"Raven you should take it easy, you've been training non-stop for hours," Derek says and I wave him away.

"Leave me alone," I growl. He raises his hands up in surrender, his eyes flying wide.

"Hey! I'm just looking out for you," he says defensively.

"I don't need you to look out for me," I tell him. Ira cackles in my mind, that's right, I'm the Alpha and I don't need any bitches thank you very much!

I growl at her. Are you mocking me? I ask with a growl.

What-no! Why would I mock you? she asks with fake innocence. I roll my eyes and blow out a heavy breath.

"Are you sure you should be-" Hailey starts to ask by I cut her off with a growl.

"If one more person questions me then I will let Ira have control," I snap and they both close their mouths.

"Thank you. Now this should only take me a few hours if I go quickly, but let me know if something happens while I am gone," I tell them. They nod slowly before backing away.

I shift, falling into four paws in seconds. I turn to face the valley before me and take a deep breath.

So you are just checking for any living wolves right? Hailey asks and I nod.

I want to make sure there aren't any stragglers for some reason, I reply before taking off into the valley. My paws thrum rhythmically against the grass and I sigh at the feeling of the wind blowing through my fur.

I need to do this more often, I think.

Do what? Ira asks.

Run. I need to run more, the only time I do is when I am chasing someone or something. She agrees, taking over some control so that my paws move faster and my vision grows sharper.

The valley's green grass slowly turns to a faint red as I approach the sight of the battle. Bodies are piled up on all sides, most of them half-eaten, no doubt by the coyotes and birds that live here.

I slow slightly but keep moving, pricking my ears up for any sign of a heartbeat. I run up and down the sides in a zig-zag, also seeing how many of my own pack members lay dead among the enemy wolves.

The sun beats down overhead, making my fur grow sticky with sweat as I continue running up and down the sides of the mountain, searching for signs of life and counting my dead. I am at 23 of my own wolves when I hear a faint heartbeat.

Where is that Ira? I ask my Lycan.

A few hundred feet along the valley, the beat is irregular, she replies and I growl.

He is close to dying then. I follow the sound to a single man lying in the grass and don't recognize him at all. Ira takes over in a second, tearing his throat without any hesitation.

I regain control with a snarl, you cannot take control like that! I spit and she laughs.

Yes I can, you are weak from training non-stop like this, but I am still strong, she says.

I growl as I realize she is right and that it is my fault she took control so easily. I shake my head to clear the thought then continue running through the valley.

I start panting as I push myself to search faster as the piles of bodies in the valley grow larger and more spread out. I ask Ira to help but she simply laughs.

Are you kidding me? This is so entertaining! I am going to wait until you are really, really tired, then take over and do whatever the hell I feel like until someone stops me or I get bored, she says cheerily.

You are still a bitch, I growl.

What? Did you think I changed after the whole trying to save your life thing with Shade and Venatrix? She asks. I remain silent and she makes an amused noise.

Oh my god you are stupid! The only reason I wanted to save you is because if you die, then I die, so I have to keep you alive in order to live myself.

I hate you, I spit, ending our connection just as I hear a snarl. I glance behind me and see a dark silver wolf coming up behind me fast. He runs past me, then stops a few feet ahead.

I slide to a stop in the middle of the valley.

What are you doing? Xavier growls, his ears flat against his head.

I'm checking for survivors and counting our dead, I tell him, starting to run again but he is blocking my way before I can even take a second step.

Any survivors will be dead in a few days-if that, and we already have a count on our dead. You have been out here long enough, you are going to kill yourself if you keep going like this! He snarls angrily.

I'm fine, now get out of my way Xavier, I growl, my fur bristling with anger.

You are panting and it is almost a hundred degrees outside, you are going to make yourself pass out if you don't stop, and that is not something I am going to allow, he declares. I bare my teeth and my ears flatten against my head.

Get out of my fucking way! I snarl and try to get past him but he catches me. His teeth lock around my scruff and I growl as he lifts me off my feet.

I try to loosen his grip on me by thrashing around but it only makes him angrier. He snarls.

That is enough Raven, stop moving, he growls in his Alpha voice and I feel my resolve falter. I fall limp in his jaws.

Did you just use your Alpha voice on me? I ask angrily.

See how weak you've made yourself? If you hadn't done this then you could have fought me, but then I wouldn't have had to come out here in the first place, he says, a growl still in his voice.

He carries me by my scruff up the side of the valley then lets me go when we reach the top. I pick myself up and spot Hailey. I shift and immediately rage floods my mind.

"You told him that I was in the valley?" I growl and her eyes widen.

"I was worried Raven-about you and the baby, I thought that it might die if you kept going like this," she sputters. I growl and stalk towards her.

"You fucking told him about the baby?" I snarl and her eyes widen with fear. Xavier shifts then gets in front of me and keeps me from moving any more.

"Yeah she did, but it should have been you Raven. I have a right to know about my own child!" He snaps.

"I didn't want it, and I thought it would be better if you just never knew about it." His face falls in realization.

"That's what this was all about? You deliberately trained non-stop and made yourself this weak so that you could get rid of the baby?" He growls. I say nothing, because he already knows the answer.

He runs a hand through his hair in frustration and I see Hailey's eyes widen behind him.

"Why would you do that Raven?" she chokes out, horrified. My jaw clenches tightly.

"Because I don't want a child, or at least right now. I am busy trying to build a pack and I can't do that if I am bed-ridden and vulnerable for god-knows how long. And then I will have to spend the rest of my life raising a creature that will probably end up even more blood-thirsty than I am," I grit out.

Hailey suddenly shifts and vanishes into the forest. I can still see the horrified look on her face, and instantly know that it will never fade from my memory.

"You have no way of knowing that's what it will turn out to be like. You have no way of knowing that it will be vicious, and there is no guarantee that you will be weak and vulnerable from being pregnant and giving birth," Xavier says, staring at the ground.

"Well I guess we will never know," I mutter and he whips around to face me. His eyes are full of emotion, sadness and anger.

"Did you once even think about telling me what you planned on doing? Did you once think about how it would affect me if I found out?" he asks, stalking towards me.

"No," I reply, keeping my face emotionless while my mind swirls with anger, but not at him, at myself. I didn't once think about him, my own mate, who helps me run my pack, who keeps my anger under control, and who I will be with for the rest of my life.

"I found my first mate when I turned sixteen, and we fell in love immediately. She got pregnant when she was eighteen and we were both so happy, but then she died a week before she would give birth. Her body was too weak to support the baby and so it shut down, killing them both," Xavier says and my face falls.

"I didn't know that," I mumble weakly.

"I never forgot that moment when I realized that I wasn't going to have a son or daughter, and that it was my fault. My bloodline is powerful, and so my child would be too, and she died because she was just a normal wolf. The child was too strong, which is why I was so happy to find out you were my mate. You are strong enough to survive giving birth."

"I'm sorry Xavier, I didn't know how much a child means to you," I say, wrapping my arms around myself and feeling like the worst mate in the world.

"I do understand to some point why you did it, and I understand if you don't want to have children at the moment. All I want is for you to tell me if something like this happens again so I can have some say in it," he says, a slight growl in his last words.

"Okay fine," I sigh in defeat. "I promise I will tell you before I decide to do something drastic next time. Now can we just go home and forget about this for now? I feel half-dead."

He lets out a heavy breath and pulls me into a tight embrace. I bury my face into his chest, relief sweeping over me. Xavier pulls away to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Before we head back home, we should probably put some clothes on."

************

I am so so so so so sorry!!!!!!! I haven't updated in a long time and I feel so bad because this chapter kind of sucks. It is really just a filler and I am sorry that nothing really exciting happens but to make up for it I will post a good chapter this weekend.

Again, SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!!!!!!