"Rule #1: Don't chase your potential clients with a knife."

Have you ever felt like you were cursed to suffer forever? Like the entire purpose of your life is for tormention? Because I do. Ever since I was born, life has a strange way of reminding me why I shouldn't hold on to things that were meant to break. Trends, promises, status, condoms, standards and et cetera. 

Everything is uncertain and in order to live, I must be adaptable to changes. Good thing my Papu taught me the art of not giving a fuck. With our late black pick-up truck, he was literally driving me to kindergarten, blasting his favourite rock bands in our speaker as if we owned the streets. He raised me so damn well and I wouldn't achieve half of the peacefulness I have without him. 

So with my shades and black lipstick on years later, I can still always roam the streets of Cashmodeus City with the smug look on my face and do whatever I want. Because just like what he said, to hell be with everyone, it ain't their life to live but mine. I felt so free and me. Well, not until another shit happened...

"Rule #16: Atleast look like you're not a murderer or something. Hey, are you even listening?" 

 Bumuntonghininga ako at tuluyan na lang na isinubsob ang sarili sa mini sofa na kinalalagyan. "Yes, I am," I even said without batting my cousin an eye. 

"Sure you did. No wonder wala ka pa ring nakukuhang customer maski isa." Napasinghal ito at inilapag ang palad sa babasaging mesa. Sa pagkakataong 'yon ay dahan dahan ko itong nilingon at tinaasan ng isang kilay. 

"Well, hindi naman lahat ng tao ay maganda ang taste, ano." Mabagal kong ibinababa hanggang sa bridge ng ilong ang shades na suot. "And why would I lower myself to the likes of their standards?" 

"Because you needed money, biatch! And can you fucking act according to your financial status?" 

"Hey, Briar. Chill. We can't afford to differentiate the hot sauce and the gushing blood out of your exploded veins in our pizza, if you keep screaming like that. Besides, our Naenia is priceless." My goth girl Rogue sure knows how to cut Briar and I's never ending war into an awkward silence. Although they themselves were childhood nemesis ever since they stabbed each other with pencil when we were in Grade 2. 

But anyway, that was then, and good thing Rogue is sitting next to my grumpy cousin who's now fuming red because of rage or... maybe because humiliation. 

Bigla rin ba namang nagsitinginan sa direksyon namin ang ibang mga schoolmates na balak din atang mag lunch dito sa Pizza Shop katabi ng University.

Oh dear, what a great timing! Potential customers! 

In an instant, I flipped my long and wavy hair. I then fixed the hem of my white backless dress and made sure that it'll look good being topped with my black short vintage blazer. With that, I greeted them with a wide smile. 

"Hello, good morning lovely human beings! College ka na ba, pero tamad pa rin? Balak mo lang ba talagang maging palamunin sa bahay at hindi mag effort? Good thing an English Mage is here, Naenia Lovercraft! Your certified ghostwriter and academic commissioner!" malambing kong saad at nilapitan sila't nakipag beso pa. 

"Term Papers? Position Papers? Thesis? Essays? Poems? Novelettes? I can basically do anything because I'm not a helpless and pathetic brats who lacks the ability to can. Tandaan, ang inyong katamaran ang aking kabuhayan. So what are you waiting for? Give me your money or I will kill you-mphh rmphh phffm!"

Kamuntik ko nang malasahan kung saan huling hinawak ni Briar ang kamay niya nang bigla niya itong itinakip sa bibig ko. Maypa sorry sorry pa siyang nalalaman sa mga 'yon at tuluyan na akong kinaladkad palabas ng  Cerberus Pizza Shop! Like ew and what the flying fuck?

 "Pwede bang huwag kang gumawa nang mga bagay na ika-aaresto mo?" Suminghal pa ito habang hila hila ako, samantalang si Rogue naman ay natatawa lang na sumunod sa'min habang bitbit 'yong mga natirang slice ng Hawaiian pizza. 

 Gusto ko nga sanang humingi kaso sinermonan pa ako ni Briar na para bang siya ang nagluwal sa 'kin. Kesyo respetuhin ko daw ang mga clients ko, maging humble daw ako, matutong sumunod sa boundaries at kung ano ano pa. Kaya ayon naubos na lahat ni Rogue 'yong pagkain at nang makarating kami sa Uni ay sakto lang sa time ng mga class schedule namin. Kinailangan ko na ring humiwalay sakanila at magtungo sa Education building kung nasaan ang klase ko. 

 Well, I'm actually in my first year in Secondary Education Major in English, and if it wasn't for my dork cousin Briar, I would've been studying Mortuary Science in Yawaka City right now. It was my first choice, actually because I wanted to be a Funeral Director. But guess whose condoms got broken when you needed protection the most? Spoiler alert, it's Briar's father. So there, 19 years later and my damn cousin terminated my application to Yawaka University and enrolled me here in Cashmodeus Uni with my current course instead. 

The reason? Simply because he doesn't want me to leave our hometown and bitch around in Yawaka. And look at him now that I successfully failed to depart, he just keeps on nagging about everything as if I wanted to live on the same roof as him for another year again. But anyway, let him rot, he doesn't deserve my stress. 

I took a deep breath and gaze upon the broadness of the entire Cashmodeus University. The buildings really seem to be worlds apart from each other because of the pine trees and other ornamental freaks who look like they were representatives from Halloween Town. The dark grasses and the eiree fogs, the sound of every birch my foot broke upon taking another step and the thin air that seems to leave me breathless, everything really feels like I'm in a Horror Movie especially when my next class is the damn fucking Structures of English and I'm five minutes late! 

 Aaaahh! My dignity! 

In a snap, I channeled my inner Cheetah and paced towards the bushes and landed completely unharmed at the unholiest doormat of the Education Department. Upon flaring my nostrils harshly, my biker boots made a dashing sound as I ran the corridors just to arrive at my class with all my might. 

Only to be greeted by a lifeless classroom with people who's too occupied with their own businesses. 

"Naenia, ba't ngayon ka lang? Pasalamat ka wala si Sir," bungad ng blockmate kong si Cleo, suot ang itim niyang Motionless In White shirt at itim na high waist tattered pants. Ngunit imbis na sumagot ay mas pinili ko munang habulin ang sariling hinga. Nang mahimasmasan ay agad akong humandusay sa katabing armchair at inosente rin namang sinundan ng huli. 

 "Because Briar is being a bitch," tugon ko nalang sa tanong niya kanina at napahawak pa sa sentido, pero nang hindi kumibo ang rakistang babaeng katabi ay bahagya ko na itong sinulyapan at natantong napakurap kurap lang ito. 

"Sino nga ulit si Briar? 'Yong aso niyo?" 

 "Brylle is our dog, and Briar is my cousin. Dang it, Cleophyl Manson!" 

Kalmado lang naman siyang napatango at tinapunan ako ng tingin. "So kamusta na 'yong aso niyo?" 

My lips swung open and decided to just shove my head in the armchair instead. "Our dog is okay, but my Papu is not. He has a lung cancer and is currently admitted at the hospital. Plus, we're so fucking broke," wala sa sarili ko nalang na sagot at tinanggap ang katotohanang makakasama ko nanaman ang isang 'to buong magdamag. Although I love her and she's adorable sometimes, I still need someone with sanity.

Gosh, I really wish Rogue was in Educ, too, but she's in Fine Arts and their building is in a Far Faraway Land along with Shrek and Fiona. I couldn't even see a glimpse of her pretty pale face without us, video calling. 

 So there, I spend my day again with my Cleo as I try to chase anyone who can become my potential clients. I even posted on all my social media accounts, but days have passed and I still couldn't get many. Talagang tinatakbuhan pa nila ako, like seriously, what am I? An evil witch?

 "Apparently, the lost town's former name was Harribel and it was never seen again." I overhead during one of my classes but I couldn't give a single fuck because I'm too busy figuring out what was wrong with everyone for not getting any of my services yet! Come on, embrace your laziness and let me have money from it!

***

Resting my head on the cold vandalized wall, I found myself sighing for the nth time as I stared blankly at the cruel night skies. See, even the stars don't want to shine for me, and look how I just have three customers who happen to make me write an essay in Life and Works, a balanced argumentative essay for Foundation of Special and Inclusive Education and a freaking love letter. Like, ew. I should be doing my on-going gore novel right now but here am I trapped in other people's difficulty for cheap shits. 

But well, it's not like I'm complaining since everything is for Papu, and if there's one similarity with my dipshit cousin, it's that we were both abandoned by our parents and our grandfather raised us. We both love him, and there's no question to that. The only thing that's just getting into my nerves is the reality that I need to socialize with people below me so that I can earn. Like, ugh!

They don't deserve any of this.

"A penny for your thoughts?" 

 Napaangat ako ng tingin ng maramdamang biglang mas lumamig ang haplos ng hangin, kasabay ng lalim ng boses ng nagsalita. Pero imbis na magpaapaketo ay bahagya nalang akong natawa. 

 "Oh please, make it a billion dollars." 

 Hinayaan kong tumabi sa 'kin 'yong lalakeng naka puting maskara na bungo, at itim na cloak na akala mo naman ay galing siya sa isang costume party. But what can I do, anyway? As much as I want to unwind on my own, Expression Valley is still a public place and is actually open for every entity who wanted somewhere to go for a relaxation or venting purposes. And it was actually just a few kilometers away from Cashmodeus Hospital where my Papu was admitted. 

The vast area was filled with originally white thick walls with different lengths that are designed to be vandalized or painted or whatever, by anyone. There's a staircase for every thick wall so you can just climb at the top if you want a clearer view of the whole valley, facing the seashore. It was such a wonderful place that Papu introduced me to when I was 13 and I'm still loving it up until now. 

 "You're the Funeral Girl, right?" 

 For the second time, I rerouted my sight into his direction. 

 "How do you know my pen name?" 

 He chuckled, voice as if it crawled up straight from the grave. "Who wouldn't know a fictional charcter murderer? Of course, you're the famous gore novelist who haven't updated her on-going story for months now." 

 Right at the moment, I shrugged off my shoulders and took a glance at the dead cosmos. Biting my lips as I was trying to formulate the exact words to say. 

 "So you're one of my Egg Cells?" I beamed and faced him again with a wide smile. 

 "What? A-anong Egg—" 

  "That's what I called my readers, duh!" A soft laugh made its way from my mouth as I jokingly punched the stranger in his left arms. 

 "And why would you call your readers Egg Cells?" 

 "Ayaw mo? Does the fandom named 'Cums' really sounds better?" Napahawak ako sa baba at binalewala ang pagkasamid niya sa sariling laway. Mabuti nalang at nabawi niya ang sarili at dahan dahang humarap sa direksyon ko. 

  "You're weird." 

Oh, coming from a man who dressed like he was from Hueco Mundo. 

  "But anyway, what are you doing in a place like this at 3.A.M?" 

This time, it was my turn to give him a chuckle as I flipped some strands of my hair. "Because some cousin won't stop preaching me on how to be a decent ghostwriter and academic commissioner. Also on how to the win a customer's heart."

 "Like, respect the clients and be good to them so that they'll be good to me too? So they'll avail my service? Saying that nobody would help me if I won't help them shits, and I should do to them what I wanted them to do to me?" Napasinghal ako at itinuro ang sarili. 

"Dude, it's like wanting to find someone who loves you as much as you love yourself. And it's a shame because everything is just a paraphrased sentence for 'I'm a Narcissist." I rolled my eyes. 

"Yet I'm being hated because I'm straightforward." I sighed but he just shook off his head. Maybe processing my brilliance or something but nevermind. Now that he mentioned it, naalala ko tuloy na may pinapabili nga pala sa 'kin si Aleng Angela do'n sa katabing convenience store. 

Kapitbahay namin siya at nagmagandang loob na maging katulong namin n Briar sa pagbabantay kay Papu sa ospital. So despite of the fact that I am not a freaking errand girl, I'll just let her pass. Akmang tatayo na nga sana ako, ngunit ganoon nalang ang pagkatuod ko sa nilalagyan dahil sa naging tugon niya.

"I can actually give you money, you know." 

 "Pardon?" Muli ko itong hinarap habang naka hawak pa sa dibdib.

 "I'll just have to buy you and your work, right?" 

Napakurap kurap ako at seryoso siyang tinitigan. "W-well, I'll have to write for you and you're going to pay, but I'm not included—" 

"No, I'll buy you and your works." 

Wait, noo!