[10 - THE QUINTESSENCE OF HUMANITY]

♁

NINE YEARS AGO.

A loud crash echoed across the apartment, staggering me to my feet. I sprinted out to the hallway, the laundry I'd folded littering a trail behind me. I frantically looked down to the first floor, presuming the worst. My stomach was tied up in ten-fold knots.

"Ri!"

A formidable silence before his faint voice called—"I'm alright. Down here."

I exhaled in relief. "What... what has happened? Do you need me there?"

"Yeah... I need you."

Orion's basement office was inexcusably off-limits. He had warned it himself—not that I wasn't allowed to—because of the volatile biochemicals he worked with. I deemed it his honorary 'mancave' since he'd spent some of his late nights down there, and every time he needed breathing space, he worked his tension off downstairs.

Now as I strode the steps at hesitant paces, I was greeted by Orion at the helm of his recessed workroom floor, hunched into himself between his shattered lab equipment. He looked so defeated, suffering between the poisonous fumes, an unbecoming sight from the usual composure I'd seen him carry. I immediately wished ill luck upon whoever had done this to him.

"Oh, love," I muttered.

He shook his head wordlessly, opening his arms for me. He didn't want me to ask. I crossed the room, stepped into his embrace, and he crushed me into his chest. So close, until there was nothing but clothes separating us.

"It's going to be okay," I assured calmly, to the best of my assumptions. I stroked the back of his neck. "Whatever it is, you'll solve it. I'm sure it's just a small setback."

"They don't believe me," he mumbled, his voice infinitesimally breaking. "I can change the human equation. I'm almost there—but they suspect me. Fucking Hank Pym. And now, he has completely fucked me over."

I don't understand his context, I don't ever. All I can do is hold him and be there for him. He has been working on this project for months now, I do understand that this was of extreme importance to him.

He sighed into the column of my neck. "Kinara."

I pulled back to look him in the eye. Kinara? Since when did he start using my full name? A conviction glinted metallic in his green eyes. It shouldn't scare me, but it did. He would go to great lengths to make something work. 

He touched the tip of my nose, and a sad smile spread his lips. I knew he changed what he was really about to say. "You can't be breathing this stuff in. I exposed some reagents, and it could hurt you."

"Not only me."

He laughed a soft, deep sound, the one that drenched my nerve endings with a delicate feeling. "Yes, only you. Because you matter more than I ever will." 

He pushed his fingers into my hair, his hand was so wide that I could press a kiss at the base of his palm as he spanned his fingers across the back of my head. His nails scraped against my scalp in a gut-clenching way.

"This gorgeous head of yours bears my absolute life," he muttered. "I would be an idiot if I brought it harm."

I laughed, a little too choked up by his earth-shattering words to say anything. He clutched my hand safely between his and led me outside the lab. We reached the living room and sunk between the plush leather of the sofa, our legs tangled together in front of us. We didn't say anything, dwelling in silence and reflection. 

We were quite off the city limits, in a fairly recent high-rise replete with polished windows and a concierge. The topmost floor, the one with exclusive access. August London spread out as sun-speckled arteries on silver petals did, emerging out toward the sable shades of calmer midnight. From the sycamores on the boulevards to the sprawling views in the apartment, in every aspect, this city was its living organism.

I've always known about his taste for the luxurious. Growing up with nothing made you want everything. And this was his way of showing us that he'd made it. With speedy Rimacs, glistening diamonds, and lavish silks. In the time-honoured sense, I could understand why this was necessary to him.

Orion has dreamed of living here for years, he kept telling me that he feels as if this city was designed for him. But this place was not for me. It was too noisy, too quick-paced, and everyone wanted everything. I loved the beach more, I wanted to move to somewhere calmer. Somewhere where blue wasn't just in the sky. Somewhere with history.

"Orion?"

"Hm?"

"These people. What did they suspect you of?" I asked, hesitant. 

His eyes flashed onto mine, fraught with implications. "That's not your concern."

"I still want to know."

"Even if you did, that would be out of your depth." He smiled sardonically. "You don't understand the intricacies. It's too complicated for your little head."

I pressed my lips together in a firm line. "You're saying I'm too stupid?"

"No, of course not!" He laughed, frustrating me further. "I said you were... unfamiliar."

"Only because you don't tell."

His eyes went blank with sincerity, it brought a shiver to me. He understood that I wasn't letting this go easily. "It's a don't-ask-don't-tell-kind of thing, alright? It's sensitive information. I'm done discussing this."

I rolled my eyes. "I married a total stranger."

"It's better this way, my love." He kissed my forehead. "Let me take you out for dinner. I need some fresh air, a little something from my best girl."

I didn't put up any arguments. I loved going on little unplanned dates with Orion. He had his special way of sparing no effort to make me feel like his 'best girl'. So I, in turn, empowered myself for the night—I put on my finest dress, curled my hair, dolled up myself, and awaited a prize. 

An exclusive, seven-course degustation dinner was on the cards, housed within colonial-era bungalows, boasting tableaus of 90s modern art and somber walls. Within thirty minutes, we were wrapped up in osetra caviar, a plated rose shaped from silky cured kingfish, smoky carpione jelly, and nettle pesto, and I was surfeited by the time dessert came about. We didn't indulge in much conversation (he seemed to want that), too focused on the whisper-level explanations from the sommeliers and staff around us. 

When it came to downtime, we were left to our wines and clinked glasses to celebrate nothing. Our eyes met as we sipped—and we fell about into laughter, agreeing on the irregularity of the progressive menu.

"Veal jus?" I whispered to him, giggling. "What is it, deer?"

"Nothing, my darling."

I scoffed, grinning. This man. "I'm asking if it's deer meat."

He clucked his tongue. "Baby cow, actually."

"Oh my gosh." I covered my face with my hands to hide my disgust. "You made me eat—?"

"It's part of the experience," he laughed, tugging on my wrist. "It's Michelin-star stuff. Worth the money."

I smacked his chest playfully. "Don't tell me you enjoyed that. Everything was cold, even the pasta."

"I will admit that it's not my best dinner. But I found my company quite irresistible." I felt the pointed tip of his shoe roll circles around my ankle. The intimate seating was helping his mood, him sitting next to me only urged him to trace a soft line down my jaw with his nose. 

"Ri," I murmured. 

"Nobody cares. C'mere, gimme a kiss."

I dodged his thumb and forefinger's hold on my chin with a soft complaint. "People are looking!"

"Who?" He searched the dark room with a playful frown. "Who's looking?"

"Don't do that! Ri—"

He looked back at me with a waggish smile. "Then, kiss me." 

"So adamant," I grumbled.

And I did kiss him anyway, and in that kiss, I was home. It was short and sweet, but just like that, I felt a promise of so many years to come. He was a mind-numbing phenomenon to me; frantic, glorious, genius. Always rushing, urgent to prove something. Here, in front of me, he was nothing but mine.

"Ooh, I know that look," he noticed. "You want to do it again."

I nodded, grinning. I pushed forward and stole another kiss. He was more than willing to make it last a few more seconds, hands roaming down my throat.

"Put your hair up for me," he asked, cold fingertips brushing behind my ear. And I did. I tried my best with a few clips I had and he kept his eyes on me. "I'm the luckiest bastard in the world."

I made an 'aww' sound, rubbing his bristly cheek. He was adept in giving my heart a workout. "I love you, too, baby."

"I want more... so much more. More of you."

"Mhmm. What've you got in mind?" I rasped.

"More from you."

My brows puckered, but I didn't voice my confusion. "Alright."

"Can you keep a secret for me?"

"Well." I tapped my chin. "I keep Victoria's in my pants. Is that enough validation?"

He laughed and touched my pouting lip. "Very naughty."

"That's the 'more' you were saying."

Then he said it to me, plain and simple. "You deserve something as perfect as you. A little baby girl."

I couldn't control the shock on my face when I stalled abruptly beside him. "Orion."

"Think about it, my love." He looked me dead in the eye, grinning away. "Our girl. This excellent child. An unsusceptible, robust, beautiful baby girl. She is the quintessence of humanity. We're going to raise her that way."

"I..." His words struck me down with concerned confusion before the real excitement. "Quintessence?"

His exhilaration was palpable now. It stank of overachievement. "Do you want to know what I'm working on, baby?"

No, I did not want to now. But I managed a whisper. "Yes."

Each word came out like an augury. "A quantum catalyst."

I gave him a blank look. "What's that?"

He leaned closer, speaking in a rushed murmur. I could barely catch the words. "It's my next breakthrough. Synthesized quantum particles. A complex blend that is designed to unlock the true potential of the human genome. Quantum entanglement at a cellular level, Kia. I'm constructing a fabric of reality between our very neurons."

All the while, I wondered why he would explain this to me right before asking me to start a family with him. After calling me too stupid to understand not a few hours ago. I don't comprehend the point he was making to me.

"You've lost me, Ri. What do I have to do this?"

He stared at me, eyes holding mine, and his silence was fraught with implications. I wouldn't dare say a word before he speaks. He blinked all of a sudden as if something else had occurred to his memory. 

His smile turned cold and absentmindedly touched his wine glass, turning it around with his fingertips as if it were gauge he was setting off in motion.

He didn't reply until he finished a sip of his wine. He sighed, almost content. 

"Nothing at all," he laughed off, pinching my chin. "I thought you should know."

I brooded about what I could say next, to alleviate his concerns. I managed a half-laugh, despite his troubling words that started to make too much sense and rubbed his thigh. 

"Anyways, thank you, baby, for sharing this with me. Although, most of it went..." I made the motion of going over my head.

He kissed my shoulder. "Thank you for listening."

"Mhmm. Remember that 'more of me' you wanted?"

His kisses increased in frequency along my shoulder blades. "Already ahead of you. Why do you think I drove you here in a fucking Bentley? Good leg space, reclining seats, room for two, cup holder."

I laughed with him. "Let's get out of here."

♁

I know I'm not meant to, but tonight, I dream of Talokan. And of its formidable king more so than my daughter. It is alarming how much repose it brings me, the mere reflection of him. I have no clue what Talokan is like—I assume it's similar to every fairytale I've read before—but I push my limits. I'm unequipped to pore on what he wants, but what I want... I don't need it.

Here, out in the rainforests, the absurdities seem inarguable. I am disinclined by my fascinations and how outrageous they can be. My thoughts respond with a big, fat 'no' when I attempt persuasion. It's unnatural and morbid to contemplate it. 

It is unwillingly that I am criticizing my attractions. I keep all recovered memories of Orion and my treatments far away as it will only lay waste to what I've built with Mira. I have worked hard to protect her from my demons, to bury them until she's healthy. I can't concentrate on what is crucial when thinking of my marriage.

But I do miss it. I miss having someone to rely on other than myself. A partner who holds my hand while we weather the storm. Orion showed that to me for a while. It was nice to wake up with faith in a cause. And sometimes to a warm, reassuring hug.

How frightening that I am seeing it once again. In him, no less. It's a thought that should have me committed. I should ignore it and go back to knowing nothing at all. Pretend as if a ten-tonne wall of cement has come up between us, and have him focus on healing Mira. Disguise it as irritation and ask him to fuck off. Fat chance he's still a respected king with an unkillable army.

Sweat beads over my upper lip, and I brush at it. He's everywhere—I smell his piquant scent on my wrist, I feel the invisible force behind his featherlight touch flitting down my spine, and I can almost map out the coral reefs and uncharted islands on the divots of his neck. He's the architecture for the seven seas itself. 

I feel a breeze slip past the gaping windshield and sigh at the sensation. It isn't long before the breeze becomes a disquieting swish and gets Appa on his feet, barking. 

Under the spotty shadows of the palm trees, Orion takes me by surprise. His eyes glint like viridian, sharpened into lances sought at me. I can't move to calm down Appa because I'm too horrified at the sight of him here. He is seething, no doubt. I can tell from the way he grinds his teeth audibly. 

Even more devastatingly, his tight fist aids a revolver. And he lifts it, cocks it, and takes aim. 

I freeze dead, overcome by a blank impact of fear. A moment is enough for me to predict the dreadful future. Mira's new future without me in it. And the affliction of the sight my baby will witness once she returns to me. I can't, by any chance, die tonight. Not at the mercy of this despicable man. 

So, I shoot my palms up in surrender. "Wait. Ri, please. I can—"

Appa interrupts my plea with a leap into the breach, fiercely eager to help. I think a silent prayer because I know. I know protecting me is going to cost him. I barely manage a flinch—I hear Appa's rowdy bark, teeth bared for an attack, and before he can get his pound of flesh... 

The gun goes bang.

Smoke flares out of the tip, and I trace it up to the vengeful storm in Orion's eyes. Appa lies lifeless on the ground, hobbled, choked off from his snivels. 

My face crumples. "Oh, my god." The horror has me crying out loud, my hands leading me out of the cab and to my drooped guardian. "Appa. No, no, no... Appa, wake up." 

Orion's huff cuts through. "Fucking look at me."

I can't feel a heartbeat anymore. 

Tears blur my vision as I direct my bleak anger up at his shooter.

"You made me do this," Orion says. His voice is pure vengeance, it's a miracle I'm still left breathing. "You took my kid from me, Kia. Took my kid—my kid!"

∞