Hi...I am really sorry guys... this is just a short rant...it is unimportant to the story tho...so you are welcome to skip it.

I don't know hiw I am supposed to stay alive like this...I am so fcking lonely and so utterly incompetent with EVERYTHING. I hate myself do much and I just don't know what to do...I don't have anyone...I don't have a soul in my life I could talk to.

I hate my reflection and I hate the way I act...I just need everything to stop and everyone to shut up...I just want to sleep and never wake up again...I want to cut sooo bad, but my parents found out and now they are threatening to take everything out of my life that keeps me alive...that keeps me from just jumping of a bridge!

I hate the fact that when I tell people how I feel they don't answer, they tell me how "wonderfull" I am and that I should live and then they never revisit the topic again or they just tell me to "get over it".

I hate that no body ever just messages me and asks me how I am...it just dhows me how little time people spend thinking anout me.

God, I am SUCH a weak person...I just can't stop crying...I really want to die sometimes...like not in a "I-had-a-bad-day" kind of way, but in a "there-is-no-reason-to-live" kind of way.

I really have NO FCKING CLUE why I can't have normal conversations with people...I am really fvked up.

I promise I'll finish this ff tho, if I will ever really have the guts to kill myself...but in yhe mean time: I am really sorry I can't update regularly...bye