Aidan

They had been back in London for two months now, James at Isabella's and Aidan in a house nearby.

They met almost every day - or rather every night as James could not stand the light of the sun yet - at one or the other's, or somewhere else in the city. They were building habits: establishments where they liked to spend the evening, strange corners of the city where they enjoyed to walk, mostly in silence. And sometimes, protected by the shadows of the night, they talked, about the fifty years they had missed or about the times before that.

They were getting used to each other again. But more than that, they were building something new, a friendship they would have not thought possible.

And they were getting used to living again. It was as simple as that. At first, when they were just back from Bristol, Aidan had leaned on James and the younger vampire had helped him a great deal. He made him laugh, a sound Aidan had not heard for a long time. But Aidan had taken care of James too and his sarcastic attitude was far less bitter than it had been.

However, Aidan was confronted again with a growing awkwardness about his hunting habits. He still didn't want James to witness that, and the feeling was clearly mutual. What he had experienced with Rhys, he couldn't think about it without shuddering. And he would never share that abjection with James. But he also knew the hypocrisy of it all, as they both hunted, even if alone. A stream of guilt and shame invaded Aidan's mind, day after day.

James had told Aidan about how Isabella and him had lived, without killing. And Aidan had thought about it over and over until he convinced himself there may be a way out. He wanted not exactly to be a better person because he didn't think it was even possible, but at least he wished to try to tame the most evil aspects of him.

"James," he tried, while they were having one of their night walks.

They had both hunted before. They could smell the blood and see its effect in each other's eyes. Not that they searched for it. Avoiding gazes had been more and more de rigueur on such occasions. But it was unfortunately obvious.

Aidan hesitated. He should have planned this, instead of reacting in the moment, when he was already on edge because of the blood. He had used James' name, which was rare, in an ominous tone, and he didn't know how to continue. He had only wanted to seize James' attention but his mental turmoil was hard to hide in his voice.

James stopped and looked at him, with a hint of concern. "What's wrong?"

"I... I've been thinking about what you said... about animal blood."

A flash of shame crossed James' face. "I know," he said, "I had the chance to stay away from human blood and I didn't."

"No." Aidan shook his head. "This is not what it's about. No, I... Do you think I... could stop?"

James froze. Then he frowned. "I guess it's possible. I know Isabella used to drink human blood at first and she stopped at some point. But she also told me it was a very hard process, which I know nothing about."

"Did you ever try? To stop, I mean."

James looked down. "Yes, but the longing was too strong, I... I couldn't help it. I couldn't do it."

Aidan searched James' eyes. "But I could help this time. You would not be alone." He looked away. "I know for me it's probably too late. It's been so long. And I know nothing else. But if there's a chance, I would like to try."

There was a moment of silence and James put a hand on Aidan's arm. "I'll help you too. We'll try together."