musical mood: anywhere but home- seulgi

Cass wasn't sure how long she'd been running. She'd never been athletic, she'd always been picked last in primary school for sports, yet she'd sprinted several miles from her home without breaking a sweat. Though if she was sweating, it would be impossible to tell through the thick, heavy rain pouring down from the grey sky.

When she finally slowed into a stop, outside of Stromness's only diner, at the far side of town, furthest away from her house, her stomach was churning so much she thought she would throw up. She was crying, though the rain pouring onto her face concealed it. Her breaths were shallow and heavy at the same time, shaky and desperate, as her mind was wrecked with anxiety.

How had she not realised it? How had she gone thirteen years without knowing her 'dead' brother was living in the same house as her? How didn't she recognize the letter's handwriting earlier? How many other times had he subtly messed with her mind?

She leaned over and threw up on the sidewalk, gasping and choking for air. The adrenaline that had helped her run so far had ran out, and her muscles felt like goo. She wasn't sure how much further she could go. Where would she go?

She had to flee Stromness, that was for sure. She couldn't go back to that place, not now, not ever. But it was so isolated, the nearest town was miles into the mainland. She'd be walking for hours, and by the state of her body, as she leaned, hunched over, resting her hands on her knees and throwing up, she wasn't sure she could move another inch. But if she didn't leave, her father could easily find her. Her brother could find her.

All Cass had on her was her wand, and as many galleons as she could fit into her pockets - which wasn't much. Did she even know anyone in Scotland? She'd have to go to England if she wanted to stay with someone, or even Wales.

Maybe she could go to France, and track down her grandparents. Would they accept her? It's been over thirty years since Bartemius had been disowned, maybe they'd have regretted it by now. Chances are, they didn't even know she existed, though...

Did Diana have any family? They'd be muggles, but they might take her in, at least temporarily. Maybe it would be easier to hide among muggles. How would she explain the situation, though? Not for the first time, Cass grew frustrated by the lack of information she had on her mother.

It didn't matter where she went, in the end. As long as she was away from here. She'd sleep on the streets for all she cared.

"Cass?"

She whipped around, heart pounding, and half expecting to see Barty approaching her, ready to kill. But no, it was just Connor's older brother Brian, stepping out of the diner in a servers outfit. Did he work there?

"Hey, Brian."

"You alright?"

She shook her head, the motion making her nauseous once again. She didn't have the energy to lie.

"Do you need a ride home? My shift just ended."

"No!" She said a bit too aggressively, and added, "Thanks."

He eyed her up and down, a mixture of concern and confusion in his face. Brian looked like Connor - not as much as Fionn had, but they were still unmistakably brothers.

"You sure? I don't mind - I'm not due in Fort William for hours."

"You're going to Fort William?" She perked up at this, stiffening her posture.

Fort William was perhaps the biggest city within two hours of Stromness. Far enough into the mainland to hide, if just for a while. The endgame was to get out of the Highlands all together, maybe even Great Britain, if possible, but she knew she couldn't do that for a while.

"Er, yeah, I'm visiting a friend for a few days. Why?"

"Any chance I could come with?"

*

The ride to Fort William with Brian was rather awkward. The town was about an hour away from Stromness, and was one of the biggest cities on the west side of the highlands, and given that the two didn't know each other well, there wasn't much to talk about.

She thanked him profusely for taking her with, and apologised for soaking his passenger seat with her drenched clothes. Brian didn't mind - he'd always been one of Connor's more laid back brothers.

"So, do you want to explain why you were throwing up outside the diner at five in the afternoon?"

"Not really, no." She choked. She'd been trying to prevent herself from breaking out into tears of hysteria, and it was only just working.

"Right." Brian nodded, as the car turned a corner. It was the same car that Cass had been packed into for the funeral. "You running away, then?"

Cass nodded.

"Why?"

She hesitated for a moment. "I have no reason to stay."

"Damn, that's depressing." Brian glanced over at her. "Is it about your fight with Connor?"

"He told you?"

"That you go to the same magic school as Saoirse and lied to him for your entire friendship? Yeah, the entire family got an earful last night. He was distraught. But honestly, I think mum is more upset about it than he is. Don't worry, we won't tell anyone. Personally, I think it's kind of cool. I just wish Saoirse were still here..."

"I never meant to hurt anyone." Cass said, her voice small, as she shrunk in her seat.

"Connor will come around eventually." He responded, though he seemed unsure of himself as he spoke. "Back to you running away, though. Can't you just magic yourself out of Stromness?"

She shook her head. "No, not until I'm seventeen. There are weird laws about using magic outside of school."

"Damn. What's the point of magic if you can't use it?"

"I don't know." Cass took a deep breath, before speaking the words she'd always thought, but never dared to say out loud. "I wish I wasn't magic. I wish I was normal."

It felt weird, opening up in such a vulnerable way to someone she hardly knew. But Brian was sweet, in an older brother sense.

Older brother.

Fuck.

Clearly, her anxiety showed on her face, as Brian raised his eyebrows. "You good? You look ill...shit, please don't throw up in my car."

"I'm not gonna throw up again, don't worry." She couldn't help but laugh. "So, you're visiting a friend in Fort William? How do you know them?"

"His name's Abraham. We met while taking our Highers, a few years ago. He moved away, but we kept in touch. It's been a while since I've seen him, though..." Brian had a strange, longing look in his eye, though Cass couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. "I'm not gonna get into any trouble, for bringing you with me, right? Your dad isn't gonna go all evil magician on us?"

"Don't worry. It'll be days before he even notices I'm gone. By then, I'll be out of the country."

"Damn, you really have this all sorted out, don't you?"

"It's been a long time coming."

*

Brian dropped her off at a motel when they drove into the city. Cass wished she could've thanked him in a different way outside of words, but she had nothing to give him. He had no use for magical money, after all.

She was easily able to convince the muggle teller to allow her to spend the night free of charge - it was a Uni girl who seemed a bit tipsy, and was probably being paid minimum wage, so she didn't care much.

After taking a long, hot shower, where she attempted to scrub all the anxieties from the day off of her skin, Cass flickered through the telly channels, eventually settling on some cartoon about vegetables singing their love for Jesus Christ. It felt like a fever dream, but then again, the entire winter break certainly was a fever dream.

When she'd fall asleep, she'd wake up back in her bed in Stromness, right? Connor would still be her best friend, Barty would still be dead...

Fuck.

She'd managed to keep Barty out of her mind while in the car with Brian, mostly out of desperation. She didn't want to scare the poor boy by having a panic attack, when he'd gone out of his way to help her.

But now she was alone with her thoughts, in an empty, run down muggle motel, miles away from anything she knew. She should've been scared, but she was the safest she'd ever been in her life. She was far, far away from her murderous brother. Her living brother.

How? How was he still alive? It made no sense. There had been a body, she knew that much. And her father knew, that was for sure. Had he snuck him out of Azkaban, and faked a body? Was it even possible to con a dementor? Perhaps he paid them off, and since he's a ministry worker, they'd let him go. No, that didn't make any sense...

She took a sharp breath.

Lucius knew. That's what the two had been panicking about, way back in her first year, when Bartemius had made her spend the holidays with the Malfoy's. Draco didn't know, did he? No, that would be ridiculous. He's such a blabbermouth, if he knew, so would the entire school.

How had she never seen him? He'd been living in their house for her entire life, and yet she'd never once stumbled upon him.

Winky knew.

Of course she did.

Cass wanted to kick something, her heart stinging with the betrayal. When she grew up, she'd been so alone, before Connor. But Winky had been her friend, Winky had been the one to raise her, but she'd been keeping a secret from her. No doubt on Bartemius's orders, but still...

The fight with Connor seemed so miniscule, compared to this, and part of her felt guilty for not caring as much as she should. But it didn't matter. Maybe it was for the best, that they weren't friends. Barty was the one to convince Bartemius to keep the two apart, back in their first year, that was obvious. If Barty had something against the Moore's, for being muggles, being friends with Connor put them in danger...

Holy shit.

There had been enough revelations for the day, but she couldn't help but keep figuring things out, as all the pieces fell into place, like a jigsaw puzzle that she'd been spending years slowly putting together.

The Moore's had cats.

Three cats.

If Fionn and Malcolm died from a carbon monoxide leak, they'd be dead too. But they weren't. All the cats were fine.

Fionn looked like Connor. So much so, that an untrained eye would easily mistake him for his younger brother.

It was so obvious, Cass had no idea why it took her so long to put together, to figure out.

Barty killed them.

*

Suicide had never been an option for Cass. She'd always found herself miserable, but the idea of death was too terrifying to consider, too unknown for her Ravenclaw mind to dare venture into meddling with.

But still, it was tempting. She had her wand, and she knew dozens of spells that could end with her death. She could brew a potion - she didn't have the ingredients, but she could easily find enough of them in the wilderness to kill her.

Maybe she could just jump into muggle traffic.

That would be much less complicated, after all.

Eventually, she talked herself out of it, as she walked through Fort William, without any sense of direction. She needed to get out, that was for sure, but she wasn't sure which way was which. All she knew was Stromness was west, so she needed to go east. What was on the east? That was a mystery to her. She regretted not paying more attention in geography class, back in primary school.

Luckily, she did remember a spell that could turn galleons into muggle money, so after hours of walking aimlessly through the cold, she wound up in a far smaller town, and could actually get some food at a tiny diner. Doing magic outside of Hogwarts was technically illegal, but the ministry had much bigger things to worry about at the moment, given a mass murderer was on the loose. It wasn't like she let any muggles see.

The diner was tiny, with only a few places to sit, and hardly anyone inside. They were short staffed, as well, with only one woman taking orders, and one old man in the back cooking. Cass sat down at the table furthest from the door, hiding her face under the menu that she pretended to read. When the waitress asked what she wanted, she just ordered a coffee, whatever that was, and some waffles.

Winky always made the best waffles.

Cass pursed her lips, for the first time, slightly regretting the decision she had made. She'd always been impulsive, and her running away at the first realization of her brothers life had been a perfect example of that. But she wasn't sure she'd do well on her own - she was just thirteen, after all. How would she manage to exist in the muggle world without help?

She shook her head, probably looking like a maniac to anyone that was watching her. No, she'd made the most rational choice. Staying would've meant putting Connor in danger - putting herself in danger. Her father would be much happier without her there, anyways. He could focus on his psychopathic son instead, the reason she suffered neglect her entire life.

She always hated Stromness, and now she was out. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, even if thoughts of terror lingered in her mind.

When the waitress came back with her coffee - which was scolding hot and bitter, and Cass loved it - she'd entirely convinced herself that what she'd done was necessary. Running away was the only option that would keep her and everyone she loved safe. Who needed Hogwarts? She could get educated on her own, she was smart enough. Plenty of muggleborns whose parents refused to let them go to the school did.

"Cassiopeia?"

Shit.

When she looked up, she nearly fell off of her seat in shock. This was the last person she expected to spot in Middle of Nowhere, Scotland.

"Lucius?"

Yes, for some godforsaken reason, Lucius Malfoy himself was standing right in front of her, with an uncomfortable looking Narcissa behind him. The two were dressed head to toe in black, and looked like something out of some muggle spy movie. Nearly all the eyes of everyone in the diner were on them.

"W-what are you doing here?" She sputtered out before she could compose herself.

"Simply enjoying an early morning breakfast with my wife. We're up here visiting some of her family - were you not aware she's Scottish? Yes, you grew up right in this town, didn't you, love?"

Narcissa gave a curt nod, her lips pressed together in a thin line, signalling that she very much didn't want to be there. Cass could certainly relate.

"Is your father around?" Lucius tilted his head, his grey eyes playful with a condescending tone. A nervous feeling began to floor her - did he know she was on the run? Had he been sent to find her? Surely it was no coincidence that he was here.

"He's in the restroom." She forced a smile, as she stood up, nearly knocking her half empty coffee over in the process. "I'm going to see what's taking him so long."

As she went to move to the restrooms, where she hoped to climb through a window and escape, Lucius grabbed her wrist, pulling her back.

"Where do you think you're going, Cassiopeia?"

"Like I said, I'm going to check up on my father."

Lucius let out a cold laugh. "Funny. Silly me, I recall speaking to your father last night, actually. He'd ordered me to help him search for you. He figured you'd be with one of your friends, but I knew you were too clever to stay with a wizarding family, lest it somehow get back to him."

"I'm not going back." She hissed. "I imagine you know why."

"Ah, so the rumour is true. You found out." His tone was slow. Methodical. Mocking. Cass fought the urge to punch him with her free fist.

"Let me go." She attempted to rip herself from his grip, but to no avail. He was stronger than he looked.

"You know I can't do that. I can't just allow a thirteen year old girl to wander around the country while there's a serial killer on the loose. Your father will have my head if something happened to you."

"Your head? And not...my brother's?" The words felt forced, dry, she couldn't get herself to say his name. Saying his name would acknowledge the truth.

Lucius shrugged. "He has his priorities, and I have mine. Now, Cassiopeia, let's go. Best not to make a scene in front of these...muggles."

"I'm not going anywhere." She hissed. "I'll kill myself before I go back."

Narcissa let out a hiccup.

Lucius simply rolled his eyes. Most of the diner was no longer looking at them, which was both relieving and frustrating. Cass hated people watching her, but if the Malfoys tried something, no one would be able to stop them. "I knew you'd make this difficult. It's how you Crouch's roll, isn't it?"

"You'd know, wouldn't you, Lucy? My father isn't the only Crouch you've worked with."

"Watch your mouth!"

It took a lot of struggling, a lot of swearing, and a lot of stares from the nearby muggles, but eventually the Malfoy couple got Cass out of the diner, and apparated her away.