I sit down on the table, trying hard not to recall what I just saw. I felt so embarrassed and guilty when I rushed out of my own bathroom. My face had turned completely hot, either by the flow of blood to my face or maybe the steam from the hot water. Whatever it was, I definitely felt pretty shameful because of what I had just done.

Though, no one can deny from that particular scenery, that she is literally no less than a Greek goddess. She had the body that I have always wanted my whole life. She has just the perfect size of round and perky breasts for her height, a very little of her belly bulging and coming out in the most elegant way possible, refining her structure all the way, and that sexy silver ring on her belly button. In addition to her shorter stature complimenting her strong and powerfully assertive personality.

The most surprising part about the incident was that she did not seem even a little embarrassed about being naked in front of someone. I wish I had that kind of confidence about my body to be able to just bare it all in front of people, without any embarrassment at all. One of my biggest fears and nightmares have been revolved around being naked in front of the world. One of my biggest body insecurities being that huge ugly mole on my back, and the other being my outie bellybutton, the stretch marks on my legs and my butts or maybe just the fact that people judge, no matter what.

I make up my mind into trying not to bring up this embarrassing incident in any way possible. I start thinking of various topics in my mind that I can talk about when she returns after cleansing herself in the shower, like I could start with inquiring about her old life and those murmurs, to begin with.

I look down at my still warm enough poached eggs. I take my trident fork in my left and knife in the right hand, and delicately cut out a part of it. I take that small bite towards my mouth, but I just could not get myself to eat it at the moment.

I hear the bathroom door creak open and I turn around to look at her emerging from my bedroom, wearing my casual white T-shirt, which is hilariously loose on her delicate and petite body. And my loose cotton booty shorts with floral print, look like boxers on her tiny legs. Even though I wanted to laugh, my face reddens by the embarrassing episode that just happened a few minutes ago.

So, I turn back to my breakfast and start stuffing the pieces of poached eggs in my mouth, so as to avoid any kind of awkward eye contact. Nat walks towards me, now looking fresher than before she had bathed. She is now walking with her feet elegantly, like diving on the ground similar to how elegantly Michael Phelps' body does in a pool. She looks hot even in those loose clothes of mine.

"Here she rolls," I call out loud, as I raise my glass of freshly made orange juice and bring it up to my lips to slurp up a sip.

"Eyy, you started without me, huh," she says as she walks right by me, now smelling of my fresh cucumber liquid body wash.

"I just had a bite, hun. I also got to go to the hospital to visit Saw this evening."

"Ya ya, I know. I'll come on to the hospital with you and check on him as well," she says as she sits down in front of me on the small kitchen table.

"Are you sure you want to visit your work-place on a day off?" I chuckle as I look at her.

"Na-ah, I am accompanying my bitchy friend who dragged my intoxicated ass from a club last night and saved me from another gut-wrenching awkward morning next to a complete stranger," she says while chuckling and catches my eyes for a second before she flutters her long and naturally curled eye lashes twice.

"Well then, I am not letting YOU drive this time," I say, as I try to lessen the tension building up.

"All yours, babe. My head hurts anyways," as she continues to chomp on the eggs.

"If you don't like sleeping with strangers, then why do you do it?" I look at her with a warm and confused look at the same time, while tilting my head to the left.

"I like the feeling that I get at that very moment, that rush of meeting someone new and seducing them to the point that they are weak in front of me. I like to feel that power. It is refreshing. But the very next morning, I wake up hungover next to a strange man, both naked under the same sheets. I feel nauseated each time. I feel powerless each and every time I wake up next to a strange man. I feel that I couldn't even control myself, how would I control anything else."

I can see her almond-shaped eyes glisten a little while she looks into my eyes, I hold her gaze for a few seconds. As her eyes now begin to get redder from the corners, she looks down at her breakfast. I choose to stay quiet at the moment as we continue to eat our breakfast. I would like to save the rest of the questions that I have for some other time now.

We both remain silent for a few minutes. The silence, which after a long time, felt comfortable.

"So, what's your plan till the evening?" I finally say, breaking the silence, while picking up our empty plates, just after the both of us were done eating.

"I don't know. I have not really decided anything yet. I might start by taking a Tylenol for this headache and chug mugs of water. What about you?" she says, while still being seated, with the fingertips of her left hand caressing her forehead head lightly and elbows on the table.

I walk into the kitchen and place the plates inside the sink and fill them with water to soak it.

"Wanna drink more?" I chuckle as I look back at her from over my shoulder. "I am probably gonna stay in and watch a sappy movie or something, with buttery popcorn and greasy nacho cheese. Wanna join me? We can do like a girls' stay-in or something like that"

I sounded excited in my head when I heard me invite her over for spending the day with me. It had been long since I have had an actual girls' day.

"Sure. It would be fun. We can bitch about our classmates, watch teenage rom-coms, hush over our secret crushes and make a wedding scrapbook with photoshopped pictures of our future babies," she exclaims sarcastically in a frequency reaching an annoying high-pitched tone, while raising her eyebrows towards me with a school-mean girl's smirk.

"OH MY GOD! EXACTLY. I wanted to talk to you about Jake, that guy from Chemistry class. I caught him looking at me, AGAIN!" I say, in my most Friends' Janice voice I could muster.

Natasha chuckles and nods her head while closing her eyes tightly for a second and says, "Okay, shut up now. It's starting to sound annoying now and my head hurts."

"You want some champagne for your headache, by any chance?"

"You aren't gonna let it go, are you?" she rolls her eyes with an I give up pursed lip smile on her face, nodding her head.

I giggle again and walk over in the living room, towards our home theatre system. I turn on the TV.

"Tell me now, what would you like to watch? Netflix? Amazon? Hulu? Or maybe Crunchyroll, by any chance?" I call out loud while crashing on one of the Lounge sofas that Sawyer had bought when we first moved in.

"I have been wanting to watch that movie on homosexuality since a long time now. Ummm... I forgot the name!" She closes her eyes to get a better view of her own memory.

"Blue is The Warmest Colour?"

"No, no. It is based on two guys."

"Philadelphia?"

"No, it is actually a little more recent."

"You know, there are about thousands of movies on homosexuality. You need to be a little bit more specific, hon."

"Ughh, you are useless. I'll look it up on my own." She takes out her phone from the pocket of my shorts and starts typing on it rapidly.

After a few scrolls and less than 30 seconds, "Call Me By Your Name!" she suddenly calls out, while looking up from her the screen to look at me.

"And listen, for God's sake, send me your address. Last night I didn't even know where I was supposed to haul and throw your drunk ass."

"Aah! I'm texting it to you on WhatsApp." She takes out her Rose Gold iPhone XS Max and walks towards me and sits right beside me.

She keeps her elbow on the back of the sofa and rests her tilted head on her palm. Her arm is touching my shoulder and her head is about three to four inches from mine. I have never been very used to physical human contact with many people, so it had always made me uncomfortable at most times.

I click on the tile on the screen with the smart remote, revealing information about the movie.

IMDB: 8.0 | Year: 2018 | Genre: Drama/Romance

Time: 2h 12 mins | Rating: R

Stars: Armie Hammer,

Synopsis: In 1983 Italy, romance blossoms between a seventeen-year-old boy and a doctoral student, who was an older man hired as his father's research assistant during a summer.

I look at her as she asks after we had both silently read the descriptions of the movie, "Wanna watch?"

"So this is a gay romance movie? Was this even possible during the '80s?" I ask, then rephrase my question, realising how it came out just a second ago, after getting a scrunched eyebrow look from Natasha, "I mean socially possible during that time and decade. Especially in the country which resides the Pope. Or maybe this is some kind of tragedy about them fighting such social conventions etc etc."

"Let's see and find this out, shall we?"

I click Play.

As the movie plays, between the sombre warm undertones during the time when it begins and the main characters meet, amongst the hatred and jealousy and the obvious chemistry leading to a scene in the park. The main characters- Elio and Oliver, are lying on the grass, side by side during a sunny summer day. We can hear the clear chirping of birds in the background, the rays of the sun falling serenely at an angle, forming shadows on the other half of their bodies.

Natasha softly puts her head on my shoulder, while we both quietly watch the movie. I feel a familiar heat building up on my face again, as I said that I was not very comfortable with physical contact with most people because of not being used to it.

Oliver gets up from his back, reaches Elio through his right hand, and traces his lower lips with the tips of his fingers, slowly. Elio gapes his mouth open to let Oliver's index finger make its way inside his mouth. Sawyer used to do that with me, I feel the insides of my belly starting to form knots, my head starting to feel lighter with the intensity.

Olivia pulls Elio to shut the deal with a passionate kiss on his mouth, while I feel my body tensing up. I close my eyes to reminisce about the feeling.

I feel a finger trace over my lips, softly with the background music of the movie playing behind, igniting my spirit. Then I feel my head being turned to one side and I feel a pair of lips part mine. It felt complete for a second, it felt like I needed it. For a second there, my head starts spinning, I felt like I was elevated from the ground.

I open my eyes to see Natasha's closed eyes, very close to mine. I observe her delicate and small-ish hands under my chin. I gently pull back after coming back to my senses.

I cannot say that I did not need it at the moment, the feeling of being complete and wanted after quite a long time.

I simply get up and walk towards the balcony in the living room. I can still hear the TV in the background, probably the movie is still playing. My head is feeling too light to be able to comprehend much or anything at all.

I put my elbows on the balcony and transfer my weight on them. I look in front of me, from the 5th floor balcony, straight into the playground made for the children of the area. Children playing on the swings, I can hear them laughing and shouting while they ran havoc.

My mind dropped to think about what had just happened, and the worst part being that I did want it for a second there.

Normally, I would discuss this conflict in my mind with my shrink but...

"It was not your fault."

I turn around to her voice.

"What?" I inquire.

"You have been out here for about twenty minutes. I know you think that it was your fault. It is natural to feel confused and conflicted at such a time. But it is pretty natural to want a normal life for once."

"I don't know."

"Don't worry. You will. With time."

She walks inside the house again, leaving me with my thoughts and the sounds of children playing outside.

I did have a lot to think about.