It was that time of the year when leaves from trees turned a pale yellow and fluttered to the ground, dead, and lining the sidewalk like a long carpet leading to doom, Lekan supposed she was being melodramatic but she was also right in a way, hospitals never meant anything but doom and the white painted building before them reminded her of a hospital, and it was, but a mental hospital — she would call it that no matter how many times Nehemiah reminded her that it was a clinic that specifically dealt with delivering mental health services.

She crossed her arms stubbornly, ignoring Nehemiah's sigh as he killed the engine of his Audi car. When the Warden had called for her presence in his office and told her Nehemiah wished to speak with her, she had thought it was because he wanted to check up on her.

She had been wrong.

"What's up?" She had echoed cheerfully into the phone, uncaring when the Warden seemed to be fixated on hearing every word she spoke. Lekan might have been someone who appeared closed off to people, she was, but she was also someone who liked to show affection when she spoke to someone she cared for.

Nehemiah's voice had been grim and he had known there was no use beating around the bush, it would only stoke her anger, he had said his next words so casually as if he was talking about what she wanted for dinner.

"You remember how the prosecutor named your anger issues and unstable behaviour as an important reason why you needed rehabilitation?" He had asked.

Lekan had nodded, fear sinking into her bones, she had feared the worst, thinking that this meant she would have end up in a real prison regardless her age. That somehow the judge had taken back his decision to send her to Mary Slessor.

"What's wrong?" She had asked, voice shaking slightly, it had been then she had realised that she preferred Mary Slessor to a real prison no matter how horrible the detention center was.

The Warden cast her a concerned glance she ignored, finding no bravado to return the look with a sneer.

"Well I hired the services of a psychologist, we're seeing her in half an hour."

Lekan had hung up, without a moment of hesitation and refused to speak to Nehemiah when he called back, choosing to storm out of the Warden's office.

Throughout the drive she had paid no attention to Nehemiah's less than subtle apologies, she hadn't even said a word when he spoke of his plans to propose to his girlfriend — even as she had been internally pleased for him.

Now he shifted slightly so he could look at her, a frown on his face.

"Are you going to ignore me forever?"

That was the only opening she needed, Lekan scoffed and jabbed an accusing finger at Nehemiah, the manners that her mother had instilled in her about respect flying out the wound down window.

"I thought we were a team, at least that was exactly what you told me when you took my case, we agreed you wouldn't make decisions without running them past me first." Lekan snapped. "What happened to transparency?"

"I knew you'd never see reason." Nehemiah admitted, he tapped a steady beat on his leather steering wheel to fill the silence, Lekan knew how much he hated silence, he always tried to fill it with laughter or conversation that led to it. It was why she had let him stew in in during the drive, occasionally reaching to turn down the radio when he switched it on.

"I'm not crazy," She told him quietly, because it was what she had been brought up thinking, that anyone who needed the services of a psychologist was crazy, it was a well known fact that Nigeria wasn't a country that cared about the stability of health care services — not to mention mental health care.

Nehemiah's gaze softened but she knew from the smirk that was tugging at his lips that he'd rather die than say something emotional touching, he was the typical man, afraid that speaking emotionally took away his man card or maybe he just didn't know how to speak to her other than cracking jokes, after all, she had seen him so sweet when he was with Alisha, his girlfriend.

"I've seen crazy and you ain't it, girl." He told her, his smile faded as his face took on a serious look. "What's that Biblical saying about fulfilling all righteousness? Because this is what this psychological evaluation is about."

Lekan scoffed.

"Alisha's been rubbing off you if you've started believing in the scriptures." It was something that baffled her, how two people could be so different from each other and yet work so well together, she supposed her parents had been that way too but she couldn't remember as her father had died while she had been little but her mother still spoke so fondly of him.

Nehemiah was agnostic but Alisha was a firm believer in her religion, Alisha was also soft spoken and could be quiet to the point of making one think she hated you while Nehemiah was probably the loudest person Lekan knew.

"Probably," Nehemiah admitted.

Lekan feigned a gasp. "Don't tell me you're converting to Christianity too?"

"I'm still mulling it over." Nehemiah shot her a look that had her laughing. He was totally whipped.

Nehemiah was soon joining her low laugh, shaking his head as he did so. When they quieted he was still smiling, looking at her with the fondness that always made her throat clog up with tears.

"I'm always on your side, Lekan, always."

She reached over to punch his shoulder lightly, it said enough, I trust you, it said.

"Fine, let's get this over with, anything I should know or do?" She asked him.

"Just do your thing, it's an evaluation that might continue over the next couple of weeks," when she gave him an accusing look, he sighed.

"If this test comes out well, I promise you, this is all we need to get you out of Mary Slessor."

"Okay, let's go."

***

The walls of the psychologist's office was painted white, the sofa was white too, the bookshelf was painted white, everywhere Lekan looked, she saw nothing but the symbol of purity. The psychologist in question was a fair skinned woman who looked to be middle aged and dressed as if she was seated in her house in casual jeans and a plain white top.

Her glasses were perched low on the bridge of her nose and every few seconds she would reach to push them up, only for them to slide down again. Lekan wasn't sure what to think of her, she looked back at the open door and wished she had let Nehemiah stay.

"Are you uncomfortable?" The woman asked, there was a plaque hung above her seat that read; Dr. Munachi.

Lekan shifted slightly. "No, not really."

The woman smiled thinly. "Yes or no?" Her words were firm, to the point of impatience, Lekan decided she didn't like her after all.

"Not really." She stressed despite her promise to Nehemiah that she'd play nice. It reminded her of all the times when she had been called a rebel, even her own mother used to say that, she'd shake her head and refer to her daughter as 'her little rebel' but Lekan did not see it that way, to her, she was opinionated, she was strong willed and she didn't like to see anyone push her over when she could help it. If it made her a rebel then so be it.

Dr. Munachi frowned then glanced down at the thin file on her red-brown desk. She obviously had her work cut out for her.

"Well, I'm Dr. Munachi," she began. "I want you to tell me everything about yourself."

Lekan could not keep her surprise from showing, wide eyes widening visibly, she couldn't understand why this woman was acting like the meeting was an interview.

"I think you know everything you need to know, ma'am." She said, struggling to keep her tone polite, the last thing she wanted them to dub her was entitled. "You have my file before you, that should tell you everything."

If the Dr. Munachi was offended, she didn't show it, only choosing to nod curtly as if she understood.

"You father died when you were five," Dr. Munachi stated flatly. Lekan recoiled, her father's death was a part of her life she never wanted to discuss with anybody, she had never spoken of it to even Nehemiah, he had had to find out from her mother.

She wanted to retort but she forced herself to remain calm.

"I don't see what that has to do with anything, I was busted for dealing drugs, that's all." Lekan said. She had repeated it so many times during her trail that it was hard to feel shame about it anymore, she didn't care that this woman's unblinking gaze might be judging her for it.

"Olamilekan," Dr. Munachi said, she spoke her name with a slight drawl and with a hint of an accent. "What do you know about a psychological evaluation?"

"Nothing," she admitted grudgingly, fixing her eyes on a distorted painting of the ocean that was hung on the left wall, it was pretty, but not the usual kind of pretty, this one made one stare for a second in appraisal then stare again for the longest time until the picture was eery. Lekan blinked and looked away, shaking of the feeling that the painting was familiar somehow.

Dr. Munachi gave a wide smile, her lips peeling back to expose lipstick stained front teeth.

"Then let me do my job, yours is to cooperate."

"Fine," Lekan said, leaning back in her seat to appear unbothered but she secretly fiddled with her fingers under the desk and away from the doctor's sight.

"It says in your file that you have been arrested twice — counting this current one. It also says that you spent three weeks in prison after your first arrest."

She clenched and unclenched her fists, you aren't in that dark place anymore, you aren't helpless in their arms anymore. They can't hurt you anymore.

She nodded once, keeping her eyes on the white wall. When she had been much younger, as an only child and most of the time stuck home alone because her mother had been trapped in the hospital, she had learnt to distract her mind, to take away the loneliness by staring into nothing until her mind floated to a peaceful quiet place. She tried now, tried to do anything but listen but the words kept ringing in her head undisturbed.

"It also says in your file that during these three weeks, you were noticed to have been hallucinating constantly, making up strange presences in your cell, other inmates testified to this — and one presence was particularly constant."

Just breathe, she reminded herself as her vision blurred momentarily. In, out, in ,out.

Dr. Munachi smiled again, like one of the evil witches in Shakespeare's Macbeth, all knowing. It made her heart sink to her stomach.

"I don't understand," Lekan choked out the words.

"The prosecuting lawyer was certain you were under the influence of drugs, or suffering from long term drug abuse — it was a particular strong belief that contributed to your sentence to Mary Slessor, but we both know it is more than that." The doctor leaned closer, pressing her arms on the cold mahogany desk until she was looking Lekan in the eyes.

"Tell me, Lekan, for how long have you been speaking to your dead father's ghost?"

***

Her father was smiling wide, crouched by her side, it was cold in the tiny space but somehow being seated by his side was like sitting near the sun, it was warmth but the painful kind.

"Why are you here daddy?"

"I missed you, little L, did you not miss me too?"

No, yes, she wasn't sure.

"Why can I see you?"

"When you were a little girl, before you turned five, you were a very curious baby, your mother would always scream when she caught you toying with something you weren't supposed to."

The girl smiled slightly, she liked the way he spoke as if he had never left, as if they were just having a normal conversation.

"That fateful day, you managed to spill scalding water on yourself." His smile faded, his face took on a blank look that reminded her of a blank canvas, devoid of feeling, of his history.

The girl shivered.

"Luckily, you had been wearing a thick sweater and only managed to burn your palms."

The girl looked down at her hands, they were wrinkled from healed burns, she had never asked where they came from, she and her mother had never been the type to talk sentiments, she was too busy trying to stay alive and the girl had been too busy finding the means to help her.

She looked back up, her father was fading, his form barely a shadow, she wanted to reach out, the warmth was fading, the cold was filling her boned again, making her teeth rattle.

"That killed your curiosity, you never went near something you didn't know or understand ever again."

"Why — why are you telling me this, daddy?"

"Because some things are better left unexplored, little L, some secrets better off left alone."