I hummed contentedly to myself as I prepared lunch on Sunday. I could hear Makenna laughing from the living room as Ryan laid on the floor playing with her.

The last couple of days had been really good. We didn't have any more moments like the one that Makenna had interrupted, but we had gotten closer. That night she ran fever, Ryan insisted on having her in the bed with us. He was a little freaked out, and I thought it was really sweet and adorable. There was more talking, more touching, but although I was a little disappointed we didn't pick up where we left off, we were in a good spot. Little memories here and there were beginning to surface more and more, and I felt certain he was going to have a big breakthrough soon.

"Livvy...pre-race is starting." Ryan called out to me from the living room.

I slid the dish of chicken breasts into the oven and set the timer, then washed and dried my hands. When I stepped into the living room, I froze on the spot. From where I was standing, I could see the TV. They were showing a replay of the accident. Shit. Carly had warned me, and I completely forgot to tell him. I looked at him, and his face was white as a sheet as he stared at the screen. I don't even think he blinked.

"Ry...are you...I'm sorry. I should have warned you..."

"I..uh. I'm gonna go lay down. I'm not feeling so good." He stammered, then walked into the bedroom.

I had to talk to him before he shut down. I knew that look on his face. I had seen it before. He was scared. I had seen it when we had the first miscarriage. I had seen it again when he woke up from the coma. However, I had never seen fear quite like this.

I put Makenna in her playpen and went after him. I found him sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He was shaking. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to hold him, but I wasn't sure how he would react.

"I'm so sorry Ryan. I should have warned you that they were showing replays of the accident."

He finally looked up at me, his expression pained. "It's not your fault Livvy. I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. How am I even still here? How did I survive that?"

It was hard hearing those words from him. He was right, he couldn't avoid it forever. "Some say it's a testament to the safety of the cars. Others may take a different approach and say it just wasn't your time. It really doesn't matter how, just as long as you are here. You did survive."

"But I'm not the same man I was. I lost so much." He said, his voice cracking.

"You are still Ryan Michael Blaney. You are still my husband. That's never going to change. You have me, and you have Makenna. You may not remember a lot of things, but I do." I just hoped Makenna and I were enough.

"What if I never get back in a race car again?" His voice broke again, and my heart was torn. Maybe we weren't enough.

"Then you don't." I replied, not caring whether or not it was the right thing to say.

"Would that make you happy if I didn't?" He asked, challenging me with his eyes.

I thought carefully about what to say. "No it wouldn't. As terrified as I am even thinking about it, I knew what I signed up for when we got involved. I knew the risks, the dangers, but I did it anyway. I would support you no matter what. Whether you race again or not, I will always have your back."

"Because you love me?" His eyes softened.

I nodded. "Because I love you."

I heard the oven timer go off, but I didn't care. This was way more important.

"I think maybe I love you too." He said in almost a whisper.

My heart nearly beat from my chest. I was scared to even breathe. Did I hear him right? Did he really say that he loved me, or that maybe he loved me?

He leaned in, almost tentatively and his lips touched mine, so softly, almost feather like. I was melting, my heart pounding as his lips began to move against mine. Then I felt his tongue gently prod against my bottom lip, seeking entrance. My head was spinning in circles about a thousand miles an hour. Before I realized what was happening, I was flat in my back, his weight pressing me onto the bed as the kiss was intensified. No longer tentative, but filled with want and need. My hands were buried in his hair as his hand caressed my hip. Sure we had kissed before, but this was even more different because he had said those words I had been longing to hear. I could feel his hardness pressing against my center. I moved my hips against him, needing to feel some friction, and I heard a satisfied groan come from his lips. His hands slipped under my shirt to feel my bare skin. I needed this, but I also needed so much more.

An insistent blare began to emit, snapping us apart. Shit. The smoke alarm. Lunch. Makenna began screaming from the living room, startled from the noise.

Ryan ran to Makenna to soothe her, while I ran to the smoke filled kitchen, pulling the charred chicken breasts from the oven, then opened the window to let the smoke out. Finally, the alarm stopped. It was almost laughable, except all I wanted to do was cry. Once again, we had been so close.

"I'm willing to bet that's the first meal you've even burned." Ryan joked. Actually it was. I was a very good cook, but did he know that?

Suddenly, I began to laugh. "It is." I dumped the burnt chicken in the trash. Now what were we going to eat?

"I'll order a pizza. Thin crust, pepperoni, extra cheese. Light on the sauce?" He asked, as if he knew what I was thinking.

I nodded, but then it hit me. He remembered something else. He may not have realized it, but that's exactly how I like my pizza.

Ryan's POV

We ended up not watching the race. After seeing my accident, I just wasn't feeling it, and I don't really think Olivia was either. We ate pizza while Makenna napped, watching some movie on Netflix that neither one of us were really into. There was an awkward silence in the room now. I didn't know what to say or how to act. I told her I loved her, or at least I thought I loved her. It wasn't a lie, I was feeling some very strong feelings that could only be love, but I was hesitant. We were on the verge of getting carried away, but once again, were interrupted. Was that a sign that things were moving too fast? Maybe it's for the best that we don't have sex, at least until I know for sure what I'm feeling. It's not fair to her, knowing she's all in, when I don't know shit.

"We can watch something else. We've seen this movie dozens of times." She said.

Have we?

"Whatever you want to watch is fine with me." I said absentmindedly.

She picked up the remote, but didn't make an attempt to change the channel. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't.

The day passed. Conversation went back to a relatively easy flow, but both of us avoided talking about what had happened earlier, neither of us wanted to acknowledge the elephant in the room. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. I guess the most important thing was I was getting to know my wife again, so I focused on that. Small bits of my memory were coming back to me as we talked. There was nothing really significant, but there were little things I noticed, like how she chewed on the inside of her cheek, or on her pinky nail when she was nervous, both of which she was doing now. I remembered how she bit her bottom lip when she was turned on. She had done that earlier in the bedroom. Her facial expressions were an open book. She hid nothing. That was Livvy, open and honest, but why wasn't she saying anything now? Was she waiting on me to speak first? I just didn't know how.

I swear we both breathed a sigh of relief when Makenna woke from her nap, glad to have something else to act as a buffer. Sooner or later though, we were going to have to talk about it, but I was content to wait until later.

*******

Monday evening arrived. By last night and this afternoon, conversation became fairly easy with Olivia. The awkwardness had begun to fade, and we were enjoying each other's company. Olivia was going out for a girls night, and Chase, Bubba and Alex were coming over to hang out with Makenna and me.

Olivia looked stunning in the emerald green dress that ended several inches above her knees. The color made her hazel eyes look even greener. She was wearing makeup up, perfectly applied, and her hair fell in loose waves down her back. She was beautiful, but something was off. I realized I had seen her in this dress before. It used to fit her much tighter, clinging to every curve, but those curves were a lot less pronounced. She had lost weight. That much was obvious. I could picture it clearly in my mind now. She had always been slim, but never this slim. I knew the stress from my accident and recovery had taken its toll on her, but now I was remembering bits and pieces of our life together, and was seeing just how much a toll it had taken.

"Are you sure you're okay with me going out while you stay with Makenna?" She asked nervously, for at least the third time tonight.

"It's fine Livvy. The guys will be here. I think four of us can handle a baby." I laughed.

"I'll have my phone on if you need anything."

"Livvy, just go and have fun. You need to get out. We got this." I assured her. Truth was, I was looking forward to spending an evening with the guys. I needed their advice. Things with Olivia had been going pretty good, but there was still a bit of awkwardness that I wasn't sure how to handle, and it had everything to do with intimacy. We both wanted it, but I forced myself to hold back because I wasn't sure if I was ready to go there just yet. The guys, especially Chase had given me some good advice the last time we were all together, so I was hoping they could give me more. "You look beautiful by the way." I added.

She gave me a soft, almost shy smile. "Thank you." She blushed.

Soon, everyone had arrived. After a chorus of goodbyes and have fun, the girls left, and it was me and the guys.

"Looks like things are going good with you and Olivia." Bubba said, breaking the ice.

I was glad he brought it up. "They are. For the most part anyway."

"For the most part?" Chase questioned.

I told them I was getting bits and pieces of my memory back. I could tell they were excited, but they let me go on without speaking.

"I'm feeling things for Olivia. I'm only remembering bits and pieces from our life together, but I think I love her." I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed for some reason.

"That's great, so what's the problem?" Alex asked. The question did sound a little strange coming from him rather than Bubba or Chase, and I had to remind myself that he was now a part of our tight knit group.

"The problem is...God, I don't even know how to explain it." I sighed, and went on to tell them about the two times we got caught up in the moment, but had gotten interrupted before things had really progressed. "I don't know why I feel so awkward about it. She's my wife. I guess I'm worried that being intimate with her is going to mean something different to her than it does to me. I'm still getting to know her while she knows everything about me." I sighed again. It probably sounded ridiculous to everyone else. My wife was beautiful and damn near perfect, yet I was worried about having sex with her.

They all nodded, as if they understood, yet I could see it in their eyes that they were all utterly clueless as to what to actually say to me. Undoubtedly, the circumstances were definitely unusual.

Chase finally spoke. "I won't even pretend to understand what you and Olivia are going through. The only thing I can tell you is to be honest with her. She's feeling awkward too, but it sounds like she's not bringing it up because she doesn't want to press the issue. She's trying to be patient with you and go at your pace and let you call the shot. Of course, I could be completely off on this because I have no idea really what Olivia is thinking, I'm only going by what I know about her, but I think the ball is in your court. Let her know how you feel and take it from there."

I knew Chase was right, but I just didn't want to be the one to bring it up with Olivia. It would be so much easier to let her approach the topic, but that was the cowardly way. I needed to man up and take the lead.

The rest of the night went a lot more comfortably. It was a familiar feeling being with my friends, even Alex. He fit right in, and I wondered why we weren't really friends all along. Having Makenna there was different, but not unpleasant at all. My daughter clearly had all of us wrapped around her tiny finger.

With Makenna settled for the night, we were all relaxing with some beers, my first since the accident. By my second one, I was feeling confident that Olivia and I could talk this whole thing out like mature, married adults.

It was just after midnight when the girls arrived home, in a chorus of giggles, and my first thought was I hope they didn't wake the baby. Wow, I really sound like a dad.

Olivia's face was flushed, her eyes slightly glazed, and I realized she was drunk. Olivia drunk struck me odd. It probably shouldn't, but I knew I was still thinking of teenage Olivia who scolded me for having a beer when I was underage. I really needed to change my mindset because I'm certain I've seen her drink before. Obviously our conversation would have to wait until tomorrow.