Christian Hastington

"Before coming to New York, I got a customer who asked me to make her a dress for her engagement. At first, I didn't feel confident in making it since I never make a dress for that kind of occasion before but I did it. I made it and it was beautiful" She started to say as she caressed my hand. I turned to her and looked at our hands intertwined together. I never felt so warm and just so comfortable

"When we dated, we never shared anything about our lives a lot. We only asked about what did we do, what did we eat, who did we meet.. but we never share things like this. I always wondered why you wanted to date me? Because you pity me or because you really like me?" My breath got hitch when she said that

"I think it's better that you have your freedom now but I beg you stop hurting other girls heart. Imagine one day your daughter will be treat by someone like that. You won't want that right?" She was right, I will kill that man instantly for hurting my daughter like that. I felt a really pinful feeling inside my heart.

"Let me get you warm tea" I said and I got up from the bed. I walked out from my room. I went to the kitchen and started to heat up water to make a warm tea for her. I leaned my body to the cupboard.

I felt so painful to hear that words. My heart hurted now and I really wanted to punch something right now. I never felt so regretful in my entire life before and breaking up with her was the most regretful thing that I've ever did.

I took a really deep breath and found myself tearing up. She was hurted because of me and I never thought about it. I kept thinking about myself all the time until I lose someone who cherish me that much.

Why am I tearing up so much? You're such a loser Christian, crying over your ex-girlfriend. Hey there's a lot of girls queueing for you and why would I stay with her? She gave you freedom.

"Right.. Today will be the last. Christian Hastington never backs with his words. Today will be the last day that I will spend with Taylor. I won't see her again" I said to myself

I poured the hot water to the kettle and I poured the tea. I poured the tea into a cup and put honey in it. I brought it back to my room but I stopped when I saw Taylor already sleeping.

I put the glass on my table and I walked to her. I kneeled beside the bed to see her closer. I caressed her cheek and just looked at her sleeping side that I never seen before. I held her hand and kissed it.

I'll miss you Taylor, that's for sure

I went up to bed and pulled her into my arms. She automaticly turned to me and put her hand on my chest. I turned to her and felt that regret again. She was perfect but I screwed everything.

I felt the pain in my heart again and started to tear up again. I hugged her tightly not wanting this night to end. I need more time to cherish her.

Will I be able to let her go after this? Will I able to see her with another man holding her like this in his arms? Will I able to see her laugh when someone else is the reason behind that smile? Will I able to see and feel this feeling with another girl? Will I able to be with her if I decided to stay?

My breath got hitch and my heart stung everytime I think of it. I kissed her forehead and not wanting this night to end. It's 12 and I want it to stop.

I kept holding her in my arms and I can't even sleep afraid that she will dissapear when I sleep. I want to see her before she will go back to LA and I won't see her again after this.

Suddenly her phone rang and I quickly took it from her bag on the table to shut it off. Nial called her but I rejected it. I messages him from my phone telling that she's alright with me. I turned my eyes to her phone again and something caught my eyes.

Her wallpaper phone was 'a Night to Remember' quote and there's a date under that words. I raised my eyebrows about it and when I looked at it again, I can't help but froze in place.

It was the date where we met again after a long time at Wesley's party. It was the night where we slept together. I can't help but speechless. I turned my head to her and felt my heart hurt again.

I walked out from my room and decided to walk out to he balcony. I took a really deep breath and looked at the beautiful view. It reminds me when I went up to my Hotel in LA. She said she loved it. I wondered if she went there again.

I walked to my iMac and turned it on. I decided to track on the CCTV on the rooftop to check starting from the day that I went with her.

I checked one by one and I found a footage of her going there again and it was a few days after our breakup. She just stood there blankly looking at the view. I checked another day and she kept coming everyday after we broke up.

It gave me a lot of pain because it was just seeing a footage of her crying. She cried and brought a lot of beer with her. She stayed there for 4 hours and then got back. She kept coming there with the same thing.

I turned my iMac off and I took a really deep breath.

What should I do now? I'm not ready to let her go yet. I thought by keeping her here, was to trying to convince myself that my feelings for her was slowly dissapeared but keeping her making me realize how much she mean to me.

I started to remember the things that we do together, the laughes, the feelings, the comfortableness and just everything.

I walked inside my room and got into my bed pulling Taylor to my arms again. I looked at her and I realized.. I don't want to let her go again.

I don't want this to be our last time but I want this to be our starting point.

I kissed her forehead and said to myself that I will be selfish to get her back again. If I don't get selfish now, I will regret it later.

I'm sorry Taylor, I can't let you go. I'll get your heart back and start over again with you. I'm sorry that I have to be selfish this time. I'm sorry because I can't lose you again.