musical mood: tally - blackpink

"Cass, wake up! Cass!"

Cass jolted awake, taking in her surroundings through her blurry vision. Her elbows were on a desk. Was she in a classroom? Had she somehow fallen asleep during class? What the hell?

"Where am I?" She turned to Naia, wide eyed.

"History of Magic." Naia sighed, removing her hands from Cass's shoulder. Padma and Ana stood in the corner of the classroom, near the door, staring at the two with unreadable expressions. Cass shrunk under their harsh gaze.

"Sorry. I must've dozed off." Cass murmured, pushing herself onto her feet, and trying not to think about how History of Magic had once been one of her favourite classes.

"It's understandable. Binns will do that to even the most studious of Ravenclaws. Besides, you look like you could use the rest."

She didn't need it, really, she'd slept a solid eleven hours the night before after downing three calming droughts, opting to skip her homework. Cass had taken another one before the day began, so maybe that had contributed to her tiredness. She'd try to remember to save them for days where she didn't have classes, or if it was an emergency only.

How long that would last, she wasn't sure, but she doubted for long.

"So, Cass, I need your opinion on scarves. You know that green one I have? Would that look better with-" Naia began, but Cass held up her hand to cut her off when she spotted Theodore Nott walking by them, head held down.

"Hold that thought, Naia."

Naia frowned, but said nothing more as Cass abandoned her to march up to Theodore instead. "Theodore."

"What do you want?"

If there was one person in worse shape than Cass, it was Theodore, who seemed to be on a strict diet of dragon shots and muggle cigarettes. How he even got ahold of them, she hadn't a clue, but she saw him skipping classes all the time to smoke those things. Theodore had lost even more weight than Cass in the past few months, having become entirely skin and bones, and looked as though a harsh breeze might knock him straight over.

"Don't be so cranky." She said, perhaps the most hypocritical thing she would say in her life, considering how she'd been treating the people around her as of late. "I have a request."

"Make it quick. I'm late for Charms."

"You and I both know you don't give a rats ass about Charms." She rolled her eyes, and the ghost of a smile flickered on his lips. "Come with me to Slughorn's dinner tomorrow."

At the mention of the man he was supposed to assassinate, he paled. His eyes flickered back and forth to make sure no one was listening, before he reached over and grabbed her wrist, hard. "What the fuck, Crouch?"

"Don't call me Crouch."

"Why the hell would you invite me to that?" He hissed.

"You need to get close to him, find his weakness. I need a date. It's a win-win."

He couldn't argue with her logic, so instead, he changed the subject. "Why don't you invite Henry? He is your fiancé, after all."

"Henry and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now."

That was true, she hadn't said a word to him since their conversation behind the leprechaun tapestry, nor had he tried to speak to her. In fact, he refused to so much as look in her direction - leaving the room every time she entered. She couldn't find it in her to care.

"Fine. I'll go." He sighed, and she smiled to herself, a smile that didn't meet her eyes.

They never did, not anymore.

*

How's school so far, Cassie?

Cass hadn't originally planned on responding, but the calming drought she'd taken earlier that day in preparation for Slughorn's dinner had helped settle her mood, and she felt okay enough to delve into the joint journal she and George shared.

Fine. How's the joke shop?

It's good. Better now, that Fred owes me ten galleons.

What pathetic bet did you make this time?

He thought you wouldn't respond to me. I knew you would.

You're ridiculous.

I can still see what you wrote, even though you scratched it out, love.

Cassie?

She slammed the journal shut, tucking it under her pillow so the buzzing sound it always made when he wrote would be muffled. Her heart rate was growing high, too high, she was feeling, she was missing him. She couldn't miss him. She couldn't love him. Not while she was engaged to Henry, not while loving him put him in danger.

Swiftly, Cass moved over to the drawer in her nightstand, pulling out a vial of calming drought with trembling hands. Just as she finished off the thing, the door to her dorm swung open, and in walked Ana. Her green eyes were rimmed red from what was evident crying, and she let out little sniffles every few seconds as she moved over to her bed.

"What's wrong?" Cass asked, making her way over to her friend. She didn't actually care, much, but she thought it might be a bit rude if she simply left.

"Theodore and I broke up."

"Oh." She paused. "Why?"

"He's still engaged to Bethany. It won't work out between us. Not any longer." While her time in Great Britain had dampened Ana's Belarusian accent, it came out stronger than she'd heard it in years when she burst into a new set of tears. "I love him, Cass."

"I'm sorry." She sat down next to her, pressing a hand to her back. "Do you want a calming drought?"

"What?" She frowned.

"They help me, when I'm feeling like this." Or when I'm feeling anything at all. "Do you want one?"

"No, of course not." Ana stared at her, horrified. "Cass, those are really dangerous if you overuse them."

"I know." She forced a smile. "Don't worry, okay? Listen, I sort of have to go, I have that Slug Club thing, but do you want me to get Bethany?"

Ana shook her head, and when Ana denied wanting to see Bethany, who was arguably her best friend, she knew something was wrong. "I just want to be alone right now, if that's okay. I'm sorry, Cass."

"Nothing to apologise for." She stood up, brushing off her grey pleated skirt. "I'll see you later, yeah? Take care of yourself."

*

"You look nice." Theodore said by way of greeting as Cass approached him. It was reminiscent of their arrival at the Yule Ball in their fourth year, except this time, she knew he was lying to her. She hadn't looked anywhere near nice in months. She didn't care to try.

"Thanks." She responded, not attempting to mask her dry tone. "I heard you broke up with Ana."

He stiffened. "She told you?"

"Was she not supposed to?"

"It isn't that. I just...never mind." He shook his head. "It had to happen, eventually. Ana and I both knew that. Is she...is she okay?"

"No."

"Oh." Theodore bit down on his lip. "You know, you should probably say yes, when people ask those things. To make them feel better."

"Bold of you to assume I care how you feel."

"Fuck, Crouch, what's turned you into such a bitch?"

"Oh, I don't know, Theodore, maybe it's my best friend's murder?" She opened and closed her hands, clenching them around nothing as she took deep breaths, trying to still her heart rate. The calming drought wasn't working, not like it was supposed to. Had she somehow already built up a tolerance? Did she need more? "Don't make me regret that I took you with me."

"Don't make me regret I said yes." He responded, gaze darkening.

Fair enough.

Cass grabbed onto his wrist with her good hand, practically dragging him down the halls and into Slughorn's office. When Theodore made eye contact with the professor, he visibly paled, and stopped in his tracks.

She elbowed him in the side, hard, and he winced, jolting away from her. "What the hell, Crouch?"

"Don't call me Crouch." She hissed. "Now take a seat, and act normal."

"Easy for you to say." He muttered, shaking his head as he took a seat next to Melinda Bobbins. Cass sat in between him and Harry Potter - the only available seat. Apparently, even though he was the Chosen One, no one wanted to sit next to him. Cass might've found it funny, in the years before.

Now, she felt nothing.

Maybe the calming drought had worked after all.

"Hey, Cass." Potter greeted her with a nod.

She flashed him a tiny smile, that felt all sorts of wrong on her face, before immediately turning away from him, having no desire to speak to the arch enemy of the man she was working for. If you could call You-Know-Who a man, he seemed more like a snake.

"Cass, who have you brought with you?" Slughorn eyed Theodore, a pleasant smile on his face.

Theodore shrunk in his seat.

"Theodore Nott. A friend of mine."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Theodore. I believe I taught your father, John. How is he doing?"

"He's well." Theodore's voice was thin, though Cass couldn't tell if it was because of the mention of his father, or simply because he was speaking to the man he was supposed to murder. Perhaps both.

As Cass was reminded of Theodore's task, she wondered, why could You-Know-Who possibly want Slughorn dead. Sure, he was a bit odd, but he didn't seem particularly powerful, like Dumbledore, or any sort of threat to the Death Eaters. He didn't seem like he'd even fight in the upcoming war - chances were, he'd flee the country. In a funny sort of way, that Cass couldn't place her finger on, Slughorn was reminiscent of Bartemius. Maybe it was the questionable loyalties.

"And your mother? Matilda, I believe her name is. How is she?"

"Dead."

The room went silent.

"Oh my. I'm sorry to hear that. She was a wonderful student of mine."

"It's alright." Cass hadn't thought Theodore could've grown any more pale, but she was wrong. The poor boy was as white as a sheet.

Luckily, Slughorn turned his attention elsewhere, discussing something with Blaise and his date, Daphne Greengrass, that Cass didn't bother to listen to.

Theodore walked Cass back to the Ravenclaw common room after the dinner was done, though it was evident that he didn't want to be anywhere except his bed, where he could pull the blankets over his head and pretend nothing existed. Cass could certainly relate to that feeling.

She said a dry goodbye to him before shutting the door behind her, and finding herself face to face with Henry.

"You took Theodore to the Slug Club?" His tan face was shining with an expression of hurt. Cass attempted to push past him, but to no avail, as he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "Why would you do that?"

"Go away."

"No. Cass, what the actual fuck is wrong with you? He's dating your friend!"

"They broke up."

"When?"

"Today."

"So you're going after your friends ex? That's fucked up, Cass."

"I'm not going after Theodore." She stared at him incredulously, before lowering her voice. "You know why I invited him to the Slug Club. Don't turn this into something it isn't."

"It's hard not to, when you act like this. Why won't you even try with me? What did I do to make you detest me so much?"

"Leave me alone, Henry." She shook her head, trying to push past him again, but to no avail.

"You don't want to go to your dorms. Ana is furious with you."

"Ana is angry?" She blinked. "I don't think Ana has the ability to be angry."

"You took her boyfriend - well, ex boyfriend, to a dinner as a date. She's beyond angry. So is Bethany."

"That checks out. If you hurt Ana, you're bound to face the wrath of Bethany." Cass muttered, more to herself than to Henry. "Fine. I'll stay down here with you. Not because I want to, though."

Henry pressed his lips together, glancing around. There were hardly any students in the common room, and those who were had their noses emersed in their books, not paying an ounce of attention to the two. "Will the old Cass ever come back?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He reached over, grabbing her good hand and staring into her brown eyes. "Yes you do, don't lie. I miss her. I miss you."

"You'll get over it."

"Shit, Cass, we're supposed to be married soon. Can't you just try? Try to like me? I don't want to be stuck in a loveless marriage, and I know you don't, either. I may not be George, or Connor, but I'm all you have."

"Don't talk about them." She snapped, loud enough that several nearby students glanced up, eyeing them with confused gazes.

Henry shook his head. "I know you loved George, and I know you had something going on with Connor, that's obvious by how you've been reacting to what happened to him. But they're out of your life now, both of them. You're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you, so you might as well start to like it. There's nothing either of us can do about it."

A pregnant pause fell between the two, as Cass felt tears prick at her eyes. He was right, so right, and she hated him for it. She ought to try, ought to give it a shot with him. Even if she didn't want to feel, she could still try, if not for his sake.

"Take me to your dorm." Cass eventually said.

He blinked. "I...what?"

"Take me to your dorm." She repeated. "I don't want to talk down here anymore. I want to be in private."

"Okay..." He eyed her up and down with confusion, before slowly making his way to his dorm room, Cass trailing behind him. His dormmates, whoever they were, were nowhere to be seen, though they left a significant mess behind, far worse than what George and Fred's dorm had been like.

At the thought of George, her chest seized up.

"So, what did you want to-" Henry said as he shut the door, but was cut off by Cass slamming her lips against his.

He froze where he stood, allowing her to snog him for several seconds, before he eventually shoved her off, his hands pushing against her chest. She stumbled back, blinking rapidly as she struggled to keep her footing.

"What the hell?" His eyes were as wide as saucers, as he stared at her, horrified. "What was that for?"

"Isn't this what you wanted, Henry?" She cried, her heart pounding faster than it had in a long time and her breathing growing shallow. Fuck, she needed a calming drought, and quick.

"What, for you to come onto me? Of course not!"

"What the fuck? You said you were in love with me! You said you wanted to be together - literally just minutes ago! Why did you change your mind?"

"I didn't change my mind! Shit, Cass, I love you, you know that, but I don't want to do anything like this until you start feeling the same way."

"Who says I don't? Maybe I do feel the same way, maybe I do love you back."

"You don't. I can see it in your eyes, you still love George, and I don't hold that against you. This marriage isn't your fault. But I want us to be happy, and not artificially so."

"I'm trying, Henry! Don't you get it? I'm trying so hard to let him go. I know I've been awful to you lately. I've just...I don't know why I've been like this. I'm mourning, I don't know how to handle what happened, and I've been projecting it onto you. Maybe...maybe if we gave this a shot, it could work out."

"That's what I've been trying to get through to you."

"I'm sorry."

Henry took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "It's okay. I'm not mad, not anymore."

"I want to fall in love with you, Henry. I do. I just...can't feel anything right now. I'm so numb."

"You're grieving. I understand. Connor meant everything to you, I know that."

"Don't talk about him. Please, don't talk about him. Don't say his name."

"Alright. I'm sorry."

"I'm going to go back to my dorm now. I'm sorry, for everything."

He opened his mouth to respond, but Cass shut the door behind her before he could get so much as a word out. She swiftly made her way back to her dorm, only to be met with glares coming from every one of her dormmates.

"Cass, what the actual fuck is wrong with you?" Naia stood up from her bed, marching over to her, a tint of red in her usually cheery tan face. Cass noticed the curtains around Ana's bed were closed tight, but she could hear sniffles emerging from it. "Why would you do that? What were you thinking?"

"What did I do this time?" She barely looked at Naia as she made her way to her dresser, pulling out a vial of calming drought. Naia eyed the potion with a confused expression, but didn't say anything relating to it.

"You went to that dinner thing with Theodore! You knew that Ana and him just broke up."

"What, do you think I'm going after Theodore now?" She snorted. As if. She wouldn't touch Theodore with a ten foot pole, even if Ana's feelings weren't on the line.

"It sure seems like it. You've been spending so much time with him. Him and Malfoy, actually. What's that all about? You hate that blonde prat."

"I'm not going after Theodore, don't be delusional." She shook her head, not bothering to comment at all on the comment about Malfoy. She made a mental note not to speak to him as much as she had been. "For what it's worth, I'm dating Henry. I'm not trying to date my boyfriend's brother, that would be ridiculous."

"You're dating Henry?" Padma stared at her incredulously from where she was sat, brushing her hair on her bed. Even Bethany looked up from her book at this, her brows raised. "Since when?"

"Since today. So stop assuming the worst in me. I'd never do that to Ana."

There was a rustling in Ana's bed, before the curtains opened. The girl's eyes were rimmed red, and her freckled face was pale, like she'd cried so hard she'd grown dehydrated. Was that possible?

"Promise?" Ana's voice was tight, threatening to break at whatever Cass's answer was.

"Of course I promise." She rolled her eyes, a rare smile slipping onto her lips. Maybe it was the calming drought, helping her mood, when she'd typically be furious at the mere suggestion that she'd do anything to hurt Ana. "Now, I'm going to bed. I'm bloody exhausted."

Cass crawled into her bed, not bothering to change out of her uniform, as she pulled the curtains shut around her. She absentmindedly scratched her dark mark through her sleeve as she lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking.

She hated thinking. Thinking meant feeling, and feeling meant pain. So much pain. But she couldn't help it, as her mind drifted off to Connor.

She didn't love him, not in the way he loved her, but she knew she could've, had they had the time. She'd only just begun to look at him different when he was stolen away from her, and her heart had still belonged to George. It still did, if she was being honest. But Henry...she had to love him. He was right, they'd be miserable together if they didn't at least try to care for each other. Besides, she'd announced to all her dormmates that they were dating now, so she might as well make it seem like it was the truth.

It had been a stupid thing to kiss him, Cass knew that, but she simply hadn't known what else to do. Just thinking about how idiotic she'd been made her want to down another calming drought, but she was too tired to move, every inch of her body aching for what seemed like no reason. The stress of the day, maybe.

Just as she was about to doze off into a likely unblissful sleep, there was a buzzing under her pillow that jolted her awake.

The journal.

With a deep breath, she pulled it out and opened it before she could stop herself.

Are you there?

She hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not communicating with George was a good idea, before grabbing her quill and scribbling back; Yes.

Will you meet me tonight?

?

At the Shrieking Shack. Will you meet me? I want to talk to you.

Please?

Cassie?

Fine. Don't expect much, though.