Welcome to the final results of category Narration. The shortlisted entries were announced prior only.

Winning entry:
There is a tie between two participants, so we've two winners for this category.

A. XxxSistersxxX: Servitude

Clarity/execution of POV: 9/10
Showing vs Telling: 9.5/10
Connectivity: 9/10
Coherence: 7/10
Intrigue: 9.5/10
Overall: 46/50

Strength:
The narration was spot on, the world building, connection formation, etc., was beautiful, too!

What can be improved:
Maybe you can check on the fact that she came out of a closed space. There’s no element of social anxiety spoken about, which makes it slightly unrealistic. You see, the world she has just come out from, was a closed mirror. Yet, even after all these years of living there, she has yet to experience (in the first few chapters I was supposed to read) social anxiety of any sorts? The only way this might be possible, is to think about the fact that she saw people everyday, had them stare at the mirror without knowing who was behind it, had her holders to talk to, etc. The question is … will this really make an impact to such an extent? What about the environmental pollution, the air, the cold, etc.?
I feel it is important to have that factor come in at the start, because as she steps out of her prison is when those factors should start affecting her. A delay may be unrealistic. If you do not wish for that to happen, maybe you can bring in a magical aspect to it, which suggests she was immune to everything because of a certain something? I would recommend against the second option, though, since people reading it are more likely to find it relatable in the first case. That keeps the reader engaged!
Best of luck!

And

B. _RulerOfHearts_: Bound to you

Clarity/execution of POV: 10
Showing vs Telling: 10
Connectivity: 8
Coherence: 10
Intrigue: 8
Overall: 46

Strength:
Your plot and character development skills are top-notch! The scene descriptions were on point, and your choice of words really brought the story to life. The characters were well-written and relatable, and the pacing of the story was flawless.

What can be improved:
Firstly, there were a few small grammatical errors. A quick proofread can help you catch and correct them. Additionally, I believe you have the potential to take your narrative style to the next level.Keep up the good work!

Winning sticker & certificate:

Second position:

Ablazeisaleo: Dungeon

Clarity/execution of POV: 9
Showing vs Telling: 9
Connectivity: 6
Coherence:8
Intrigue: 9
Overall: 41

Strength: Your writing style, vocabulary, grammar is extremely impressive. The descriptions are really good. All the cliffhangers have landed really well.

What can be improved: Through the initial chapters, I found it very difficult to relate to the main character. It also got a bit confusing with all the names pouring in. Otherwise, your writing is wonderful!
Keep up the good work.

Third position:

CheeseBiscut8: Why not us

Clarity/execution of POV: 8.5/10
Showing vs Telling: 6/10
Connectivity: 9/10
Coherence: 8/10
Intrigue: 9/10
Overall: 40.5/50

Strength:
I absolutely loveddd the unique description areas, like, “now, he’s grown to 21 but the other was still 22.” or, “then, there was the centre portrait.” etc. Struggles faced by the characters is also shown pretty well!
Please keep up with that!

What can be improved:
There are descriptions of him walking to his closet in detail while performing his daily routine, etc. The issue with this, is not only the fact that it takes up a lot of the readers’ time and interest, but also the fact that when there is a situation worthy of describing in detail, let’s say, a robbery, hijacking, experience of a tragedy like the death of a loved one, etc., the details suddenly seem like an everyday thing! I might not want to know how he came down the stairs and how many steps he took on a normal day, but if he sees his grandmother being shot, I might want those details included, since they add emphasis! (of course, this is an out-of-story example.)

Perhaps finding more non-cliche words for vocabulary when giving descriptions of people would help!
The connection formation can also be worked on!
I’m glad I got to read your book! Best of luck <3

Congratulations to all the three position holders.

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PARTICIPANTS

Participants' sticker:

1: TawnyLady: Whimsical Enigma Realm

Clarity/execution of POV: 2/10
Showing vs Telling: 8/10
Connectivity: 7/10
Coherence: 6/10
Intrigue: 3/10
Overall: 26/50

Strength:
I liked how your writing makes a certain image automatically pop up in the readers’ heads! That’s a wonderful skill to possess.

What can be improved:
The grammar really needs to be worked on, I believe. It’s totally understandable to not have good grammar skills! That is obviously completely alright! However, sometimes, that makes it hard for the reader to get through the story. There are line breaks for no reason, breaking the flow.
Here are a few examples:
“Seat at the table, in eat, their meal”
“As Vaschelle cooked, baby Tashee was being feed her milk bottle by her grandmother,

Vanesia, who was sixty-five years old.”
The line break after grandmother was completely unnecessary. There are grammatical errors, too!
You can contact an editor in the community! I’m sure that will be helpful! 
Best of luck <3

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2: lamaR_Army7 : The cold bangtan member

Clarity/execution of POV: 5/10
Showing vs Telling: 6.5/10
Connectivity: 7/10
Coherence: 7/10
Intrigue: 5/10
Overall:[30.5/50]

Strength:
I liked how I could imagine what I read as and when I did! Another thing, not really related to narration, but still commendable, is how you didn’t make the male character as bad as they usually do in such tropes. He has a realistic amount of emotionlessness, it’s not like he is so cold, has serious anger issues and she’s falling for him and stuff, nor is it him just suddenly looking at her, falling for her and being soft only for her, which, if I’m being honest is also very unrealistic!

What can be improved:
There are too many abrupt pauses and full stops, which could add to the realistic angle of the story because the main character is getting bullied, like, "I woke up to the sound of my horrible alarm. I groaned and shifted in bed because I didn't want to get up yet. I smacked it a few time and it fell on the ground and stopped."

However, it becomes unrealistic soon after, because you add humour in between. The details seem slightly forced, but they’re alright.
Grammatical errors are minor, but do exist. Proof-reading through can definitely help!
Maybe you can reduce the number of dialogues, keep the description a bit less detailed, have pictures at the end or at the start, add some more depth to the narration when it comes to sensitive topics, and you’ll be good to go! I think everything else is going pretty well!
I’m glad I got to read your book, best of luck for the competition!

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3: Gossiplanet: This love must go on

Clarity/execution of POV: 9.5/10
Showing vs Telling: 8/10
Connectivity: 8/10
Coherence: 7/10
Intrigue: 7/10
Overall: 39.5

Strength:
The way the characters’ personalities just shineee through the narration is wonderful, really. The dialogues are also well-spaced, good job!

What can be improved:
Sometimes, the accent being added into the writing makes it appear a bit forced. I also think there is a slight lack of plot building …? Maybe it’s because the story is just hardly published, but there isn’t this hard to resist urge to come back to the book formed yet, which I’m hoping will be formed after a few more chapters are published?
Best of luck <3

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4: Prose36: The matchmaker

Clarity/execution of POV: 7/10
Showing vs Telling:8/10
Connectivity:7/10
Coherence:8/10
Intrigue:6/10
Overall:36/50

Strength:
The plot line seemed to be pretty interesting and took an unexpected turn later on! Dialogues were also pretty well-formed.

What can be improved:
There are too many details at the start and there’s not much grip to the story. If you add those on and make your writing seem a little less forced, it'll be all good!
Best of luck <3

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5: allison765: Reindeer mountain

Clarity/execution of POV: 4/10
Showing vs Telling: 7/10
Connectivity: 6/10
Coherence: 8/10
Intrigue: 6.5/10
Overall: 31.5/50

Strength:
The world building is good, you’ve not put too much on the reader, just as we start, which is great! The description of the landscape is also pretty good.

What can be improved:
The whole story, including the narration, seemed very cliche for some reason … it seemed like a mix of Barbie of the swan lake and some other stories … Even the way the dialogues played out—? I’m sure you can add some more creativity to it <3
There’s also some, “after that, this happened” and “then, this happened” which can be avoided.
Best of luck!

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6: iammimi_22: Yemisi's Dilemma

Clarity/execution of POV: 5/10
Showing vs Telling: 5/10
Connectivity: 6/10
Coherence: 6.5/10
Intrigue: 7/10
Overall: 29.5/50

Strength:
The speed of narration is especially good!

What can be improved:
Descriptions sometimes seem forced and there are too many dialogues. It is almost as if the story has been written in a script-like format … I personally don't recommend that style of narration <3
Another thing I noticed was that whenever there weren't any details (which is fine because they aren't always needed), sentences were cut to the point. It almost made everything seem like a school presentation–? I really recommend making your sentences longer and expanding your vocabulary.
I'm so glad I got to read your story! Best of luck <3

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7: lostlovefairy: Stay mine

Clarity/execution of POV: 7/10
Showing vs Telling:8.5/10
Connectivity: 7.5/10
Coherence: 9/10
Intrigue: 7/10
Overall: 39/50

Strength:
The world of doctors from what I’ve known and searched for while reading this story was pretty accurate. It didn't seem like they were throwing random words around just to sound smart either, which was great!

What can be improved:
The writing style is a bit cliche, but it’s fine. There’s this one event that especially disturbed me because of how unrealistically it played out. After admitting to literal sexual assault in public (also attracting attention) and not understanding what Alan did wrong, they continue to watch a movie in a cinema hall as if nothing happened? Did anyone not question them? Did anyone not raise questions? In real life, I imagine at least a few people would come up to the girl and ask her if she’s alright, if she’s in trouble and needs help. A few may just be insensitive and be mad about the scene caused, but … none of this is mentioned.
According to me, the story lacks a certain flow. Even if it continues well, after each paragraph, it sort of feels like I’ve discontinued and then started reading even if I’ve not. I’m so sorry, but I can’t seem to pin-point as to why that is happening as of now.
The pace of narration can also definitely be faster!
Best of luck!

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8: mysticalsiya1468: Kālayātra

Clarity/execution of POV: 5.5
Showing vs Telling: 3
Connectivity: 2
Coherence: 4
Intrigue: 1.5
Overall: 16

Strength:
The overall plot and story pace were actually somewhat impressive. However, it's worth mentioning that the grammatical errors can sometimes be distracting and affect the overall reading experience. While it's understandable that no book is completely free of errors, it's important to ensure that the writing is as polished as possible.

What can be improved:
While reading your book, I couldn't help but notice some areas that could benefit from improvement. One thing that stood out was the presence of several grammatical errors throughout the text. These errors were hindering the flow of the story and distracting the readers. There were many errors that caught my attention right from the first paragraph. It's really important to pay special attention to using question marks, commas, and exclamation marks correctly. These punctuation marks play a crucial role in enhancing the clarity and flow of your writing. Additionally, it seemed like there was a lack of effort in certain parts of the book. Lastly, the lack of paragraph breaks made it a bit challenging to follow along at times. Breaking up the text into smaller paragraphs would make it easier for readers to read. Best of luck!

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9: Mahashweta2000: Siya Rama

Clarity/execution of POV: 7
Showing vs Telling: 8
Connectivity: 7
Coherence: 8
Intrigue: 8
Overall: 38

Strength:
I must say your story telling is quite commendable. With a few refinements, your talent is bound to shine even brighter. Morever, your adept use of descriptive language is truly impressive.

What can be improved:
Your chapter were quite long without proper paragraph breaks. This made the reading experience a bit jarring at times. Perhaps considering adding paragraph breaks in appropriate place could enhance the flow and readability of your book. Overall, I think your book has a great potential! With few tweaks here and there, it could be even more amazing. Keep up the fantastic work!

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10: shri-hari-arpanam: Harivahana

Clarity/execution of POV: 4
Showing vs Telling: 3
Connectivity: 7
Coherence: 2
Intrigue: 4
Overall: 20

Strength: Your plot is truly unique, your knowledge and effort shine through your writing. It's evident that you've put a lot of thought and research into your work.

What can be improved:
Firstly, consider adding paragraph breaks in appropriate places to enhance the flow and readability of your book.
Also, I think it would be good if you could spice up your narrative style a bit. Try adding more descriptive details and inner thoughts of the characters. And one more thing, keep an eye out for grammar errors.
Lastly, try to really bring out the emotions of your characters. Show us their feelings through actions, dialogue, and inner reflections. Overall, I want to emphasize that your book has great potential. With a little adjustment, I believe it could become even more enjoyable for readers. All the best!

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11: Alice143moon: Whispers to the moon

Clarity/execution of POV: 9.5
Showing vs Telling: 10
Connectivity: 9.5
Coherence: 9
Intrigue: 10
Overall: 48

Strength:
Your poetries are so full of feelings, and the way you describe things is just amazing. Your poetry really shows a remarkable depth of emotions. I must say, your work left a lasting impression on me.

What can be improved:
Seriously, you're already a master! Your words have this special power to make people feel things deep inside. Keep being the extraordinary poet that you are!

(Poetries were not included in the contest.)

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12: LunaQuilll: under the moonlight

Clarity/execution of POV: 5
Showing vs Telling: 6
Connectivity: 3
Coherence: 6
Intrigue: 4
Overall: 24

Strength:
Your vocabulary is truly impressive! However, I did notice that the story felt a bit disconnected, like things were happening without a strong sense of relatability.

What can be improved:
I did notice that the story felt a bit disconnected. To make your storytelling even better, I think it would be awesome if you could focus on creating a more cohesive and engaging narrative. Try to make sure that everything flows smoothly from start to finish, so readers can really get into the story. Another area that could use some attention is characterization. It's important for readers to feel connected to the characters and understand their motivations and emotions. So, I'd encourage you to dig deeper into their personalities and backgrounds. Keep writing!

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13: PositivumQuestae: Heartthrob

Clarity/execution of POV: 8
Showing vs Telling: 7
Connectivity: 6
Coherence: 6
Intrigue: 5
Overall: 30

Strength:
Your characterization, vocabulary and narration are truly commendable. The way you make your characters relatable is truly impressive. Furthermore, your storytelling technique is engaging.

What can be improved: My suggestion is to consider breaking up your text into smaller paragraphs as it helps to make the reading easier. Keep writing!

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14: Abigailk8: Kayla Rose

Clarity/execution of POV: 6
Showing vs Telling: 6
Connectivity: 4
Coherence: 4
Intrigue: 5
Overall: 25

Strength:
I think your story has a lot of potential! I can see that you've put in a ton of effort, and it really shows. One thing that could make the book even better is if you work a bit more on grammar and narration.

What can be improved:
You should work on refining your grammar and sentence structure. Paying attention to grammar rules and sentence structure will enhance the overall cohesiveness of your writing. Additionally, I wanted to touch on the importance of showing emotions in your writing. When your characters experience different situations, by describing their emotions, you can create a stronger connection between the characters and the reader, making the story even more impactful.

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15: @_shriya_writes_: Could I love you anymore?

Clarity/execution of POV: 7.5
Showing vs Telling: 7
Connectivity: 8
Coherence: 5
Intrigue: 7
Overall: 34.5

Strength (brief review):
I must say, the plot is truly intriguing. One of your notable strengths is the skillful characterization, making the characters incredibly real. Furthermore, your narrative style is quite commendable, and the storytelling is engaging. Even the pacing is well-balanced!

What can be improved:
While the skillful characterization and your amazing narrative style kept me engaged, I found that the longer chapters decreased my overall interest in the story. In my opinion, breaking up the chapters into smaller sections could maintain the reader's excitement and engagement. Keep writing!

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16: sinster047: Our Little mate

Clarity/execution of POV: 4
Showing vs Telling: 4
Connectivity: 2
Coherence: 6
Intrigue: 3
Overall: 19

Strength: The plot, the story seems to hold quite a lot of potential, but there are many points that are pulling it down. Like the info-dump in the first chapter, poor grammar and a couple of more aspects in narrative.

What can be improved: Try to keep the whole chapters in any one of the characters' perspectives so that the reader can connect to the story. And, keep writing, don’t lose hope. Consider this as the stepping stone for your new journey :)

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17: -yellowandblue-: Take two

Clarity/execution of POV: 7
Showing vs Telling: 8
Connectivity: 5
Coherence: 8
Intrigue: 6
Overall: 34

Strength: What amazed me the most is the fact that you handled 1st and 3rd POV in present. People usually end up mixing the tenses, but your grip over the grammar is wonderful. Your descriptions are very well-written.

What can be improved: You can work on improving your 1st POV narration. Try to make it more about the narrator rather than what’s happening around them. Also, the way you have tried to set up the intrigue in the prologue, is really good, but a bit confusing with all those details. You can shorten it and maintain that style to make it better. Keep up the good work! :)

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18: DionysusDreamer: An Unexpected love

Clarity/execution of POV: 9
Showing vs Telling:6
Connectivity: 9
Coherence: 8
Intrigue: 6
Overall: 38

Strength: I admire the fact that your narrator is very relatable. A feat so rare to achieve. Your vocabulary is strong, your descriptions are precisely detailed.

What can be improved: The first chapter, even though greatly written, feels like a lot. In terms of information and the emotions, reducing the intrigue to read further. You could tone that down a bit, showing instances from the present as well. Keep writing! :)

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19: LysaraEverhart: Nocturna Haven

Clarity/execution of POV: 9
Showing vs Telling: 7
Connectivity: 4
Coherence: 8
Intrigue: 4
Overall: 32

Strength: Your writing, grammar and vocabulary is amazing. The plot is unique.

What can be improved: It was very hard to relate to your character. The way you presented her thoughts is great, but the very heavy vocabulary, mixture of tenses made it difficult to get through the chapter, henceforth reducing the intrigue as well. I would suggest that you use simpler and a variety of words in her thoughts to smoothen the flow of the chapter.
Keep writing! :)

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20: iliamah: Celementia two halves

Clarity/execution of POV: 6
Showing vs Telling: 6
Connectivity: 6
Coherence: 7
Intrigue: 4
Overall: 29

Strength: Your descriptions are precisely detailed. The plot is very unique.

What can be improved: Your execution of the narrative is decent, but poor grammar, mixing the tenses, and longer sentences lure it down. Try to work on these aspects, nothing a quick editing cannot fix. Also, I would suggest that you do not drop in too much information in a go, keep it slow, keep ‘em guessing.
All the best!

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21: ONE_H_: Offsprings

Clarity/execution of POV: 5
Showing vs Telling: 5
Connectivity: 3
Coherence: 4
Intrigue: 4
Overall: 21

Strength:
What can be improved: Your descriptions are strong, and you are good at showing.

What can be improved: What I observed is that you want to create a deeper impact with the events turning out, but the poor grammar and phrasing lures it down. Also, it was hard to relate to the character because of seemingly unreal thoughts. All the best!

Good luck to all.