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The shock takes an embarrassingly long time to fade, giving Erasmus time to loop the rope around my wrists, search me for weapons, and stand again with his head tilted.

"How did you find me?" I ask, my mouth dry. I lick my lips and wince at the sting.

"I've been tracking you since the river," he replies. He picks up my pack and moves to sling it onto the saddle of the horse that snorts amongst the trees, tossing its head as Erasmus pats its neck.

"Are you taking me back to..." My teeth clack together as her name burns on my tongue with the memories that push to the front of my mind. "To Palmira?"

"That's the idea," he murmurs, turning back to me. His russet eyes roam over my kneeling form, his dark brown skin crinkling with lines around his eyes.

How long has it been since I last saw him? A few days? It seems like an eternity has passed since I escaped from the Order.

I lift my head and curl my lip at him. "She killed him, Erasmus. She killed Ari."

Erasmus yanks down his hood, revealing his shaved head as he approaches me. "I'm aware," he says through gritted teeth.

"And you just watched."

"We all watched, kid."

I draw in a sharp breath that burns all the way down to my lungs. "You don't get to say that to me," I hiss.

Erasmus doesn't reply. He grabs the rope tethering my wrists together and yanks until I stagger to my feet, the movement causing the sleeves of my loose shirt to slip up my arms. Erasmus' gaze settles on my forearm and he freezes.

I look down, already knowing what he sees. My stomach clenches. The scar is an angry looking pink, the stitches gone. The bone still aches, especially after the hit it received, but it's healed.

Erasmus shifts. His broad shoulders straighten and he meets my eye. "I need you to answer a question, Azura, and I need you to answer honestly."

A muscle under my eye twitches at his demand. "I owe you nothing."

"What are you?" he asks anyway.

The humourless laugh that bursts from my mouth makes my lip split further. "Don't you think if I had that answer then I never would have accepted your genocidal sister's offer?"

Erasmus glances away, into the trees, like the answer to his question lies within those shadows. If it were that easy, my entire life would have been very different.

Erasmus still grips the rope, keeping me near him, close enough for me to knee him between the legs and send my head into his nose.

But I don't. I see the paths stretching before me. One is dark and unknown, filled with uncertainty about what to do next. And the other is clear, it holds purpose and satisfaction. The second leads right to Palmira and my knife in her throat.

Except then Erasmus pulls out one of the many knives strapped to him and cuts through the rope around my wrists. My lips part and he steps back, tucking the blade away.

"What are you doing?" I question, my hands hovering in the air, waiting for him to tie me up again.

"I need you to hit me," he states and I raise a brow.

"Not to say that I don't want to, but why?"

"Just do it."

I study him, looking for a trap. But even if it's a trap, even if hitting him ends with a knife in my gut, it'll still be worth it.

The first jab of my knuckles sends his head whipping back. The next cracks into his temple and reverberates through my arm. I advance as he stumbles back, wiping the blood from his mouth. I run my tongue over my teeth, my breathing quickening.

How many times did he tell me to hit him?

I grab the front of his leather armour and send my knuckles into his nose, the satisfying crack of the bone making a smile curve my lips.

He didn't give me a number. I'll make my own.

The next blow to his nose splits my knuckles and forces a cry from his lips. Erasmus falls to his knees, my fist in his armour the only thing keeping him upright. But he doesn't fight, he doesn't shield himself.

Maybe he has something of the same guilt I do. Maybe he wants this just like I wanted those bandits to finally end it. Maybe this is how he thinks he can pay for what he stood by and let happen.

I step back, letting go of him. Erasmus opens his eyes and looks at me, drawing in uneven breaths. I stare at him, stare at the blood that streams from his nose, drips from his chin, trickles from the laceration in his brow.

He deserves this, but so much more.

I see Ari, his gaze on me in that ballroom, telling me not to submit. I see his blood on the scuffed marble, the same marble where we'd first met and sparred.

With a cry that sounds more like the screech of a dying animal, I send my boot into Erasmus' face. He tumbles back with a grunt and doesn't get up.

Kill him.

My fists tremble.

End him.

A growl rumbles in my chest.

Finish this.

I step towards him.

"I stand by my sister because she's right," Erasmus says and I stop. He rolls onto his side, spitting blood as he gets to his hands and knees. "There is a war coming and we're at a severe disadvantage."

"This again?" I sneer, lifting my hands, hoping I get to punch him more. "So, you're trying to convince me to join your side again? Is that it? You know if I see her, I will kill her."

Erasmus shakes his head and staggers to his feet. "We've destroyed lives to amass the power we have. I could convince myself it was worth it but..." Erasmus closes his eyes, tilting his face to the sky, his features twisting. "You were right to ask whether we deserved to win after everything we've done. I thought once we had the mark, the killing would stop. But then..." A breath shudders past his bloody lips.

I lower my hands to my sides, my fingers numb and I swallow the pain that wells inside me. "Then she killed Ari."

Erasmus gives a stiff nod. "Things are only getting worse. She's only getting worse. She's terrified, Azura. You have to understand that."

"She didn't look very terrified when she had that blade to Ari's neck," I spit, rage beginning to simmer within me.

"I mean she's getting more desperate. It's only a matter of time before Lucifer finishes what he started."

I shake my head, refusing to believe such lunacy.

Erasmus winces as he presses his fingers to his broken nose. "She's willing to do anything to strengthen her army, that included using your mark. But now..." His words trail off and he looks to my arm again. "The fire you wielded, your healing... You're more than either of us anticipated. You're dangerous. But you'd be even more dangerous wielded by her. I just want the killing to stop."

"What are you saying, Erasmus?" I ask, scowling at him.

He plants his hand on his hips, shaking his head, clearly struggling with himself. "Go to Wymler, Azura. Letting you go now is the last kindness I can offer you. We're not allies. I can't turn my back on my sister." He squares his shoulders, finding his resolve. "But I can give you the chance to find your answers, choose which side you're fighting on, and find a way to succeed without hurting more innocent people."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Is that why you let me hurt you? To make it look like I overpowered you and escaped?"

Erasmus hesitates, but then he nods.

I lift my chin. "But also because you feel guilty."

"You need to hurry, Azura," he says, turning his back on me and grabbing the reins of his horse. "She'll never stop hunting you." Erasmus leads the horses to me and shoves the reins into my hands before meeting my eye. "I am sorry for everything that happened, kid."

I step into the stirrup and drag myself into the saddle before I look back down at him. He steps away and picks up my blade from the dead bandit's hand before passing it to me. I take it, my eyes flicking over his already swelling features.

Keep the knife.

His words from the past echo in my head and I want to spit on them.

"If you think this absolves you of the things you've done, then you're very mistaken."

"I know," he murmurs, lowering his gaze.

I look ahead into the trees. Words push against my lips, desperate to escape. Most of them are scathing and laced with rage and spite, but I know all of that is useless right now. "At least you have the dignity to feel guilty about it," I say instead. "I know that she doesn't." I nudge the horse forward and leave Erasmus behind.

I don't look back. There's nothing back there that's worth my time.