***

***

Quickly you walked to your backpack you placed on one of the chairs and opened it. You took out another sweater you packed and changed into it.

Then you checked your phone and slightly started to feel panic rush through your body. One missed call each from your parents and one of a local number of your home town, so that probably was from your school. The panic in you vanished as fast as it appeared since you couldn't care less. Only two calls from your parents, so they weren't worried at all. Good for them. Good for you. So you really only made the right choice to leave this dump called your hometown.

Yet you felt disappointed since none of your few friends seemed to care you weren't in school.

Whatever.

You sighed. Sure, you also didn't tell them you were leaving but well, didn't matter now, did it? They were only school friends after all, you all never really shared anything - no opinion, no interest and no feelings. So, whatever, let them be.

Did you even deserve this hospitality of this lovely lady and her grandson?

After a small sigh left your mouth, you took the key and left the room and made your way downstairs again. As you entered the waffle place again, Jungwon was standing there which kinda startled you, so you held your chest: "Shit, I didn't expect you standing here."

He awkwardly smiled: "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Come, I'll take you to my granny."

You nodded and followed him into the kitchen, you walked through it and then followed him through another door which you closed behind you. Then you stood in a small hallway. "This is where we live, my granny and I."

"Ohh, nice.", you looked around and went after him into another room and there his granny was, smiling at the two of you. "Come, you two. Sit down and enjoy."

You both smiled back and sat down. "Thank you so much for sharing your meal with me, really. I'll do everything I can to help and repay you."

"Don't mention it, it's okay, my dear.", she said.

You got yourself some of the food and immediately started eating.

Jungwon sat opposite of you and tilted his head: "Well, you could help around the house."

You nodded: "Of course!" Well, your mouth was still full while saying it, making him gave you a weirded out glance but then kinda chuckled.

You embarrassedly looked away but his granny also chuckled: "Not so serious, y/n. It's okay."

You finished chewing and then looked between these two and nodded your head while smiling: "Okay, I'll try."

"Good.", she said and smiled back.

Jungwon was busy eating and so were you again too.

***

Days had passed and you were busy helping cleaning the kitchen, the countertops and the tables. You were also helping with making waffles. It was quite fun, Eunjin was really lovely and great, you felt so welcome by her.

Jungwon and you hadn't really warmed up to one another, you both were a little shy, not really talked.

One morning Eunjin was busy running errands and ordered you two to make some new dough for the waffles.
Of course you agreed and so both of you stood in the kitchen.

Jungwon was taking the lead as he did that a hundred times already. He told you what to do and you didn't really mind, just so you could be helpful.

While you were busy stirring the dough, he leaned against the counter and looked to you: "So, you're a runaway?"

You kinda stopped stirring and looked at him but immediately back at the dough and continued. "Maybe."

"So, I assume that's a yes. Why?"

"None of your business."

"Oh come on.", you heard him sigh.

"What?"

"We give you a place for free and you can't even say why you're here?"

Then his granny entered the kitchen: "Wonnie, leave her alone."

He sighed again: "I'm just asking the important question. For all we know she's some runaway. Who knows what or who she is running from."

Him and you made eye contact but he gave you an annoyed look. "You better do something else-"

"Jungwon, let her be, I got this. You can open the front door, can't you?"

He slowly nodded, gave you another look and then left the kitchen.

Eunjin stood next to you: "I'm sorry for him, my dear. I don't know what has gotten into him, he's usually never like this."

You just slightly smiled: "It's okay... I mean, he's right... I could be who knows what..." Your eyes lowered to the ground.

She said: "You can talk to us or me about it, okay? Whatever that may be that made you run away... but... I'll be right back, I'll put away the groceries."

You nodded and put the stirred dough into the fridge, then just waited.

As she came back, she suggested you could go into the living room together, so you followed her and you both sat down on her couch.

"Listen, my dear. My husband, Jungwon's grandfather was actually a runaway too."

"He was?", this kinda got your attention, so you listened carefully.

She smiled and nodded: "When he was about seventeen years old, he ran away from home. His parents were awful, they argued all the time, making him wonder what they even had in common in the first place and made him doubt true love really existed." She took your hand and softly patted it: "I kind of have a soft spot for runaways, I guess."

You both chuckled and she continued: "Well, he was kind of like you. Left his hometown and came all the way here. I was sixteen when we first met. And of course, I couldn't help but to let him stay at our place. At first I hid him because my parents weren't fond of me having a boy over and let alone a stranger who ran away from home."

Eunjin smiled at her thinking of the past: "Eventually they found out about him and told him to leave but I stood up for him and said if they were going to throw him out, I'd follow. They didn't want that, so they ended up agreeing for him to stay if he helped in the household and with work. So, he agreed and we started to do everything together. We fell in love but it was complicated... not just because of my parent's suspicions but also because he was depressed, so, loving him wasn't always easy. But I loved him no matter what, I did what I could to help him and show him that life was worth living..."

Tears started to form in your eyes... this story was sweet yet sad, kinda relatable.

She took a deep breath: "And it was worth living, in his point of view, at least for a long time, so it seemed... we got engaged at the age of 21 and 22. We had kids a few years later and everything seemed fine. He seemed happy, he loved me and our kids. We bought this house and made this waffle place out of it... It was great, it really was... He was the greatest husband anyone could wish for... but what I didn't notice was him struggling. I didn't see it... I didn't see the signs, I was so focused on our kids, the household and this place... we barely had time for one another..."

You were about to say something when Jungwon suddenly entered the room as well and looked at the two of you: "Granny, Mrs. Kim is here"

She took a deep breath and nodded: "I'll be right there."

"Okay.", he left again and she smiled at you: "I'll tell you the rest later, my dear, work is waiting. Why don't you take the dough and bring it to Jungwon, hm?"

You nodded: "Of course."

So, Eunjin left the room and followed after Jungwon to that Mrs. Kim.

You kept sitting for a few more moments and let out a sigh. This story really hit you...

She was talking about the past, what happened to her husband? An accident... or suicide? You really wanted to know more. But you weren't so sure about telling her your story... like, what if she really lost him to suicide and then there's you - depressed, suicidal and doing self-harm...? You couldn't make her worry about you, you had to make sure she'd never find out about this... but it was hard though because when baking, you should roll up your sleeves but you kept yours down but playing it off with some lies. Eunjin was so lovely and sweet, you hated you had to lie to her but better like this than making her worry you might do something too...

So, you left the living room, took the bowl with the dough out of the fridge and brought it to Jungwon. "Here."

"Thanks.", he said, didn't even look at you.

You rolled your eyes and left again but this time went back to your room.

You should take a shower, it had been days since you last took one but you also didn't feel like it, so you just stood in the bathroom, staring at your face in the mirror.

A sigh left your mouth.

Why couldn't you be beautiful? Why couldn't you look like the others?

Why were you so scared of telling Eunjin your story? She may had gone through a lot but she's a strong woman, she surely could handle a depressed kid, right?

But nope, better not tell her anything. You could tell why you ran away but nothing more, nothing less. Not about your problems in school, not about your mental health being absolutely hell and that the only thing that came to your mind after every little incident was suicide.

No, you couldn't tell her that.

And Jungwon couldn't and shouldn't know about any of this, he probably just was some idiot who thought he was better than everyone else. But also, his granny always spoke so highly of him... so maybe you should give him a chance too?

You sighed and made eye contact with yourself again.

You kind of wished you had the money to dye your hair, you were sick and tired of your natural hair color, you wanted colour in it, anything bright.

What were you supposed to do? You needed to get to money somehow. But how? As if people would hire a runaway with no qualifications or certifications... That was just great...
But also, who would hire you anyways? You weren't really good at anything, couldn't even get yourself to shower or change your clothes regularly.

Ugh.

You looked outside the small window of the bathroom and saw a few raindrops making their way down the window. Slowly but surely they became more and more, eventually it started to rain heavily, fog started to build up in the streets, making it look like some small enchanted village.

Your eyes kept staring outside, being in your thoughts.

What were you supposed to do?

Another sigh left your mouth as you got out of your thoughts and decided to look around the house a little.
So, you left your room and walked along the hallway of the other guest rooms. You walked upon an open door, so you slowly opened it more and looked inside. Suddenly you heard some steps, so you quickly closed the door almost, left the room and walked further.

Then you heard someone say: "And what do you think you're doing?"

And of course, it was none other than Jungwon. Quickly you turned around and saw into his face full of suspicion: "Uh, I was just walking around."

"Hm sure, that's why you looked inside someone else's room.", he crossed his arms.

"I wasn't."

"You sure about that?"

"I was just- the door was open, okay? So, I was just curious"

"Oh, so you were lurking?"

"No!... not intentionally..."

He did make you nervous, he didn't make it easy for you. "Uh huh. I'm telling granny about this."

"What? No, please. I didn't mean to..."

"Yet you did. I was right about you, you're a runaway and a thief."

"What?? But I didn't steal anything and I don't intent on doing so!"

"Yeah, right.", he rolled his eyes, turned around and walked back.

You quickly followed him and ran in front of him: "I am not a thief! And I wasn't lurking intentionally! Do you have no sense of curiosity?"

He stopped and pierced you down with his look. He let out a deep sigh and then said: "You know what? I'm letting you go this time. If there's a next time and I'm sure there will be, then I'll make sure you're never seeing either of our faces ever again. Are we clear?"

You quickly nodded: "Got it, thank you!"

He just nodded too and left the hallway, you kept staying there.

Damn, you thought. What an idiot.

You let out a sigh and went back into your room.

"Now who does he think he is??", you closed the door and threw yourself onto the bed.

"If he thinks he can just talk to me however he wants to... but... how do I make him believe I'm not a bad person?..."

You sighed again, he already had his suspicions, so of course, there was nothing you could do to change that...
Or was there? What could you do?

***

Later that day Eunjin and you sat in your room as she visited you to tell you more of the story.

Together you sat on the two chairs while she continued: "Now where was I?... Ah right, the signs... I just really didn't see them or didn't see them as what they really were. Sure, we weren't as close but we still told each other everything, at least so I thought because I was doing so. But he... my dear Byeongcheol... Byeong... he became distant..."

She sighed before she continued: "And I didn't think much of it because I understood we both had a lot to do with the kids and everything, so we weren't prioritising our relationship because our kids and this place were more important... He became more and more distant... he was a great dad but he didn't have an emotional bond with them... he always avoided anything that had to do with their problems... so he wasn't just distant towards me but them as well... and I was so confused but I shrugged it off... I wish I listened to my heart as it was telling me something was going on... but I didn't. I didn't listen... and so, it was a normal day. He was up first, already cleaning the shop and starting on the dough and then greeted me with a soft kiss as I entered the kitchen after waking up our kids and helping them get ready for school. They were just ten and twelve at that time..."

She looked at you for a bit as she took a deep breath and you nodded and gave her a little smile.

Eunjin nodded too and continued: "But it wasn't a normal day... the opposite actually... and I didn't know what it was but I could already feel something felt fishy. I couldn't figure out what it was... Work went by pretty fast and Byeongcheol seemed happy, he greeted everyone with a bright smile and told them how glad and thankful he was for our customers to come and eat our waffles and other desserts we offered. He told them to make sure to tell others about it and come back as soon as possible. Nothing about this seemed out of the ordinary, I just thought he had a very good day, so I was proudly watching him as I was helping him and also coming out of the kitchen now and then. It made me once again realise how much I loved this man. My Byeongcheol was the love of my life... He was sweet, kind, loving, endearing yet distant, grumpy but you know, these aren't things to doubt him, I didn't, I was just worried about him from time to time... and now looking back, I feel like I should've been more worried..."

"You're not blaming yourself for what happened... are you?", you carefully asked but she quickly shook her head.

"No... at least not anymore. But for a very long time I did... So, the day continued, everything seemed fine and great. While we were eating dinner, he told us how grateful he was to have such a great family and he felt blessed to be part of it and to had married the most wonderful woman he had ever laid eyes on and to had have the best kids anyone could wish for. I got pretty emotional back then, he never just confessed his emotions like that, so it was really special and both, our kids and I really appreciated this and told him our feelings back. In this moment I was so in love with him once again, just being reminded why I loved him so much. But then..."

She paused as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second, just to then continue as you looked at her, fully listening and giving her all your attention.

"But then the day took its turn. Byeongcheol later on said he'd visit a friend to have a beer together and I obviously didn't mind. So, I was having a lovely evening with my kids playing games and he was having a men's night, at least so I thought. The next day we had work, so I didn't think he'd stay away for too long. As I finished saying goodnight to my boys, I went back downstairs and read a book. It was really exciting, so I didn't realise how much time had passed.

So, eventually I looked at the clock and it was past midnight already. This made me question why he wasn't back yet, it wasn't like him to stay up this late, even when he was with his guys. But I kept my cool, I thought I'd wait one more half an hour and then I'd call him... As thirty five more minutes went by, I went to the telephone and ringed his friend's home number.

Completely confused he answered, wondering what I was up to this late in the evening, so I was confused and asked him if Byeongcheol was already on his way home. But Jongkook, his friend told me he was busy sleeping just moments before this call and my husband wasn't with him at all.

I excused myself for the late call and told him not to worry, so I hung up but then of course, I started to worry, no, not just worry, I was panicking, I didn't know where Byeong was or what he was doing or who he was with. So I had two thoughts but one concern was bigger than the other.

So, just in case, I called the police, telling them I was worried something might have happened to my husband but they didn't take me seriously... They told me to calm down and just go to sleep, he surely would be back in the morning. I couldn't just leave my kids, so I had to stay... even though all I wanted was to go outside and look for my husband... I wanted to stay up all night, to make sure I was there if or when he was going to come home. But I was exhausted, eventually I passed out. Once I realised that, I jumped out of my sleep, getting up but it was already the next morning and a dim light of sunshine was covering the room. It seemed quiet and peaceful but it wasn't.

A sudden call caught me off guard but I quickly answered it, sounding confused and tired. It was the same police man who called me off last night. I remember the exact words. 'Mrs. Yang, I've got bad news for you and I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously. It's about your husband' and I was already panicking on the inside, halfway listing, the other half of me was already in thoughts and shock without knowing what happened. 'Yang Byeongcheol was found dead on the south beach this morning and... Mrs. Yang?' He then told me to come and to identify him...

I forgot to put on my shoes and left the house the way I got up. I immediately ran towards the south side of the beach and already saw a bunch of police officers and a few others but my vision was blurry, I just walked past everyone, tears streaming down my face, in shock... then I saw him...

I recognised his clothes, his hair and as they turned him around... I saw his cuts years before, even a decade before all this... but I never saw this many on him... even on his face... but it was him. I nodded as the police was asking questions, I just nodded and stared at him. I kneeled down and held him. His lifeless body...

I was crying, screaming, holding him, telling him to come back, telling him how much of an idiot he was for doing this but I also immediately started blaming myself. I told him I fucking loved him and missed him and I was sorry for not seeing the signs early enough or for ignoring them... but then I cried out again and asked him how I was supposed to run the shop and also take care of the kids at the same time... but also, how was I supposed to tell them their father was gone?

The coroner took him away after some time, making me stay on the sand, sitting there and crying. I couldn't believe Byeongcheol had killed himself... I didn't want it to be true... so I couldn't tell my kids this at first... I told them he had an accident... and I went with this lie until I thought they were old enough to understand. They did but they were also disappointed I waited years until I told them, so I blamed myself again... but eventually they forgave me for it but I hadn't moved on from it then, the wound was still wide open.

But since I didn't want to suffer like this any longer, I went to therapy... And so... I still grieved and missed him for many more years.

Now it's been almost forty years later... I miss him everyday but I don't grieve anymore. I made my peace with it and so have my boys.

They're both grown now and they both became great men who even have their own kids and wives now. I couldn't be more prouder of my boys. And of my grandkids of course, especially Jungwon... it's a shame you two don't get along."

You really had to stop yourself from crying but you couldn't hold it in.

"Oh my dear...", she chuckled, got up and pulled you into a hug which you gladly accepted and returned.

"Whatever it is that made you run away, your secret is safe with me, you can tell me."

You slowly nodded and said while letting out a sob: "I know... I really appreciate this so much... and I'm so sorry for what you had to go through... but thank you so much for sharing this... I know this couldn't have been easy... I hope Jungwon knows how much you love him and how lucky he is to have you in his life."

She separated herself a little from you, just so she could cup your cheeks with her hands: "Oh my dear, believe me, he knows how much he means to me and I'm also lucky to have him. And well, now you know you can trust this old lady, okay?" Eunjin chuckled and you slightly smiled while tears were still streaming down your face.

"I do know that... you're such a great person, Eunjin... I never met such an open person like you... it must've taken lots of strength to become like this."

She nodded: "Oh it has. But I'm really glad about this and aw, thank you, my dear. I hope you also know you're also great. And I'm sure, someday you'll realise what kind of strength openness can be."

Now you nodded: "Maybe... with the right people around, I hope I can get there someday..."

She smiled: "I'm sure... but now..." She looked at the clock, "I think it's time to go to sleep, what do you think?"

You also looked and then back at her: "You're right."

So, you two said good night and you took off your clothes and went to bed in your underwear since you didn't bring pyjamas with you.

You turned off the light and kept awake for a bit while laying in bed. Eunjin really was such a strong woman. You could understand her husband though, even just by listening to her.

It made you wonder about your future.

You weren't even sure for how much longer you could actually continue to exist...

If it was forty years ago, as Eunjin said, then Byeongcheol must had died in his thirties...

Thirties... you didn't even want to live that long, you were sure about that... you just weren't sure yet for long actually and how you were going to end it...

If you were going to do it though...

Not that you never tried... you just couldn't do it...

But who knew what the future had in mind for you... not much though, right?

***

Coming to you next Tuesday:

'chapter 4 - slowly unraveling'