungover."

"And you?"

I unconsciously lifted my hand to push my hair back from my face. "I'm okay."

"You drank a lot last night." He reached out, pressing his hand against my exposed forehead. "I thought you'd be in bed all day. You're a bit warm."

Ivan didn't know that the reason I was so warm was because of him. My heart was beating hard in my chest, and now that I knew I had feelings for him everything around me was in hyper-focus. I couldn't help but noticed everything about the man in front of me. The colour of his eyes, the softness of his jacket, or the gentle pressure of his touch on my skin.

I nearly choked on my tea. "Oh my god," I groaned. Ivan was kind enough to not say anything. "Did I do anything stupid?"

He looked perplexed as he titled his head. It reminded me of a puppy which didn't make any sense since this was Ivan. "Do you...not remember anything from last night?"

I racked my brain, hoping that I didn't do something extremely stupid. Most of my memories were a bit blurry. "I remember going with Nat and Anya showing up. We had a rather intense talk and then I kept drinking a lot of tequila..."

Ivan leaned forward. "And then?" he asked in a low tone. His face remainders neutral but his eyes were glimmering with excitement. "What happened after that, Meera?"

I cleared my throat. Ivan was too close and I could feel my higher brain functions leave me. I pulled away, leaning against my seat. "I Don't remember," I said, glancing up at him. "Did I do something really stupid?"

"Well......not really."

"Oh thank god," I sighed out in relief.

"But—you did call me handsome."

"Kill me now." I groaned, burying my face in my hands. I'm never touching tequila again. From this day onwards it was banned. "I thought I was just dreaming. Don't tell me I didn't do that?!"

"No, I don't think I will." Ivan chuckled. "Dream or not, I'm glad that you think I'm handsome."

"Well," I lifted my head from my hands, glaring at him through my hair. "You are--Handsome, I mean--In an objective sense."

"And you're beautiful." He replied, Obviously pleased by my response. If I am was a cat he"d be preening. "Also in an objective sense."

"Right. Thanks!" I cleared my throat. "Why are you here again?"

"I came to see you."

I rolled my eyes. "No, really. What's the reason?"

"Ivan." I gave him a flat stare and pointed my spoon at him. "Our apartment is in the opposite direction of your building. What are you doing here?"

"You asked me to," He said, smirking. "But I guess you don't remember that do you?"

"Well...I suppose...."

Ivan reached out and brushed a strand away from my face. He tucked it behind my ear. "You look different with your hair down."

"Good different or bad different?" I asked, willing my heart to not beat out of my chest. I did not need this right now!

He grins, his thumb drawing a line over the shell of my ear. "Definitely good different. It's pretty." He pulls away, the grin falling off his face. "Do you want me to—?"

"It's okay." I lift my mug to my lips, taking a sip. He didn't have to know that I was smiling. How cute. The fierce and ruthless businessman——in reality, a total flirt and a softie. "I'm glad that you find my very messy hair pretty."

"It's just nice."

Honestly, I looked like the girl from the ring with my hair like this. It was still wet and parts of it were starting to frizz into curls. And I wasn't wearing makeup. My glasses sat heavily on my nose, sliding down.

"You don't get many compliments, do you?" Ivan asked, raising his eyebrow.

It was such a simple movement and yet my heart decided that it was attractive. I turned away, pretending to fiddle with my breakfast as I felt my ears start to burn. He couldn't see my face. I had to remind myself that I couldn't afford to have an infatuation with Ivan.

I shrug casually. "I'm not very good with compliments."

"Then I'll have to just compliment you more from now on." He said. "Until you get used to them."

I turned around, fixing him with a hard look. "Flattery doesn't get you anywhere, Ivan."

"Can't stop a man from trying." Ivan tilts his head back. "What's your favourite colour?"

"Blue," I answered back automatically, deciding to play his game on a whim. "And yours?"

"Green."

I eyed his green vest and jacket. "I would've never noticed. Hobbies?"

"Me?" He thought about it for a moment. "I like to write."

"Really?" I asked, leaning forward with interest. "You never told me that."

"How would you? It's nothing something I share." He smiled sheepishly. "Truthfully, I never told anyone that. I always wanted to be a writer but....well, you know."

"Oh." I did know. Everyone knows about it. "I'm sorry."

"You're doing that again."

"What?"

"Giving me that sad look." He leaned over and flicked my forehead gently. "I don't want you to pity me."

"I'm not pitying you. I'm sympathizing with you." I said, rubbing my forehead. "That's two completely different things. There's nothing wrong with sympathy."

"But I don't want your sympathy."

I raised my eyebrow quizzically, mirroring him. "Then what do you want from me, Ivan?"

Before Ivan could answer, Anya walked in with her clothes from last night slung over her arm.

"Oh good, there's breakfast!" She plucked a waffle from my plate. "I'm starving!"

Anya sat at the table, her shoes arranged neatly on the floor as she munched on toast. She was wearing a long sleeve red shirt and a pair of flared jeans. It was probably the most casual look I've ever seen on her. She barely had any makeup on. How the hell did she look that pretty after last night? My eyes were puffy and I could still feel my stomach trying to turn itself inside out. I must've looked like a raccoon who crawled out of the nearest dumpster.

Ivan caught my eye, his lips forming into a small smile that I returned. My fingers twirled a strand of my hair, unconsciously as I wondered what Ivan would've said before Anya interrupted us.

He looked nice in the forest green suit. Not that I'd ever say that out loud.

"So," Anya said, dabbing her lips with a napkin. "What are your plans for this lovely Sunday?"

She sounded awfully cheerful for someone who interrogated me last night. I still remembered the 'talk' we had last night in very vivid detail. I wondered if Anya treated the people she disliked in the same manner. I didn't feel scared, I just felt worried. I wondered if she felt that same way. Ivan was someone precious to her. And as his sister, she just wanted to protect him. Especially from me.

Anya wasn't my boss, she was the boss of my bosses boss. It is confusing but still important.  I don't think she had anything to worry about. My feelings for Ivan——romantic or not——would be kept to myself. That was the best for everyone involved. Even if Ivan showed me kindness or held my hand or touched my hair or told me things he never told anyone before, nothing fruitful would come out of it because at the end of the day we weren't equal. Our lives and struggles were very different from each other.

"I think I need to get dressed," I said, getting up from the table. "I have errands to run."

"Meera——"

"Bye, Ivan," I said over my shoulder, hurrying away because my heart decided to undergo atrial fibrillation because I couldn't control my pesky emotions.

I wanted to go into my room, cuddle up with Pharaoh and pretend that last night didn't happen. But even if I felt embarrassed, for some strange reason I felt happy too. Maybe it was the hangover or my uncontrolled thoughts but I felt warm all over as if someone had taken a soft fresh blanket from a dryer and placed it over me.

Amara was in my room, playing with Pharoah. He tried to pounce at her but she kept dodging away, frustrating him and making his bushy grey tail twitch. She smiled a little. It was different from her smirks and smug grins, now she looked her age when she smiled like that.

"So,' I said closing the door behind me. "I'll get straight to the point. "Why are you here?"

She sat down on the bed with a huff, the smile gone from her face. Her back was to me as she faced the windows. "I just... wanted to come and see you."

"Amara—?" I approached her, feeling uneasy.

"You have a nice place and even if you're roommate is a bitch, she's kinda cool." Amara started to pet Pharaoh who had calmed down. he just watched her with his golden eyes. He always had good intuition. "I know life's been kinda shit for you these past few years but..." she trailed off, leaving her words hanging in the air between us.

I knew something was wrong. Every horrible scenario filled my head and I felt afraid for her rather than me. Amara was a little spitfire, ever since she was a kid she never listened. Mom thought it was because she was raised by Uncle Vin but now I know it's because she was like me. She must've felt very alone and scared, unsure where she was supposed to fit in. I used to invite her to my home in L.A. whenever I could, even if Uncle Vin never liked it I didn't care. She was the closest thing to family I had. We were both lonely.

I regretted not contacting them as soon as I got to New York. I thought it was for the best.

Ivan didn't tell me anything but I knew that there was a war on the horizon. Escaping L.A. had been a blessing and a curse. Now I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and It didn't help the constant unease I felt. This city was going to fall apart and I worked for the Farewell's—the pieces naturally fell together. I knew what was going to happen. I could feel everyone's eyes on me know and if someone found out I had family, I didn't know if they would become targets.

"I'm sorry I didn't contact you." I sat down at my vanity. "Things are hectic. I didn't want you to see me like this."

"Why?"

I thought about it. Why not? Everything I could think of sounded like an excuse. "I work for the Farewell's, Amara. I don't want you or Uncle Vin to be involved in this. And also.....because I was afraid...and I failed."

Amara snorted. "You didn't fail anything. What that bastard did to you wasn't your fault! What your family did to you wasn't your fault either! Unlike me, you've succeeded in building a life. While I'm—" she cut herself off. "I'll leave later." She got up trying to brush past me. Her shoulder was raised to her ears as if she wanted to be as small as possible. "I know I shouldn't have come here. I'm such an idiot."

I reached out and grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving. There was a high chance I could get punched but I didn't care.

"Hey—!"

Before Amara could do or say anything, I pulled her into my arms and wrapped them around her tightly. She went stiff as a board but she didn't struggle, she just stood there breathily loudly in my ear. "It's okay," I said softly, stroking her hair. "You're my family. We're all we have left. If you want to cry or scream or break something...that's okay. You're allowed to feel, don't push it down."

I didn't know what was wrong. I just knew that this child was scared and suffering, it was natural to hug her even if she was upset. Amara wrapped her arms around my waist, pressed her face against my shoulder. She didn't sob out loud but I could feel let small body tremble from the force of her anger, the material of my shirt became damp. It reminded me of Friday night when I had cried into Nat's shoulder like a child. Nat didn't push me away and neither did Amara. I was grateful.

"Tell me what happened," I said when she calmed down. I pulled away, holding her face in my hands. Tears stroked down her blotchy cheeks. Amara had lighter skin than me due to her mother being American but her features were still very much Indian; sharp nose, dark eyes, high cheekbones, and thick dark hair.

She sighed, scrubbing at her face with the sleeve of her jacket. "Dad is just being annoying again?"

"Oh?" I said, my voice low. I grit down on my teeth. "Did her lay a hand on you?"

"No!" Amara exclaimed, her eyes widening. "You know dad wouldn't do that to me!"

"I'm sorry," I said. I pushed a few unruly strands of hair out of her face so I could see her eyes. "I usually assume the worse."

Amara grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands from her face. She didn't let them go but tightened her grip. "It's about college."

That was not what I expected it to be about. I titled my head, a bit confused on why Uncle Vin would be against college. When my uncle and mom were younger, he had pushed her into getting her medical degree. That just didn't make sense. I'm not going to call Amara a liar but I felt like there was more to it than that, I nodded at her to continue.

"I'm good at the violin, okay. It was a stupid hobby and I liked it but I was good." She sighed, tilted her head back to look up. "I applied for a scholarship here and I got in. Dad didn't like the idea. We fought and I took a bus and came here."

"You took a bus in the middle of the night?!" I exclaimed. "Why would you do that? Do you have any idea just how dangerous this place can be at night? Something could've happened to you and—!"

"Oh my gods, please stop!" She groaned. "I'm okay. I can handle myself. Dad taught us how to fight."

"That is different," I let her go and collapsed into a chair, feeling no longer hungover. The news had sobered me up quickly. "So let me get this straight. You applied for a scholarship for music?"

"Yup."

"And Uncle Vin doesn't want you to go?"

"Yup!"

"So the both of you got into an argument and you ran away from home by taking a bus and coming here?" I listed it out. "Is that right?"

"Yup." Amara nodded, sitting down on the bed. She reached out to Pharaoh who was resting on the pillows. "That about sums up the clusterfuck that happened last night, cuz."

I should've known that something like this was going to happen. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm going upstate," I said.

"And what about me?"

"You'll stay here," I said, getting up and rummaging through my closet for something black and intimidating. "It's time to go and see my dear uncle."

*****

When I came back downstairs, Anya was gone but Ivan was still in the kitchen reading his newspaper.

It was strange seeing him in the kitchen. It should've been a jarring picture but oddly he just fit, as if it was natural like breathing in air. The golden rays of the morning light shined through the windows and touched the table, illuminating him. His hair glowed like a crown and the light reflected off his wire-rimmed glasses, glinting as he moved.

he glanced up at me, his eyes were brilliant like a clear blue pond. They brighten when he realized it was me.

"You're still here?"

"Yes." Ivan took off his glasses and tucked them into the pocket of his suit. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No," I said. "Take your time. I'm heading out."

"Wait! Where are you going?" Ivan asked. He was right on my heels and he already put his jacket on.

"Upstate," I said, grabbing my purse and checking for my metro card. It was going to be a long day, I hoped I had enough money.

"Can I come with you?"

I stopped and turned around sharply. "Why?"

"Upstate is a long way." He said, pointing his thumb at the white Land Rover parked in front of the townhouse. "And I have a car."

"No, it's fine," I said, trying to say no. "I should be back by tomorrow morning."

"You'll be too tired to go to work." He tugged on the sleeve of my jacket to stop me. "let me take you. It's cut the time in half and we'll be back by the evening."

I pried his fingers off my sleeve. "Ivan, that's a nice offer. It is but I don't want to waste your time."

"It wouldn't be a waste of time. How can I be a waste if it's important to you." Ivan grinned, his smile looking boyish. "Plus, I would have great company to keep me entertained."

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" I asked suspiciously, crossing my arms. "Even CEO's rest on Sunday."

He smirked. "Well, I'm not any regular CEO am I?"

"You really want to drive me upstate?" I asked.

"Why not." Ivan held up the keys. "What do you say, Meera? Let's go for an adventure."

What could I say? What's the point of boundaries if I had no intention of enforcing them. Ivan was looking at me expectantly, his eyes reminded me of a child on Christmas. I replayed the words Anya told me last night. Are you brave enough to stand by his side? I knew that answer to that. No. I wasn't. And I don't think I'll ever be because I'm scared of my feelings.

"Meera?" Ivan called my name.

I sighed, pulling my jacket on. There was no point in fighting this, some things were just inevitable.

"Yeah. Let's go." I said.