Few days had passed since giving birth to Aadam. Since I had regained my health, and the bleeding was controllable, I was allowed to leave my room. It was not a new anymore that I had given birth; nor was it a news that Sa'ir was the father.

Before Aadam -- or rather before Sa'ir -- when people stared at me, I could sense their envy. They wanted to be beautiful as me or graceful. Even if I was a lowlife dancer; my beauty helped me. Now, I was a whore; and also the mother to the future sahib. The people didn't know whether to respect me or loathe me. So they decided to do both.

Aatifah did not visit me after the first day. If she wanted to see Aadam, she sent a servant and ask for him. Sa'ir did visit me, though, and it was not to spend time with his son. No, it was a thickly veiled threat. He was keeping an eye on me. I was not to do anything stupid or reckless that could defame him.

His son did not like much. I suppose the old witch had been right about infants being more than what they seemed. He let the old witch touch him, he let my sisters touch him now, and even Aatifa. Yet, everytime Sa'ir came close to him when he was awake, Aadam let out a cry so shrill, Sa'ir had to leave him be. It was so humorous. Once, I had even let out an innocent laugh. Sa'ir had not taken it well. Of course, Aadam not liking him was my fault too. As if, I had somehow trained the infant from my womb to react violently to his touch.

Maybe I had. Maybe Aadam could read my thought when he was inside me and he knew how much I hated Sa'ir. There were so many maybe when it came to that child.

Today, I had decided to take my walk near the gate. Aadam was with the old witch. She was the only one he could spend more than few minutes with. I had never understood why.

"Planning to leave?"

I hadn't even neared the gate when Sa'ir had decided to appear. Of course, someone must have noticed my walk, and had reported him. Sa'ir was a shrewd man. Aatifah's father might have given him the money -- and his daughter -- but it was Sa'ir who had taken the trade to a new level. It was Sa'ir who had found other means of income too -- like the dancers. It was Sa'ir with all the noble, influential connection. I was taking on a very vindictive man to be my enemy.

"Yes," I said turning to him and giving my brightest smile. "I am planning to grab Aadam and leave in the shadows of the night. I do not want him to see your face or be near you."

He tilted his head, amused. "You act like I forced myself upon you. Do you forget that you were as eager as I was?"

He said it softly. He could not misbehave with me where eyes could see. But he could talk to me -- remind me of my sins.

I looked at him, met his dark gaze evenly; how could I tell him that at that moment I thought I was falling in love with him? It was such a naive thought. I should have known better. I was taught better. But with Sa'ir; it had been different. Even now, when I hated him, as I looked through my past -- to our conversations -- it felt like we had a connection. I had hoped that that would have remained intact. I knew he could not wed me. But I had sought our friendship.

"Yet, in people's eyes, you are allowed to be the victim and I am the vile seductress. Why don't you go tell them what you told me? That you were as eager as I was . . ."

His smile faltered a bit. He knew that I always was a quick with my tongue and he had given me a wide opening. If he expected me to act like a damsel, he was in for a surprise.

"Don't do anything stupid, Zainab." He said quietly.

I sighed, "What can I do?"

He straightened his back. He stared at me cold and calculated. He was weighing all my options in his head. Actually trying to figure out, what I could do. I saw his shoulder relax. He had figured out that I could not do anything.

He looked at me, and for a moment, I thought he looked a bit friendly. But he walked away and I stared at his retreating figure.

I was not an idiot. I had never dreamt of us being anything more. But I had expected him to handle the situation better than he had. I wouldn't have hated him then and would have given Aadam to him happily. But now -- call it a mother's instinct -- everytime I interacted with him, I realised that the man had no idea what he was doing. And I could not let the brunt of it all fall on Aadam. I just could not.

Secretly, I also sought Aatifah's forgiveness. I had done the worse thing possible a woman can do to another. She had given me a way to get her forgiveness and it was so tempting.

I could imagine the new life with Aadam. I could imagine being like other mothers who worked hard for their child. I could imagine Aadam growing up to be a strong, wise lad, who could take on shrewd and cunning men like Sa'ir. I wanted him to. He had to.

I stared at the gate. My resolve forming slowing and steadily. It was a stupid thing to do. Exactly the type of thing that Sa'ir had warned me not to do. There were so many things that could go wrong. But Aadam could not stay here either. He was already so smart and gentle; and he was only few days old. I might not give him a rich household but I could give him a better future -- a future away from Sa'ir. He won't be rich, I knew. He wouldn't live in a manor or marry women like Aatifah. He wouldn't respected like Sa'ir. But he won't be a man who slept with another while being married either. Even if the other woman was his mother. He won't be a man who could not take accountability for his own action. Then, later on, accept what he had done, yet put the blame entirely on someone else.

I would not raise a man like that.

I could not raise Aadam to be a coward like his father.

I turned away from the gate and walked to the cottage beside the manor where the ladies lived under the supervision of the old witch. All of them were eyes and ears to Sa'ir. I could trust no one. I had to be smart -- I had to be cunning as him. I had to take my time.

And Aatifah would have to help me.