"AAAAAGHH!!!" I screamed loudly as in aggression I threw something away.

Veins were popping in my head, tears were buring like acid in my eyes.

How could he...?

"HOW COULD HE!?" My non stop waling from the past few hours continued. But it was further more poisonous as it was laced with wrath now.

I looked around for my phone, to check if all of this was really happening, or just my mind decided to go delusional on me because of the heart break. 

I moved my hands aimlessly around the desk as my tears filled eyes weren't that much of a help at the moment.

Getting tired of just of finding anything but my phone, I forcefully remove the lingering painful tears in my eyes and pick up my glasses to see properly.

Finally getting my proper vision back. I look around the desk, this time with the help of my eyes just to see my phone is no where near here.

Slowly realizing the situation and regretting it, I turn around my chair to look at the wall on the side. Shit.

There was my phone, all crushed out. There was also a crack in the wall where it hit.

"––Fu–c––K" Tears came back in my eyes, and it was not because of the phone. It's was because of a realization.

I am slowly losing myself.

And it's because of him.

Since that sleep over, since when that incident happened. I just locked myself in my room back at my parents house.

I didn't dare to step out of my room. To ashamed to face everyone after what happened.

I didn't even contact Art, cause I thought if I gave him some space (which I didn't before) he would calm down a bit and talk this situation out.

And slowly slowly I was preparing for that confrontation. The incident happened last night and the other evening after it just hit.

Since I woke up today all I was doing was listening music to channel my anger out, and make myself all aggression free for the talk.

But of course it didn't go the way I plan it to. He didn't let me play it the way I want.

This man dared to got out in public, like a fucking teenager wanna be social influencer and claimed that I forced kissed him, and that he is uncomfortable beyond point.

Crying tears like I assaulted him or something.

And to all the fans it did seem like that. Many of them where now seeing me as a sexual predator.
To the point that even I feel disgusted by myself.

All because of him.

I do admit there is my fault. I miss took his signals. I acted on my impulse, laid my love out to him thinking he would definitely return it back.

I guess, I should have stayed behind and discussed it all out. I guess it is all my fault, isn't it?

But..... It's his fault too. It's definitely his fault too. He laid out his signals like he was head over heals for me. He didn't let me talk it out the moment last night.

It's his fault too, that he thought it would be much better to scream out in public about how ‘defenseless’ he is in this situation, rather than just talk it out and clear the feelings line between us.

It's all his fault.

I can hear my parents down stairs fighting over this issue. My manager was calling me non stop, that's when I threw my phone away. I think?

The songs playing in the background aren't helping me anymore. I am so frustrated and stressed out, even a little scared and a LOT angry.

It's all because of him.

I feel a deep void inside my. My heart just sunk down and burned to core deep in acid.

I feel so numb.

And it's all because of him.

I need to clear my head before I burst a vein.

Shutting everything down, I fixed up my glasses and took up the car keys. Also picked up my broken phone from the floor, in hopes of finding a shop which can repair it.

Went down through stairs and entered the hall, making my way through the living room to reach the door out. I feel my family members looking at me with sharp eyes.

"Suppasit! Don't you dare go anywhere! We need to talk." My dad said in a harsh voice that I haven't heard in a long while, especially on me.

"Not before I clear my head. I am going out. Will be moving around, might not come back for the night. Please don't contact me."

And with that, I stepped out of the house, entered my car and ran off in desperate attempts to find empty roads of Bangkok at late evening hours.

I heard my parents call me out but I never turned back.

I was suppose to have a destination to this drive but apparently, I didn't.
Just like my life.

My life had a direction before meeting Art, this drive had a direction before the heavy rain hit. As if the skies wanted to match my mood.

The rain was real heavy, every patter hit my ear like bass boosted beats. Thumping with the pattern of my beating heart. Enhancing the void-full pain in it.

I didn't know what turns I took, but right now I seem to be running my car over the speed limit on a forest like highway.

It wasn't exactly far away out of the city as I could see big building in a distance. Seemed like some city border situated universities.

With the gloomy atmosphere with dark skies all around I couldn't focus anywhere.

My eyes fixated on the tall buildings as my mind fixated on the old memories.

One memory lead to the another as I continued my focus less driving. The realization of what will happen to me and my career because of this scandal stared to hit real bad again.

It's all his fau-

Snapped out of my thought cloud as a sudden jerk almost pushed me out of my seat into breaking my nose on the steering wheel.

I think I just hit something with my car....

Shit.

I quickly applied breaks and turned off the engine. Empting my pockets, only taking the car's key with me; I stepped out into the rain. My body becoming drenched the moment I entered the outer atmosphere.

My specs were covered with several water droplets making it difficult for my already poor eyes to see. But I am pretty sure as soon as I turned around I saw a body.

A human body lying down on the harsh road with a puddle of red liquid which I can only assume was blood.

I made quick glances around me, trying to see if anyone witnessed this, but my eyes found none.

I had to make a run to it to reach the person as they were a few feet away from me.

I kneeled down to the almost lifeless stranger. They looked like a man to me.

Even in the dark night sky his pale skin was shining.
Just like him.

I roomed my hands around him to check for the wounds most probably caused by my car but could found none.

I only found his skin to smooth as marble even under the wetness of these salty drops.
Just like him.

Oh I also found more thing. The cause for this blood puddle, but that was definitely not by me.

Just like his love was definitely not for me.

This man's lower shirt was torn apart and he had a deep wound on the region where usually a navel would be.

A stab wound to be precise.

Someone stab this man, in the middle of the forest regions on almost outskirts of the city.

The man was desperately trying to held me, trying to open his open his mouth to say something. But on every attempt nothing but blood came out of it.

Flowing through his half open mouth like a drool only to be mixed with the salty rain and flow like a river under my knees.

Even though the man's lips were slowing becoming chapped as his life was slipping away, the blood reacted as a lip gloss, keeping the glossy supposed to be red lips intact.
Just like his.

Just like the lips I kissed.

Just like the lips that destroyed me.

I couldn't help but be in awe with this sight.

This man wailed infront of me, begging me to save his life.
But I can't. I won't.

He looks just like him.

The man was desperately moving his limbs around in pain, the rain just adding more to his suffering as every drop hit like a stab and probably burned like acid on his wounds.

It was quite a sight.
It was as if I was watching Art suffer.
And I wanted to see more.

I decided to lay down beside him, facing him side ways as my elbowed up arm supported my head.

I smiled at the figure infront of me, my eyes forming the shape of crescent moon, matching the one in the sky right now.

The rain still bothered my eye sight a bit at the same time made the sight infont of me more beautiful.

Seeing my relaxed figure right next to him, he understood that I was in no moods of helping him. So he totally gave up on me and just laid down facing up upwards.

No moments where made by his facial muscles. Making all the glow up red on his face washed away by the rain quickly.

Awe. That's no fun.

I could see his more paler than the healthy standards face now. Chapped lips were more clear and uglier too; now that I could see it without the beautiful lip gloss.

Right now they didn't look like him. They should be looking like him.

With sudden moments I hovered over his body. The dying fate accepting eyes held a shock in them by seeing my moments. But he still didn't open his mouth.

I brought my hand up to run against his bottom lip. The lip I loved the most from Art.

"Let me pretty you up once again huh?"

Before he could even give me a reaction I lifted his upper lip up but my thumb and index finger forcefully.

With my free and which held my car keys, I made a deep cut in it. Just deep enough that when I brought both of my hands to work on it, it easily tore away like I was tearing a wrapper.

Even though the lip was a lump mess now it still was far better than before. The gloss returned. And due to the tore up, blood once again flowed like a river.

No matter how hard the rain tried to ruin the view for me, it just couldn't.

It was as if life sprung again in this pale man that he started to thrash his arms around. Trying to hit me. Oh, I almost wanted to pity him.

He looked funny. I could clearly see he doesn't have much energy left nor time. Still moving his limbs around trying to get me off, it wasn't a problem until he slapped my glasses away.

Sudden rage entered me as I tightly grabed his wrist. Looking at him with hazy vision.

"Hey!" I help my key and stabbed it deep into his shoulder. He opened his almost disabled mouth to scream. Now his voice irritated me.

Taking my key out only to insert it again near his nape. I dragged the key in his skin making a whole upside down ‘U’ cut on it. Impaling through his Adams apple.

Stopping him from creating a voice ever again.

The wrist which was still in my palm loosened, indicating that his soul final left his body.

Pulling the key out from his skin I looked at the letter I created. The look alike of letter ‘U’ now had blood flowing out of it In a certain manner that it made it look like a frown.

A frown that I have been carrying since last night's kiss.

Seeing the frown infront of my sight took away the one inside of me.

I suddenly realized that all I just did took away all the frustration... Took away The void inside me.

Oh boy I feel so light!

Watching this man's soul leave his body made all the gloom in my body to leave too.

Gosh! "ha__Haha––HAHAHA"

I laughed like a manic. Not caring even for a sec if anyone heard me.

Never wanting this lighting feeling to end I heard a voice behind me.

"Not bad kid." I heard a deep voice. I snapped my neck towards it to see a man in his 50s handing me my glasses back.

I thanked him as I took them from him and wore them.

Still having the smiley face from my happy mood it suddenly dawned over me that this guy is actually seeing me over a dead body and justice system is a thing that exist.

I couldn't come up with an excuse as my mind started to stammer around, "I–I....Sir-"

He brought up his hand and patted my head, seeing my suddenly tensed expression he smiled at me, as if trying to lift up my mood again.

“Don't worry, he deserved it.”

What?

His reply not being what I expected I looked around him only to see he held a knife in his hand and his clothes were bloodied up.

I quickly summed up the situation and made out the conclusion that I just finished whatever he started.

Thinking made my eyebrows frowned and seeing my negative expression he chucked and once again said, "Don't over think it. He definitely deserved it."

He deserved it?

Art deserves something too then. Right?

After all....

This is all because of him

"Hey kid–" the man once again spoke.

"I liked you work here. Rookie but good. You can polish it up if you want to. So...let's have a chat, shall we?"

The old man playfully raised his eyebrow and lifted his hand up, extending it for a handshake. A hand that could seal my faith right now.

I was still pumped up on adrenaline and my eyes glowed because of the possible opportunity.

The thing I just went through was so blissful. It was liked I was wrapped in my own bubble. Having My Time.

Without wasting a second, I held my hand up and shook it with him in a firm handshake.