In the beginning, I thought detox would be okay. Nothing had kicked me onto my ass yet.

Until I fell ill.

Imagine a usual flu, but magnified. Body aches that even medication can't subdue. A high temperature that should've sent me into a coma or killed me by now. Sprinkle in nausea.

Since I've fallen ill, the risk of me busting out of my room is minimal. Mom has primarily checked on me since I've been sick. Doing everything in her power to fend this off with me. She even helps me bathe, as sometimes that feels almost impossible to do. For the past few days I feel as though I've been walking through water, or molasses. Time moves normally around me, but I'm at a much slower pace.

Mom just left not too long ago, putting a cold compress across my forehead while I shudder under all the blankets. I feel soaked through the bone with sweat. A cold bath sounds like Heaven right now. But I know that's not for a little while yet.

"My, my. I've seen you look like shit, but this is a whole other level!"

Through my fatigued state, my body tenses. I take my time trying to sit up, keeping the cold compress across my head. Everything seems fuzzy and spins a little until my vision settles. My fingers grip tight against the cold rag, squeezing cold drops of water down my face.

"H-how did you get in here?" I whisper, horrified.

Finn leans against a wall cast in shadow. As he steps into the light, his skin is cracked, as though another beating with a sledgehammer will shatter him. His eyes still remain coal-black, a demonic trait. "I've got my ways."

I screw my eyes shut. "You're not here, not really. It's the detox."

"It is or it isn't, but I'll never say."

"It is, because I killed you."

"Yeah, you did," Finn admits, deadpan. "And you killed Cas. You might be one of the youngest to kill one of each. What an accomplishment." He mockingly claps for me. "I wonder, do they know about that yet?"

"It hasn't come up." I open my eyes and sniffle loudly.

"Mm, but it will soon. It's only a matter of time. They have a right to know. That was their friend, after all." Finn twists his face into one of disgust. "I'll never understand it. Those birds always have sticks up their asses. But not Castiel. He used to, but the Winchesters must've removed it and gave him human emotions."

"If I had known it was him, I wouldn't have done it," I murmur. "All those times I thought I saw him in Hell...he was really there, wasn't he?"

"Well, look at what you know. What does that tell you?"

"That you're just a hallucination and that you know what I know."

"There's daddy's smarts." Finn beams. "But you already know the truth. You did kill Castiel. You killed their little pet. They'll help you now, sure, but what happens when they uncover that dark mark on you? My guess: they'll turn their backs on you. I mean, any other hunter could've killed him, but he got murdered by a sixteen-year-old. Can't get much more pathetic than that."

I squeeze the compress tighter. I should've seen through it. I should've listened. If I had just shaken the illusion, Cas would still be here. He'd be one more helping hand. Heck, maybe he could've cured me of this.

A low rage settles in my chest as I glare at Finn. If I had the strength and energy, I'd go to him and punch him in his cracked face. "You did this to me," I snarl. "You made me do things I never wanted to do. You uprooted my life!"

Finn quirks his mouth. "Really, you want to blame me? Am I the one who forced you to down demon blood to hold your own in Hell? Did I run Castiel's own blade through him out of fear he was a demon? Oh, no, Willa—that was all you. You chose to do those things. The survivor in you kicked into overdrive...you'll do anything to keep on breathing, as you now know."

I close my eyes. "Go away, Finn."

"I can't, not unless you get your closure."

"If I wanted closure Cas would be here, not you. I have nothing to apologize to you for." But Cas...

"Sure you do. You can start by tearfully begging for my forgiveness for murdering me."

"You were going to use me for your own gain!" My eyes shoot open. "You might've not been in my mind, sure, I'll give you that. But who's to say you wouldn't have been once I killed Crowley for you? I'm sure a demon can be well-versed in spells."

"Admit it, Wills, you liked having power."

"Power I never wanted."

The knock on the door startles me, and when I look for Finn, he's gone. At least he doesn't immediately reappear, and Cas doesn't make a cameo. For now. There's still plenty of time for that. I groan, debating on settling back into bed.

"Do I need to come in there?" It's Sam. I'm still not fully okay with calling him "dad" or anything like that. The few times it's slipped out has been accident.

"N-no," I say hoarsely. "Just...arguing with myself is all. You'd know about that."

"Yeah, I would. Not the best time. You, uh, need anything?"

I sniff. "A bath might do me some good. Yeah. You willing to let me out?"

"I'll have to be close by in case...you know..."

I nod. "I make a break for it in my crumbling state of mind, got it. If I know you're around, I won't do anything. You, uh, might want to get in here to help me, though."

Sam lets himself into my room, comes to my bedside. With patience, he helps me out of bed. My face distorts into disgust at seeing how moist the bedsheets are.

I'm solo in the bathroom, which Sam seems uneasy about. But I think the prospect of seeing his newly-discovered teenage daughter naked freaks him out, so that is what we're left with. I run a cold bath. Part of me wants to jokingly ask to toss in some ice along with me.

Gingerly, I lower myself in. I take time lathering up my body, my hair. When it comes to rinsing, I get the water a little warmer. Not enough to burn, but not enough to really give off any heat. It takes a lot out of me.

I lay in the full tub, my breath coming out labored. How much longer do I need to go through this? All I ask is no more cameos from Finn. That will surely send me into a fit of rage, even in my sick state. My eyes flutter shut, but my mind is wired.

I see Cas in my mind's eye. Cas, the angel who had foolishly tried to save me in Hell. I don't want to fault him for that, he clearly had a fast-track to me before my family did. And look where it got him. Dead, by my hand. Imprisoned by his sworn enemies.

His blue eyes haunt me behind my closed eyelids. I slowly sink under water briefly, to allow the cold to disturb my thoughts. When I sit up, I wipe the water out of my eyes.

Only...when I open my eyes, the water is a stark red.

Blood.

I let out a startled gasp, splashing blood—no, it's water, this is your brain during detox—out of the tub. My heart flies in a panic, and I can't seem to scramble out of the tub fast enough. I get the drain going, wishing it would shoo the blood—it's WATER—quicker than it is.

Trembling, I wrap myself in the towel. I curl myself up on the floor, leaning against the side of the tub. My hand covers my mouth as I silently sob. Cas, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I concentrate on dressing myself, aware that if I'm not out of the bathroom soon, Sam will come knocking. Heck, he might just kick the door in, depending on how panicked I may make him. He seems like that kind of person.

With each blink, images flash by. Cas's body. Finn's gleaming smile at how far off the deep end I've gone. Demon blood, causing my body to throb in need of it.

Now fully clothed, I'm still not ready to exit the bathroom. I make noise, to let Sam know that I haven't done anything irrational. That I'm still breathing. I'm now on the lid of the toilet, my hair wrapped in the damp towel. It's water, not blood. My head is bowed, and I feel a headache coming on.

Cas was a friend. Sam and Dean don't know he was in Hell. That he had found a way to try and save me. In thanks, I killed him. I'll bet Cas never thought a Winchester would be the one to take him out.

While I'm quiet with my thoughts, I notice Sam hasn't tried to barge into the bathroom. Either he broke his word and left, or he's just being very quiet out in the hall, allowing me some peace of mind. Some moments I forget that he's supposed to be close.

Chills run through my body after I'm out of the bathroom, escorted back to my room by Sam. A deep sigh escapes before I can stop it.

"I know," is Sam's gentle response. "It will get better, Willa. I promise."

I close my eyes. "Please don't make false promises to me."

"This one isn't, I swear. You just need time."

As we enter my room, Mom is just finishing up switching out my bedsheets. I give her a watery smile, a silent thank you in there somewhere.

"Brought you some food, too," she says, once she sees Sam and I have returned. "Did the bath help any?"

I shrug. "Food might."

"I guess I'll let you get back to it, then." She and I pass by each other. She reaches for me, as though she wants a hug, but she's unsure if she should. "Just hang in there a little longer, sweetheart. We're all here for you. Remember that."

I'll try to, in my solitude. "Maybe I could get some more visits? I think I might be at a turning point."

Sam looks hesitant. "We'll see. For now, we'll let you be. Laura."

Reluctantly, Mom leaves with Sam. The door is shut, and I'm alone once again.

"Don't worry, Wills. You've got me for company," comes Finn's smug tone. Wherever he is in my room, I refuse to look in his direction. I go for my bed and my food. "It's not nice to ignore your visitors."

"I'll ignore you as much as I like," I sneer. "I just have to ignore you long enough so that you don't come back."

"Ah, so you want to dig your heels in? Great. I can do that too. Buckle up, Wills. It's a test of...wills. Do you think you can outlast me?"

I'm going to do everything in my damn power to.