CHAPTER 20 | SINS

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Numerous days of walking in the hot sun and falling sleep in forests came and went. It was almost a week since they left Terminus, and in those days Lauren had felt more apart of a family than ever before. She was apart of something grander now, a group of people she could say she would die for. She hadn't felt that way since Freya, and it felt good to love and be loved back. The prison had changed her, especially Terminus. Lauren was proud of who she had become.

"What's on your mind?" A voice suddenly asked. Lauren turned to see Maggie walking beside her. When they went for their everyday walks, she usually strode beside Carl, but this time she was closer to Maggie.

Lauren bit her lip in thought. "Do you know how to cut hair with a knife?" Maggie looked at her strangely. "I wanna cut my hair so it's not as long and annoying to handle." She also knew that keeping her hair long was unsafe, since a walker could grab it at any moment. That's what Sage, her older sister, taught her. Always keep that hair short, she used to say.

"I could try," Maggie replied with a smile.

Lauren nodded while facing back to the road ahead of her. "Thanks."

She could feel Maggie's lingering stare on her. "Michonne told me about the ambush, she-she didn't say much besides you knowing those bad people. Did they do that to you?" Maggie asked while pointing to the light scars around the rim of her wrists.

Dark room. Loud scream. Impact.

Lauren blinked rapidly, remembering the harsh ropes around her wrists that restrained her from fighting back when they harmed her skin and bones with their filthy hands. Maggie frowned in guilt as she watched the girl shiver in fear.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No, it's fine, really," Lauren interjected. Lauren fingers delicately traced along her scars. "Yeah, they did."

The woman looked at her with sadness pooling in her eyes. "What did they do to you?"

The two girls stared at each other for a few seconds in silence; Lauren wasn't sure if she was ready to tell Maggie about her past she wished to forget. Thankfully they were interrupted by something, but it wasn't something good.

"Help!" A man called out in the distance with desperation. Everybody stopped walking through the forest, not sure how to react. Lauren grunted. She didn't want somebody else in their group, they could be apart of an even bigger one, which would lead to bigger problems. After Terminus she felt no trust for anybody anymore.

"Dad, come on," Carl pleaded. Lauren knew Carl would be in favour of saving the man, he always had hope and trust. That's what made him special in her eyes, but that could also be his downfall. One day he could trust too much, it would kill him.

After repeating himself multiple times, Rick finally obliged and went after the man; the rest of the group followed behind.

After following the voice they came to a man laying on a giant rock. The man sported a black suit, which confused Lauren. Around five walkers were desperate to grab ahold of him for their meal as he continued to splutter out cries for help. Carl shot one of them, and Lauren took out the one on the far left with her knife. The rest of the walkers were killed by a few other members of the group.

"We're clear, keep watch," Rick ordered as they examined the man on the rock. "Come on down."

The man seemed as if he'd never been in a situation like that, his eyes looked petrified and his hands shook slightly. The man slowly crawled off the rock.

"You okay?" Rick questioned, but before the man could answer he turned around and vomited onto the dirt ground. Both Lauren and Carl turned away awkwardly. The two made eye contact, Lauren raising her eyebrows at him, as if agreeing to the disgust.

"Sorry, yes, thank you," the man replied while wiping his mouth and standing up straight again. "I'm Gabriel."

"Do you have any weapons on you?" Rick asked. Gabriel chuckled quietly as if expecting somebody to laugh. Nobody laughed.

"Do I look like I would have any weapons?" He replied sarcastically.

"We don't give two short and curlies what it looks like," Abraham shot back. That made the man get to the point.

"I have no weapons of any kind. The word of God is the only protection I need." Lauren figured he was a believer in God when she saw the white collar around his neck. Lauren rolled her eyes in annoyance. She couldn't understand how he could believe in God after the outbreak.

"Sure didn't look like it," Lauren commented while raising her eyebrows.

Gabriel turned to her and smiled. "I called for help. Help came." The man looked around at everyone to see if anybody agreed with him, but the group stared at him as if he was crazy.

Gabriel continued talking after the awkward silence. "Do you...have any food? Whatever I--had left, it just hit the ground."

Carl stepped forward while handing him some. "I've got some pecans."

"Thank you," Gabriel replied while taking the pile of pecans from him. Carl weakly smiled and nodded. Lauren couldn't help but grin at his actions, he had a way of being so kind to people.

"That's a beautiful child," he commented as Judith began to babble. Another moment of silence filled the air, it made Lauren feel tense and anxious every second that nobody spoke.

"Do you have a camp?" Gabriel asked again.

"No. Do you?"

Gabriel took a moment to think. "I have a church."

"Hold your hands above your head."

Gabriel followed Rick's orders willingly as he began patting him down.

"How many walkers have you killed?" Rick inquired. Lauren smirked to herself, remembering when Rick asked her those questions all those months ago in the forest. It seemed so long ago, she had changed so much since then.

"Not any, actually."

"Turn around." Gabriel followed his orders once again. "How many people have you killed?"

"None."

Rick finished his inspection. "Why?"

"Because the Lord abhors violence."

Rick glared at the man, Lauren has a sense he didn't believe the stranger.

"What have you done?" Rick asked again. "We've all done something."

Lauren agreed.

"I'm a sinner. I sin almost everyday. But those sins, I confess them to God. Not strangers."

Smooth, Lauren thought while biting her lip curiously. What had this man done that was so cruel, when apparently he hasn't killed a single soul? Lauren knew that must have been a lie, what could be such an awful sin? As Lauren thought about sins, she pondered of the hundreds of sins she had committed through her time in the apocalypse. It made her think, if God was real, would she be a sinner in his eyes? Or has she redeemed herself? She shook her head, trying to rid of the thought of any higher being caring for this world. If God was real, he wouldn't have cursed billions of people with grief and death.

"You said you had a church?" Michonne asked the man. Gabriel turned to her with a quick nod.

After a few minutes of chatting, Gabriel was finally able to lead them to his camp.

Lauren stayed quiet for the time being, keeping to herself as she walked behind a few others. The boy in the sheriffs hat in front of her peeked behind himself to look at Lauren. Carl then backed up a bit to walk beside the brunette.

"How are you holding up?" He questioned, Lauren feeling his lingering stare on her as she kept her gaze to the road ahead. She wanted to be honest, ever since Terminus ended she had time to recollect on Joe's group ambush.

She never let anybody know, but most of her nights were disturbed with nightmares. Sometimes it would be Joe trying to grab her as she ran from him, or sometimes he would be behind a locked door, banging on it while devilishly laughing. She couldn't stop thinking about it, so these recent days have been not so great for Lauren.

Carl always saw through her lies, so she sighed in defeat. "Not amazing, but not...bad."

Carl's hand lingered upon hers as he rubbed his thumb soothingly across her palm. "What's going on?" He asked softly. Lauren's stomach felt like it twisted at his touch. It felt like a wave of relief washed over her knowing that she had someone to talk to.

"Bad dreams, of that night. I can't stop thinking about it, ever since they left me in that cellar my worst nightmare was to see him again. Sometimes it's hard to tell myself that he's actually gone and can't hurt me anymore."

Lauren turned to gaze into his icy blue eyes. They showed concern, but they soon softened. "We've survived through everything so far, you can make it past this bump too. I know you can."

A light smile stretched at her lips when he leaned towards her and placed a kiss in her hair. It felt like a million butterflies swarmed in her stomach, Lauren closed her eyes in comfort. She didn't want to be anywhere else but beside him.

Before they knew it, the white church was already in sight.

"Hold up, can we take a look around first?" Rick asked. It didn't seem like Gabriel had much of a choice.

Rick and a few others searched the church, the rest of the group waiting outside in anticipation.

The church seemed to be clear of anybody else. The adults argued about getting supplies or not, until they decided that resting in this church and finding supplies was a good idea before heading to Washington. Apparently the guy with the mullet named Eugene knew about a cure, but as Lauren always was, she was doubtful that they'd ever save the world with the information.

Eugene might not even make it to Washington alive.

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It was decided that Rick and most of the group would go on a supply run to a place Gabriel knew about. Carl, Lauren and Tyrese decided to stay behind at the church, along with Judith. Carl had just talked to his dad, so Judith was in Lauren's care.

Lauren sat in the front pew, holding Judith on her right. The toddler laid her head on her shoulder.

"What do you think of this place Jude?" Lauren asked her, almost expecting a full answer. But all she got was a gurgle.

"You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?" Lauren asked again, looking ahead of her with a sigh.

Carl had finished speaking with his father, they must have head out by now. The boy walked to where Lauren was, and sat down beside her.

Lauren exhaled through her nose in a laugh. "Sometimes when I look at her I see my sister. The eyes, the hair, almost everything besides the fact that she's a baby. I almost forgot what my sister looked like."

Carl gave a remorseful smile towards her. "What was her name?"

"Sage." Lauren paused for a moment while thinking. "She would've liked to meet you."

Carl chuckled as Lauren handed Judith into his arms. "I wish I could've met her too."

Lauren wanted to change the subject, she hated remembering the deceased. "Do you trust Gabriel?"

A sigh escaped his lips. "Yeah, but I know you don't."

Lauren looked to her dirt covered shoes. "We trusted Terminus too, and look what that brought us."

"It brought us back together again, sometimes a bad situation can result in a good one." Lauren sighed in agreement.

"Sage used to say that too. But most of the time it was to get out of trouble. On her free time, she liked to go to school parties, since she babysat me a lot. My mom would get so mad, but when I asked Sage why she wasn't mad back she said because any bad situation can turn out to be a good one. And she was right, later on she would..."

Lauren trailed off when she glanced upwards to see a mesmerized Carl. He was staring at her with amazement.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lauren questioned with a smirk. He tilted his head in thought, not breaking eye contact with her.

"I just like listening to you," he whispered while leaning his head against his hand. It was true, most of the time he wasn't paying attention to her story, Carl simply enjoyed watching her talk, as if this world hadn't gone to hell and they were acting like normal teenagers. The way she talked about her family made her eyes glisten, and her tone changed too. She got to reminiscent and excited while talking of life before everything. He could stare at her all day, and never get tired of it.

Lauren shook her head in disbelief, leaning forwards and pressing her lips onto his. They were so delicate against hers, the two slowly moved in sync. Carl hummed in satisfaction as he broke the kiss, breathing heavily before pressing a light kiss on her nose.

Lauren hummed in amusement. "You're ridiculous, don't ever change." Lauren leaned back, standing up and taking Judith into another room. It had a little basket, a perfect place for Judith to sleep in.

"I can take care of her now, if you'd like," Tyrese volunteered, getting up from the couch. Lauren nodded and thanked him, placing Judith in the basket. She walked out of the room and closed to door to see Carl playing with his gun, twirling it in his hands. The brunette turned to the window, placing her hands in her pockets.

"And now we wait."

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A few hours had passed and the group was back with many supplies. Lauren was in the middle of feeding Judith, until she gave her to Tyrese and searched to find Carl. He wasn't inside the church, so she ventured out down the side of it to see him looking at a window.

"Hey, you should come in, they found food, a lot of it," Lauren greeted while walking towards him.

He kept eye contact on the building in front of him. "Good."

He seemed to be deep in thought about something on that wall. "What is it?"

"Those scratches," Carl replied while pointing towards scratches along the wood of the church, "they're deep, like knives or something. Someone was trying to get in."

Lauren stepped forward, tracing her finger along the deep cuts on the wood.

"I found something else," he added on while intertwining his fingers with hers, leading her towards the back of the church. Lauren held back a grin.

"I don't know what happened, but whatever it is, we can handle it." Carl explained while turning towards Lauren. She gave him a strange glare before turning to look at the thing he wanted her to see.

"Doesn't mean Gabriel's a bad guy for sure, but it means something."

Lauren squinted while trying to read the writing on the wall. Somebody had carved a message with a knife that wrote you'll burn for this. Fumes felt like they were coming out of Lauren's ears, she knew he couldn't be trusted.

"You should tell your dad about this, I knew this guy was lying about something..." she trailed off while letting go of his grasp and turning around, placing a hand on her forehead in a stressful manner. It was happening again, just like Terminus, just like the Governor, just like Joe's group.

Somebody who sinned has come to hurt them.

"Hey, we'll get through this, like we always do, don't stress about it," Carl cooed while stepping towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder sympathetically. Lauren lowered the hand from her forehead.

"I'm just worried about the fact that we know this man has done something terrible, but we have no clue what. And we're living under his roof, Judith is too. What did he do that was so bad?"

Carl shook his head. "I don't know, but we'll find out later, promise." Carl moved his hand from her shoulder to her back, rubbing it lightly in a vertical motion.

"I'm tired of running from bad people," Lauren whispered, turning to face Carl while wrapping her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. Carl snaked his arms around her waist, soaking in her smell. She smelled of dirt and oak trees, which was a pleasant earthy smell.

"I'm so tired."

"I know."

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a/n: wow sm carlen moments

expect a badass scene from lauren next chapter 😛