CHAPTER 28 | EMPTY SPACE

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   She needed a break, so that's what she got. Lauren and her mother were going on a run, a well deserved one. Not because they were running low on food, but because Lauren needed space from her and Alexandria.

From her and Carl.

"Sometimes I wish your father and sister were here. I never got to say goodbye," Helena commented, facing her daughter who was staring at the ground coldly. Lauren nodded, but was only half listening. It's been around 3 months since that night, thankfully Carl survived. But nothing was the same. Lauren was in shambles, and the only person she could run to was her mother. She replayed those memories almost everyday.

Carl had awoken, and Lauren wanted to see him. She didn't care what he looked like now, she only cared that he was stable.

Physically, yes. Mentally, not even close.

Lauren entered the room, dark circles cradling her eyes from lack of sleep. This was a few days after that night, she wanted to see how he was doing. The boy was facing the other way, but laying on his back with a bandage on his right eye. He knew she was in the room.

"Carl..." Lauren whispered, not knowing how to continue. She tried to speak, but it was as if the words fell off her tongue.

He didn't respond. His icy blue eye kept its gaze at the window, but she could have sworn it shone with tears.

What she didn't know was how he could barely look at himself without crying. So she left.

Day after day, she showed up at his door, but he didn't want to see her, or anybody. He felt like a monster; an ugly, useless nobody. Somedays Lauren wished she would've just stayed in that room and talk to him more, but the past was the past.

A month had passed where Lauren slept alone, and broken. She needed him, but he didn't care. He barely talked to anyone laying in that hospital bed.

After another month of loneliness, she couldn't take it anymore. She went back in and called his name again. This time his lip quivered in anger and sadness.

"Just go..." were the only words he said, but nonetheless it stung. Lauren's jaw hung open, feeling tears brim her eyes. He couldn't even look at her. After all these months she thought he would want to see her, it made her so angry and scared and sad all at once; she didn't know how to control it.

Storming off, she went into another room in the house. It was the one she had that panic attack in that night. Pounding fists and broken glass echoed against those walls. Releasing her anger that way was the only way she knew how to deal with things. Rick heard the commotion, and ran into the room, pulling Lauren away from the bookshelf she was tearing apart. That was her breaking point as loud sobs escaped her sore throat.

That was the first time Carl ever looked at her in 8 weeks. He watched her scream and kick against Rick's grasp around her. He turned away.

Lauren didn't show up at his door anytime after that, until three weeks later. She knocked on his door, knowing he was in there. It didn't open. Lauren was so sick and tired of crying it made her chest hurt. The young teen slid her back down the closed door, sobbing into her hands. She hadn't even touched him in 3 months. It hurt so damn much to feel all the empty space between them.

What she didn't know was that Carl had slid down against the door on the other side, listening to her cries. He wanted to open that door and hold her in his arms, but he couldn't. He hated himself, and he pushed others away because of it. He pushed Lauren the farthest away, just like she did when she came to the prison.

That was the last time Carl had heard her voice.

"Lauren?" Her mother suddenly asked, breaking the young brunette from her thoughts. Lauren hummed in question, glancing at the sunset on the horizon. What also intrigued the girls was an abandoned house along a street that could have been useful. Lauren needed to find supplies to get her mind off of everything.

"Your head's in the clouds again..." her mother replied, not knowing how to continue. She knew exactly why her daughter was hurting, but bringing the subject up made Lauren even more distant.

"I'd rather it be in the clouds than down in this hell," Lauren commented, striding towards the house at a faster pace, passing her mother. It always surprised Helena how much Lauren hd changed. Over the 3 months her daughter had told her everything that happened, from start to finish. She made a vow to protect her daughter from anybody that could do such harm to her ever again.

The dilapidated house in their view looked overgrown with ivy and dust, making the two struggle with finding the entrance. Throughout the home it surprisingly didn't smell of rotting corpses. Old pine filled their nostrils instead. The home seemed to be abandoned from the start, leaving many food in the cupboards; finally something to make Lauren smile after 3 months of doing otherwise.

"It's almost dark out, we should stay the night," her mother proposed, setting up a sleeping area in the upstairs bedroom. Lauren nodded, about to leave the main bedroom before being interrupted.

"You wanna sleep in here tonight honey?" Helena asked.

Lauren turned around, shrugging her shoulders. "No, I'm fine." That was a lie, she was far from fine. She barely slept these days with her heart feeling punctured and torn apart. But her mother nodded in understanding.

Lauren made her way into another random room, sitting on the edge of the old bed and staring out at the setting sun. She might as well start this sleepless night early.

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Fluttering her eyes open, Lauren realized she must have fallen asleep at some point. Her tired body twisted on the creaking mattress, not knowing what was going on around her. Something crawled up her nose; it was a horrid smell. Shaking her head, she rubbed her eyes and look around, seeing an opaque smog cover her room. Lauren blinked rapidly, feeling her heart beat out of her chest while standing up.

She knew that smell, it was smoke.

Lauren wasn't sure what to think about this situation, but she opened her door to see the hallway engulfed in flames. She couldn't remember much besides the rough smoke making her throat tighten and cough harshly. It felt like she was running through a furnace, crawling towards her mothers bedroom. But not much was left of it. She could barely breathe. Lauren tumbled down the stairs, forcing herself out of the house. Finally, the outside air hit her like a ton of bricks.

Her chest heaved in relief when her body fell onto the dry grass outside of the house that was now in flames. Lauren was utterly confused and terrified, because she was the only one who got out. Her mother was still in there.

She was gone.

But wasn't this just a dream? Lauren wanted to cry but she felt so drained from all her tears. Nothing fell from her eyes as her dark, emerald eyes watched the hazy vision in front of her. It was so bright, but at the same time so dark. Because that fire was what ended it.

It ended Lauren's will to live. She wished that she had let herself die in those flames.

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Lauren had no idea how long she had been laying in front of that burnt down house. Minutes, hours, days. Time was irrelevant. She felt nothing. Absolutely, fucking, nothing. She wasn't used to this feeling, even though she knew death followed her wherever she went. But she knew one thing.

She would find whoever started that fire, and make their life a living hell.

Somehow she had mustered the energy to get up and walk back to Alexandria. She did nothing but trudge down the road, a dark scowl on her face. Her eyes were that deep, dark void they once were at the prison. But this time there was no hope left in her eyes; not even a glint. Her body felt physically empty, like somebody had carved out her insides and ripped them out of her. Nothing compared to what she felt, walking up to those gates.

The gates were pulled open by a confused Tara, but Lauren continued through, not taking her eyes off the road ahead. People seemed to get the memo. Glenn and Maggie were sitting on their porch when they saw the lifeless girl walk into her home, knowing who didn't come back from that journey the day before.

The second she got in her bedroom, she began tossing clothes and supplies into her backpack. Anything she needed to survive.

Lauren waited till the moon shone high in the sky before walking back towards the gate, backpack strapped behind her and her mind set on her destination. The problem was she didn't have a place in mind, but she just had to leave.

Pulling the gates open, she stood staring at the road ahead, turning her body to see a boy in a sheriff's hat im the distance. She could clearly make out the bandage that wrapped around his face, but he didn't look as cold as before. He seemed to be worried, but Lauren continued to stare blankly. Carl saw the same eyes he saw in the prison the first time they made eye contact. She was so far gone.

But Lauren needed to get away from Alexandria. Away from him. As far away as possible. She felt like she couldn't breathe, feeling the little amount space between them.

So she turned around, walking with her head held high out of Alexandria along the blind road ahead.

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[1678 WORDS]

a/n: wow that was a lot to take in

who do you think set the fire? also do you think lauren made the right decision to leave?

alSO HOW HEARTBROKEN ARE YOU THAT CARL IS PUSHING HER AWAY CAUSE I AM